Dancer's POV of this

[mrmadness001]

I wanted to get a dancer's POV of this situation...regardless how cold and hard it probably will be.

Anyways...I have a favorite that I had been going to the club to see now since May of last year. Over time we did get to know each other more, and it felt like a relationship of some kind was developing. Now I always said to her I know this is just a fantasy, I am just a customer, etc...She would always shrug that off and sweetly dismiss that notion. We had even planned to do a date outside the club at one point.

Well my birthday was this past weekend and she decided to make it special she would meet me OTC. We both have opened up more about our personal lives as we have gotten more comfortable. But I would again always say to myself this is just a fantasy...don't buy into it as reality.

The time we spent together was amazing and I do cherish the memory now.

I wound up finding out that night that she is actually engaged. I was going to add her as a facebook friend but then saw the status and was like ohhhhh.

I understand that she has a whole life outside of her work. But will say I was kind of floored at the revelation. I don't even want to mention it to her because I still really enjoy seeing her at the club.

So, I guess the question is how do I handle this moving forward? I still would like to spend time with her at the club but now this new piece of information is kind of bothering me. Even though I have told myself a 1000x this is fantasy, you are not much more to her then perhaps a favorite customer...just kind of hurts a little when it shouldn't really.

I feel like I need to maybe stop going to clubs in general as I like the party vibe, the sexual vibe, but also try to find a meaningful connection. Which is not really what I feel I should be doing at these clubs. I like to talk which isn't bad. But this girl kind of really got to me just because she genuinely is a nice person.

I know I will get over the whole wow moment of when I discovered this in time. But again just don't know if it's smart of me to go back to the club still or really what I should do in regards to how our I guess you can call it relationship has gone now.

[charlie61]

It sounds like you know all of the answers. Many of us on here were "nice girls" in the club and made a lot of money off of our conversational abilities, kindness, and the ability to create genuine connections with customers. The job is not sexual for us, and we aren't looking for OTC relationships. Some dancers will treat regulars to OTC time to keep that regular relationship going, though this often happens after the customer has been requesting it for a while, or after she senses that she could lose her regular without offering additional perks.

Think of it like a vanilla business relationship. Let's say you go to a flower shop regularly to purchase bouquets for your kitchen table, and you really connect with the shop owner. After a year or two of weekly business from you, she offers to have lunch with you for your birthday, since she can tell you enjoy her company. You then find her on Facebook and are shocked to find that she's engaged. There should be nothing shocking or confusing about that to you, if you've succeeded in keeping the relationship professional. Thus, it's clear from your post that you've developed actual feelings for her. She was just doing her job, as you know, and she's done nothing wrong. Strip clubs are lie factories, whether by omission or otherwise. When you walk in, you're paying someone to lie to you, both in feigning sexual and emotional interest.

You're only human, so I'm not judging you for developing feelings. But this is all on you. I'm sure she probably does genuinely enjoy your company.

[Selina M]

Agree with Charlie. FWIW, I had (have? I've lost contact with him but I'm sure we'd pick right back up) a regular that I would occasionally give a ride home, had gone to dinner with, went to his birthday party, etc. I genuinely enjoyed hanging out with him. He knew about my serious relationship. He treated our ITC time like he was hanging out with his friend at her work so he'd compensate me for it on that basis.

I wouldn't get offended like it was a ploy or anything - there's plenty of ways to keep guys coming back to the club to spend without seeing them outside - I would not see customers outside for the sole purpose of trying to keep them hooked on ITC spending. She probably does genuinely like you... just not romantically.

[charlie61]

^Agreed.

I think the OP is mostly shocked that he could spend so much intimate time with her and then find out that he didn't know her true relationship status.

When you're paying a dancer for her persona, time, beauty, and attention, you're paying for a fantasy. If she's good at what she does, she's giving you the fantasy that's most attractive to you, and sometimes that fantasy is a genuine connection that makes you feel like you're not just there for T&A. It's a pretty common need that men have, IME. To feel seen, heard, and understood by what they perceive to be an authentic attraction and interest on the dancer's part.

Note that some dancers lie and say that they're married to avoid customers who are hoping for OTC relationships with them, and other dancers lie and say that they're single to avoid turning off customers who are hoping for OTC relationships. It's just a different hustle.

Now, if you ever find yourself spending significant amounts of *unpaid* time with a dancer where there is zero financial exchange (no gifts, no money, no promises of future money), and it isn't platonic, then that's a situation where you might start expecting significant truths to be disclosed.

[DeathAndTaxes]

Now, if you ever find yourself spending significant amounts of *unpaid* time with a dancer where there is zero financial exchange (no gifts, no money, no promises of future money), and it isn't platonic, then that's a situation where you might start expecting significant truths to be disclosed.

Nah platonic is nice as well, very recently I met a dancer who was brand new to sin city, and just wanted to talk when tired (I literally only tipped a tiny bit because I felt guilty) we talked during her micro breaks for like 6 hours total. I hyped her up so much and due to law of attraction that she was killing it in VIP, she literally begged me to stay until closing.

Hope to see her again even if it remains platonic (give it 50/50), but it would 1-2 hypes at most, not that marathon again.

[charlie61]

^Agreed that platonic is nice - my point was that even in platonic relationships, I'm not sure someone is expected / required to disclose their marital status. I was trying to identify the type of relationship where the OP could feel entitled to that information.

[DeathAndTaxes]

Oh I am sure to cover that base pretty quickly if I am interested , much less 6 hours... I am still amazed we could carry interesting conversation for that long being complete strangers lol. I guess there were breaks here or there when she was making good money.

As for OP, just don't fall for one girl, fall for them all until you are exclusive to one, that way there is never heartbreak.

[moneybags]

I would have multiple girls and not just get dances from her. Spread the wealth and your feelings. I agree. We do care about our customers, but just like a therapist has a life outside her clients-we also have personal lives. I promise you the nice dancers genuinely care, but we have to detach from our work lives. If your feelings are too hurt-not to mess with her money-go to another club and get dances elsewhere to get some emotional space. If she’s the only girl you’re dancing with you’ll probably have a hard time getting over her. I agree if you’re looking for a relationship don’t go to the strip club. Or you could date other women and see her when you’re not dating anyone. She’ll understand.