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Thread: My husband has a terrible porn addiction and I feel powerless because I cam.

  1. #26
    Moderator charlie61's Avatar
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    Default Re: My husband has a terrible porn addiction and I feel powerless because I cam.

    It's very common for partners to at least try to keep their relationship together when they first find out about an addiction - i have truly been there. People told me i should just leave him, but i had to try - we'd been together for close to a decade at that point. My partner eventually relapsed repeatedly, and i ultimately left after i realized that i was losing years of my life to stressing out about someone else's journey, and it wasn't helping him, either.

    OP, i mostly worry about you, your job, and the loss of stability / identity that can come with quitting a job during such a tough time. I do understand that you're trying to do everything you can to salvage your relationship.

    You quitting your job is not going to fix your partner's addiction. And if anything, it'll just show your partner that you agree that camming for money is the same as consuming porn, which we all know is not accurate.

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  3. #27
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    Default Re: My husband has a terrible porn addiction and I feel powerless because I cam.

    I would guess that she's reading. The questions she asked in the OP aren't what's being discussed, and it has to be hard to read such strong reactions.

    I cried the first time someone suggested that i was insane for trying to support my partner when his addiction first came to light. It was all i could do to hold myself and my relationship together, and it felt like the whole world was judging and attacking me for that decision. I had no support. I even lied to my family about what was going on. Addiction gets almost zero empathy from the rest of the world.

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    Arrow Re: My husband has a terrible porn addiction and I feel powerless because I cam.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lillian Ballen View Post
    `


    My question to you is
    Do you, as someone who works in adult entertainment, care if your boyfriends/partners/so's buy onlyfans/content from other creators?
    Do you, as an adult entertainer, have any personal boundaries for partners with porn/strip clubs/ect?
    1. No, I don't care. As long as it doesn't cross any boundaries, such as blowing $ needed elsewhere, etc.

    2. Yes, I do have boundaries, especially if someone s behavior is affecting me.

    I do not allow Mistreatment in any way, shape or form, verbal, financial, or otherwise.

    I am not here to be abused, made fun of, degraded, etc, unless I allow that while working & getting paid, IF I decide to do that.
    My feelings tell me that this is so.

    My ex visited an SC which I did not care about, however , he stayed out all night w/o telling me where he was & I was worried.

    I personally left him because this behavior continued on his part, & I felt I deserved better, & didn't want to be abused anymore.

    But, your answers lie within you.
    Only you can decide what is & isn't acceptable.
    Good luck.
    Last edited by whirlerz; 11-30-2021 at 11:57 AM.


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  7. #29
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    Default Re: My husband has a terrible porn addiction and I feel powerless because I cam.

    I don't think I will ever understand the "shame on you but don't quit so yo can support me!", you have to put on the pants in the relationship and demand if "anybody has a problem with how it was handled?" and never let it be uttered or insinuated again for fear of dressing down. That is how leaders have handled it for millennia.

    Quote Originally Posted by charlie61 View Post
    I would guess that she's reading. The questions she asked in the OP aren't what's being discussed, and it has to be hard to read such strong reactions.

    I cried the first time someone suggested that i was insane for trying to support my partner when his addiction first came to light. It was all i could do to hold myself and my relationship together, and it felt like the whole world was judging and attacking me for that decision. I had no support. I even lied to my family about what was going on. Addiction gets almost zero empathy from the rest of the world.
    Advice is always hard to give, mostly because some people confuse being right with what is being appropriate, it is always sad situation all around, but if it is any consolation at least you tried.

  8. #30
    God/dess Sam38g's Avatar
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    Default Re: My husband has a terrible porn addiction and I feel powerless because I cam.

    Quote Originally Posted by charlie61 View Post
    I would guess that she's reading. The questions she asked in the OP aren't what's being discussed, and it has to be hard to read such strong reactions.

    I cried the first time someone suggested that i was insane for trying to support my partner when his addiction first came to light. It was all i could do to hold myself and my relationship together, and it felt like the whole world was judging and attacking me for that decision. I had no support. I even lied to my family about what was going on. Addiction gets almost zero empathy from the rest of the world.
    Addiction is a beast but at no time should anyone tolerate financial, physical, mental & sexual abuse due to their partner's addiction. If they are on a downward spiral, why let it take you & if their are kids down with them.

    Addiction is no excuse to abuse your spouse and this stay by your man no matter how horrible he is... is not a virtue. She is in the middle of a long term crisis and may not have the ability to escape such a bad situation. But he can't or won't get help until forced too or never, some addicts never want help.
    How can having sex for hours until you are bleeding not abuse in every sense of the word. Why does she have to sacrifice her well being for a sick person? And at his age, he more likely isn't going to change. This is more than addiction, he is an abusive person. Even if he got clean doesn't mean the abuse would stop.

    He doesn't deserve Empathy.

    There are groups for people who have partners or family members who have addiction issues. Sorry you went through all that trauma and hope you get help to deal with the aftermath of it all.
    Video blogs on Camming industry & how to succeed at camming.

    Personality is the glitter that sends your little gleam across the footlights and the orchestra pit into that big black space where the audience is. Mae West

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  10. #31
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    Default Re: My husband has a terrible porn addiction and I feel powerless because I cam.

    ^agreed - addiction deserves empathy, abuse does not!

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  12. #32
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    Default Re: My husband has a terrible porn addiction and I feel powerless because I cam.

    I wouldn't even have sex with him anymore especially if she's bleeding At that point its clear he's got a horrible porn addiction and she should be giving ultimatum. Either the porn goes or I do. If he promontory try then a parental lock shod be on his phone to block any & all porn bs.

    I'm currently doing this with my bf of 4 months. He has mellowed out so far but with years of addiction it's probably a tough battle.
    "Alot of people are afraid to say what they want, that's why they don't get what they want"~ Madonna




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  13. #33
    God/dess Sam38g's Avatar
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    Default Re: My husband has a terrible porn addiction and I feel powerless because I cam.

    Quote Originally Posted by xxxGothBarbie View Post
    I wouldn't even have sex with him anymore especially if she's bleeding At that point its clear he's got a horrible porn addiction and she should be giving ultimatum. Either the porn goes or I do. If he promontory try then a parental lock shod be on his phone to block any & all porn bs.

    I'm currently doing this with my bf of 4 months. He has mellowed out so far but with years of addiction it's probably a tough battle.
    She mentioned that he has ED problems and so many men's egos are wrapped up in their dicks. Once it stops working for them they take it out on anyone close by especially a spouse. There is also the fact that he rarely works & she has to pay the bills. He degrades her verbally for camming.

    Him stopping watching porn really isn't the root of the problem. It is a symptom of much deeper issues. Sounds like she is married to a narcists for which there is no cure. blocking porn on all devices will not make the other abuses disappear and addiction is never as simple as just stop.

    If a person is an alcoholic, stopping drinking is just one part of the healing. Dealing with unhealed trauma that causes them to drink & forget can take years. There is never a simple solution to deal with addiction.
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  15. #34
    Moderator charlie61's Avatar
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    Default Re: My husband has a terrible porn addiction and I feel powerless because I cam.

    Some addicts struggle with narcissism, but i would say it's more common to see addicts with debilitating self-esteem issues who only lash out when they're backed into a corner. Many are extremely sensitive people who are not naturally controlling, they're just trying to justify their own issues and find a way to keep using. Totally agree with Sam that trying to control him by monitoring usage would be unlikely to help - he had to be the one who wants to control the issue.

    OP, i am just so sorry.

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  17. #35
    God/dess DonaDiabla's Avatar
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    Default Re: My husband has a terrible porn addiction and I feel powerless because I cam.

    Personally, I have zero tolerance policy for a lot of the stuff you mention. This is not really about Porn or your job. This about someone who has addiction problems and want you to suffer with them. Better to divorce than live in pain and distrust. What's fair about an man who wants to keep hurting you and your relationship? First of all, I would dump any man who doesn't support the household we created. You can do bad by yourself. You can have struggle love with yourself. You don't need an man dragging you to the pit. Secondly, I would dump anyone having an porn addiction as I don't have to deal with such things. Thirdly, anyone getting in the way of my business will be dumped out right because I will not be poor behind anyone. Fourthly, I never understood why people accept toxic relationships? I would not accept things that my mother, grandmothers, and great-grandmothers would not accept. Women in my family aren't used to men bitching and nagging. We are instructed to get rid such men as they make lives painful. Particularly, men bitching about money. Men either step up or they get thrown out the door. I don't believe in struggle love and getting abuse by men. My female ancestors had an extreme zero tolerance for abuse and so do I. Please love yourself more than your marriage, take care of yourself above your marriage, and Good luck to you.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lillian Ballen View Post
    `I never cared that my husband watched porn, I would watch it. I would consider my usage normal, Ied watch it when I was horny but not wanting to bother with sex. I thought he was doing the same and I could care less for 10+ years. We started having problems in bed. Sex was bad and I would DREAD it. It would take him about a hour or 2 for him to finish and I would walk away bleeding, I didn't understand why. It had been that way for so long it was just normal. I started looking into ED for men in their 20s, and PIED (Porn initiated ED) came up. That prompted me to look into his porno habits as he showed all the symptoms during sex.

    I was shocked at the extent. He was looking hours everyday. He was browsing nude selfies when we would watch tv, and he was obsessively jacking off every day 3-5 times a day, sometimes more. His faves were amateur selfies of women alone. Not videos, just their bodies or faces. It had been going on for years like this and he hid it. He was actively participating in "gooner" culture.

    The worst of it was I found out that he would use chrome and watch the videos of me I would send him, then click off and watch other women's videos and finish to them, they wernt doing anything more exciting than me, just other videos of women masturbating alone. He would keep some of it on his main browser (the main browser) so if you looked it looked like a normal porn watchers habits then he had 2 other secret password browsers that had who knows what.. I caught him jerking off to YouTube videos of girls just trying on clothes which bothered me because if he could do it to clothed womens faces, he could do it to anything.

    I also found out he had very embarrassing for him fetishes that he hid dfrom me, mostly sissy stuff. The problem i had here is --I almost exclusively work with femdom stuff-- and hes never, ever brought this up to me in 10 years.... We are totally open in bed, im far from shy, and obviously im comfortable and non-judging because of what I do. I get it hes embarrassed of it, but he also knows its my bread and butter, the fact that he was using other women's content knowing its my main source of income was hurtful, he works in building porches and I told him it would be like me going to a guy across town to build me a porch. I also found out he had a very, very extreme cuckold fetish.

    I found out he was looking up local porn, which kind of pisses me off because hes always required I GEOblock for work as he said he "didn't want men too close/local to look at me". On top of that, he never wanted me to do things like advertise on Twitter/Instagram as he said it was too personal, and people could easily see it and that cost me a ton of money over the years but I didnt do it, then I found out he was using twitter and social media to masturbate daily. On top of that, I found he was looking at local escort/hookup ads on sites like craigslist/backpage and masturbating to that. He swears he was only looking for the photos and I believe he never contacted anyone, but still feels shitty he can masturbate to local women but I cant expand my business because he dosnt want local men to look at me, although he has NEVER told me not to cam (it was our only income for years).

    When I asked him to cut back (after the ED) he said he would, then I found out he masturbated to tiktoks 3x that day, after claiming he was watching a video of me I sent him. Then he masturbated to an bra add on facebook. When I freaked out about this (by this time I had had enough), he blamed me and said that if I hadnt take made him feel bad about looking at porn he wouldn't have done it.

    My real problem is whenever I bring up my problem with him and his very real addiction, he IMMEDIENTLY throws the fact that I would cam in my face. We lived off my cam money for 8 years, I was the only one that worked and supported us both and cam was our main source of income. On top of that, he acts like every cam session I had was "fun" for me. Like im getting off every single show. I tell him I dont /really/ enjoy camming, and he tells me im a liar and I like it, in a "your sexually attracted to those men on cam" type of thing. It was strictly money. I was never anti porn, I always considered myself sexually liberal. I watched it myself and had what I considered a very healthy porn habit, but his has literally effected both out lives and cost me a sex life for years and I feel powerless and like a hippocrate for even being upset. I feel super shitty that he would use my content then click off it to other women's videos, or offer me up sex after hes been spent looking at other women. I feel resentful he cost ME a sex life. He resents me too. He walks around telling me I took away his personality (porn) and that I made him a "monk" despite me giving him more sex than I have in our whole lives to try to sooth the porn urges.

    Ive quit cam completely, I wouldn't have felt right continuing on after taking away the porn (despite him still masturbating to my videos every day), but now hes bitching/worried about money. When I told him I was quitting and going to work a vanilla job he was against it completely as he said he worries about me doing the commute everyday. I also stopped watching it too to be fair to him, and it sucks for me as well because I also enjoyed porn, especially during the worst of the sex phase. It was pretty much the only sexual enjoyment I got.

    My question to you is
    Do you, as someone who works in adult entertainment, care if your boyfriends/partners/so's buy onlyfans/content from other creators?
    Do you, as an adult entertainer, have any personal boundaries for partners with porn/strip clubs/ect?
    Wolves may lurk in every guise / Now as then, 'tis simple truth / Sweetest tongue has sharpest tooth.

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