My friend wants to visit me at the club…

[Yayayasmine]

My friend wants to visit me at the club.


So, I have a guy that I’m fwb with and I stay with him on the days that I work at my club because my club is far away from me. He knows that I dance and he’s cool with it and sometimes I talk to him about how my day went and things about the club. He’s not big into visiting strip clubs so he has a lot of questions and I feel like my biggest downfall in this always telling him to many details about the club. He said that he’s wanted to visit me at work and I was cool with it at first, but now I feel like he’s starting to take things a little too far and not understand my perspective.


The conversation that really got me concerned was how he was going on and on about how the club website needed to be updated and how he wanted to look into doing photography for them. Im a model, that’s how I met him, and I don’t go to his jobs looking to work with his other photographer friends. I’ve been around celebrities who wanted to get with me but I didn’t because I just felt like that would be rude to him because he invited me. Like, why can’t he come to the club and spend money and not try and become involved with my job ?


I don’t want for us to end up falling out and then we work together and have to look at each other all the time. I’m quiet at the club and I don’t want dancers up in my business either or trying to start drama between me and him. I don’t tell my personal business or anything but I know the girls are nosy and they will still try and start drama. I know a girl who brought a guy friend in and another dancer ended up starting drama with them. He knows that I stick to myself and I don’t have any dancer work friends because I don’t like I don’t like having people in my business. Am I overreacting?

[Girl Anachronism]

My friend wants to visit me at the club.


So, I have a guy that I’m fwb with and I stay with him on the days that I work at my club because my club is far away from me. He knows that I dance and he’s cool with it and sometimes I talk to him about how my day went and things about the club. He’s not big into visiting strip clubs so he has a lot of questions and I feel like my biggest downfall in this always telling him to many details about the club. He said that he’s wanted to visit me at work and I was cool with it at first, but now I feel like he’s starting to take things a little too far and not understand my perspective.


The conversation that really got me concerned was how he was going on and on about how the club website needed to be updated and how he wanted to look into doing photography for them. Im a model, that’s how I met him, and I don’t go to his jobs looking to work with his other photographer friends. I’ve been around celebrities who wanted to get with me but I didn’t because I just felt like that would be rude to him because he invited me. Like, why can’t he come to the club and spend money and not try and become involved with my job ?


I don’t want for us to end up falling out and then we work together and have to look at each other all the time. I’m quiet at the club and I don’t want dancers up in my business either or trying to start drama between me and him. I don’t tell my personal business or anything but I know the girls are nosy and they will still try and start drama. I know a girl who brought a guy friend in and another dancer ended up starting drama with them. He knows that I stick to myself and I don’t have any dancer work friends because I don’t like I don’t like having people in my business. Am I overreacting?

you are clearly using him and he wants to use you too. cannot blame the guy. nothing is free. doesn't sound like normal business to me, just being honest. if you are not willing to stay with someone who wants to hook up with you then find a dancer friend or a motel. otherwise drama will follow. you can be quiet all you want but actions speak louder than words and bored strippers pay attention

[Sam38g]

NO way should you let him come to the club, take him to a different strip club. Him telling management that they need an updated website or using your name to get in with the other ladies in order to either fuck them too or do photography will fuck you over at this club. Management doesn't want some random dude telling them how to do business. Perhaps tell him one of the manager's has it out for you and you really don't want to risk your job there.

Get with whomever you want, it isn't a relationship at this point. Loyalty is to commitment & relationships NOT FWB. He is thinking now that he has got you, he can fuck other dancers and wants to hunt at your job. He will absolutely use your name to get them to trust him.

Tell him work is stressful and having him there will be a major distraction, that you want to keep everything separate. And i know he has been easy to vent to about work, but you need to slow that down. And sometimes other dancers will go for a guy another is fucking to mess with their heads & fuck with their money.

Boundaries between your personal life & job need to be established, especially if this is your only income.

[Yayayasmine]

I agree with everything you said. Thank you for the advice, I will definitely tell him that.

[Girl Anachronism]

He will absolutely use your name to get them to trust him.

omfg it took me way too long to realize that this is a thing

[Sam38g]

omfg it took me way too long to realize that this is a thing

Men I barely know & an ex or two try to use my name to get other women to trust them & I have had guys drop names of my friends as if since they fucked them, I should too. In which, I throw a fit and all of us block them.


Men will lie & manipulate in every single way they can to get sex or even money from us. I vouch for NO MAN, no matter how long I've known them.

[carmen_b]

He sounds overly nosy.

Do you really enjoy the situation ?

Maybe it would be better to just start getting hotel near your club ( more time to fully focus on $$ ).

At a bare minimum if he were to visit he should NOT chat with anyone.
I'd only allow a visit if he brought $ to tip everyone on stage. No conversations or dances ( that is personally what I'd be comfy with ).

[chanzep]

I would stay at a hotel and tell him he cannot come into the club.
Next time don't tell people your business. It never ends well. Even people who are not around club's get curious.

[cairalis]

I agree with everything everyone else have already said! It's OK to set boundaries. When something doesn't feel right - trust your instinct, you are not overreacting, you are being intelligent and saving yourself from future drama!

[arielbriel]

You need boundaries. I personally can’t stand guys or people in general who “interview” me. Endless questions, it’s annoying and I would be turned off immediately. You obviously making money because you keep going back- get an airb&b or a hotel and cut him off , or tell him intimate partners are NOT allowed at the club. But i suspect you opened a can of worms that you won’t be able to close unless you stop seeing him/ staying With him. What a headache.

[scarlettinParis]

He isn't your friend, he is just a benefit. I always find 'FWB' a rather misleading acronym!
He sounds annoying, I would look for a situation where you don't 'have' to stay at his.

[Yayayasmine]

Sorry for the late reply ladies I’ve been busy lol. But I really appreciate everyone’s advice and I’m glad that I’m not overreacting. I’m thinking about it now and I don’t have a problem getting transportation to and from the city because I’ve done it for five months before I started staying with him.

I’m planning on telling him that I just don’t want for him to come to the club at all to see me or to go up there and that we can go to another club together instead. It’s not that I have a problem with him getting dances or going up there when I’m not there (since we are not in a relationship), it’s just that I don’t want him using my name for anything like Sam said. And if he makes a joke about me not wanting to come to the club or starts acting suspicious I’m just going to cut him off.

[carmen_b]

^ You could always just try to minimize your presence with him .... kind of fade out.

Honestly ...... I don't find the FWB things works for *most* women.

Unless the guy is just a perfect 10 ........

I don't like the FWB thing because I would feel like an unpaid escort. It works for the guy sure, but not so much the woman.
That is just one person opinion and you can always modify the situation !!

[arielbriel]

Don’t say anything to management. They usually don’t care about maybe situations. You end up sounding like drama.

[carmen_b]

^ yes!
Management is also not going to bat an eye if someone rambles about a dancer !
That’s an everyday club thing!
Smile / nod is all he’ll get ha.