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Thread: My husband has a terrible porn addiction and I feel powerless because I cam.

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    Sad My husband has a terrible porn addiction and I feel powerless because I cam.

    `I never cared that my husband watched porn, I would watch it. I would consider my usage normal, Ied watch it when I was horny but not wanting to bother with sex. I thought he was doing the same and I could care less for 10+ years. We started having problems in bed. Sex was bad and I would DREAD it. It would take him about a hour or 2 for him to finish and I would walk away bleeding, I didn't understand why. It had been that way for so long it was just normal. I started looking into ED for men in their 20s, and PIED (Porn initiated ED) came up. That prompted me to look into his porno habits as he showed all the symptoms during sex.

    I was shocked at the extent. He was looking hours everyday. He was browsing nude selfies when we would watch tv, and he was obsessively jacking off every day 3-5 times a day, sometimes more. His faves were amateur selfies of women alone. Not videos, just their bodies or faces. It had been going on for years like this and he hid it. He was actively participating in "gooner" culture.

    The worst of it was I found out that he would use chrome and watch the videos of me I would send him, then click off and watch other women's videos and finish to them, they wernt doing anything more exciting than me, just other videos of women masturbating alone. He would keep some of it on his main browser (the main browser) so if you looked it looked like a normal porn watchers habits then he had 2 other secret password browsers that had who knows what.. I caught him jerking off to YouTube videos of girls just trying on clothes which bothered me because if he could do it to clothed womens faces, he could do it to anything.

    I also found out he had very embarrassing for him fetishes that he hid dfrom me, mostly sissy stuff. The problem i had here is --I almost exclusively work with femdom stuff-- and hes never, ever brought this up to me in 10 years.... We are totally open in bed, im far from shy, and obviously im comfortable and non-judging because of what I do. I get it hes embarrassed of it, but he also knows its my bread and butter, the fact that he was using other women's content knowing its my main source of income was hurtful, he works in building porches and I told him it would be like me going to a guy across town to build me a porch. I also found out he had a very, very extreme cuckold fetish.

    I found out he was looking up local porn, which kind of pisses me off because hes always required I GEOblock for work as he said he "didn't want men too close/local to look at me". On top of that, he never wanted me to do things like advertise on Twitter/Instagram as he said it was too personal, and people could easily see it and that cost me a ton of money over the years but I didnt do it, then I found out he was using twitter and social media to masturbate daily. On top of that, I found he was looking at local escort/hookup ads on sites like craigslist/backpage and masturbating to that. He swears he was only looking for the photos and I believe he never contacted anyone, but still feels shitty he can masturbate to local women but I cant expand my business because he dosnt want local men to look at me, although he has NEVER told me not to cam (it was our only income for years).

    When I asked him to cut back (after the ED) he said he would, then I found out he masturbated to tiktoks 3x that day, after claiming he was watching a video of me I sent him. Then he masturbated to an bra add on facebook. When I freaked out about this (by this time I had had enough), he blamed me and said that if I hadnt take made him feel bad about looking at porn he wouldn't have done it.

    My real problem is whenever I bring up my problem with him and his very real addiction, he IMMEDIENTLY throws the fact that I would cam in my face. We lived off my cam money for 8 years, I was the only one that worked and supported us both and cam was our main source of income. On top of that, he acts like every cam session I had was "fun" for me. Like im getting off every single show. I tell him I dont /really/ enjoy camming, and he tells me im a liar and I like it, in a "your sexually attracted to those men on cam" type of thing. It was strictly money. I was never anti porn, I always considered myself sexually liberal. I watched it myself and had what I considered a very healthy porn habit, but his has literally effected both out lives and cost me a sex life for years and I feel powerless and like a hippocrate for even being upset. I feel super shitty that he would use my content then click off it to other women's videos, or offer me up sex after hes been spent looking at other women. I feel resentful he cost ME a sex life. He resents me too. He walks around telling me I took away his personality (porn) and that I made him a "monk" despite me giving him more sex than I have in our whole lives to try to sooth the porn urges.

    Ive quit cam completely, I wouldn't have felt right continuing on after taking away the porn (despite him still masturbating to my videos every day), but now hes bitching/worried about money. When I told him I was quitting and going to work a vanilla job he was against it completely as he said he worries about me doing the commute everyday. I also stopped watching it too to be fair to him, and it sucks for me as well because I also enjoyed porn, especially during the worst of the sex phase. It was pretty much the only sexual enjoyment I got.

    My question to you is
    Do you, as someone who works in adult entertainment, care if your boyfriends/partners/so's buy onlyfans/content from other creators?
    Do you, as an adult entertainer, have any personal boundaries for partners with porn/strip clubs/ect?

  2. #2
    God/dess Sam38g's Avatar
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    Default Re: My husband has a terrible porn addiction and I feel powerless because I cam.

    Why would you have sex for hours and bleed?
    Why are you married to someone who is torturing you?
    Why do you continue to have sex when you are not enjoying it with him?
    Why are his needed so much important than yours?

    Then I have to ask... Why are you married to a bum? A person who spends hours watching porn instead of being productive with a side hustle or job. He has no ambition & is using you.

    Why are you staying married to someone who isn't making you happy?

    Clearly neither of you are happy, why stay married?

    I have been in relationships with other performers, I didnt watch their porn to get off. Nor did I care who they jerked off too. Sounds way to controlling.

    Listen, being in a miserable relationship takes YEARS off of you life. It deteriorates your physical & mental health. Instead of this being all about him, when do you put yourself first? Him throwing your biz up in your face is just a way to control you & keep you from holding him accountable financially & as a partner..... And you LET him Shame you.. Why be married to someone who resents you & your job so much?

    You are staying with someone who enjoys your misery. There is so much more to life, dump him & move forward.

    He is also holding you back financially, money you could have been making with no GEO blocking & being able to promote yourself on social media. He is stealing compounding interest from you and a cushy retirement. If you add up all the money you could be making & not financially supporting him, and how it could be invested & making you even more money. Over the next ten to twenty years, that could be a million or two.

    Why are you letting this loser suck the life out of You........................ YOU CAN NOT FIX HIM, but you can get therapy & a divorce and then a financial planner to go on & live a happier life.
    Video blogs on Camming industry & how to succeed at camming.

    Personality is the glitter that sends your little gleam across the footlights and the orchestra pit into that big black space where the audience is. Mae West


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    Default Re: My husband has a terrible porn addiction and I feel powerless because I cam.

    This is less to me about porn and more that he didn’t contribute for 8 years. What a creep.
    Have a yard sale with all his things up for auction when he is out of town for a weekend , move away , and cut contact !

    ^ Maybe not all of it ha but a dude who lets his lady make all the money .... I’d let this guy go.

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    Default Re: My husband has a terrible porn addiction and I feel powerless because I cam.

    I’m probably the last person to give relationship advice but you’re being fair to someone who isn’t being fair to you.

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    Default Re: My husband has a terrible porn addiction and I feel powerless because I cam.

    Be with people that bring you peace.

    Be with someone that helps make your life better.

    Be with someone that builds you up.

    Be with someone who has the same financial goals as you & work ethic.

    Guilt, shame, gas lighting are relationship killers & seems like these are his tools to keep you without being held to any accountability on his part. Miss.a.p is right, you are trying to play fair, but he does not fight or argue fairly. He will never fight fare because he is winning with his method. You can seek therapy as an individual & as a couple, but he will not want you too. Even as an individual because it will cause you to want him to be a better person too.

    He may not be able to exist without you, but you definitely can without him. He works in a vocation that is rifled with alcoholics & drug use. It also can lead to back injuries & him never working again. He will eventually put all the financial burden on you again. You live in his prison. Life is too short to be so miserable.
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    Personality is the glitter that sends your little gleam across the footlights and the orchestra pit into that big black space where the audience is. Mae West

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    Crossfingers Re: My husband has a terrible porn addiction and I feel powerless because I cam.

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    Last edited by whirlerz; 11-30-2021 at 11:11 AM.


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    Default Re: My husband has a terrible porn addiction and I feel powerless because I cam.

    I'm sorry you're going through this. I just got out of a bad relationship myself and I wish I had walked away sooner. The advice in this thread is really good-please give it some thought. My cousin supported her boyfriend for years too. She worked all the time, while he sat on his ass. He ended up cheating on her, and she kicked him out. Then he cried and begged for forgiveness because he had nowhere to go. So she ended up taking him back. She is still supporting him and she is miserable. She used to be stunning, but she's not aging well and has health issues too. I'm not saying this will happen to you. But ask yourself, do you really want to support him for the rest of your life? And do you enjoy camming? If so, do it. You don't have a porn addiction. Please love yourself more and think about your own needs.

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    Default Re: My husband has a terrible porn addiction and I feel powerless because I cam.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sam38g View Post
    Why would you have sex for hours and bleed?
    Why are you married to someone who is torturing you?
    Why do you continue to have sex when you are not enjoying it with him?
    Why are his needed so much important than yours?

    Then I have to ask... Why are you married to a bum? A person who spends hours watching porn instead of being productive with a side hustle or job. He has no ambition & is using you.

    Why are you staying married to someone who isn't making you happy?

    Clearly neither of you are happy, why stay married?

    I have been in relationships with other performers, I didnt watch their porn to get off. Nor did I care who they jerked off too. Sounds way to controlling.

    Listen, being in a miserable relationship takes YEARS off of you life. It deteriorates your physical & mental health. Instead of this being all about him, when do you put yourself first? Him throwing your biz up in your face is just a way to control you & keep you from holding him accountable financially & as a partner..... And you LET him Shame you.. Why be married to someone who resents you & your job so much?

    You are staying with someone who enjoys your misery. There is so much more to life, dump him & move forward.

    He is also holding you back financially, money you could have been making with no GEO blocking & being able to promote yourself on social media. He is stealing compounding interest from you and a cushy retirement. If you add up all the money you could be making & not financially supporting him, and how it could be invested & making you even more money. Over the next ten to twenty years, that could be a million or two.

    Why are you letting this loser suck the life out of You........................ YOU CAN NOT FIX HIM, but you can get therapy & a divorce and then a financial planner to go on & live a happier life.
    You give the best advice. If you ever write a book, please let us know.

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    Default Re: My husband has a terrible porn addiction and I feel powerless because I cam.

    You have to wonder if this guy had a job when she met him.

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    God/dess Sam38g's Avatar
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    Default Re: My husband has a terrible porn addiction and I feel powerless because I cam.

    Some men think the whole world or at least their spouses life should evolve around their dick. It isn't a sex addiction as much as he only cares about what he wants & not about you at all. A partner who continues to have sex with another for more than a minute if it was painful would stop immediately, they would not go on, especially for hours & cause them to bleed.

    It isn't love, it is abuse. I know narcissist talk circles & make everything your fault. Love does NOT involve pain. All he cares about is his cock & servicing it 24/7. He is NOT a good person & you deserve so much better.

    You are being emotionally, mentally, physically, financially & sexually abused. And as ED gets worse so will the abuse towards you.

    You have no committed any crimes & don't deserve to be punished in this manner. If you leave him, more likely he will be homeless, but then he will have plenty of time to jerk his dick in a tent. You don't owe him a place to live or money to live on.

    Lots of life lessons are learned the hard way & sense he prioritizes his cock above working, being a decent human being. You are keeping him from learning their are more important things in life than his dick. You are enabling him. You are letting his demons destroy you and why stay on a sinking ship? When he has to decide what is more important like working enough to have a roof over his head & food to eat over his cock... which probably NEVER happen.

    I know the marriage vows are for better or worse, but not worse & getting more horrible by the day. Don't dedicate more years to this kind of abuse, make a plan to get out. Do NOT tell him, do NOT threaten him with leaving, because that is when men become the most violent. Seek out therapy & abuse centers or help to make a safe plan to leave.

    https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/ho...rk-any-longer/


    https://www.thelifedoctor.org/how-to...-and-stay-gone

    https://www.thelifedoctor.org/how-to...-and-stay-gone
    Last edited by Sam38g; 11-14-2021 at 11:43 AM. Reason: added links to get them help
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    Default Re: My husband has a terrible porn addiction and I feel powerless because I cam.

    Lillian, I'm not going to make a knee jerk comments that you should immediately divorce him. None of us knows the entirety of the relationship, including your history with him, whether there are kids involved, etc.

    But if you want any chance of righting this ship for the long haul, IMHO you do need to start holding him accountable. Sadly it very much sounds like he's got a case of Man-Child Syndrome, unable to accept personal responsibility for his actions and possessing no sense of male pride. So that leaves you to hold his feet to the fire. If he's worried about money, push him to saddle up and bring some more in. If he keeps jerking off so much that he can't perform normally in bed, stop having sex with him until he stops. Heck solving the income problem may also solve his other problem since he won't have as much idle time to spend with his hand on his cock.

    You can't cam forever, as you well know. IMHO you need to resolve this before you lose that option should you ever need it again. Lighting a fire under his ass will either motivate him to fix these problems or hasten the end of the marriage, either of which is a better outcome than remaining stuck in this hellish quicksand.

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    Default Re: My husband has a terrible porn addiction and I feel powerless because I cam.

    Quote Originally Posted by slowpoke View Post
    You have to wonder if this guy had a job when she met him.
    Narcissist talk a good game & make out like they are doing better than what is really going on. They lie & manipulate.
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    Default Re: My husband has a terrible porn addiction and I feel powerless because I cam.

    Demand to see an income tax return, W4, etc.

    And the problem is the poster cant force him to change, but she might be able to change herself.
    Last edited by slowpoke; 11-14-2021 at 01:53 PM.

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    Default Re: My husband has a terrible porn addiction and I feel powerless because I cam.

    It's abuse in so many ways. You can even use the resources of domestic violence support systems in your city.
    A guy that doesn't work for 8 years ...... that is abuse unless he was working for two years and then became disabled and you willingly took on his care out of love.
    In what I mentioned he should also have disability payments.
    Since you don't mention disability I don't think that is the case here.

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    Default Re: My husband has a terrible porn addiction and I feel powerless because I cam.

    For so MANY women, I always wonder at what point in a relationship, does the abuse become okay and acceptable?
    I wish women would invest in their well being and happiness like they do for toxic men.

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    Default Re: My husband has a terrible porn addiction and I feel powerless because I cam.

    ^ I hope the poster checks in on this thread because domestic abuse always starts *almost* not noticeable to the victim.

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    Default Re: My husband has a terrible porn addiction and I feel powerless because I cam.

    I hope OP is okay. I strongly believe when domestic abuse is not instantly noticeable to the victim is because at some point in their lives, the abuse was demonstrated to them that it was okay.

    For example, when growing up you witnessed your dad beat the living hell of of your mother, you'll think that's what love is. If that trauma don't get sorted out, you'll attract men that are abusive and not even know it.

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    Default Re: My husband has a terrible porn addiction and I feel powerless because I cam.

    Abusers play upon the emotions & use guilt. In our cases using how we make money as a tool to keep us locked in a horrible situation with them. Along with damaging self worth, it is the constant financial draining that makes it even harder to leave. It also takes time for all the lies to come to light since they are master liars & manipulators.

    I think her post was a way to ask for help and some hard realizations of what is really going on in that relationship is hitting her hard at this moment. Her thinking if I just fix his sexual addiction, then all will be better is the first step to her recognizing the problems run deeper than just sex. Hard to have any kind of balanced perspective while in the middle of such situation and continously being gas lighted and words twisted.

    Then some people are so invested into how many years into the marriage or relationship it is like a badge of courage. Putting more importance on being loyal, ride or die than their own well being. Men never appreciate that kind of sacrifice, they just abuse more because of it. Some people take pride in suffering that long & how hard they try to make it work. While the rest of us read it and think..fuck you should have gotten out YEARS ago. Plus there are family members, churchs and such that push women to stay in abusive relationships no matter what and blame them for not making it all work.

    And someone mentioned staying for the kids, in such cases of obvious abuse on so many levels, that is the WORST advice. Putting kids in such a trauma and drama for 24/7 for years is very much damaging to them. NO ONE SHOULD EVER STAY IN AN ABUSIVE SITUATION FOR THE KIDS!!!

    We all hope she gets the help needed and moves onto a better life.

    But also since he is having ED issues, even his dick is tired of being jerked off all the time. So much that it refuses to work any more. Showing that he doesn't have a horny issue, but is mentally unstable & unsafe for anyone to be around.
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    Default Re: My husband has a terrible porn addiction and I feel powerless because I cam.

    ^ If he has such a problem he should not accept a single nickel from this “ disgusting “ work he doesn’t approve of right ?!?!

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    Default Re: My husband has a terrible porn addiction and I feel powerless because I cam.

    Quote Originally Posted by carmen_b View Post
    ^ If he has such a problem he should not accept a single nickel from this “ disgusting “ work he doesn’t approve of right ?!?!
    We all know how that works, they will take the 'bad' money & blow it on what they want even before the bills.

    To the poster, we all know this is overwhelming & we all hope you get the help & peace you seek. We care about your well being and realize getting away, healing may take time. And when you are safe & better please update us.
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    Default Re: My husband has a terrible porn addiction and I feel powerless because I cam.

    It sounds like you would be much better off leaving him. You sound very unhappy. If you need assistance, try this website:

    https://www.thehotline.org/

    You can also call 1-800-787-3224

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    Default Re: My husband has a terrible porn addiction and I feel powerless because I cam.

    Quote Originally Posted by Marina Starr View Post
    For so MANY women, I always wonder at what point in a relationship, does the abuse become okay and acceptable?
    I wish women would invest in their well being and happiness like they do for toxic men.
    Abuse doesn't always begin right at the start of the relationship. It can be very difficult to leave if you're living together, especially if you're financially dependent on him. I really think that it's important, no matter how good of a relationship you're in, that you have some type of exit plan if things go bad. Also, having a bank account and credit cards in your name is important.

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    Default Re: My husband has a terrible porn addiction and I feel powerless because I cam.

    I'm currently with someone who looks at stupid porn crap mostly feet shit and I'm disgusted ��. Why the fuck do these assholes wanna jerk & cum to other bitches when they have something awesome at home ready to please & get pleased?!
    "Alot of people are afraid to say what they want, that's why they don't get what they want"~ Madonna




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    Default Re: My husband has a terrible porn addiction and I feel powerless because I cam.

    Quote Originally Posted by xxxGothBarbie View Post
    I'm currently with someone who looks at stupid porn crap mostly feet shit and I'm disgusted ��. Why the fuck do these assholes wanna jerk & cum to other bitches when they have something awesome at home ready to please & get pleased?!
    Because the majority of them like to be Naughty little Boys. Itís ridiculous.

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    Default Re: My husband has a terrible porn addiction and I feel powerless because I cam.

    Quote Originally Posted by WanderingW View Post
    Because the majority of them like to be Naughty little Boys. It’s ridiculous.
    Ya I agree! Most of the bitches aren't even hot which seems like a waste imo. I'm gonna install a porn blocker on his iPhone soon coz fuck that noise. If you claim to be happy with what u are getting at home in bed why look at it then??? Porn shouldn't be so available & free that's one of the problems these days. If they wanna jerk behind our backs they should have to pay high prices to.
    "Alot of people are afraid to say what they want, that's why they don't get what they want"~ Madonna




    "Respect is a dying art"

    "Philosophy is the talk on a cereal box"


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