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Thread: Managing relationships with regulars

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    Default Managing relationships with regulars

    I have a regular that the entire VIP he’s talking about OTC? I’m like, “well maybe one day” because what am I suppose to do? I feel he’s leading himself on because although I haven’t explicitly said “NEVER!” It’s clear by my actions it’s not going to happen. He’s a decent regular, but he’s not buying me gifts or anything to make it worth talking to him outside of work on a regular basis. He does 15 mins VIP’s and I get like $120. I exchanged numbers for him to text me when he’s coming and this his furthered his delusion of us meeting OTC. This was an experiment to see if I could have a regular as I see girls text their regulars to come in. I typically don’t even do regulars because exactly of this-they get crazy and end up costing more in the long run.

    I think next time he text me, I’ll tell him I’m busy with work (my day job) and if he wants to talk he can come see me at work and quit responding to anything not about him coming to see me. Then it’s more about me being too busy to talk OTC.

    So how and when do you let regulars go? I know he’s a human being with feelings, but he’s draining me and this is my job.
    Focus more on what you want than on what you donít want

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    Default Re: Managing relationships with regulars

    oh when I had a similar experience, I thought something like: "human relationship has to evolve...it's just the law of human nature. If this thing is stuck, it will stop and decay.'' And honestly, and logically, the next step should be a real meet up, but you don't wanna do it. And I wouldn't do it. I personally hate that moment when something intense turns and fades into this kind of thing. I never decline people, letting it die itself usually. I just accept it.

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    Default Re: Managing relationships with regulars

    Quote Originally Posted by Luci Fer View Post
    oh when I had a similar experience, I thought something like: "human relationship has to evolve...it's just the law of human nature. If this thing is stuck, it will stop and decay.'' And honestly, and logically, the next step should be a real meet up, but you don't wanna do it. And I wouldn't do it. I personally hate that moment when something intense turns and fades into this kind of thing. I never decline people, letting it die itself usually. I just accept it.
    I can’t blame him for wanting to meet in person, but at the same time I’m a stripper and it’s my job to fake intimacy and create a fantasy-it’s not like we met on match.com.

    i think I’ll just do a slow fade. It maybe painful for him, but his feelings aren’t my responsibility. I’ll just tell him I’m too busy right now and quit responding to his texts. It’s not my deal. I try to be as honest about the nature of the relationship with my customers, but sometimes they want more and I’m just not into anything OTC. Perhaps I’ll be more direct about that from now on that I don’t meet guys outside of the club-ever!

    To be honest, if it was just lunch or dinner I wouldn’t mind, but seriously people are too crazy. You just never know how crazy someone is OTC-that’s why I don’t do it.
    Focus more on what you want than on what you donít want

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    Default Re: Managing relationships with regulars

    Quote Originally Posted by moneybags View Post
    I can’t blame him for wanting to meet in person, but at the same time I’m a stripper and it’s my job to fake intimacy and create a fantasy-it’s not like we met on match.com.

    i think I’ll just do a slow fade. It maybe painful for him, but his feelings aren’t my responsibility. I’ll just tell him I’m too busy right now and quit responding to his texts. It’s not my deal. I try to be as honest about the nature of the relationship with my customers, but sometimes they want more and I’m just not into anything OTC. Perhaps I’ll be more direct about that from now on that I don’t meet guys outside of the club-ever!

    To be honest, if it was just lunch or dinner I wouldn’t mind, but seriously people are too crazy. You just never know how crazy someone is OTC-that’s why I don’t do it.
    oh you are a dancer, and dealing with people that start to act like that face to face must be so unnerving! I thought you were talking about some online customer at first In real world I tend to disappear when people start to become clingy with me, too! Because yeah - if to wait for them to leave you alone, it can turn into something crazy.

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    Default Re: Managing relationships with regulars

    ^^^it really can be dangerous. The amount of drama I’ve seen, but a lot those girls have nice cars and their customers buy them stuff and pay their rent. I wish I could have that, but I don’t think I’m the type to have that type of relationship.

    I’ve seen customers buy a girl a car then not give them the title to it, and use that as leverage. I’ve seen customers do all sorts of crazy things to dancers they were “in love with.”

    I guess you pay a certain price to have whale customers and eventually you have to pay the piper, or you gotta cut the line.
    Focus more on what you want than on what you donít want

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    Default Re: Managing relationships with regulars

    Quote Originally Posted by moneybags View Post
    ^^^it really can be dangerous. The amount of drama I’ve seen, but a lot those girls have nice cars and their customers buy them stuff and pay their rent. I wish I could have that, but I don’t think I’m the type to have that type of relationship.

    I’ve seen customers buy a girl a car then not give them the title to it, and use that as leverage. I’ve seen customers do all sorts of crazy things to dancers they were “in love with.”

    I guess you pay a certain price to have whale customers and eventually you have to pay the piper, or you gotta cut the line.
    yes, it depends on a person, how far she can go doing it. I guess, some girls like danger and passion of it, its like to poke a tiger
    There was some discussion in another thread about how much woman can sacrifice of herself to get all these nice shiny things. And I don't really think it is fair. It's uneven swap. When I was younger I was really naive about it, and it looked so appealing, also I 've read about all these official lovers of french kings in 17-18th centuries. The women who could wrap these royal bastards around their finger... but it was a lot of risk, and ups and downs too. It's also about the amount of control a woman can keep, mental control. I think it's incredibly sophisticated and exhausting, and that's why men get crazy - when the control is lost.
    Freedom and peace of mind is so much more important. Men come and go after all

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    Default Re: Managing relationships with regulars

    ^^^agreed. Not judging women at all for doing what they have to do to survive in a patriarchal, hierarchal, and capitalist society. I don’t judge anyone anymore, but I’ll just sell dances and if I get regulars then I do, but I’m not playing games to keep them. If they want my time and energy they can come to the club or not. I don’t care anymore.
    Focus more on what you want than on what you donít want

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    Default Re: Managing relationships with regulars

    Quote Originally Posted by moneybags View Post
    ^^^agreed. Not judging women at all for doing what they have to do to survive in a patriarchal, hierarchal, and capitalist society. I don’t judge anyone anymore, but I’ll just sell dances and if I get regulars then I do, but I’m not playing games to keep them. If they want my time and energy they can come to the club or not. I don’t care anymore.
    oh, now you may throw rotten tomatoes at me, but I like this patriarchal, hierarchical capitalist society. I agree, it's ugly as it can be, but sometimes it's fun. It has never ever been fair. Women can use it beautifully (or terribly - you choose how to say it) to their advantage and thrive, not survive. Now I'm curious what it would be like if the society were matriarchal and non-hierarchical and socialist.
    I bet with the attitude you have you can easily put that guy on his place, and he won't be able to cause any drama.

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    Default Re: Managing relationships with regulars

    I think you are doing the right thing. Keep him in the club. All regulars move on in the end anyway wether you see them outside of not. He's not spending enough money to be bothering you outside of work.
    xoxo

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    Default Re: Managing relationships with regulars

    Quote Originally Posted by Luci Fer View Post
    oh, now you may throw rotten tomatoes at me, but I like this patriarchal, hierarchical capitalist society. I agree, it's ugly as it can be, but sometimes it's fun. It has never ever been fair. Women can use it beautifully (or terribly .
    Thanks for sharing

    My personal point of view is these systems have light and dark. These systems served us to get humanity here today. Throughout human history we evolve and as we evolve hopefully we take what works and leave behind what no longer works.

    Anyways, thanks for your advice. I can handle it. I just need to set boundaries. It’s just not something I want to do, but being assertive is part of the job description.
    Last edited by moneybags; 09-29-2021 at 01:36 AM.
    Focus more on what you want than on what you donít want

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    Default Re: Managing relationships with regulars

    Cut him slowly. Basically, don't try to hang out with him at the bar and/or talk to him more than a minute. Just ask him directly, "Wanna dance?" each time and he'll get the message sooner or later. Trust me, girl. I've been there before. We all do...

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    Default Re: Managing relationships with regulars

    Quote Originally Posted by moneybags View Post
    I have a regular that the entire VIP he’s talking about OTC? I’m like, “well maybe one day” because what am I suppose to do? I feel he’s leading himself on because although I haven’t explicitly said “NEVER!” It’s clear by my actions it’s not going to happen. He’s a decent regular, but he’s not buying me gifts or anything to make it worth talking to him outside of work on a regular basis. He does 15 mins VIP’s and I get like $120. I exchanged numbers for him to text me when he’s coming and this his furthered his delusion of us meeting OTC. This was an experiment to see if I could have a regular as I see girls text their regulars to come in. I typically don’t even do regulars because exactly of this-they get crazy and end up costing more in the long run.

    I think next time he text me, I’ll tell him I’m busy with work (my day job) and if he wants to talk he can come see me at work and quit responding to anything not about him coming to see me. Then it’s more about me being too busy to talk OTC.

    So how and when do you let regulars go? I know he’s a human being with feelings, but he’s draining me and this is my job.
    I came up with excuse after excuse for an asian guy who wanted to fuck me when I was strictly a dancer. One day I got that look of betrayal from him for leading him on and he left talking to me. It's called a fantasy strip club for a reason....not a red light district...to each their own LOL. Remember one girl was bummed her regular stopped spending 500 bucks on her every time she worked. LOL yah you were promising to do him. It's supposed to be a fantasy not a meet and fuck.

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    Default Re: Managing relationships with regulars

    Agree with everything said already. The biggest reason I like to keep regulars around is to take the pressure off a shift and feel comfortable knowing I’m making money just for walking in. That and when random customers see you busy, and money is being spent on you, your value goes up in their eyes so whenever you have a free period they don’t mess around. If they are trying to do OTC—then that use isn’t there anymore. I’m not going to lecture anybody what is acceptable and not there but just something to be considered.

    Yeah either be boring, or just try to schedule another customer around when that guy would be there. Wave it in his face without telling him you have other options. He will either get irritated and be done with you, OR straighten up his behavior. Either scenario seems like it would be a good one.

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    Default Re: Managing relationships with regulars

    Once he starts pushing for OTC and/or spending way less than usual and mentioning the word "budget" or "limit", he's already at his "expiration date." This is where I cut them slowly. Marginalize my time talking with them, "Wanna dance?" them every time they step into the club, completely avoid them after they spent their money. If they come to me and try to spark a conversation after spending and hanging out in the club for a while, again I ask "Wanna dance?"

    The money is tempting, but soon becomes a job, a headache just to get it. Reason why I dump my "expiring" regulars on weekday nights and somewhat "salvage" something out of them - one last multi-lap-dance session or something like it.

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    Default Re: Managing relationships with regulars

    You gotta stop talking to him beyond telling him when you’re working and when you’re in the club, you only talk to him if he’s spending money.

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    Default Re: Managing relationships with regulars

    You can always go 5 star clinger and say sure so we are going to meet your parents? Where do you work, I can come in & meet everyone there? Hey my electric bill is due. Are you going to bring me some food when you come into the club tonight? Why didn't you bring me flowers, though you really liked me? Other dancers are getting gifts of jewelry, but you don't ...
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    Default Re: Managing relationships with regulars

    Quote Originally Posted by Sam38g View Post
    You can always go 5 star clinger and say sure so we are going to meet your parents? Where do you work, I can come in & meet everyone there? Hey my electric bill is due. Are you going to bring me some food when you come into the club tonight? Why didn't you bring me flowers, though you really liked me? Other dancers are getting gifts of jewelry, but you don't ...
    I'm fucking dead LOL! Reminds me of the Weddings Crashers scene. Nothing scares a man more than desperation and clinginess. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=14ZO1b3T6jo

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    Default Re: Managing relationships with regulars

    Quote Originally Posted by indiegirl View Post
    I'm fucking dead LOL! Reminds me of the Weddings Crashers scene. Nothing scares a man more than desperation and clinginess. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=14ZO1b3T6jo
    Most of these men say shit because they think it will get them sex and don't give a fuck about us. They are all about us living up to their fantasy but don't want to be ours in return.

    Call them on their bluff & act like it is supposed to be a normal relationship... Like when will I meet your friends, your family. Attend your companies holiday party with you.... Even if there isn't ask them to go to your cousin's wedding.

    Ask for his Mom's facebook account so you can friend request her. After all doesn't her want ya'll to be besties since ya'll are going to be dating. Most of the time when I bring these things up they freak out fast & have to fess up they only want to use me for sex & not see me as a human being at all. I have no problem calling them on their bluff.

    In reality, he really wants to keep this a professional relationship of him as a client & you as a stripper. He wants to take it out of the club & in real life, then real life has conditions so that you are seen as a real person and not someone to string along so he can feed his ego & cock.
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    Default Re: Managing relationships with regulars

    We all can say that all transactions and client relationship ITC. But let's face it, almost all guys who walk in to the club has the same collective mindset: see and grope [naked] women for free, spend little as possible, enjoy the club atmosphere. While the main goal of theirs is OTC with a dancer. The sad part is when a dancer OTCs with a furniture.

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