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Thread: Dancing for Devlopmentally Disabled

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    Veteran Member anais's Avatar
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    Default Dancing for Devlopmentally Disabled

    Do you feel comfortable dancing for developmentally disabled (retarded, even though it is not PC to say, it is more accurately descriptive I think) people? I have mixed feelings about this, mostly having to do with money issues. Sometimes I don't think these people are capable of making informed decisions about purchases and are easily taken advantage of. So I don't want to take their money. On the other hand, I want to affirm their sexuality as well and acknowledge that they have the right to sexual experiences. (Sometimes people assume that retarded people aren't or shouldn't be sexual. I disagree.) I usually will do one dance and not offer another, thank them take my $20 and leave. But there have ben a couple of times that I have noticed other dancers doing 5-10 dances for someone like this (until they are out of money) and it seems unethical to me. I haven't said anything to those dancers though. I'm not sure if I'm just a wimp about it or if I don't really know the right thing to do here. What do you think?

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    Default Re: Dancing for Devlopmentally Disabled

    I have seen that happen too,we had a guy in a motirized wheel chair type of thingy that use to come in the club I use to work in before I traveled,he sometimes came in with a buddie,also in the same type of wheelchair,sometimes they would get really drunk and I would think watch out,they could still hurt someone(driving one of those things)I personally felt uncomfotable talking or dancing with them,I did dance with a few deaf guys,I know sign language(learned it in 6 grade)they were quite impressed by that,though the one guy would get a napkin and write on it and we would comunicate that way,I do not mind the deaf guys,but the ones in the wheel chairs made me feel kind of funny.

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    Default Re: Dancing for Devlopmentally Disabled

    I forgot to add,the two guys in the wheel chairs,were mentaly disabled as well,not just injured.I think it was ms or something,or cebral palsy.

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    Senior Member Hershey's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dancing for Devlopmentally Disabled

    ohh been there done that! Though I have met this deaf guy and communicated with him by writing napkins he was capable of making a decision of himself. He seems like a nice gentleman.

    I've danced for a guy on wheelchair and it felt funny. I dont think he can feel anything below his waist though he's always paying dance after dance. I think he just love the sight of women and the feel of women dancing on him.

    I've never met or seen anyone that I know of that are mental retarded in the club. I had this guy that looks like he may have because of the appearance on his face but he's not dumb lol just plain stupid and annoying.


    Hershey

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    Pamela
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    Default Re: Dancing for Devlopmentally Disabled

    I feel for them, yes. My heart goes out to anyone with a handicap. However i use my judgement. If the person seems "sound of mind" i am ok with dancing and taking money. Also, they got themselves to the club, so they are capable of making a decision.

    Actually retarded, i would question how/why the person is there. But it would have to be an extreme version for me. We had our share of people with "Down Syndrome" and they are very capable of making life decisions. Now a guy in a motor chair and head hanging to the side, with no knowledge of what is going on. NO. He needs to have the proper authorities check out if he was dropped off and left by an uncaring person. Hell, it could happen! I have seen strange crap in clubs.

    Pamela

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    Senior Member Hershey's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dancing for Devlopmentally Disabled

    lmfao! that's funny Pamela.. hell I damn nearly got ran over by a motored wheelchair when I walked past behind him. He was backing up and was like opps Im sorry u okay? I laughed and said Im okay and checked on my foot. I damn nearly fell over.


    Hershey

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    Featured Member Lilith's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dancing for Devlopmentally Disabled

    I forgot to add,the two guys in the wheel chairs,were mentaly disabled as well,not just injured.I think it was ms or something,or cebral palsy.
    Just wanted to mention that cerebal palsy and multiple sclerosis do not necessarily mean mentally deficient. These people are often physically impaired but retain their full facilities. Unfortunately, you won't know it because the facial muscles are just as out of their control as their arms or legs. They may talk funny, slur their words and their heads may wobble but their often isn't anything wrong with their brains. They just can't control their muscles and/or their muscles were damaged by disease.

    I went to school with a guy who had cerebal palsy. Totally normal guy, great sense of humor, but he slurred his words and walked funny, limping with one arm drawn up to his side. We grew up with Justin, so his palsy was nothing more than a quirk to us. He had girlfriends and prom dates. But I know that people who didn't know him like we did assumed he was mentally retarded.

    Back to the subject, a fellow in a wheelchair recently bought two dances from me (and two from another gal). It was odd to dance for him, and I did wonder if he had any sensation in his groin, but he quite enjoyed himself. There is another fellow that I declined a dance from. He had to have his brother there to help him out (didn't speak well, didn't know a twenty from a five). I didn't want to take his money.
    He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

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    Veteran Member soybeangirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dancing for Devlopmentally Disabled

    When I worked in Boston we had the cutest guy named "Robert" who would come into the club on day shift. He had Downs. Anyway, he would rarely tip but the girls just loved him. He had a job building things out of popsicle sticks so he had a little money in his pocket. He would come in, have 1 beer, nurse it for 4 or 5 hours, flirt with the girls then take the bus back home. Functional? No. But definitely aware of his sexuality. I wouldn't feel right taking his money ever.

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    Default Re: Dancing for Devlopmentally Disabled

    If you feel guilty about it ,just accept what you believe would be fair in the case. Legally ,you're not supposed to discriminate against them.
    Their presence in a way, is their way of demonstrating their normality in other aspects of life. Considering their handicapp, try to treat them as normal humans without drawing much attention to it.

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    Default Re: Dancing for Devlopmentally Disabled

    Actually retarded, i would question how/why the person is there. But it would have to be an extreme version for me. We had our share of people with "Down Syndrome" and they are very capable of making life decisions. Now a guy in a motor chair and head hanging to the side, with no knowledge of what is going on. NO. He needs to have the proper authorities check out if he was dropped off and left by an uncaring person. Hell, it could happen! I have seen strange crap in clubs.

    Pamela
    LMAO now that is funny stuff Pamela! Your right, just because a person is mentally retarded doesn't mean they dont know what is going on. My aunt is mentally retarded and mute. She has full understanding of how she needs to use her money.

    Now Hershey..you know you had me on the floor talking about almost gettin hit w/ the scooter. Man I dont know how that is in the club, but I've almost gotten thrown over on the street w/ a guy on a scooter. It's like they think they rule the streets on those things LOL







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    Default Re: Dancing for Devlopmentally Disabled

    OMG..I'm glad to hear I am not the only one who has experienced this..I used to dance for a man in a wheelchair..I think it was cerebal palsy..Anyways he would wet his pants and always smelled like vomit. I don't know if anyone knew he would come to the club..He had an electric wheelchair and would zoom down the street..He would get so excited and hoot and hollar. I DID feel bad because I new at that time of month he got his SSI check and would come in and blow it. I tried not to treat him any differently than anyone else..still it was pretty hard taking it. ..He was super cool ..you could see in his eyes..That he was busting to get up out of that wheelchair...There was another guy who was sort of "NOT" right..really bossy and mean too..he was about 5 feet tall..We knicknamed him "Depends Man" cause you could feel his "big boy diaper" and he always smelled like PEEE!! But we would smile and dance for him like anyone else. Us dancers see and smell it all..lol

    Holiday


    "Some of the most wonderful people are the ones who don't fit into boxes." ....Tori Amos

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    Default Re: Dancing for Devlopmentally Disabled

    I've danced for a guy a wheel chair before. Totally akward, and the only thing I was worried about was that I wasn't giving him a good lapdance. I didn't know how! I obviosly didn't do too bad because he bought a couple more. He wasn't mentally disabled.

    I've also danced for a guy who was mentally disabled. He really enjoyed himself and liked me. I only gave him one dance because I had to dance on stage next. He came up to the stage to tip me. If I didn't have to dance on stage I don't know if I would've danced for him again. Maybe one more, but that would be it. I'm not discriminating, but I would feel guilty taking his money. He told me what he did for a living (I can't remember) and I know he made little money. I don't know that much about mentally disabled people, but I feel if he were under the pressure of a pretty girl it would be hard for him to say no.

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    Veteran Member anais's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dancing for Devlopmentally Disabled

    Thanks for the input. I have no qualms about physical disabilities. I was just thinking about how technically, children or people with Alzheimers, for example, cannot give "informed consent". If someone has the intellect comparable to a 10 year old, can they give informed consent? I just wouldn't want to be the one taking their whole medicaid check or anything.

    We have some wheelchir customers pretty regularly. (Just physical disabilities) and it has brought up some intesting issues. Our stage is elevated. Customers have to stand up to give us a tip if they wnt us to take it with our breasts from their mouth (which is pretty common). Normally, we are not allowed to hang our legs over the stage, but for someone in a wheelchair we can, in order to take their tip. There are also stairs up to the couch dance area, which is where nude dances are done; only topless on the floor, tableside. But if a wheelchair customer wants a nude dance, I have seen it done on the floor before because they cannot get to the couch dance area.

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    Default Re: Dancing for Devlopmentally Disabled

    I think that dancing for a mentally disabled person shouldn't really be different than dancing for anyone else. If they are allowed in the club, have the money to pay, are aware of the prices and willing to pay, then let them have their dances! I think if you get uncomfortable and don't want to offer more dances when they are clearly willing, that probably makes them feel worse than just dancing and taking their money! These people are not stupid, just not fully developed. They want the same basic things any other guy wants.

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

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    Default Re: Dancing for Devlopmentally Disabled

    This makes me really sad. It makes me feel bad that I am totally healthy, and thankful that I am that way.

    If I was a lady dancer, I would totally give a retarded/disabled person free dances. If I was in a club and there was a disabled person wanting dances I would gladly pay for them.

    I'm sure they are greatly neglected in the sexual attention department, and likely in the regular attention department.

    It just makes me want to cry thinking of a disabled person with only a little money getting taken advantage of by a dancer.

    The poor guy with the job making things out of popsicle sticks is so sad. I want to buy that guy a beer and a dance or whatever he wants.


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    Default Re: Dancing for Devlopmentally Disabled

    I just wouldn't want to be the one taking their whole medicaid check or anything.
    I 100% agree. Not that I'm a dancer or anything, but I agree.

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    Featured Member Devastating Divyne's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dancing for Devlopmentally Disabled

    We've seen all types in our club. One guy that comes in I don't think is developmentally disabled, or maybe he hides it well, but his arms are not fully formed and his head is oversized. He is very nice, always buys dances, chats with all the girls and tips nicely. There is an old guy who used to come in and he liked to see girls do girl/girl shows in VIP or do dances for each other, and he was in a wheel chair. His son used to bring him in, and he never wanted girls to sit in his lap. He was nice, bought drinks and paid fair market for his dances and tipped. However, we found out sometime last year, and this guy has been around like 7yrs, that he had a video camera hooked up to his chair and the battery pack was in his lap and thats why he didn't want girls to sit down. I mean this guys must have thousands of hours of tape b/c he came in very regularly. People like this make me sick.
    And the last guy who is the most fun of the bunch is this younger guy who is lots of fun, not sure of his particular problem, but definitely has a developmental issue and comes in once every now and then. He walks with a severe limp and a cane, and his guardian brings him in. He brings in a shitload of money and his guardian dispenses it to the girls for payment. He seems really aware, but he has a sporadic almost incoherent speak pattern, think how Bobcat Goldthwait sounds but way way worse. He talks like that, but if you hear it long enough you understand. He makes jokes and is in all ways other than the obvious pretty damn normal and he has reasonable comprehension and everything. I think one of his legs and hands has no feeling so thats why the guardian has the money, cuz if somebody lifted it he wouldn't feel it. I feel no different dancing for anyone as long as they are reasonable capable of comprehending what is going on, differentiate b/t monetary denominations, and enjoy the experience I'm providing. I try to treat them no different and I hope this comes across to them as well.
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    Default Re: Dancing for Devlopmentally Disabled

    Most of the MR customers I've danced for have been with a brother in law or freind or someone who bought their dances. I had one regular for a while who liked me so much that his freind brought him in to see me and get five dances every week.

    There was another club I worked at where every once in a while there would be a whole bus load of them. They mostly only came in with what they could spend, like thirty dollars, so we just had a great time on stage with them.

    Lena



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    Default Re: Dancing for Devlopmentally Disabled

    I agree with most of these posts. It's a really tough call. I think each person has to be evaluated on an individual basis. Use your judgement and leave them enough money to live on! But give them a dance or two.

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    Veteran Member shedevil4260's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dancing for Devlopmentally Disabled

    Well isn't our type of business fall in this category of people? Really! If you think about it, it'a lot of guys who can't get a date, too nervous to talk to girls, physically or mentally disabled. Now there are the regular guys who come in to enjoy looking at us just to have a beer or relax. I don't feel bad because that's really the "consumer" of the business. Right?
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    Default Re: Dancing for Devlopmentally Disabled

    [snip] I have mixed feelings about this, mostly having to do with money issues. Sometimes I don't think these people are capable of making informed decisions about purchases and are easily taken advantage of. So I don't want to take their money. [snip]
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    Default Re: Dancing for Devlopmentally Disabled

    They mostly only came in with what they could spend, like thirty dollars, so we just had a great time on stage with them.

    Lena
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    Veteran Member Naomi_Tx's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dancing for Devlopmentally Disabled

    Would I dance for them? Yes. Would I sit there and squeeze every dollar out of them? No.

    From what I've observed, people with CP, MS, and DS are just as mentally aware as the rest of us, if not more so, however they're unable to express in so they're thought of as being retarded. I used to work with these kids in elementary school; but I wasn't strong enough to handle it emotionally so I had to quit (well, that and I threw my lunch trey, food and all, at this bitch special Ed teacher who embarrassed this boy with MS everyday by yelling at him in the cafeteria like he was a baby )

    I did the Buddy Walk for kids with DS three weeks ago; I wish I could do more; but I'm not strong enough yet.

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    Featured Member Prester_John's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dancing for Devlopmentally Disabled

    From 1991 until 1995 I worked with both normal healthy kids and mentally handicapped kids. I had little real training, and sort of learned as I went along (it did help that I was just a big goofy kid at heart myself). One thing that I noticed and really took to heart was the unspoken love and compassion that the siblings of the mentally handicapped kids had. The normal kids had the gamut of relationships with their siblings, but all seemed to snipe, fight, ignore and live in their own worlds separate from each other (I can relate, being the middle kid of a family of 9 children). The siblings of the mentally handicapped seemed to know and treasure their brothers and sisters, probably because the one real area the mentally handicapped kids were not deficient in was the capacity to love.

    I would think that this doesn’t diminish over time and adulthood. Assuming one knows the mental capacity of their brother, it might be a gesture of love to take one to a SC, because they are still human beings, and certainly are not in the position of regular female interaction, if for nothing else because of the general way they are seen by society at large. I applaud any dancer who would give a dance to these guys, because it shows more heart than many other people outside of their families show them. In these instances, it is not all about the money.

    When I ran around with the "normal" kids, I had fun, because I actually played games and such with them rather than watch like most of the staff did. It was a blast.

    The one hour a day I was able to be with the mentally handicapped kids left me with such a sense of satisfaction that blew away any experience with the "normal" kids, because I felt the unadulterated love they had for life, and I came away thinking I had done some palpable good in the world. Maybe this feeling could also happen when a dancer dances for an adult of this regard.

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    Veteran Member francesca's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dancing for Devlopmentally Disabled

    i'm just happy to hear you all are concerned about taking someone's money who doesn't realize what they are doing. my experience is SO many girls LOOK for opportunities to take an unwitting customer's money...blind, drunk, mentally challenged...all that much better to rip someone off. at least in Vegas i dunno about other cities.

    i commend you all for having ethics.
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