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Thread: Husband and work

  1. #1
    Senior Member ambilyn's Avatar
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    Default Husband and work

    I am just started working at a club cuz my husband and I are having a hard time taking care of our daughter right now. He says that he will feel better about it if he comes in and watches me work but I am not sure that that is the best thing for our relationship. Anything on how everyone else's relationships are would be great! Thanks

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    Featured Member Destiny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Husband and work

    While I separated from my husband before I started dancing, I don't think it's a good idea. If he doesn't trust you enough now, him watching you dance will not help things.
    Dancing is wonderful training for girls, it's the first way you learn to guess what a man is going to do before he does it. ~Christopher Morley, Kitty Foyle

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    Veteran Member minky's Avatar
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    Default Re: Husband and work

    yeah, it's probably not a good idea for him to come in. :-/
    Your husband may be fine with the idea, but actually seeing you do it is another story.
    i met my husband when i was dancing, (he was a first-time customer) and i quit dancing soon after, for personal reasons.
    even though we met when i was onstage and he had no problems with it then, he'd never let me go back to dancing now we're married, even talking about it makes him unhappy because he can't stand the thought of other men watching me and recieving my attention.


    Good luck with whatever you choose to do.

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    God/dess velvet's Avatar
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    Default Re: Husband and work

    bad idea... tell him the club wont allow it. almost every club i worked at had that rule in place. no S.O. allowed
    As quoted by Luckyone:
    I asked directions from a genie in a bottle of jim beam and she lied to me.

    Methodus saved my life!

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    Default Re: Husband and work

    Not only is it bad for a relationship, it's bad for you BIG TIME moneywise. Even if you don't tell customers he's your husband, other dancers will. I don't know many customers that are comfortable with asking for a dance when the dancer's husband is right there.

    Why not compromise by syaing he can stop in for a 20 minute visit but after that he must leave?
    http://groups.yahoo.com/group/vickivalentine/

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    Veteran Member Kittie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Husband and work

    Having your husband in the club while you work is never a good idea. Especially if he is uncomfortable with the idea of you dancing. I've seen others dancers' boyfriends absolutely freak out with jealousy and try to fight a customer who tried to get attention from the dancer.

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    Featured Member Lilith's Avatar
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    Default Re: Husband and work

    I completely agree with what the other gals said. It's an all-around bad idea.

    My SO comes in from time to time, mainly because he gets a kick out of seeing me in full stripper regalia, loves watching my stage show and it's some macho ego boost to know that I'll be coming home to him after being chased by guys all night. (He's also a lap dance connoseiur... didn't spell that right, but you know what I mean) IF a guy can come in, sit unobtrusively, tip the stage discreetly and then LEAVE, well allrighty. But if he wants to supervise your every movement, then this is begging for trouble.
    He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

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    Veteran Member livenudegirlsunite's Avatar
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    Default Re: Husband and work

    I have actually worked in clubs where boyfriends and husbands are not allowed. That is an agreement that you make with the manager when hired. Do not let him come into your work. He will get jealous. It is our job to flirt with customers. That is how we sell dances. We know it's just a sales tactic but any husband will not see it like that.
    Most people prefer to believe their leaders are just and fair even in the face of evidence to the contrary, because once a citizen acknowledges that the government under which they live is lying and corrupt, the citizen has to choose what he or she will do about it. - M Rivero

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    Veteran Member anais's Avatar
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    Default Re: Husband and work

    Does he want to "come in and watch you work" as in supervise you, or does he just want to see what you are doing once so he feels better about it? Sometimes whe we don't know, what we imagine is worse than the reality. For me, it was important for both of us that he come in the first night to make sure he was REALLY OK with it. He was and I felt much better about what I was doing. You'd have to trust him though that he wouldn't freak out or do anything stupid or you could lose your job. Be open and talk a lot about concers either of you have.

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    Featured Member cash's Avatar
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    Default Re: Husband and work

    i guess it depends on your husband ...my honey comes to pick me up after work sometimes if he's there too early he will come in and have a drink ...he has allot of self control so therefore he behaves himself ...if i go for a dance he doesn't seem to mind while he's there ( though sometimes when we are ready to go to bed he'll tell me that he felt a bit jealous when i was dancing with whom ever ) but what the heck he's the one i'm going home with at the end of the night so no need to act up .....anyhow allot of clubs don't allow boyfriends for the simple fact that they sometimes cause problems and tend not to tip the girls because their girlfriends is there my husband use to do the same thing until i told him look if you are gonna come in you better tip the girls..i had told him the reason he was not allowed in the first place ... if you know how your husband is and you trust he is not gonna do anything stupid then go ahead but if you think he's not gonna behave then i advice you not to allow him to come see you
    us: us: us: devil in disguise....

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    Default Re: Husband and work

    I am married and my hubby doesn't come watch me WORK..I don't watch him work. I can't tell you how many times I heard of this same scenario..jeez. Don't be fooled. NO, dancers don't behave like girlscouts there. Don't be fooled into thinking your hubby isn't gonna go just to ogle the girls. Like I have always said MaN first HUSBAND second..MaN first COP second..ect...see the pattern... I've seen this over and over. Why husbands find the NEED to see his wife dance and do her JOB pisses me off. If he's sooo concerned about taking care of your daughter then he needs to chill and let you do so. Dancing is one thing that YOU can do to pull you out of the $$$ problems your having. If he has to be right there when you work, it WILL hurt your money. You will need to lap dance men in front of him. YOU don't need to explain yourself afterward. When a woman becomes a dancer..it becomes a control issue with MOST men in your life. No matter how great he is, how sweet ...how anything. He's a man..who is still concerned with his own EGO..but he has a little girl who needs to eat. Why is how HE feels even an issue? GET IT..see the pattern here.. So tell me this. If he sees you dance and has a problem with it. Is he gonna make you stop, just to make himself feel better. Wouldn't that be putting your little girl SECOND after HIS freekin ego? Sorry to sound so crass.. this sort of question gets under my skin. It happens to dancers WAY to much. YOU take care of yourself and your little girl. Good luck sweety.

    Holiday


    "Some of the most wonderful people are the ones who don't fit into boxes." ....Tori Amos

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    Senior Member ambilyn's Avatar
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    Default Re: Husband and work

    Thanks for all of the replies, they are really helping me. I have pretty much felt the same way I have just have problems conveying it to him. I told him that most clubs have rules against SO's and he was just like don't tell anyone. The thing is is that he is already showing jealous tendencies against the men in the club. My daughter does come first, which is why I am here in the first place, so I think I am just going to tell him to suck it up and not come in. Besides call it my own jealous tendencies but I don't need him to come in and oogle at my coworkers. Sounds shitty but seriously I don't need to come home to them as well.

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    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: Husband and work

    Well, tell him that you're doing it for the money for your daugher. Ask him if he just doesn't want you to dance if he's gonna go give you a hard time about it. It sounds like he needs to lay off. No means no. You don't want him there. It would make you feel weird.
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

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