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Thread: i know this is not a relationship website, but..

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    Default i know this is not a relationship website, but..

    So, I met someone before I started dancing and before he joined the military. I spent all summer moving around because I missed him and I needed to see new things to take my mind off. Of course absence made the heart grow fonder, but now that I have him, I just want to be alone. I keep thinking, I'm 22 and I want to travel and work when I want, not b/c it fits his schedule. I'm not even sexually attracted to him anymore, b/c he thinks I'm above him and can have whoever I want. His low self-esteem turns me off. He is supersweet and does not deserve this but I do not want to miss out on life. Also, we do med contact at work and I do not feel sexy when I'm at home. Dammit, I know what I need to do, but it is so hard to hurt someone, you know? We are engaged, which makes it harder, but he says he knew this was coming and wants to try to make it better. I'm spent and don't feel like trying at all. Sorry, just had to vent, I've been having panic attacks worrying about it and it is affecting work. I hate hurting other people...sigh...

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    Veteran Member xmarx52's Avatar
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    Default Re: i know this is not a relationship website, but

    The longer you drag it out the more you will hurt him. That is the hard truth.

    Make damn sure you know that this is what you want and then gently break things off in a way that when you think back years from now you will not regret. It is never easy but better now than after you are married and his heart is really destroyed.

    But be sure you are not going to change your mind after you burn the bridge between you. Good Luck.
    Anyone with a memory should be very humble.

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    Default Re: i know this is not a relationship website, but

    I agree with Xmarx. Also, the longer you drag it out, the easier it will be to keep dragging it out. Before you know it, you could be married to him. Breakups are hard whether you are the dumper or dumpee(for lack of better words). You are young and it is so natural to want to explore and be independent. This is a very hard time in your life that just comes with relationships. You have to think of yourself and your future and can't stay with someone because you didn't want to hurt their feelings. I am guilty of the same thing. They do get over you, just as we get over guys, it takes time.

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    Default Re: i know this is not a relationship website, but

    I've been in your shoes. Even though it hurts him, you owe it to yourself to make the choice YOU want. Maybe being away from him would rekindle what you had, I mean, YOU waited for HIM. If not, there are so many people out there who can offer you so many different things.
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

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    Veteran Member xmarx52's Avatar
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    Default Re: i know this is not a relationship website, but

    They do get over you, just as we get over guys, it takes time.

    I would never get over you Kobi. You are as sweet as you are beautiful and that is saying a lot.
    Anyone with a memory should be very humble.

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    Default Re: i know this is not a relationship website, but

    Wow Xmarx, Thank you! [kisses]

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    Featured Member LEIGH_LANDON's Avatar
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    Default Re: i know this is not a relationship website, but

    I agree to prolong the inevitable is akin to slowly ripping off a bandaid - it just hurts more.

    Best to do it quick and clean and full of honesty.
    So much easier to heal from a clean cut than a raveged torn up tear.

    Wish you strength. And if he ever meant anything at all to you? Then do him right by this.

    Leigh
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    Leigh Landon

    Never explain yourself to anyone, because the person who likes you doesn't need it and the person that dislikes you won't believe it.

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    Default Re: i know this is not a relationship website, but

    Iam in the same situation,my fiancee and I have been together 4 years almost and most of it we dont see each other he travels with his job he is gone 5 months at a time and I travel to work,though not for the past year,he is very jelous and a turn off because he is so insecure,Iam finding myself not looking forward to his return this time,he will be home in a month,all my friend say you are stupid ,he is gorgeous and he sends you money every month,which is kind of why Iam staying with him as I am not working right now and dont want to use up all of my money,as we just built a house together,I think I would still want to be with him if he didnt call 10 times a day and acuse me of things,first of all I dont even go anywere and I have a daughter,Iam so sick of it.

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    Ravin
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    Default Re: i know this is not a relationship website, but

    If you really care for this person sit down and think hard. Make sure you weigh the pros and cons of staying over leaving.

    Different situation but....my husband and I were engaged (long before I decided that I wanted to be a stripper). He joined the Air Force so that he could afford to take care of me. A month before he was to come home on leave, I broke off the engagement to be with a man from my past. Big mistake!!! I had to beg him for three days to get him to take me back and he almost didn't.

    Please please please, make sure you know what you are giving up before you decide to burn the bridge. May be as others have said you should just spend some time a part?

    That's just my two cents though. Hope it was good advice.

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    Pamela
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    Default Re: i know this is not a relationship website, but

    Kinda sounds like what i went through with my recent ex. I tried to make everything between us work. I cared so much about him. But finally when i felt like we started becoming friends again (after the break-up) i started thinking less and less about him.

    Bottom line.....You can't make yourself love another person. And you sound like you need to move on. Think about your happiness. It hurts, i have been there, but it gets easier. I lost many nights sleep.

    Talking to friends is great. Or finding a hobby. Do anything to distract your mind. And please let him know it's over. He does deserve to know.

    I used to say one way of getting over another quick is to meet another and date. I was wrong, you need "your time" first.

    Good luck,
    Pamela

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    Default Re: i know this is not a relationship website, but

    Kind of in agreement with all the rest. The longer you hold off the harder it will be on him. Sometimes people grow apart. You need to find yourself and you need the space to do so. It's not fair to him to be so misleading.

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    Default Re: i know this is not a relationship website, but

    Thank you so much (all of you) for the great advice. This is soooo hard b/c he is such a great guy, this may be someone I regret breaking it off with, I think we are just bad timing. I think I waited on him mainly because I didn't want him to stress while in basic training. I think I will return his things to the barracks and leave a note (a long one). We already discussed this before, he wanted to let me travel, but didn't want to lose me, but I don't want to be tied to someone when I travel. Well....good luck to anyone else in this situation, someone told me not to stay with him just because he loves me so much, he will not be the last one.

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    Veteran Member xmarx52's Avatar
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    Default Re: i know this is not a relationship website, but

    One last thought. I think you will anyway, but end things in a way that leaves a bridge between you if it is possible. What you want in a man may change a lot in the next 5 years or so and there may come a time as you say that you will regret losing a really nice but less than exciting guy if you know what I mean?

    The bad boy in black leather on the Harley is appealing when you are 22, but when you are thirty the guy who dresses conervatively, works at a nice boring steady job and worships you starts to look a lot more attractive. Trust me on that. Best of luck.
    Anyone with a memory should be very humble.

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