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Thread: ever come home from work feeling like a whore?

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    Featured Member tragic-beauty's Avatar
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    Default ever come home from work feeling like a whore?

    I dont do extras or anything.. Its just.. having all those nasty mens hands all over me in the vip is really bugging me. DONT get me wrong not all of them are nasty.. some are nice and cute..

    but i cant help feeling used degrated and well like a whore at times


    am I the only one that feels like this ?

  2. #2
    Pamela
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    Default Re: ever come home from work feeling like a whore?

    I don't do VIP's Shan,
    and deep down inside me maybe that is why. I don't really know. I just don't want a stranger with his hands on me, even holding my hand while talking to me, it's to personal. (this is for me, lots can handle this).
    I'll save it for my "love".
    PS, on stage it just feels different, because i am not alone with one guy, and anyone can watch when a guy touches my leg or strokes my hair for example.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: ever come home from work feeling like a whore?

    Hey Shan,
    Yes, there were lots of times I came home feeling like a whore. My problem is that although I'm a dancer, I'm very naive in a lot of ways. I was sitting with a customer who told me that we were there to fulfill a fanstasy, to be nice, etc., and then he put my hand on his crotch and made me play with it. I was too shy and too scared to do anything. I felt TERRIBLE!!! There was also another customer who felt entitled to french kiss me (my club is very shady, they let stuff like that happen and look the other way), just because he was buying me drinks. I was still too scared to do anything. Now that it's in the past, I feel angry and violated (and bad about myself too). That's why I don't work there anymore, and I'm also seeing a therapist because I got treated kinda shitty since I started dancing (though I like it, don't get me wrong).
    Much love, Lola (aka- Debi)

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    Featured Member Devastating Divyne's Avatar
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    Default Re: ever come home from work feeling like a whore?

    No, I personally have not. Funny I had this convo with a guy friend this weekend. If I ever decided I did not really like my job or b/c unable to do it sober then I would quit. This job takes a lot out of a person, it is up to every person to deal with all that dancing brings.
    If u do feel that way then you need to sit down and have a chat with yourself. While u r talking to u ask u what exact thing is it that makes u feel that way? Is it one particular thing or a combination of things? If it is one thing or many things, are they things that u have control over and the power to change? Being honest with urself about what the problem is, is the best solution.
    Is it dancing or is it rooted in other things that have happened to you or things you have seen happen to others? I worked with this girl who danced for the money, but hated it b/c she said she felt like she was whoring herself. We talked and she felt like this b/c she had a friend who was an escort and one nite the friend had a bad experience with a client. In having the discussion about it with her friend, she and the friend had a fight and the friend said "the only difference b/t you and me is that you don't sleep with them at work. I sell myself physically, you sell ur physical appearance. U don't like what I do and I find it ridiculous that you fuck the losers you fuck for free."
    Sometimes a hard word or past experience of a friend or a situation affect how u perceive urself and this career choice. In all honesty, unless u are sleeping with people for money then u are not whoring yourself. Unless u have b/4 then u do not know this feeling. Don't let the societal bullshit of what u do get to you.
    Shan: I hope that for you this is just a blue period or u're having one of those moments. Dancing is not an easy job, damn what people say. Dancing is not a job everyone can do or handle, notice all the girls gettin a buzz off on drugs and liquor b/4 they could ever think of hitting the floor or stage. U need to deal with this b/c obviously it is an issue for you. Go inside of u and try to work these feelings out. If u can't do it alone, get help from a friend, fellow dancer, professional, whatever is best for you. If the feeling lasts, then u need to leave this lifestyle alone. Its not for you and its not worth you feeling bad about yourself if u have not done anything wrong. I wish u all the best.
    "Come what may although I often say realities come from dreams, but approach all lies with open eyes because NOthing in this world is EVER ALL it seems."

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    God/dess Lexi's Avatar
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    Default Re: ever come home from work feeling like a whore?

    Shan,
    If I recall you are new at this right? I totally agree with you because when I started I felt really bad as well. I used to think, "what have I come to???" But you will get to a point where you can block out the bad feeings (about feeling like a whore) once you realze that its usually a beginning thing. You are far from a whore, so dont let it get to you hun. I felt that way before too.

    Lola...I am so sorry hun, I too was naive, and sometimes still am, but I wont ever let it get to that. One time I was bartending at the stripclub, and because I knew I was going to start dancing, I had this old man try to touch my boob (outside the shirt though) and I didnt tell him off cuse I said to myself, "damn...if i cant handle that then i wont make it here" but ya know what? that was bs. So hopefully you overcame that as I did. We dont have to do anything we dont want to.
    Good luck girls

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    God/dess Paris's Avatar
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    Default Re: ever come home from work feeling like a whore?

    Shan, You have complete control over what the customer does or doesn't do. If you don't want their hands on you, say so. I have my limits and boundries just like everyone else. I will only allow a customer to put his hands on me if I have a genuine affection towards him.

    I admit I am not a top earner in contact clubs because I do enforce limits, but I am also usually happy with what I earn. There are plenty of customers that like it that I have those limits, and are very willing to buy dances from me because I don't let just anyone put his hands on me. I think maybe I am more pristine in their eyes, and therefore more worthy their time.

    Just keep in mind that you get to call the shots. Sure it might hurt your money a bit, but what is peace of mind worth to you? Also keep in mind that if the guys are treating you like a whore, then maybe you should treat them like a john. Be cold and detached, and don't take anything personal. Then the guys that are truly worthy of your time will become your "work friends" and will make all the difference in your attitude in going to work every night.

    Good luck and stick to your principals. That will make all the difference in the world for you down the road.


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


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    Default Re: ever come home from work feeling like a whore?

    Contact dancing is not for everyone. I couldn't let strangers touch me either, I just don't have that ability to seperate my body from the rest of me. Try a no contact club, it may make all the difference in the world to you. You should never cross that line where you are uncomfortable with what you are doing. There are lots of differnt types of clubs. But it is also possible that this isn't the industry for you. Only you can deciede that for yourself. Try a differnt type of club. Best wishes!

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    Default Re: ever come home from work feeling like a whore?

    I don't do VIP's Shan,
    and deep down inside me maybe that is why. I don't really know. I just don't want a stranger with his hands on me, even holding my hand while talking to me, it's to personal. (this is for me, lots can handle this).
    I'll save it for my "love".
    I think that in VIP a dancer should get to know a client's demeanor and how he reacts to certain moves, verbal and bodily expressions, etc. as if she were a psychologist. Then she should do her routine accordingly, because a client could get carried away and go beyond the "fantasy", if you get my drift. Maybe in Shan's case those guys got carried away and felt at liberty to do what they did to her.



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    Default Re: ever come home from work feeling like a whore?

    As they say in life Shan you don't get what you want in life, you get what you expect.

    You are well aware as all of us are that men that are attracted to us want sex with us. that is just the way it is. As Paris said, you have control over what goes on.

    If you want to make money you have to give people what they want. Men want full contact and to touch. You must expect that they will touch you and that is why they are paying you. that does NOT mean they should be putting their fingers between your legs and kissing you.

    We are seen as pieces of meat by many customers, but we are there to make a living off of any customer who is wiliing to pay us, so the clubs and the dancers decide how far a customer is willing to go.

    Never forget just as Chris Rock says that 3-4 guys a day have been wanting to fuck us since we were 13. that is life. If society didn't condemn prostitution then feeling like a "whore" at the end of a night wouldn't be so troubling would it?

    At the club i worked at last week in Mandan ND where there are no massage parlors or escorts, about 20 guys asked me if I dated per night.

    As long as I can sell a reasonable amount of dances each night keep putting money in my moneybag, then I will numb myself to how they act.

    Even in a no contact club you will be asked to have sex. Just focus on getting as many dances as you can and learn how to keep the customer stimulated enough to keep buying dances without letting him get OVERLY grabby.


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    Banned Melonie's Avatar
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    Default Re: ever come home from work feeling like a whore?

    I have to agree with Tina that, with the exception of upscale low/no contact show club dancers, the poor economy and new anti-dance club laws have created an environment where high mileage is a virtual necessity in order to earn decent money. Unfortunately, while every dancer would probably prefer to work in an upscale no contact show club, only 1 dancer in 5 or 10 or 20 can actually get hired in these clubs. This leaves the other 4 or 9 or 19 dancers with a decision of whether or not, and to what degree, to offer contact in the remaining clubs.

    If you "measure up" to make it through the audition at an upscale low/no contact show club, then your problem is over. However, if you're like the majority of dancers you're going to be forced to deal with the remaining clubs. If you choose to go zero contact in a club where other dancers are offering lots of contact, you'll probably do OK private dance earnings wise for a couple of weeks as guys continue to buy one or two dances from you. But you're most likely not going to get guys buying 4 or 6 dances, and you're probably not going to get much repeat business when these same customers come back to the club on another day. Eventually the regular customers will spread the word among other club customers that you don't provide contact, but that ___ provides a lot of touching and ___ will offer HJ's or BJ's or whatever. When this happens your earnings will slow to a trickle.

    It didn't used to be this way, but the change in trend towards show clubs being ever more picky about the girls they hire and the contact clubs offering ever higher degrees of contact to try and get fewer customers to spend more money is definitely here to stay. I feel the same way you do about high contact, and the shower that I take immediately after dancing live is both symbolic (to wash away the "dirtyness") as well as necessary (to wash away the fingerprints, saliva, and occasional sticky residue). This is the main reason that I concentrate on modeling and my website/webcam and only deal with the grabby guys in today's clubs when I'm 'forced' to dance live. Thanks to , today's features are also under a lot of pressure to provide high mileage and 'extras' and after hours "personal attention".

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    God/dess Zabrina's Avatar
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    Default Re: ever come home from work feeling like a whore?

    Shan---Like it's been said before it's up to you to set limits on how much these guys touch you. No matter what the other girls in your club do, you don't have to do the same. One key point to know is that you are under no obligation to be nice to those assholes. Once a guy has done something offensive, handsy or just ugly words---tell him off and walk away. You'll feel better for standing up to yourself. The guy will feel like the ass he is. You'll get as much respect as you demand.
    Plus don't let weasly creeps get to you, they are the ones who have to pay for this shit.

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    Default Re: ever come home from work feeling like a whore?

    if i can put my 2 cents in

    not to be rude or callus but self asteem issues maybe ?


    and Pamela
    wrote:I don't do VIP's Shan,
    and deep down inside me maybe that is why. I don't really know. I just don't want a stranger with his hands on me, even holding my hand while talking to me, it's to personal. (this is for me, lots can handle this).
    I'll save it for my "love".


    i noticed that u dont do extras u dont do vips u dont do high touching dances u dont do much dancing do you ??

    really it seems everytime a subject comes up u say I DONT DO THAT ...


    or am i misinterpreting your responses ?

    and Mariah


    your comment of
    they are the ones who have to pay for this shit.

    does that mean that your dancing is sub par ?

    or that we must pay for a lady to dance ie spend time with us ?
    The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette
    a clear conscience is a sign of a bad memory

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    Default Re: ever come home from work feeling like a whore?

    and Pamela
    i noticed that u dont do extras u dont do vips u dont do high touching dances u dont do much dancing do you ??
    really it seems everytime a subject comes up u say I DONT DO THAT ...
    I have to completely disagree. Pamela does a lot of things, and will freely and openly give advice. I have a lot of admiration for Pamela - she has worked hard and long to build up a regular clientele who come to see her stage shows (i.e. DANCING!) and to spend time with her that doesn't require lapdancing. Go Pamela! She also does (or has previously done) phone work, cam work, photos, and foot fetish.

    I congratulate Pamela on the setting boundaries that she is comfortable with and refusing to compromise herself, whilst still managing to be successful and well respected.

    xC

    P.S. Shan - perhaps you should take some time off, work out what you will and won't accept, and come back with a fresh view, and a fresh set of 'rules' that you can abide by to keep yourself sane. The worst thing you can do is let yourself slide into consistently doing things you don't want to do. It's sounds as if already you are doubting yourself and losing your self respect. Maybe talking to a counsellor will help, too. Take care of yourself, honey. Remember that you are number 1.

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    Veteran Member Jayln's Avatar
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    Default Re: ever come home from work feeling like a whore?

    Wanna_be_Rode....why is it that you find it necessary to post such negative responses to issues??? Try to understand stripping from the dancer's prespective, not the one you seem to perpetuate in your posts- that of the hormonal male customer, because yes, much of what you say can be construed as rude and callus.

    I agree with Claire- Personally I find it fantastic that Pamela, and other non-contact dancers can do so well without dealing with the VIP. Obviously, their success in indicative of thier expertise as entertainers. Bravo Pamela!!! I can only imagine how awesome of a show you must put on.

    My first experience lap dancing was enough to make me very annoyed. I think I spent the approx. 20 minutes keeping this guy's hands out of my g-string and mouth away form my breasts. I guess I didn't feel used, but disappointed that people can't respect rules. I am okay with some touching if the customer is a gentleman and respects my boundaries. These men are likely to benefit and receive good dances. Customers I have to babysit...well I just sit on their lap and do my thing and imagine the $20 dollar bills floating down around me. LOL..
    I am a new dancer, so perhaps I will be more jaded with time, but hopefully not. I haven't felt used or degraded yet. I just go to work, dance my shift, and go home and put my well-earned cash in the bank. I tend to disconnect myself emotionally from situations very well, and this is likely why I am able to deal with VIP customer nonsense well so far.
    For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you will long to return.

  15. #15
    Pamela
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    Default Re: ever come home from work feeling like a whore?

    Wanna_be_rode,
    How very stupid of you, as well as ignorant of the dancing business. And it seems females as well. Now lay off me, and my choices.

    Sorry...THANKS LADIES!!!

  16. #16
    Jay Zeno
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    Default Re: ever come home from work feeling like a whore?

    Given a choice between making money without being groped versus being groped, I think most women would choose "not groped." Duh.

    There are customers like Chuck and Carlos and Camino and me and others who post here who respect rules. We can't really apologize for people who aren't like us. We do feel bad when others of our gender have so little respect for the dancers that we care about.

    There are times when I come away from work feeling like a "whore," too. I've been nice to a client who desperately does not deserve it, or put up with some crap because I don't want to forego the money, or had somebody try to make me weasel on my ethics. Of course, it's not like getting unwanted hands on me, and I'm not making that comparison. It's just that all of our jobs have good and bad, and we have to all decide for ourselves when the bad part makes it intolerable. And then we have to do something about it - either change our approach, change our expectations, or change our jobs.

    Good luck, Shan.

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    Veteran Member OPEN's Avatar
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    Default Re: ever come home from work feeling like a whore?

    Well I have said it before and I will say it again,,, I dont know how you girls put up with so many rude, ingnorant and cheap-skate guys!
    I wonder sometimes if this is why I find sooo many dancers to have such a nice personality and warm heart, maybe the only type of person who could put up with all this is a very understanding person. One who can not take every that is said and done in a personal way.
    I think in a way it makes a person stronger and more able to deal with other trials in life.
    But anyway I applaud you all whether u are comfortable allowing contact or not. As long as u are keeping things legal I agree that it is up to the person to decide.

    Love the guy who loves you dancers MOST!

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    Veteran Member Jayln's Avatar
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    Default Re: ever come home from work feeling like a whore?

    Thanks OPEN and Jason!!! Customers like you make dancing worthwhile. You completely make up for the assholes that are an inevitable hazard of my occupation!! What lucky dancers at your clubs to have customers like you! I am sure you benefit from the respect and consideration you display, we are appreciative of awesome guys.
    For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you will long to return.

  19. #19
    Pamela
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    Default Re: ever come home from work feeling like a whore?

    Don't be confused ML,
    It's probably because we are dancers, and this thread is about dancers talking about their jobs, and how we feel/do it.
    Most of us being "dancers", don't want to be called a whore by a customer. It's that simple.

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    Veteran Member NYCjacqueline's Avatar
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    Default Re: ever come home from work feeling like a whore?

    but i cant help feeling used degrated and well like a whore at times


    am I the only one that feels like this ?
    I feel no more "whorish" than when I walk down the street and get demeaning catcalls and grunts and moans from complete strangers.

    I felt similar twinge of that, Shan, when I started dancing - but learned how to balance things and be firm to tell the customer and management if something is bothering me. If this is a once in a while thing, that's understandable - we all get that, somewhat - especially if it's a shitty night $$-wise - but if you are getting this all the time , you might want to (as others have mentioned), trying a no-contact club - or trying waitressing at the club or something ....

    Jax
    "You have no idea what a long-legged gal can do without doing anything." -Claudette Colbert

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    Default Re: ever come home from work feeling like a whore?

    I'm not feeling so great today, so I hope the guys will forgive me if this seems al ittle unduly harsh:

    There are some things about strip clubs that are the same as your workplace, your school, or the general public. One of those things is that "No" means "No", and you had best listen. Same for "Please don't", "I'd rather you didn't", "That makes me uncomfortable", "Keep your hands to yourself", and any other variation of that. This is true whether it is a strict no-contact club, or a full-on brothel.

    By extension, it should also be acknowledged that if you deliberately touch a dancer in any suggestive manner, whether it is permitted or not, the odds are high that she does not enjoy it and would prefer that you didn't. If you are in a club where touching of this nature is the norm, of course you will run into a high percentage of girls who act as though something is wrong if you are not following suit. But that does not mean that they actually WANT you to grope them. The way I have advised male friends in the past is to pretend she's a really hot and drunk sorority sister - she may be coming on strong, but taking her up on it will most likely cause problems for one or both of you after the fact.

    For the record, let it be known that I am not coming down on anyone.

    And Wanna-Be-Rode, perhaps I can clarify by stating that lots of "I don't do this or that" usually means that a girl does more dancing than anything else, and usually lots of it.

    McCain


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    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: ever come home from work feeling like a whore?

    The other night I had a guy get a dance from me, and he complained the whole time that it wasn't good enough for him because he paid $30 for the dance, when he's used to Miami clubs where 'they practically fuck you for $10'. His words. I told him that if girls are practically fucking every joe that hands them $10, they are horrendously underselling themselves because I know of prostitutes who won't do it for less than $1000, and some charge way more. He couldn't offer a response so he shut up. I finished my dance and we parted ways with a polite hug and smile. Now some guys wouldn't shut up so easily, but I don't care. I do a good dance, and if he wants to get 'practically fucked' for $10, he can go back home where that is what's offered.

    Shan, I suspect there are other issues at play here than just feeling used by some men at work. I have no way of knowing, but I think you need to do some soul-searching as Divyne suggested. Do you have a problem with dancing, or just certain things that some customers do? Has someone said something to you that made you feel bad? Can you really handle this business? There are a million things that could be going on here.

    But the most important thing for you to do immediately is to make sure you realize YOU are in control and you don't have to allow anyone to do anything you aren't comfortable with. If that means you'll have to go to a club that is more strict, so be it. You control the guys, they don't control you. They are paying for a dance, that is all. The fact that they're paying does NOT entitle them to anything other than a good dance. You have to figure out how to let them know that they can't touch you this way or that, without pissing them off and at the same time keep them interested in buying dances. It's a delicate balance and perhaps one of the hardest things you'll have to learn in this business. Your money may decrease while you perfect your techniques, but better to lose a little money in the short term than lose your self-respect. Your self-respect is much more valuable than any money, and will be there long after you're spent the money you made dancing. It is much harder to regain self-respect than to perfect your dancing/selling techniques and regain income.

    Just remember that you have every right to say no or remove his hands when he makes you uncomfortable. You can say no in a way that is not offensive and makes it sound like you WOULD do it if you COULD, by saying something like, 'They have cameras in here and if the manager/bouncer catches me letting you do that, I'll get in trouble'. Most guys get the hint with that without being offended, and as long as you're still doing a good dance will probably get another. Or say something like, 'You know I can give you a much better dance if you just relax and enjoy what I'm doing'.

    I hope this is just a temporary down period for you and that you feel better soon!

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

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    Default Re: ever come home from work feeling like a whore?

    I think that you have to respect your own limits. I am comfortable with slightly more than what goes on in the club in which I'm working now, but I don't exceed those limits because that wouldn't be appreciated by the dancers and management. Were I in a club where I was comfortable with less than the norm, I would probably feel bad if I lowered my standards. I think the feeling of "Whorishness" comes from a feeling of selling yourself short; getting less than you deserve for what you've done. For instance, I have no problem doing a hot couch dance for $40 because I feel that is a good price for the effort involved; but for $10 I wouldn't much care for it. So basically it's an issue of providing a level of service you feel corresponds to your levels of comfort and compensation. I know that I feel much worse after a bad night at a high-contact club than I do after a bad night at a low-contact club, all else being equal.

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    God/dess doc-catfish's Avatar
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    Default Re: ever come home from work feeling like a whore?

    I'm confused. You guys have been using the word "whore" like it is a bad thing, rather than the noble and lucrative pursuit that it is, or could be if our society would just take a chill and not get so undone about it.
    Hope I'm not drifting OT with this:

    To me merely, the word "whore" IS a bad thing. I just don't accept the commonly held usage of it by most people towards prostitutes or other women who earn their living doing things of a sexual nature (like say STRIPPING).

    To "whore" oneself to me means to DEGRADE oneself, in exchange for money or some other material compensation. In effect, it has nothing to do with any part of the sex industry. Truth be told, we've ALL done something at some point in our lives where we put our principles aside to get something that we needed or otherwise wanted.

    The way I see it, the biggest "whorehouse" in the country is a large white building in Washington D.C. with a dome on top of it that you might be familiar with. 535 "prostitutes" work there, selling their uh, "sevices" to the highest bidders. Most of them ironically enough are men.

    Similarly, I would never use the word "whore" to descibe anyone who:
    - works their ass off
    - acts professionally,
    - treats others around them respectfully
    - takes pride in what they do
    - still maintains some personal standards which they will
    not cross.

    Even if they earn a living taking their clothes off.
    Former SCJ now in rehab.

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    Default Re: ever come home from work feeling like a whore?

    If you are in a club where touching of this nature is the norm, of course you will run into a high percentage of girls who act as though something is wrong if you are not following suit. But that does not mean that they actually WANT you to grope them. The way I have advised male friends in the past is to pretend she's a really hot and drunk sorority sister - she may be coming on strong, but taking her up on it will most likely cause problems for one or both of you after the fact.
    Finally, someone who understands!

    Thank you for bringing this up McCain. I just wish some of the dancers at the clubs I go to would realize there still are some of us who prefer good old "one-way" contact. Some of the dancers see me put my hands to my sides (out of simple consideration), and give me that "did you lose your package in the war?" expression, then proceed to grab my hands and place them where they please. When I appear more antsy than aroused, some have actually gotten a tad upset.

    Its not like I don't enjoy caressing a woman's body. Its simply the fact that I don't expect a total stranger to let me make that kind of contact with hers. Therefore it feels more awkward than sexy.
    Former SCJ now in rehab.

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