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Thread: HOLLY'S JOKE PAGE

  1. #1
    Veteran Member hollyday's Avatar
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    Default HOLLY'S JOKE PAGE

    WHAT DID CIONDERELLA SAY WHEN SHE GOT TO THE BALL?
    choke choke
    WHATS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A GOLF BALL AND G-SPOT
    a guy will spend twenty minutes looking for his golf ball

    This little boy hears noises in his moms room one night so he goes to investigate..he opens the door and sees her rubbing herself all over moaning 'i need a man..i need a man!" so he scratches his head and goes back to bed
    he hears this again the next night and the next
    the night after he hears noises and he looks and shes in bed with a guy..he ponders this and goes back to bed
    the next night the mother hears noises in her sons room so she goes to check and he's in there rubbing himself saying...
    ''i need a bike..i need a bike..'

    this guy wants to be a pig farmer so he gets a bunch of sows..so he says to the farmer up the road'can i mate my sows with your hog' guy says sure bring em over
    so he loads em up gets em laid and says to the guy'how will i know if their pregnant' guy says 'in the morning if their eating grass you;ll know their pregnant'
    so he takes em home and nothing happens so he loads them in the truck and brings em back and gets them laid again...this goes on and on
    one morning the man says to his wife' will u check those stupid pigs and tell me if their eating grass'
    so she looks out the window and says ' no half of them are in the truck and a couple of them are tooting the horn

    hope u like the laughs
    ill add more later
    i got a million
    blessed be

  2. #2
    Member AutumnSexyBottom's Avatar
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    Default Re: HOLLY'S JOKE PAGE

    You really should look into stand up comedy...It could be a career change. But then again I probably couldn't survive here without you.
    Like a soul without a mind, like a body without a heart....I'm Miss America. (Massive Attack)

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    Default One for the Canadians

    In a train car there was a Canadian, an American, a spectacular looking blonde and a frightfully awful looking fat lady. After several minutes into the trip, the train happens to pass through a dark tunnel and the unmistakable sound of a slap is heard.
    When they leave the tunnel, the American had a big red slap mark on his cheek .

    1)The blonde thought - "That American son of a bitch wanted to touch me and by mistake, he must have put his hand on the fat lady, who in turn must have slapped his face."
    2) The fat lady thought - "This dirty old American laid his hands on the blonde and she smacked him."
    3) The American thought - "That fucking Canadian put his hand on that blonde and by mistake she slapped me."
    4) The Canadian thought - "I hope there is another tunnel soon so I can smack that stupid American again."

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    Default Re: HOLLY'S JOKE PAGE

    You guys are a riot! There are never enough jokes in this world

  5. #5
    Veteran Member hollyday's Avatar
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    Default Re: HOLLY'S JOKE PAGE

    colettcall im canadian u silly girl
    blessed be

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    Veteran Member hollyday's Avatar
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    Default Re: HOLLY'S JOKE PAGE

    i would be a comedian but no one laughs till i take my clothes off


    WHAT DO U CALL AN ANOREXIC WITH A YEAST INFECTION
    a quarter pounder with cheese
    blessed be

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    Default Re: HOLLY'S JOKE PAGE

    ewwwwwwww that one made me do a double take!

  8. #8
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    Default Re: HOLLY'S JOKE PAGE

    I know you're Canadian, Holly, that's why I posted that joke .

  9. #9
    Veteran Member hollyday's Avatar
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    Default Re: HOLLY'S JOKE PAGE

    i still laughed my ass off and so did autumn


    a giraffe is in the forest rolling a joint and a rabbit comes along
    the rabbit says'giraffe dont do drugs..come run with me through the forest' so the giraffe puts the joint down and takes off with the rabbit
    so they come across an elephant with a big pile of coke and the rabbit says...'elephant dont do drugs...come run with us through the forest'..so the elephant puts the mirror down and takes off with the rabbit and giraffe
    so they come across a lion and he has his paw tied off and hes ready for a shot and the rabbit says..''lion dont do drugs come run with us through the forest.'' so the lion puts the needle down and grabs the rabbit and starts pounding the sit outta him
    the giraffe and elephant are agast and are like' lion why are u doing this..he's trying to help u!'
    and the lion says''this little fucker here...he makes me run through the forest everytime hes on E!"
    blessed be

  10. #10
    Veteran Member Tre's Avatar
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    Default Re: HOLLY'S JOKE PAGE

    Damn right, Colette!

    It is about time for me to take another train ride.
    "The elastic retreat rings the close of play as the last wave uncovers the newfangled way."

  11. #11
    Veteran Member hollyday's Avatar
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    Default Re: HOLLY'S JOKE PAGE

    so this lady goes into a tattoo parlor and says i want a tattoo
    on my right inner thigh i want a turkey with thanksgiving and on my left inner thigh i want a santa claus with merry christmas
    and the tattooist says ''why such strange tattoos''and she says
    'because im sick of my husband saying theres nothing to eat between christmas and newyears'
    blessed be

  12. #12
    God/dess Lexi's Avatar
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    Default Re: HOLLY'S JOKE PAGE

    Hahahaha
    all very funny though that anorexic with the yeast infection had me dying...that was too funny.


  13. #13
    Veteran Member hollyday's Avatar
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    Default Re: HOLLY'S JOKE PAGE

    WHATS THE BEST THING ABOUT BEING MARRIED TO AN ANOREXIC
    everyday u see less and less of the bitch!
    blessed be

  14. #14
    Jay Zeno
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    Default Re: HOLLY'S JOKE PAGE

    The head nurse is complaining to the ward doctor about Nurse Otto. "Everything I tell Nurse Otto, she gets backwards! Everything! I can't take it!"

    "Now, calm down, Nurse..."

    "No, Doctor, I'm telling you! Everything I tell her, she gets backwards! It's driving me nuts!"

    Just then Nurse Otto comes haulin' ass past both of them, sprinting down the hallway. She's carrying a bucket, and the steam is just rolling out of the bucket in huge clouds.

    The head nurse turns back to the ward doc. "See what I mean, Doctor? Exactly my point! I distinctly told Nurse Otto to go prick that man's boil!!"

  15. #15
    Veteran Member hollyday's Avatar
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    Default Re: HOLLY'S JOKE PAGE

    mr smith goes to the lab to pick up his wife test results and the lab tech says
    'sorry mr smith we mixed up your wifes test results with another mrs smith and we dont know which is which'
    'what does that mean'says mr smith
    'well one mrs smith has aids and the other alzheimers'
    'welll cant u take another test'
    'sorry mr.smith,because of new provincial laws we can only take one test"

    so mr says' well what the hell am i going to do'
    'please relax mr smith, i talked to my boss and he says maybe take your wife to the woods and leave her there, and if she finds her way home dont fuck her!'
    blessed be

  16. #16
    Veteran Member hollyday's Avatar
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    Default Re: HOLLY'S JOKE PAGE

    a lilttle boy is practising his vocabulary
    he asks his dad
    what the difference between theorectically and realistically
    so the dad says
    'go ask your mom if she'll sleep with a stranger for $500,00'
    so off he goes
    he comes back and says'she said she'd do it'
    so the dad says'go ask your sister if she'll sleep with a stranger for $500,00'
    so off he goes
    he comes back'she said she'd do it but what does this all mean'
    'well son, theoretically we live with two millionaires, but realistically we live with two sluts'
    blessed be

  17. #17
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    Default Re: HOLLY'S JOKE PAGE

    OK here is one..
    What do women and jello have in common?



    *******
    They both wiggle when you eat them.....
    Dignity is about showing self respect and having quiet self esteem

  18. #18
    Pamela
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    Default Re: HOLLY'S JOKE PAGE

    Gosh ladies! I am bad about remembering jokes, but i will write the next one down..and do my best to make sure it's NEW! I know the older ones it seems. keep my ears open.
    TOO FUNNY!!!!! Pamela

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    Default Re: HOLLY'S JOKE PAGE

    Odd that my first post here would be a joke, enjoy.

    Little Johnny comes home from shool one day and says to his dad "Dad I had sex with the teacher today!"

    The looks at his son with proudly and says "Really Johnny you did? Are you going to do it again tomorrow?

    Johnny's reply "I dunno Dad, my ass still hurts."

  20. #20
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    Default Re: HOLLY'S JOKE PAGE

    I'm laughing so hard at the above joke. It made me remember:

    Guy comes home to find his girlfriend packing up all of her stuff.
    "Honey, honey, what's wrong? What are you doing?
    "I'm leaving you!"
    "Why are you leaving? What did I do?"
    "My mom told me you were a pedophile!"
    He laughs and says, "Aw, honey, that's an awfully big word for a twelve-year-old!"

    What did one lesbian frog say to the other?
    "It's true, we really do taste like chicken!"

  21. #21
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    Default Re: HOLLY'S JOKE PAGE

    what do you call a room full of women with PMS and yeast infections?

    - a whine and cheese party

    :o

  22. #22
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    Default Re: HOLLY'S JOKE PAGE

    my ass still hurts....hahaha that had me laughing pretty good, so did yours Colette LOL
    Dignity is about showing self respect and having quiet self esteem

  23. #23
    Featured Member TiNi's Avatar
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    Default Re: HOLLY'S JOKE PAGE

    LOL

    Here's one

    Big Boy was in school. The teacher said kids today for homework write down seven words.

    Big Boy was walking home an seen two people arguing. He heard "Fuck You Bitch". So Big Boy wrote in down.

    He got home and his father was talking to his mother. He heard "Come On Baby" And wrote it down.

    He went into the living and turned on the TV. It was his favorite cartoon " Superman" Wrote that down

    Gosh he said I have my seven words

    The next day at school the teacher saids "Big Boy stand up and read your words.

    "Fuck you bitch" Big Boy said
    "Big Boy go to the principal's office"
    "Come On Baby"
    "Who do you think your are little boy"
    "Superman"

    Moral is watch what you say in front of children....lol.

  24. #24
    God/dess lestat1's Avatar
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    Default Re: HOLLY'S JOKE PAGE

    Q: What did one lesbian vampire say to the other?
    A: "See you next month."
    Quote Originally Posted by _Avery_ View Post
    omg, why is it so huge?!! lol lol

  25. #25
    Veteran Member Theresa's Avatar
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    Default Re: HOLLY'S JOKE PAGE

    Okay, so there was this guy sitting on an airplane and the flight attendant walks by. So the guys says to her, "Wow, you are just SO beautiful...I have to ask. Would you sleep with me for a million dollars?" The flight attendant is caught off-guard, but she is very flattered and says "Yes, I think I would." So the guy says "Well, how about you blow me in the bathroom for 10 bucks?" The woman becomes offended and replies, "What kind of a woman do you think I am?!?" To which the guy responds, "M'am, we have already established that, I am just bargaining on the price."

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