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Thread: Boyfriend Problems... HELP ME!

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    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Boyfriend Problems... HELP ME!

    Okay, I've been with my boyfriend off and on for 3 years. I met him 6 years ago when I was a freshman in highschool. We went out for a year but broke up because he was always gone at lunch time selling pot. We got back together my senior year and went to prom. He started selling pot again a little after summer started. He asked me if I was okay with it and I said that I didn't like the idea... he asked me again (after he had a foot in the door already) and said he needed the money really bad. I said, okay, if he wanted to I couldn't stop him. Well, 2 years later, he's still selling. At least he has a job (went to school for it, he's a plumber) and he SAYS he's stopped but a mexican guy showed up at his apartment a couple nights ago with what looked like a pound. He's very manipulative... that's why he doesn't know that I dance. I can't tell him anything! He wants me to be as innocent as I was years ago... well... I'm NOT!

    The problem now is... I have a great opportunity to start up a single girl site. I work with an agency to shoot nude photos and two men talked with the couple who owns the agency and they chose 6 girls to start sites on. I was told that although it will take a while for the site to pick up a lot of customers, I could easily be making $10,000 a month within half a year... So, since my boyfriend was making such a big deal about how I never tell him anything, I told him this. Well, HE told ME that if I did it, he couldn't be with me.

    Now, I could either not do the site and stay with him or do the site and maybe he'll stay with me, maybe he won't. Either way, I want to tell him I'm a dancer but I won't be able to if he can't even handle the web site! I'm too young to be told what to do but I'm afraid I won't find anyone else if I'm not with him. My phone's ringing off the hook... he wants an answer and is using his sad voice!! HELP ME!!!
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

  2. #2
    Pamela
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    Default Re: Boyfriend Problems... HELP ME!

    I am not you, but i would Kick this guys ass as far away as i can. First you have to hide you dance, second he is selling pot, and god forbid if he stashes it at your place, (enough) you will go to jail. And he does not want you to make excellent money! ?

    That is alot to take from any person, you have to have a foundation. There is none there it seems, lies and drugs, and you not being able to be what you want in life.

    This is my advice, get away from him. You are beautiful, and deserve a man who lets you be YOU. I would not want strange people knocking at my door with drugs.

    Your too smart for this crap.

    Just my 2 cents...
    Pamela

  3. #3
    Kaiyla
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    Default Re: Boyfriend Problems... HELP ME!

    Sounds like your boyfriend has put you through plenty with the whole pot ordeal, so if it were me personally I'd take the job and let him deal with some shit. Let him use his sad voice all he wants, that's part of the manipulation. Or, you could always just do like a "trial" thing. Try the job out for a bit and if you dont like it, quit. If it was meant to be... That's how I feel about everything. Since this past weekend, I am going through a separation with my boyfriend of 4 years myself. He moved out yesterday. I am in a lot of pain and very confused. We have a lot of issues to work out and I honestly dont know what will happen. But I really do believe that if I follow my gut instinct on what is right for ME, I will find happiness again, either with him or without him. Trust your instinct. You have to do what makes you happy.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend Problems... HELP ME!

    Bella,
    First of all, you must look out for number one, YOU! The thoughts of not finding anyone else is not true at all. It may seem that way to you now, probably because it's hard to picture yourself with someone else, but that someone else is always there. Secondly, if your BF truly cares for you, then he will support you even if he doesn't like the idea of your dancing or the site.

    If I may throw my 2 cents in, don't let the owners of the site fill your head with $$$. Although money can be made, $10,000 a month in less than a year, is highly exaggerated in my opinion. There are so many sites out there now the only way to make "good" money is if you do hardcore shows and have an original "hook". I may be wrong, for your sake I hope that I am. Ask alot of questions, are these guys just starting the sites? Have they run any before? If they have, ask to see financial statements of their sites, at least this will give you an idea of what other girls are/were making.
    Ok I've rambled enough....

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    Default Re: Boyfriend Problems... HELP ME!

    In my opinion he's making it into a one way street. You deserve MUCH better! You should definitely be with someone who you don't have to hide certain aspects of your life from. If he loves you enough he will respect and understand your job and desire to have a web site>> as shocking as it may be for some guys to find out that their girlfriend is a dancer, at least your making money in a LEGAL way!!
    So if he continues with the drugs...show him the door......tell him where to go and how to get there! Your a beautiful girl and you WILL find someone better!

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    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend Problems... HELP ME!

    Thank you guys so much!! My friends and parents say I'm too good for him but it's hard when you get the advice from people who love you. I'm trying to be strong.
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

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    God/dess Emily's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend Problems... HELP ME!

    guys have this need to be the provider. Especially younger guys get threatened by their girlfriend being able to make much better money than he can. If you want to make it work, show him you need him besides his money.

    I do agree it's bad you have to hide it. I know how hard it is to break up with someone and start fresh. There is something very comforting about staying with someone you know versus going back out looking again. Look deep down and really think "is he the one?" because while the love feels good now, you obviously have issues with trust and honesty and that's just not going to go very far in the long run.

    Good love is worth all the money in the world, but misplaced love can be the most expensive mistake you can make.

    Life can be good for you and aside from the money/dancing issue, it is probably good to check out your options. Go ahead and stick your big toe in the water because there are other fish in the sea.


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    Default Re: Boyfriend Problems... HELP ME!

    I do agree with Pamela!!

    And I think your relationship has gone from being little kids..to adult's and it just never made the transition.

    I think you should focus on YOU. You have some great ideas with what you want to do..and your beautiful..most guy's who don't deserve girls like you end up getting them by default.
    You both have secret's... HUGE one's that are the type only a super secure relationship would MAYBE make it through.
    He IS bad news..and is telling you that YOU are..pfft!! When you are ready for a healthier relationship..It would probably be better if your NEW boyfriend didn't know you when you were a child. This way it's you the WOMAN he only knows. It's really hard to be a young woman these days. But please don't keep this guy because you are not used to being alone and are afraid to be. Sound's like you are strong when you want to be..after all..ummm look what you do for a living. I think from some thing's you posted...YOU know what you DON'T want in a man. Don't screw around any longer with a guy who does anything he want's to do and tell's you that you can't. Your live's have gone 2 separate directions. I feel bad for you because you must really being hurting from being attached to the guy so long. Life take's you places you never thought you would be..don't sh!T up your dreams for this guy.

    Holiday!!


    "Some of the most wonderful people are the ones who don't fit into boxes." ....Tori Amos

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    Default Re: Boyfriend Problems... HELP ME!

    Happiness is not a fish you can catch, and we are all jaded (men & women) for one reason or another. life is hard enough without somebody taking you for granted, do what makes you happy... your the only one who has to live with yourself. Bella, Kaiyla.... keep your head up ladies

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    Featured Member sadbuttrue's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend Problems... HELP ME!

    I'm too young to be told what to do but I'm afraid I won't find anyone else if I'm not with him. My phone's ringing off the hook... he wants an answer and is using his sad voice!! HELP ME!!!
    That's nuts! Guys would go out of their mind to be with you.

    P.S. He won't change, if that's what your thinking. He'll be headed to jail in awhile. And unless you're excited by visiting someone in jail and waiting for someone like that, drop him. There's really nothing exciting about someone like that.

    >>>Sad<<<

    Blonde jokes are two lines long so that men can understand them.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend Problems... HELP ME!

    Hi Bella,

    Old Daddio here. First off forget any foolishness about you will never find anyone again. Did you forget your are fabulously beautiful? Just a reminder.

    I hate to say it but it does not sound like your relationship is based on very solid ground. Neither of you is innocent. He is not telling the truth about the pot selling we will assume and you are not telling him the truth about your dancing.

    To me that means there is not much to base your relationship on, I am not trying to be mean but just honest kiddo.

    His dealing could get you in a world of hurt if he gets caught and your apartment was raided or he had stuff stashed in your car or whatever. It isn;t worth it and that is coming from someone how thinks Pot should be decriminalzed. The laws against it are stupid and not enforceable but they still exist and it is not something you want on your record or to be associatied with.

    Time to change it sounds like to me. Right now you are with him out of habit it seems like. But PLEASE, if you break up with him think very hard about the next guy, don't just go for a good looking carbon copy of the problems you already have. A lot of us do that.

    Always here to talk if you want, just PM me and I will share all the mistakes I have made over the years with you and that is alot of mistakes believe me. But maybe it would help.

    Hugs Xmarx52
    Anyone with a memory should be very humble.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend Problems... HELP ME!

    Okay, I've been with my boyfriend off and on for 3 years. I met him 6 years ago when I was a freshman in highschool. We went out for a year but broke up because he was always gone at lunch time selling pot. We got back together my senior year and went to prom. He started selling pot again a little after summer started. He asked me if I was okay with it and I said that I didn't like the idea... he asked me again (after he had a foot in the door already) and said he needed the money really bad. I said, okay, if he wanted to I couldn't stop him. Well, 2 years later, he's still selling. At least he has a job (went to school for it, he's a plumber) and he SAYS he's stopped but a mexican guy showed up at his apartment a couple nights ago with what looked like a pound. He's very manipulative... that's why he doesn't know that I dance. I can't tell him anything! He wants me to be as innocent as I was years ago... well... I'm NOT!

    The problem now is... I have a great opportunity to start up a single girl site. I work with an agency to shoot nude photos and two men talked with the couple who owns the agency and they chose 6 girls to start sites on. I was told that although it will take a while for the site to pick up a lot of customers, I could easily be making $10,000 a month within half a year... So, since my boyfriend was making such a big deal about how I never tell him anything, I told him this. Well, HE told ME that if I did it, he couldn't be with me.

    Now, I could either not do the site and stay with him or do the site and maybe he'll stay with me, maybe he won't. Either way, I want to tell him I'm a dancer but I won't be able to if he can't even handle the web site! I'm too young to be told what to do but I'm afraid I won't find anyone else if I'm not with him. My phone's ringing off the hook... he wants an answer and is using his sad voice!! HELP ME!!!
    Won't find anyone else if you're not with him? LMAO
    Sounds like he has been filling your head with this shit.

    How old are you again? 21? You have your whole life ahead of you. From your pix and posts I can tell you are a smart, sexy girl.

    Please stop perpetuating the stereotype of "stripper with a loser boyfriend" - you're better than that.

    E

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    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend Problems... HELP ME!

    Thanks again you guys, I tried bringing up that what I am doing is LEGAL but he wouldn't hear it. When I was reading y'all's posts, the phone rang again... I told him that whether I do the page or not, I can't be honest with him and I can't be with someone who tells me what to do. Then he told me (his voice perked up when it sounded like I wasn't doing the page) that he never said I couldn't do it?! I was given a book about verbal abuse and you wouldn't believe how well he fit into the categories... I'm just not certain how solid that book is, she didn't have any works cited even though she was a licecensed psychologist. I'm just going to avoid the phone and try to concentrate on myself.
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend Problems... HELP ME!

    I was given a book about verbal abuse and you wouldn't believe how well he fit into the categories... I'm just not certain how solid that book is, she didn't have any works cited even though she was a licecensed psychologist.
    Blah! I would think the book is LESS valuable if the lady WERE a "licensed psychologist". These people aren't offing themselves in record numbers because they are so great for society - they do it because they are more messed up than their "patients".

    You yourself said he is manipulative. The sad thing is that you've not told him to piss off.


    I honestly will be surprised if you tell this clown to get lost - pleasantly surprised

    E


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    Default Re: Boyfriend Problems... HELP ME!

    it's hard to break up with someone because love feels good. We're all human and we've been there before. the right thing and the right now thing....totally different.

    I can empathize with Bella. this job puts a real damper on your social life. A lot of girls choose their boyfriends over dancing. I see it all the time.

    I have been seeing a guy for about a year and he always swore up and down he was cool with dancing. Now he says he's not. I hate being in this position. It's a natural reaction. I would hate the idea of girls lusting all over him, even if I know his heart belongs to me. It's a respect and territorial thing.

    it's a rare and special man that makes you feel respected and loved and accepts your job.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend Problems... HELP ME!

    Bella, I've been in your situation. I've had boyfriends and guy friends go to jail for the same thing. They do get caught, or get their car stolen, or get beaten, or get threatened and worse. I've also had a very verbally abusive and manipulative boyfriend. At one time I was attracted to the boys who were nothing but trouble for me. There are so many more guys out there that are worth your time, have legitimate jobs and are secure with themselves. I don't think this boy is good for you and your future. Realizing that is hard, but in the future you will be thinking, "Why did I put myself through so much pain, I'm so much better than him."

    Bella, you are really beautiful and have a beautiful personality as well. It won't be a problem for you to find a nice guy. Take some time for yourself first though. You're 21! Have fun.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend Problems... HELP ME!

    Bella

    You should be able to easily find another boyfriend. You seem very pretty and very nice. It seems to me that your boyfriend is making you feel bad about yourself to get you to do what he wants. I would guess (and I can only guess) that your boyfriend wants to have sex with other girls. You should kick him out.

    I think that this website that you wrote about has a very high chance of being a scam. I have heard and read about guys who get strippers to give them nude photos and promise large sums of money and then disappearing with the pictures. You should also remember that these nude pictures of you could be circulating on the internet for years and someone who you know may see them.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend Problems... HELP ME!

    People change. Why should you be as innocent as in high school? Your starting to do more things in life and take care of yourself. High shcool is for being a kid. Your not a teenager anymore, why let some guy treat you like one. You commented you was afraid you wouldn't find anyone else. Well, change is difficult sometimes. Don't stay with this guy because you're afraid to move forward. I know it's hard to start all over. If you have the potential to make 10,000 a month within 6 months doing web work, GO 4 IT! It sounds like a great opportunity. Keep in mind, you have to live with your decision. If you choose not to do it because of someone else's selfishness, you'll look back and think about what might have been. Enjoy life!

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    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend Problems... HELP ME!

    The website isn't a scam, it doesn't have to do with me being a stripper either. However, the 10 grand was an estimate. I could make 1 grand instead... (still good money to me ). You guys are really helping me. I'll just reread these posts instead of picking up the phone if I ever get tempted to call him
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend Problems... HELP ME!

    Bella, sweetie you know very well you can find another bf at the drop of a hat! You need to take some time for yourself, be with your friends, etc, and RUN don't walk away from this dude. When you feel the urge to talk to him, call up your friends and talk to them. Call all your friends if you have to until the urge subsides. Get on here and read and post away. Go to work. Anything to get your mind off him. After a little time it will get easier and easier to not call him, to not think so much about him. Soon you'll be wondering why you with someone who treated you that way. And when you meet a truly nice guy who treats you properly, has a real job, respects you and what you do....you'll think you were crazy for spending your time with the pot dealer. Believe me, I've had crappy boyfriends too, and when I realized I didn't have to settle for anything less than what I wanted, everything changed. Any woman can have any type of guy she wants - she just has to realize it. If you settle for less than what you really want, you'll never be satisfied!

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
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    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend Problems... HELP ME!

    YEA!!!!!!!!!
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

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