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Thread: Lap Dances are cheating?

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    Default Lap Dances are cheating?

    Jason's comment a few days ago about debating whether lap dances are cheating inspired some lively debate yesterday. Some friends were visiting and the subject of SCs came up.

    Bear in mind some of these folks are married (like us) and some are single. I was astounded by the different points of view from the group. Two of the single guys said it was cheating, period. The remainder said they didn't think so. My wife and I were the only two married people who said it was not cheating. We did however qualify that by adding, "as long as both partners know it's going on and nothing is done in secrecy."

    We were both pretty well attacked by our married friends. The single guys and women in the group were a bit more flexible.

    I'm curious, for the married guys here: Do you tell your spouse you go to the clubs?

    I guess I thought it was cheating when I was married to my first wife. She didn't approve of the SCs so I didn't go to them while we were married.

    For the dancers: Do you consider the customers who come in wearing a wedding ring to be cheaters? I'm speaking of lap dances only with contact but no extras such as hjs, etc.

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    Default Re: Lap Dances are cheating?

    Cheating implies that one party violates the tenants of a contract or some mutual agreement made by the parties involved.
    Unless they agreed , no lap dances allowed, I don't think it can be considered cheating. At least I don't think they have a leg to stand on.

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    Featured Member cash's Avatar
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    Default Re: Lap Dances are cheating?

    i think its considerd cheating if the other party disapproves and you go ahead and get the dance anyway without him/her knowing it..
    us: us: us: devil in disguise....

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    Pamela
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    Default Re: Lap Dances are cheating?

    I friggin hate lap dances. And yes i do see it as a form of cheating. Two people are getting very close and personal. Not to mention some guys cum.

    If i did have the agreement with my partner that it's ok to do so, i would. If i wanted to.

    I have no BF, so i can do laps at private parties, and do. But i really can't get into them that much.

    With a bf or husband, i would not want anothers hands even near my naked body. That is why i loved the stage so much i believe.

    Pamela

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    God/dess velvet's Avatar
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    Default Re: Lap Dances are cheating?

    as long as it doesnt go further than a dance.IMO no it's not cheating.
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    Default Re: Lap Dances are cheating?

    I don't think it's cheating. When I'm in a relationship with somebody sex is about... well, it *means* something. When you do a lapdance it's just about physical stimulation, playing with nervous systems. That's not cheating, too me.

    As far as what I think about married customers. Mostly I just figure it's none of my business. But there's varying levels. Some customers come in and their wives know where they are or don't care and that's not cheating. Others come in once a year while the wives think they're Xmas shopping, and it's all in good fun, more like breaking the rules than cheating. Then others come in and tell me that they have serious marital problems centering around sex or pornography and their wives don't want them to be here. That's cheating.

    Lena



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    Default Re: Lap Dances are cheating?

    I don't consider it cheating, me and my husband go to strip clubs all of the time and both get many lap dances (never together though, that would be awkward I think). He also has my blessings to visit a strip club by himself or with buddies and get all the dances he wants. Even if I totally disagreed with strip clubs and lap dances and he went out and got one anyway. I wouldn't consider that cheating, I'd think that's him being an a**. To me he'd have to be getting very personal for me to feel like I was "cheated" on because of a lap dance or two.

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    Banned Melonie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Lap Dances are cheating?

    Again it depends on the extent of actual physical interaction which takes place. If the "lap dance" in question is limited to actually dancing on a customer's lap, then no it can't be considered cheating.

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    Default Re: Lap Dances are cheating?

    It seems that so far the consensus is that it's not considered cheating (by those who posted) if it's done with prior approval and no actual sexual activity. That was our position exactly.

    We are, as Katharine noted, best friends. We were best friends before we even had our first date. (yes, it was a bit awkward asking my best friend out on a date.) We get a kick out of going to the clubs together, fishing together, and hanging out.

    To LayaLeighton: I guess we're just weird because we always either get our dances together or watch each other. It has never been uncomfortable for either of us. In fact, just the opposite. We have a lot of fun together. I usually get more jazzed by watching her get dances and she says she gets more out of watching me get one.

    I suppose for us this is just kicking up role playing to a higher level. What is clear is that we enjoy talking about it afterwards and always have a great time during and after our trips to the clubs.

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    Senior Member Pixie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Lap Dances are cheating?

    Here's another question--do girls with significant others consider *giving* lap dances cheating?

    I don't, because it's a job, but if a guy outside of a club groped me (with my permission) the way some guys at clubs do, I would consider it cheating. Maybe the difference is that, at a club, if they're groping me, it's against the rules and without my permission.

    I don't consider getting a lap dance cheating. As someone else said, extras are a different matter.

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    Default Re: Lap Dances are cheating?

    I have never had a problem with a bf getting dances, and I have gone many times to clubs with a bf and got dances together, separate, whatever. I think it's not cheating as long as both partners are cool with it and neither breaks the agreements or the other's trust, and nothing is done in secrecy. Also, one shouldn't go to a strip club, knowing partner wouldn't approve, whether or not it's ever been discussed. Discuss FIRST, act later. If partner doesn't approve, don't go.

    However, now that this topic has been brought up, I'm in a bit of a dilemma myself. I am in a new relationship, and we went to a club a few days ago, first time together. He of course knows I'm a dancer and picks me up from work almost every night, then spends the night. Anyway, we were tipping the girls, had gotten a couple dances, I had bought him the first one without going myself. Later on, he had gotten rather drunk, and wanted a dance with a girl. I didn't want to participate at that time, so told him to go, and stayed at the stage tipping the girls. Dances are done in a separate lounge.

    Anyway, he didn't come back until 8 songs later (he came back in the middle of song #9), and I was pissed. Not because of the dance, but because it was so many. I have been to clubs with guys lots of times, and encouraged them to get dances, and they've gone clubbing sometimes on their own, and I never had a problem with it. But I've never had a guy go for that long with a girl all at once, and this bothered me. When he came back and saw I was upset, he tried to say it was only 4-5 songs, but I've been dancing for over 8 years - I know how to count songs, even if I wasn't counting the first 2 or 3! He is still adamant he got only 5 dances. 5 or 8, that many dances alone in a row bothers me. This is a new thing for me, to be jealous in that way. I've NEVER had a problem like this, and have no idea how to handle it. He's a sweet guy and other than that, has done absolutely nothing that makes me uncomfortable.

    Maybe I should have said something before we did anything at the club, but every other guy I've been with has limited his private dances with a particular girl to 2 or 3, I suppose, out of consideration for my feelings. I never imagined any guy would go for a half hour+ of private dances with a girl and leave me sitting alone all that time. Mind you, I was having a good time until I realized he would have to be on his 4th song, and I was being left alone for so long. Also, I have been with guys at times where we got multiple dances with the same girl, but this was together, and I was encouraging and enjoying it as much as he was. This is the first time I have gone to a strip club as a customer and walked out feeling badly. Am I making too much of it, or is there possibly a deeper issue here?

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    Veteran Member livenudegirlsunite's Avatar
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    Default Re: Lap Dances are cheating?

    I don't think it's cheating. The dancers are not dancing for the customers for any reason other than trying to make some money. I think it's cheating if a person is getting sexual intercourse whether money is involved or not. (my definition of sexual intercourse involves penetration - hand, oral, anal or vaginal)
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    Default Re: Lap Dances are cheating?

    Bridgette,

    I would talk to him and probably chalk it up to a lack of experience with women or strip clubs or both, unless you think it was intentional.

    Lena



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    Default Re: Lap Dances are cheating?

    I do feel that if a partner is uncomfertable with this kind of closeness, it is selfish, and it is cheating. If the other persons feelings were truly important, then the guilty party wouldn't have put himself in this position. As for the guy's who are going to do it anyway, make sure your SO know's.
    Wether they agree or not on LD's being ok, sneeking is cheating. Grow some balls and say what you intend to do. Getting bitched at for a little while is a lot better then throwing a good relationship away.
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    Default Re: Lap Dances are cheating?

    Is a blowjob cheating?
    Bill Clinton didn't think so and so did a good portion of the public.
    Saying LD is cheating pales in comparison.

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    Default Re: Lap Dances are cheating?

    Never. The guy isn't having sex with you, he is only touching your boobs and butt (no genitals).. he isn't allowed to grope with his mouth....

    All the guy is doing is "feeling up" a female. I would rather the guy do that in a strip club than in a normal club as it is "purely business" in strip clubs whereas other things could happen if he did the same thing in a normal club.



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    Default Re: Lap Dances are cheating?

    Several comments if I may: (1) Nobody is ever totally honest in a relationship, not even with themselves. (2) Just about every bachelor party these days includes lap dancing - are these guys all cheating? (3) The lap dancing is probably irrelevant anyway - if you think LD's are cheating, you probably also think a guy is cheating if he just goes to watch a girl dance, sits and flirts with her, buys her drinks, and gives her money. (4) Last time I looked it took 2 to cheat, so if the guy is cheating the dancer is too.
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    Default Re: Lap Dances are cheating?

    As far as I'm concerned, the extent of sexual interaction that would take place is irrelevant. Cheating in a relationship is matter of being deceitful towards your partner. That deceit is what tends to be destructive, not sex. There are some very sexually open couples out there.

    Back in the olden days, many wives saw no problem with their husbands going down to the local brothel to get serviced, knowing that whatever happened there was purely for release, and that there were no emotional attachments involved.
    Former SCJ now in rehab.

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    Default Re: Lap Dances are cheating?

    I don't think lap dances are cheating. However, if you're getting more than a lap dances, such as HJs, BJs or sex, then I would consider that cheating.






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    Senior Member Pixie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Lap Dances are cheating?

    Is a blowjob cheating?
    Bill Clinton didn't think so and so did a good portion of the public.
    Saying LD is cheating pales in comparison.
    I think Bill Clinton said that blowjobs aren't sex, not that they aren't cheating.

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    Default Re: Lap Dances are cheating?

    maybe not cheaping so much as a violation of trust, or disrespect of my feelings. As dancer who has given Lord knows how many lap dances over the years, I know the, while there are guys who are just about having fun for a night and that's that, there are many more who use it to substitute sexual gratification that they aren't otherwise getting, and yes, some do cum. If they are getting so involved in the dance that they have a release, then they are looking for fulfillment outside of "real" relationships. So many guys come into the clubs and are so quick to offer to take me to breakfast or "whatever" after, all the while, they're SO's are at home, fully confident that their man is true to them. Plus, I can't stand the idea of someone else straddled over my man, in very sexually suggestive manner, and him possibly getting excited by someone else's body.
    So for ME and MY relationships, yes, it is cheating because it would upset me and I don't want it to happen. For other's, if the wife approves or doesn't care, then it's clearly not. Just like, if a woman doesn't have issue with her man sleeping with another woman- it's not cheating.
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  22. #22
    Kaiyla
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    Default Re: Lap Dances are cheating?

    I personally feel like a lap dance - a contact lap dance is cheating. I would NOT be happy if my man went to some club and some chick was grinding all over his crotch and touching him and he was touching her. Everyone is different but my gut instinct tells me that a contact lapdance is a form of cheating, so it is not right for me to work at a club where dances like that are provided, nor for my boyfriend to be at one.

  23. #23
    Pamela
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    Default Re: Lap Dances are cheating?

    Kiayla you took the words right out of my mouth. I agree!

    Pamela

  24. #24
    Jay Zeno
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    Default Re: Lap Dances are cheating?

    If sex is the issue, a lap dance isn't cheating. If intimacy is the issue, it is cheating.

    We would rather expect there to be two different views on it. Husband: "It wasn't sex! It wasn't cheating!" Wife: "She was rubbing your dick and you were feeling her tits! It's cheating!" Sex versus intimacy.

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    Default Re: Lap Dances are cheating?

    Is a blowjob cheating?
    Bill Clinton didn't think so and so did a good portion of the public.
    Saying LD is cheating pales in comparison.
    BS! No one in the public thought Billy Boy was NOT cheating by getting the blowjob - they just didn't give a damn because marital fidelity is not part of the job description of a President. This is apparently just your cheapass way of justifiying your own going behind your wife's back and getting blowjobs. Quit lying to yourself.

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

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