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Thread: Feeling Dirty : (

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    Veteran Member Shayden's Avatar
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    Default Feeling Dirty : (

    Ok everyone I need some advice. So I usually don't dance on Sundays because it's always dead. Well we had an amateur night and I decided to go dance that night and see the new girls dancing.

    Anyways, after all that hoopla ended, the regular dancers went up on stage and an older guy asked me for a lap dance after my set. So we went in the VIP room and I was doing my thing and I work in a nude club so I bent over to take my t-bar off and he grabbed me!

    Of course, the bouncer saw this and grabbed him right away but I nearly fell over I was in shock. I've never had this happen before. Now my manager is talking somewhat about pressing charges but that's not my worry. Now that this has happened I feel dirty and violated, I don't want to go to work now. And I love to dance.

    How do you ladies deal with this kinda stuff and the bad feelings? Some of the girls said you get kinda numb after a while and it's still wrong but you don't feel as bad anymore. And to all the guys out there, any advice from a guy's POV? Please help because now I'm fearing going to work tomorrow.

    Shayden : )
    When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail!

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    Default Re: Feeling Dirty : (

    Anybody who pulled that crap at the club where I work would have been pepper-sprayed (or soundly thumped) and thrown out the door.

    If you get a feeling that someone might be the touchy-feely type, try having 'em sit on their hands.

    Remember - it's not your fault the guy was a disrespectful asshat. It's all him.

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    Veteran Member xmarx52's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feeling Dirty : (

    Hi Shayden

    This thread really upsets me because I can tell how much it got to you. I know there will be some who will say, "It comes with the territory" and it is part of dancing. I know in some clubs/localities that may be true. Obviously though it is not the norm in your club and it is a shame that this guy had to act like such a jerk to someone who graced him by sharing her beauty and talent with him.

    You have to keep in mind one thing. Like any victim of molestation, groping, whatever you want to call it, you are not to blame. He was the dirty one not you.

    Chalk it up to learning and then only you can make the decision to keep working or not as a dancer. It is a hard job and jerks are unfortunately part of it at times.

    Hang in there and I hope you feel better soon,
    Xmarx52
    Anyone with a memory should be very humble.

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    Banned Melonie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feeling Dirty : (

    This customer was certainly tacky or worse for grabbing you by surprise (and I assume from behind). However, with the typical contact levels increasing in many cities, it's pretty much a given these days that 1 or 2 private dance customers per night are going to try and touch you.

    #1 count yourself lucky that the club is supporting you instead of the customer in this matter. Many clubs these days are hurting for income to the point where they'd rather replace an upset dancer who won't tolerate contact than piss off a regular club customer.

    #2 you were also lucky that a bouncer was right there at the right moment and did not hesitate to act on your behalf. But you should be more vigilant in regard to customer hands. Be prepared to do a Lucy Liu impression yourself when this happens again. After a while you develop enough composure not to freak out, but to force the customer's hands away and politely but firmly explain that this sort of contact is NOT permitted in your club. Remember that the customer may not be aware that your club has much stricter contact standards than those clubs he may be used to.

    #3 so many clubs today have posted policy signs telling customers that NO contact is permitted, while at the same time all sorts of contact may be going on during private dances, that customers can be easily confused. Clearly state the no touch policy to any new private dance customers.

    I always begin a private dance for a new customer with a brief review of my rules i.e. keep your greasy mitts to yourself (tactfully delivered of course). Then if a customer tries to grab me after I have warned him not to, he can't plead ignorance. On the first attempt I do my Lucy Liu impression (some of these guys are QUICK!- but I'm quicker!), and give him an earful clearly stating that if he tries it again the private dance is over. If any guys are stupid enough to try it a second time, I don't hesitate at all to grab the guy in a hammerlock and march his ass straight out of the VIP room. On those rare occasions where the guy is such an asshole that he tries to finger me, I don't stop in the main club area and continue marching his hammerlocked ass straight out the club's front door. A guy who winds up having his ass kicked by a bouncer just shrugs it off. But a guy who has had his ass kicked by a dancer is too embarrassed to EVER try that again with another girl!

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    Default Re: Feeling Dirty : (

    I remember when this happened to a friend of mine,she was crying and everyone was calling her a baby,but she went on to be one of the top dancers at our club and moved on to scores latter and has been one of the top girls there for almost 10 years,try not to let it bother you,usually your next customer will more than make up for it in niceness and money spent and that will make you kind of forget about it and when you are not as new guys will know this and not try to get away with that because they will know you wont put up with it.

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    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feeling Dirty : (

    Unfortuanately you have just experienced one of those things that we've all had to go through at one time or another. I hate to say it like this, but this is the kind of thing that separates the 'strippers' from the 'wannabes', because once a dancer experiences that first molestation and subsequent feeling of being violated and degraded, she either realizes this is not for her and moves on, or learns how to handle those pigs. It is one of the negative sides of stripping, that at times we all have to deal with assholes like that. It is up to you to decide whether the positive aspects of dancing outweigh the negatives, and whether you can handle the pig next time something like that happens.

    I'm sorry about what happened to you. It would be nice if there were no such pigs in the world, but it might be some consolation to remember that guys like that will be jerks to anyone, not just you as a stripper. You just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. We strippers may encounter this type of asshole more often than 'civilians', but I am quite certain that every female will encounter some pig like that at some point in her life. We can either learn how to handle them without compromising ourselves and keep making money, or move on.

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

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    God/dess Paris's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feeling Dirty : (

    I agree with Bridgette, but after a while it really can add up in your mind. Sometimes you can write it off as a rude, drunk, ignorant loser. But I have been having issue with this very subject myself lately. I just think that $20 does NOT give the customer total control over my body, and it certainly does not give him the right to mess with my head.

    I'm sorry you had a bad expierence, and I hope you feel better soon. I feel your pain, as I had to quit doing private dances altogether due to the grope factor making me feel dirty and whorish.

    In my perfect world there would be different kinds of strip clubs... Some where only stage shows were performed and some where only lap dances were performed. Then the dancers could choose which club style they would be most comfortable with, and the customers looking for a certain kind of entertainment can also get what he is looking for. Unfortunately this a Wal-Mart world where everything you want can be had under one roof.


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


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    Veteran Member jordankeywest's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feeling Dirty : (

    im sorry for how you feel unfortunatly it comes with the territory. just like any other job theres perks and shit too

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    Veteran Member Shayden's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feeling Dirty : (

    Thank you everyone for your support! I really don't have many friends that are dancers so none of them really understand. Plus I really didn't want to tell anyone, that guy made me feel so bad, like a whore like I did something wrong and very violated.

    I have never had anyone do that to me before, I've been working for almost a year. I guess it just caught me off guard but hopefully it won't happen again otherwise I'm gonna go Lucy Liu on his ass like Melonie said. Most guys would never do that to a regular girl on the middle of the street, they think just because we take our clothes off that gives them the right to grab us, no way. I'm going to work tonight and God forbid anyone touch me or push my buttons in the wrong way tonight because trust me it won't be pretty. I feel really bad about it but I do realize it's not my fault. For a minute I seriously thought about not dancing anymore but why am I going to quit something I love to do cuz some jerk thought he had handling rights?

    I'm going to try to forget about it and just go to work like nothing happened but I know I'm going to think about it when I go to do a lap dance. I'm going to be very wary of every guy I dance for tonight. ::Sigh:: Hopefully nobody will try anything though.

    Melonie your a kick ass chick, it's very inspiring to hear that your a strong woman and you stand up for yourself and won't let people walk all over you and you go about your business very seriously, very encouraging to me!
    Xmarx your so sweet! Thank you, I wish all the guys I danced for could be like you, then I would not have this problem.

    Thank you so much everyone, I can't tell you how much I appreciate your support, it does make me feel better!

    Shayden
    When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail!

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    Default Re: Feeling Dirty : (

    Shayden, sorry that happened to you Obviously this "guy" is a sicko, and has resorted to objectifying women-- thinking he can just touch someone like he has...

    He is the dirty one, and should be ashamed.

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    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feeling Dirty : (

    Wow! That makes me want to kick that guys ass! Its one thing if he does it to a girl who can brush it off, it's another thing if he does it to someone and makes her feel like that! At least it's seemed to make you stronger. It's experiances like that which will make you thicker skinned and help you to call moves like that creep did before it happened. Just be warned, it WILL happen again!
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

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    Default Re: Feeling Dirty : (

    I'm sorry that happened to you. I know girls who have never returned to dancing after things like that. I know girls who have turned it into big money. Depends on where you're at with things. It shouldn't come with the territory - if it does, then we need to change it.

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    Default Re: Feeling Dirty : (


    Hey girl,
    I just wanted to encourage you to do your best to see it the way one of of the ladies here put it:
    It is not you who is dirty.
    It is him.
    Just remember he did the action, not you.
    This will be something mental/emotional for you to overcome, but look where you already are! I am sure you are strong!
    Godd Luck !!

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    Veteran Member xmarx52's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feeling Dirty : (

    Still keeping you in my thoughts Shayden.
    Anyone with a memory should be very humble.

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    Default Re: Feeling Dirty : (

    Shayden, I've been groped by men and women. If you are in this line of business you should have expected it.
    Your reaction to it is based upon your attitude. Physically the sensation is the same whether the action was initiated by a male or female. It's only your attitude that makes the differentiation. In my case I would just laugh it off. In your case ,they are violating a rule so you have to take stronger measures.
    There is no reason for you to feel dirty . Just because someone else got to you before you could defend yourself should only remind you to keep your guard up.
    Confidence is part of it . The confidence that I could break the persons arm if it got more than just groping allows me to laugh the incident off. I don't expect you to break the guys arm, just call over the bouncer but remain confident you can handle the situation in any event.

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