1) when you go to dinner leave a tip and leave 4 free passes to your club for the male server.
2) Pay your personal trainer for your first month of training in passes...
1) when you go to dinner leave a tip and leave 4 free passes to your club for the male server.
2) Pay your personal trainer for your first month of training in passes...



...you have to fight the urge to give your boyfriend a lapdance in the VIP booth of a NIGHTCLUB when a sexy song comes on.
True story. Last Friday night. Too many Screwdrivers.



Your idea of sexy nightware are sweatpants, and pajamas.
Your idea of "Buisness Attire" is most of the Victoria's Secret catalog, your old highschool cheerleader uniform, and a Catholic School girl uniform.
You've had thousands of dollars worth of contracting, and services done for free by regulars, that would put a normal person in Bankruptcy for years.
You consider 25 phone calls from men in an hour "normal", and your not a telemarketer.
Have had at least 3 marriage proposals a night from perfect strangers.
Have had the following items sent to you everyday for month: Flowers, Perfume, Cards, Jewlery, and stuffed animals. From 5 different people, and you don't know thier names.
You will know by first name, all the cops, paramedics, nurses, waitresses, and hookers because they all eat at the same place you do when you get off shift.
Have dropped at least one weight on the foot of a "customer" more than once at gym for rudely interrupting your work out by giving you a grope.
Have had at least one crazy women come after you 3 day's later for giving her husband a lap dance.
Dropped out of highschool at 18 yet drive an SUV or Mercedes reserved for CEO's at 19 one year after dancing.
Can't remember your real name anymore when it comes to filling out paper work.
Consider, coming home with $200 in cash a bad night at work....
Start absentmindedly slipping of the straps of your tanktop and gyrating when a sexy song comes on the radio...in the car...while you're driving.



you can fit your entire wardrobe into a Crown liquor bag.
you use a friends car as a dressing room. while on the lnterstate...... (she almost made me wreak)
....when your nipples are permanently hard
....when its not a treat anymore to get a mani/pedi...its just part of the job..*sigh*
....When you can walk all night in 7 inch platforms, but when youre walking up the steps to your house in adidas sandals, you bust your ass....yeah...true story, last night...
....When you have to cover up every little scrape n bruise...so you have 2 different bottles of foundations n concealer!!!! lol
This is great girlz, keep it up....ya'll have thought of everything!
Kisses
buying and trying on clothes u wlak around in ur bra and underwear infront of whoever and not caring
The strongest man in the world is a woman.
... you stop being polite to strangers dumb jokes, comments, pick up lines, etc. because they're not gonna tip you or buy a dance anyway.
... being on top is a new fave sex position
... you start thinking your boyfriend should give you a few dollars for givin' such great head
... your sex drive goes through the ROOF
... you try every beauty tip in the book to get rid of ingrown hairs!
... you're considering at least one cosmetic surgery procedure that you would have blown off before. NOW it sounds good though...![]()
If you think school is hard, try being stupid.
A pimple on your butt is more of a problem than one on your face.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.



Your friends at your regular job find out, and leave folded dollar bills on your desk to show thier support.
You earn 2 Grand a night but refuse to pay your $20 parking tickets, until the collective fines reach 10 grand, and you want your Mercedes back from the impound lot.
Your nice to perfect strangers, and jerks in the club, but the minute your BF makes a tiny error you tear into him with a vengance.
You've been followed home at least once by an obsessed cutomer.
You've had your car trashed by an obsessed customer at least once.
You begin looking furiously for areas without zoning laws to open up your own club in when you retire.
Your on this board regulary to discuss issues that affect you in the club without having to worry about retaliation by other girls and managment.
Wow, Madgrad, what club do you work at?? Where do I sign up? I have never met anyone in the last year who earns $1000 in a night much less $2000??
I think the norm is more around $15-30 an hour if you are working in a decent club. You know, like a good bartender earns.
Please post your clubs!! I bet lots of the ladies here would love to know where you are located.
I realize that you are just making general statements, that sound cute and funny, but really can $2000.00 a night be acheived in your club?
Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!



SF Bay Area during the boom most likely. I saw the saw some of the postings....
you can run up and down 2 flights of stairs in six inch stilettos at full speed while applying lipgloss.
I did it to night and didn't realize it...I got back downstairs and was like..."did i really just do that without landing on my ass?!"
-C
This was a blast to read through. I don't have any of my own yet as I haven't began my career. However, a lot of these You know you are a stripper when....seem to apply to me already.





LMFAO!!!!! HAHAHA that is funny! I usually tell my customers that I have a cat...I would love to see their faces if I told them I taught her to skateboard! LOLOLOL!
...you can creatively lie, at that. (my friend told her customer that she taught her cat to skateboard. he believed her - scary!)
....DAISYlicious
A pimple on your butt is more of a problem than one on your face.
Hehehe - right on that is so true! I always fret WAY more over a butt-pimple than a face-pimple![]()
That one is great! I never thought about how fast I take the stairs when I've just finished a lap and have to dive downstairs to jump onstage because I'm next, carrying a drink in one hand and my Betty Boop case-purse in the other, not even thinking about looking at the stairs, but trying to survey the crowd on my way down and decide which songs I'll play for that particular crowd - and mind I won't spill a drop of that drink either! LOL Jeez if guys only had a clue what we REALLY go through to do our job well, they would NEVER consider telling us how 'easy we have it'.
you can run up and down 2 flights of stairs in six inch stilettos at full speed while applying lipgloss.
I did it to night and didn't realize it...I got back downstairs and was like..."did i really just do that without landing on my ass?!"
-C
*********
You know you're a stripper when...
....you can do more impressive tricks than alot of gymnasts, PLUS you do them while wearing 6+" stilettos after having a few drinks.
....you wear a size 4 and are in better physical shape than 90% of the population, but you still criticize your body incessantly...and so do other people.
....you can run up and down stairs all night in high heels faster than any man, including bouncers.
....you can turn down the most stupid, childish pickup line and still make the guy smile and beg for more.
....you go out to a bar with your 'normal' friend, decide to have a bottle of champagne for yourselves, and a 'guy you know' pays the bartender without expecting anything but a smile from you.
....you have never spun a record in your life but you are the neighborhood music expert.
....you actually want to work on your birthday because you know you'll make alot of money that day.
....you never have to work if you don't feel like it!
You can fix yourself a drink by putting the glass into your bikini top and the leverage and force of "your girls" holds the glass perfectly upright and still, so that you have both of your hands free for pouring or mixing.
One way that you spot other dancers is not by what they have on, but the fact that their ponytail holder which looks kinda thick is actually a thong. You recognize it b/c in a pinch you do the same.
"Come what may although I often say realities come from dreams, but approach all lies with open eyes because NOthing in this world is EVER ALL it seems."


Un huh...sure you don't. JKYou don't own any porn, but you've met more porn stars than most people can imagine.
VDJ
"A lot of girls go out with me just to further their careers - damn Anthropologists" - Emo Philips


This could also work to your benefit in other situations as well....like when Bible-Thumpers come to your door and want to save you...after seeing you in your B-Day suit, it will be hard to keep their mind on what they are there for (lest they be thinking about how many times they are going to have to go to confessional that week to make up for all of the things they are thinking since you opened the door). I bet they would rather worship in your temple, than theirs. You probably won't tarnish these young souls by doing this, but you'll definitely give them something to talk about in their next group meeting. This could, however, backfire. They could relay their story to the group back at the temple and a whole bunch of people might decide that you need saving and might show up at your door, en masse, at which time you could invite them in, offer them some coffee, or a Pepsi, then ask them to stay while you spool up the Rocco Sifredi and Seymore Butts Porn-a-thon you were about to watch.When you go to an office party and want to take your clothes off for money!
(I'm going to hell for that little joke. )
VDJ
"A lot of girls go out with me just to further their careers - damn Anthropologists" - Emo Philips


Also, it is my understanding that Baby Oil is a magnet for Vitamin B-12, and other vitamins and minerals. They get attracted/attached to the molecules of Baby Oil and are carried out of your system, leaving you deficient in much needed vitamins/nutrients.How is baby oil evil? Let me count the ways. It leaves the pole gripless, the floor slick, and can literally send you flat on ur back with just one step. Go up after a newbie who is all oiled up and does floor work, and after the fifth time u bust ur ass trying to get up off the floor b/c u feel as soon as u got onstage u will understand. It seems like every newbie comes in with that baby oil gel and somebody always looks at her and says, put that down b/4 somebody tries to stab u with a stiletto. I have seem too many falls and bad accidents. I don't even use it in regular life anymore except when I give my ole boy massages.
That was the last thing that I remember reading about it.
VDJ
"A lot of girls go out with me just to further their careers - damn Anthropologists" - Emo Philips
..... when you are standing in line at shop and you find yourself swaying your hips to the music, then realise everyone is looking at you
..... when you are in public and you automatically reach down your top and adjust your breasts without thinking
..... when you automatically stuff money down your top or pants even when not at work
when you don't restrain yourself from pole work in a city street.
when you refuse to wear make-up in real life.
when you realize that approximately 100,000 men have seen you naked
when you wink at the cute guy in your calculus class instead of saying a casual 'what's up?'
when you wish a hangover is why you're so tired in class that morning
when you realize you should fib on a grad school app.
when glitter is in your pets' fur and you don't wear glitter at work.
when you won't give your boyfriend a lap dance
when your boyfriend complains that his bachelor party will suck because he's hung out with so many strippers for so long.
when you're 23 on the outside and 50 on the inside.
when you don't care who's looking.
when you dress in sweats with a ponytail, no makeup and a 'don't talk to me' attitude.
when you refuse to wear shorts in the summer because you don't want to be checked out.
when a 'love bite' becomes a need for cover-up.
when you pay for EVERYTHING in cash, no matter what the cost.
when friends ask for your advice on make-up and they've only seen you wear it three times.
*when you can be perfectly ready to go out in 15 minutes or less.
you check out girls instead of guys.
when you both love and hate your body.
when you have to come up with some reason to explain to your parents ______________(enter item here).
when you can eat WHATEVER you want and stay a size 4 because your workout consists of a hardwood floor, a brass pole, six inch plastic stilletos and heavy metal and your friends ask for diet advise.
when you feel a little bad about this.
this can go forever (and apparently has)
'I wore my heart like a wet, red stain on the breast of a velvet gown'
-Dorothy Parker





When you realize, at a "real" job, that one of the guys from "the other side" has been checking you out instead of hating you like the rest of the enemies. Your first thought is "hmm, I bet he's seen me naked" and when you mention this to your supervisor she tells you that it couldn't hurt anything for you to flirt with him just a bit.
(god I love my life)
You walk with a bum shake, or a cute wiggling of the hips.
You are the envy
of all parallel lines that
dream of curves and convergence
- Sara Bailey: Sieve of Words
when you get home or wake up and you still have your garter around your leg
When you go out to dinner and a complete stranger picks up the check. Turns out, he was the bachelor's best bud from three nights ago.
When you walk through the mall and overhear, "And MAN, is she flexible!"
When you can repair anything with concealer, a garter, three rubber bands and a large safety pin.
When you walk past the children's school uniform section and think, "Work clothes!"
When three inch heels make you feel short.
Whe you go out to a normal club and feel the overwhelming urge to work the crowd.
He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche
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