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Thread: What does your boyfriend think?

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    Featured Member Lilith's Avatar
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    Default What does your boyfriend think?

    Or husband/girlfriend, as the case may be.

    I've heard it often enough that I thought I'd just ask. For the "taken" dancers out there, what does your SO think?

    I have always maintained that my job is no one else's damned business. I don't presume to have control over someone else's career, thus no one is allowed to have sway over mine. And don't even get me started on the "does your boyfriend LET you dance.." What crap. Let?

    For the record, my boyfriend has seen me in action. It's a non-issue with him. In his words, my work is essentially an eight hour performance. He sees no reason to be jealous or insecure over an act when he gets the real deal all to himself.
    He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

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    Default Re: What does your boyfriend think?

    And don't even get me started on the "does your boyfriend LET you dance.." What crap. Let?
    LOL Lilith, I said the very same thing on another thread awhile back. I'll have to find it. I understand completely.

    For the record, my boyfriend has seen me in action. It's a non-issue with him. In his words, my work is essentially an eight hour performance. He sees no reason to be jealous or insecure over an act when he gets the real deal all to himself.
    My man is the same. We are engaged and have been together over two years. He treats it like a job just like I do. He has no issues and knows I'm not an "extras" girl.

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    Featured Member Devastating Divyne's Avatar
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    Default Re: What does your boyfriend think?

    His words when he came back into town and were informed about the job was "Damn, you really are resilient aren't you? That makes job number three."
    "Come what may although I often say realities come from dreams, but approach all lies with open eyes because NOthing in this world is EVER ALL it seems."

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    Default Re: What does your boyfriend think?


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    Pamela
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    Default Re: What does your boyfriend think?

    Boyfriend ? Know EX. Called me a slut, whore and every other name in 'that' book.

    Fine for him to hit a strip club, read porn etc. OH but ME. Forget it, i could not be what he liked to look at. Friggin double standard.

    He's HISTORY. Finally i got over trying to make things right. Bullshit.

    Pamela

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    Featured Member Prester_John's Avatar
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    Default Re: What does your boyfriend think?

    Boyfriend ? Know EX. Called me a slut, whore and every other name in 'that' book.

    Fine for him to hit a strip club, read porn etc. OH but ME. Forget it, i could not be what he liked to look at. Friggin double standard.

    He's HISTORY. Finally i got over trying to make things right. Bullshit.

    Pamela
    Double standards like that enfuriate me. Someone who does that only really cares about himself, not "You" or "Us" (as a couple). Unfortunately, that serious character flaw isnt revealed for the most part until two people have been togther for a while, which usually makes it hard to be a factor in dumping their ass.

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    Veteran Member Shayden's Avatar
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    Default Re: What does your boyfriend think?

    Umm no boyfriend now but my recent ex is the one that "talked" me into stripping. I always was curious about it and wanted to do it but not too serious and he was all for it. He was convinced that I would make the perfect stripper. In his words, I have a stripper personality. He was very supportive of me when we were together and he was very proud that he got to have what everyone else was just looking at. He would take me to work and pick me up because he wanted to make sure I was safe but mostly because I was so tired I would crash out in the car on the way home. But he never came inside and actually watched me dance, it's one thing to know what I do and actually see what I do.

    But now I don't think I'll be aquiring another boyfriend anytime soon. Most guys I meet are intrigued by the fact that I'm a stripper but I don't think that most of them are mature enough to handle it in a real relationship. I don't have time anyway.

    Shayden
    When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail!

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    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: What does your boyfriend think?

    I have always maintained that my job is no one else's damned business. I don't presume to have control over someone else's career, thus no one is allowed to have sway over mine. And don't even get me started on the "does your boyfriend LET you dance.." What crap. Let?
    I agree 100%. I had a bf a long time ago who tried to get me to quit dancing. Said he'd support me and everything. I am not comfortable being dependent on someone else, and couldn't accept the offer - besides the fact that his trying to 'make' me quit really irked me. Guess why we broke up....

    Since then I adopted the attitude that any man who tries to get me to quit my job will get the boot immediately. If he can't handle it, then he can't handle ME.


    Currently, this is a non-issue. There is definitely a 'type' of guy who can't handle having a stripper SO, and I am not attracted to those guys.

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

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    Veteran Member winter2003's Avatar
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    Default Re: What does your boyfriend think?

    my husband and i knew each other in highschool; but met "again" at a strip club!!! we have been together ever since...he helped keep my 'head' during difficult times, because he knew so many strippers! LOL! at first I was jealous!-- funny thing though, we have a great open dialogue now due to these facts! he is a very secure soul, and i think that's the type(guy or gal) that IS HARDEST to find...(i got 'lucky')
    i agree with Lilith in the fact that no one should "let" another due as they are perhaps destined to do??? what are they fortune tellers? life thearapists? geeze, i feel badly for all those who have dealt with this issue, not having a positive result...there are guys like that out there, good ones i mean.

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    God/dess cinammonkisses's Avatar
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    Default Re: What does your boyfriend think?

    I don't have a boyfriend either. But a few of the close people (men and female) I have entrusted this secret to really dont' agree with me doing it. A close lady friend of mine is very against me wanting to pursue exotic dance. But it's not about what others think. I'm doing this to take care of ME!! Not anyone else.







    Some Douchebag: "[Pimp C] 12:43 am: its true we got to stick together the black people on SW CK you is teh condoleeza of SW"


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    God/dess velvet's Avatar
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    Default Re: What does your boyfriend think?

    non issue with my hubby as well. almost 6 yrs and going strong!
    As quoted by Luckyone:
    I asked directions from a genie in a bottle of jim beam and she lied to me.

    Methodus saved my life!

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    Featured Member Lilith's Avatar
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    Default Re: What does your boyfriend think?


    There is definitely a 'type' of guy who can't handle having a stripper SO, and I am not attracted to those guys.
    Well said, Bridgette. I seem to have been quite fortunate. My boyfriend has an ATF whom he sees twice a month or so. ATF and I worked together for quite some time. It just so happened that I would be in VIP with a customer at the same time he went to VIP with his ATF. No jealousy on either side.

    He's a gem. Can anyone tell that I'm twitterpated?
    He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

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    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: What does your boyfriend think?

    Hmm, lil, i'm surprised that doesn't upset you! Not that he has an atf... but I think I would find it weird if my boyfriend was spending a lot of money on someone else who was in the same club as I was? At least u 2 are open-minded, I wish I could find a guy like that.
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

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    Featured Member Lilith's Avatar
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    Default Re: What does your boyfriend think?

    Hmm, lil, i'm surprised that doesn't upset you! Not that he has an atf... but I think I would find it weird if my boyfriend was spending a lot of money on someone else who was in the same club as I was? At least u 2 are open-minded, I wish I could find a guy like that.
    I confess to being confused. Upset about what? That he spends money on dances or that he isn't spending it on me?

    Just in case it was either of those two:

    1) I met him in a strip club. He is obviously a pervert; dating me won't change that. If being ridden by a woman turns him on, I tell him to go for it. Doesn't matter where he gets his appetite, just so long as he eats at home.

    2) It's his money. He can spend it on whatever (or whomever) he likes and vice versa. If I spend $300 on makeup and stripper costumes then he has no say in it, just as I keep my mouth shut if he feels like blowing the same on his ATF. (It isn't the case, by the way. Since dating me, he's been cutting back drastically to just twice a month or so, and less than $100. Free lap dances at home, and all that jazz)

    Besides, it feels icky to get money from him in the club. Know what I mean? The club is an ACT, a performance. I don't like doing my Stripperella act on him. I tell him to save his money for something he can't get at home for just the cost of a smile (Extras will cost him more, though. Like dinner. And doing the dishes.).
    He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

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    Veteran Member Theresa's Avatar
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    Default Re: What does your boyfriend think?

    My boyfriend is okay with it so long as I stick to seeing customers in the club only. He believes that when dancers start hanging with customers outside the club, then there is a problem because that means they are acting like they want to be single again, which I can totally understand. However, that does mean no more customer-funded shopping trips... J/K

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    Veteran Member Kianna_Jayde's Avatar
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    Default Re: What does your boyfriend think?

    My boyfriend and I dated when I was a senior in high school, but then we broke up, and almost three years later, we just got back together. He sayd he loves me no matter what I do, because he knows I go home to only him and I leave my business in the club and give him my undivided attention at home. He loves me... [couple] [love]

    And another thing, I hate when guys at the club ask me about my relationship, it is none of their business and I choose not to discuss my personal life in the club. OK?
    Kianna Jayde-- Feature Entertainer/Model
    http://groups.yahoo.com/group/kiannassecret
    http://www.kiannassecret.com

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    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: What does your boyfriend think?

    Well, as a little update on the subject: I've got a new relationship, and just tonight I was surprised to learn that he has already told his family all about me, including the fact that I'm a stripper. Ok so I wasn't so surprised that he'd told his family about me, but that he'd told them about what I do. I have never been with a guy who told his family about my job. Even though (after the one) they've all been totally cool with the job, and told all their friends, etc, none of them wanted their families to know, especially mom, because of what they might think. We always had to have a story for his folks. But my guy already told his mom!

    So when I questioned him about it, he just said that he knows what kind of person I am, what I do and don't do at work, and he is the one who has to deal with it, and that's all that matters. Wow! I'm still shocked, and admittedly a tiny bit worried about what she must think of me, but I reckon if it's not an issue for him, it shouldn't be for me. This one might just be a keeper [dazzled]

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

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    Moderator Djoser's Avatar
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    Default Re: What does your boyfriend think?

    Well I'll be damned if I will tell any woman what or what not to do, but there are some things I'm not going to like, and probably won't stick around long for if I have to make a choice. Extras, for instance, would be intolerable for me.

    By far the most members here will understand that a good man should be treated with the same respect he gives his lover.

    Some guys don't care what the woman they are presumed to be serious about does, but they are few and far between. And with distressing frequency--they just don't care, period.

    Meeting customers outside the club is not something I am crazy about, but sometimes might be justified. For instance if a customer is going to help her get a job in a better club, that is not so bad. If he wants to take her to dinner, I am immediately skeptical of his motive--lunch is a much better idea, as this is a commonly accepted method for business dealings. If there is a group of guys, that removes the one-on-one format which is a bit too much like a date for my liking. I may still be a bit skeptical of their motivation, but who am I to say--maybe they really are looking past the g-string and want to help her. Such men are rare, but they do exist. If not, she will find out soon enough, and deal with it.

    I would prefer that my lover not have to perform high-contact VIPs, but as this is a necessary part of working in so many clubs, she may not have a choice in the matter. These guys aren't really a threat anyways, but I especially dislike the fact that she might have to put up with rude treatment.

    It is way easier for a man to accept the conditions his lover will face in a stripclub if he has worked in the business. But this is not always the case...

    I know a DJ who freaked out just at the sight of his girl onstage, even though she wasn't going to do VIPs, only table dances. Another guy I know, who is notorious as a stud with the local dancers, broke his girlfriend's nose not long after he heard she had done a private party. This is the same guy I heard in the club we worked at yelling out "I am the pussy dominator!" one night when he was drunk and feeling cocky. You can imagine how little respect I have for this.


    if you are doing high-contact VIPs, you can expect that a man who is truly in love with you might have a bit of trouble, at least initially, and that may mean he is only human...

    I got an-ex-girlfriend a job at a very high-contact nude club in Daytona about a year ago, and the place was set up so that the lap dances were performed all around the outside walls of the place, on couches placed there.

    I have been talking to a friend and suddenly become aware that directly behind her, in my line of sight, "my girl" was getting her tits and ass fondled, kneaded, and groped by some undeserving cretin, LOL. Sometimes it just made me laugh, but sometimes it was not really what I wanted to see, so I left--even though it was my favorite hang-out at the time.

    I have seen another, much more special woman enthralling and captivating the custumers with the beauty and power of her motion onstage, and I loved every second of it (it helped that I was playing the music). When she went into VIP I gladly played my sexiest songs for her.

    But I confess, when we were first getting together I had some trouble with this, though not with previous dancers I had dated.

    The problem is with the Western concept of Romance, which does not always easliy include what happens in a high-contact VIP dance.

    if you are fortunate enough to find a man who can accept the fact that you have to deal with high-contact, for God's sake treat him with respect, courtesy, and maybe a bit of patience. For instance if he takes you to a party, it is probably better to shed the stripper role for the duration. If he says it is OK, but becomes uncomfortable with it, let him change his mind, as long as he is not an a jerk about it. I don't really want to deal with my lover hustling guys to come into the club and get lap dances in such a setting. I am not a masochist. There's no fun in it for me, and it sure as shit is rotten foreplay...

    As I said before, the vast majority of the members here already understand what I am saying, but the dancers in Daytona are very frequently insensitive about it. It should come as no surprise that their boyfrinds are also very frequently jerks.


    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

    ______________________________________

  19. #19
    smooth
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    Default Re: What does your boyfriend think?

    I seem to have been quite fortunate. My boyfriend has an ATF whom he sees twice a month or so. ATF and I worked together for quite some time. It just so happened that I would be in VIP with a customer at the same time he went to VIP with his ATF. No jealousy on either side.

    He's a gem. Can anyone tell that I'm twitterpated?
    I can’t fathom that it doesn’t bother you that your SO visits your club several times a month to get VIP dances from another girl, his ATF. I think almost everyone on this board is open minded, tolerant and liberal when it comes to relationships, but I doubt any of the ladies here would put up with this from their SO.

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    Featured Member Lilith's Avatar
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    Default Re: What does your boyfriend think?

    I can’t fathom that it doesn’t bother you that your SO visits your club several times a month to get VIP dances from another girl, his ATF.

    I repeat, why should this bother me? I am a stripper and I know what goes on. I know her, quite well in fact as she was a co-worker and we still call each other. She isn't into him as anything but a customer, and has a fiance and a son. I'd go on about how he loves me, but it would sound egotistical. Suffice it to say that I'm not worried.

    An ATF is about as threatening to me as his favorite porno movie. So he likes his erotic fantasies. Big deal. His heart belongs to me and I trust him.
    He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

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    Veteran Member anais's Avatar
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    Default Re: What does your boyfriend think?

    Lilith, I think it is cool. My husband gets dances form other girls at my club too. I don't mind at all and even buy him dances. Most of the girls think it is cool, but some are very surprised. I just don't get it. People talk about not wanting a double standard imposed on them, but then impose it on their SO. ??

    He usually gets one or two dances (or zero sometimes) per visit. But if we're in a celebratory or splurging mood if he comes to meet me after work while we're still open, the rule is just that he can't spend more than I made.

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    Veteran Member anais's Avatar
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    Default Re: What does your boyfriend think?

    Now I'll answer the question. My husband tolerates my job. he wants me to be happy and make my own choices, but some things bother him. Like DJoser advised, I listen to his concerns and am glad he feels comfortable telling me how he feels. He is not trying to be controlling, but sometimes he has kneejerk reactions or is bothered by thigs and we discuss it.

    I did want him to come watch me work the first couple of times I danced because I wanted to be certain he was OK with it. As someone else said, knowing about it and seeing it are two different things. And I wanted to know he was really OK with it.

    He worries about me not being assertive enough if guys are rude to me. And lately he has been expressing this hang up with his co-workers or friends seeing me naked. (I say "expressing" because he said he has always felt this way, but it hascome up a few times beause his friends and/or co-workers have been in my club.) I don't really get it.

  23. #23
    Featured Member Lilith's Avatar
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    Default Re: What does your boyfriend think?

    I can’t fathom that it doesn’t bother you that your SO visits your club several times a month to get VIP dances from another girl, his ATF. I think almost everyone on this board is open minded, tolerant and liberal when it comes to relationships, but I doubt any of the ladies here would put up with this from their SO.
    To follow up on this, because my first response was hurried (was getting ready for work), I still fail to see an issue. Assuming that we must be bothered by a SO going to a strip club is operating on the fact that something immoral must thus be happening at strip clubs. If a stripper assumed that her boyfriend was doing something indecent by mere dint of him being in a strip club (the very place she works) and getting dances (the very thing she does for a living) then I would say she has some inherent issues that go beyond jealousy.

    Now that would be a hell of a double standard. "Honey, I can ride laps all night but you can't see the inside of another strip club because it's wrong." Oh, the irony.
    He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

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    Veteran Member winter2003's Avatar
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    Default Re: What does your boyfriend think?

    Lilith, you make sensibility and logic look easy! I agree with the irony of that particular standard; for isn't fairness and understanding a two way street? You cannot expect your partner to be okay with something you are NOT! Too crazy. I also see where Djoser is coming from on the topic of mutual respect, and to not take that for granted. Keeping an open dialogue should be simple w/ one's signifigant other, in any situation/circumstance...too bad it is oftentimes not so...I think that is vital to understanding ANYTHING about your SO.

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    Veteran Member Shayden's Avatar
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    Default Re: What does your boyfriend think?

    Lilith, I totally understand what your saying! I remember the very first time I went to a strip club with my (now ex) boyfriend. I didn't know anything about strip clubs and he gave me a dollar to put on stage. I was like NO, you do it! He said he wanted to see what would happen. So the dancer came over and jumped off stage and did her thing, I was so scared. So then if I liked a dancer I would put a dollar for him and a dollar for me on stage. He's all "Babe you don't want to see all these girls dancing on me" I told him I really didn't mind. Which was weird for me because I'm usually super jealous girl but it worked well. We went home and the best sex after

    Shayden
    When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail!

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