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Thread: How would u feel if YOUR bf got a lapdance?

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    Default How would u feel if YOUR bf got a lapdance?


    Being a stripper and knowing exactly what does goes on in the strip clubs, would you consider it cheating if your own boyfriend got a lapdance at the strip club without you being present?

    Or would you tolerate it, and think of it has your man just having some good fun with his friends?

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    Featured Member Veronika's Avatar
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    Default Re: How would u feel if YOUR bf got a lapdance?

    In my very non-scorpio Scorpio way, I have no problem with it. He went to another club while I was working and was showing some out of town friends around and my words for him when we met up later that night were, "you all tipped everyone well, right?".

    I think that I personally would have to think about getting out of the business if something like that bothered me. Besides, we are very communicative and I can learn new tricks from what he relays back . How's that for continuing education? ! ?

    Currently dancing at the Men's Club of Reno, NV
    under the name of Veronica! I am a 2007 calendar girl for MCR, so message me if you want a calendar!

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    Default Re: How would u feel if YOUR bf got a lapdance?


    Being a stripper and knowing exactly what does goes on in the strip clubs, would you consider it cheating if your own boyfriend got a lapdance at the strip club without you being present?

    Or would you tolerate it, and think of it has your man just having some good fun with his friends?
    I feel a guy who has a gf should not go to a club=it's not cheating by definition, but it's a shitty thing to do to your gf-I think only single guys should go to clubs
    guess who's back? back again

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    Featured Member aggieed's Avatar
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    Default Re: How would u feel if YOUR bf got a lapdance?

    ...I think only single guys should go to clubs...
    Uh, then the ladies would probably run out of MONEY. Married boys keep the GC scene lively after all. LOL!
    I'm a simple man, making my way through the universe.

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    Senior Member kennedy's Avatar
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    Default Re: How would u feel if YOUR bf got a lapdance?

    I love it! Infact, I encourage it. I buy him dances all the time. We are engaged, have total trust in one another, and aside from all that,,,I love the thought of turning him on...
    Don't know what it is, but I have never been bothered by it at all. Not with him. Now, other men that I have dated short term...that was different. But if we're talking long term/husband/life partner/whatever then there should be enough trust there to know that he is simply enjoying variety. He and I both say, we like to look at the menu, but we always eat at home. Same goes for me when it comes to the male strippers. It's just erotic entertainement...I love coming home to him after I've been out with the girls at the Male dancers!

    Relationships have to be built on trust.
    " If I can't be a good example, then I will just have to be a terrible warning."

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    Default Re: How would u feel if YOUR bf got a lapdance?

    I feel a guy who has a gf should not go to a club=it's not cheating by definition, but it's a shitty thing to do to your gf-I think only single guys should go to clubs
    I totally agree with you. But my bf claims that he is only
    going to have a good time with his friends. He promised that he would not get a private dance, and that he would never go alone by himself, only if his friends were going. Do you think this is a good compromise??

    We always fight about this and he tells me that I "cannot tell him what to do". He has never actually been to a strip club before, we are just basically talking about "what if" he does someday. He feels he should be able to go with his buddies, he thinks it's not cheating if he just gets a lapdance in public (not private)

    And he agreed not to touch the strippers, or get hand jobs or bj's whatever. I still worry though, what if someone just starts grabbing his crotch and jerking him off or something in public??? lols I can't help but feel insecure and a bit (or perhaps a lot) jealous.



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    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: How would u feel if YOUR bf got a lapdance?

    No way! First, I choose my men carefully, and I don't choose the ones who aren't trustworthy. Second, how can I expect my SO not to engage in the same type of activities that I do - even if it's my job? I can understand how girls who engage in extras might have a hard time trusting their SOs to not do the same thing at a strip club. It doesn't matter what some other dancer might try while dancing for my bf; if he's trustworthy he'll control himself - otherwise he's got to go!

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
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    Default Re: How would u feel if YOUR bf got a lapdance?


    I also agree that relationships should be based on trust and I've always believed in "you can look but you can't touch". But getting a lapdance involves touching and grinding (if only on the strippers part)
    so wouldn't it be kind of cheating?

    I have no problems if he wants to look at nude women, but I feel like getting grinded is cheating, am I crazy??

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    Default Re: How would u feel if YOUR bf got a lapdance?

    No way! First, I choose my men carefully, and I don't choose the ones who aren't trustworthy. Second, how can I expect my SO not to engage in the same type of activities that I do - even if it's my job? I can understand how girls who engage in extras might have a hard time trusting their SOs to not do the same thing at a strip club. It doesn't matter what some other dancer might try while dancing for my bf; if he's trustworthy he'll control himself - otherwise he's got to go!
    To be totally honest, I have to admit I'm not a dancer, I just came across this site from another link... My bf told me he wouldn't mind if I went to a male strip club, but to be honest, I don't even really want to go...

    My bf is trustworthy, but I guess I'm just wondering if a regular lapdance (not a private one) would be cheating because there's lots of grinding involved?


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    Senior Member kennedy's Avatar
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    Default Re: How would u feel if YOUR bf got a lapdance?

    Well, even in private, if he really wants a dance that badly just tell him what you are and are not comfortable with. I have had men that only like to look ask me to do an "airdance" where there is no contact. Besides that, is cheating to you "him being aroused by another woman"? Or is it the touching? Maybe he and you would go together the first time and see what it's like together? That can be alot of fun, as a dancer and as a customer...I love couples in clubs! I would like to think you don't have to worry about him getting bj 'sand hj's if he is serious about you! Just cause a woman offers does not mean he HAS to take!!! My God!

    I don't know,,,I am very choosey and don't waste my time if I cannot trust a guy. What's the point in the long run right?

    I think it's a tough call: you don't want him to go, but he wants to. If you try to "control" his actions too much then it will only end up bad. I would try to understand more about strip clubs and why he wants to go so badly and really, if you are willing, go with him! (Not with all the guys too of course! )

    Hope it all works out!

    Kennedy
    " If I can't be a good example, then I will just have to be a terrible warning."

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    Default Re: How would u feel if YOUR bf got a lapdance?


    Everybody has their own definition of cheating. For some couples it's just looking at other members of the opposite sex. For other couples, it's okay to have sex with strangers, as long as they don't kiss. You and your boyfreind are the only people who can say where the line is for you, and you must both agree on it.

    Lena



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    Featured Member Veronika's Avatar
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    Default Re: How would u feel if YOUR bf got a lapdance?

    I honestly think that if the dance they receive is the kind that is not going to physically impact you later (in other words, you can trust him not to engage in high risk behavior) then I am just not worried about it. I guess I trust him enough to know that he won't put me in danger for my health and it is me that he is mentally and spiritually committed to. If some other girl grinds on his lap and gets him all turned on, then I reap the benefits later... or at least get a good earful

    So no, lapdances aren't cheating in my book. They are generally good fun and if a relationship is good and the trust is there, it is just an added dimension to your erotic life. We are sensual creatures, after all.
    Currently dancing at the Men's Club of Reno, NV
    under the name of Veronica! I am a 2007 calendar girl for MCR, so message me if you want a calendar!

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    Default Re: How would u feel if YOUR bf got a lapdance?

    Well, even in private, if he really wants a dance that badly just tell him what you are and are not comfortable with. I have had men that only like to look ask me to do an "airdance" where there is no contact. Besides that, is cheating to you "him being aroused by another woman"? Or is it the touching? Maybe he and you would go together the first time and see what it's like together? That can be alot of fun, as a dancer and as a customer...I love couples in clubs! I would like to think you don't have to worry about him getting bj 'sand hj's if he is serious about you! Just cause a woman offers does not mean he HAS to take!!! My God!

    I don't know,,,I am very choosey and don't waste my time if I cannot trust a guy. What's the point in the long run right?

    I think it's a tough call: you don't want him to go, but he wants to. If you try to "control" his actions too much then it will only end up bad. I would try to understand more about strip clubs and why he wants to go so badly and really, if you are willing, go with him! (Not with all the guys too of course! )

    Hope it all works out!

    Kennedy

    I don't mind the fact that he would get aroused by another woman, I know that's how guys are , I'm just more bothered by the "touching" part. When there's touching involved you are sort of having a sexual experience with someone else I think.

    I would love to go to a strip club with him, and I would even get lapdances (because I know he likes bi-curious chicks) but the suggestion of that sort of made him angry. He thinks it's "gay" to bring your girlfriend to a strip club, he only wants to go with his buddies.
    Perhaps he doesn't want me to go with him because he thinks this is my way of controlling him.

    If he just gets a regular lapdance in the open (not a private one) , are those usually "low-mileage" in
    Orange County, CA? I heard the laws are a bit stricter in the area where I live here. Thanks for all your input!



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    Newbie Preciousrain's Avatar
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    Default Re: How would u feel if YOUR bf got a lapdance?

    i have no problem with it as long as i get one too when im off work being that im bi i have no problem with it at all......Precious

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    Default Re: How would u feel if YOUR bf got a lapdance?

    Oh yes, that would be optimal! Alas, the schedules often preclude such fun *sigh*. My boyfriend actually prefers that we get dances together .

    He'd never even been to a club before he met me! Now he loves them, hehe! I had to shoo him off with his friends to go have fun without me! Damn, he never much looked at porn before he was with me! Then I got a job at this adult ISP in Seattle (pre-dancing) and, well, we are the curious types. Fun World.
    Currently dancing at the Men's Club of Reno, NV
    under the name of Veronica! I am a 2007 calendar girl for MCR, so message me if you want a calendar!

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    Pamela
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    Default Re: How would u feel if YOUR bf got a lapdance?

    When dancing, it was a job for me. (i gave up a long term relationship because of my choices). However, if my bf ever went to a strip club and got a ld from another female....He's history!

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    Default Re: How would u feel if YOUR bf got a lapdance?

    That's an interesting answer coming from a dancer. I feel it's inappropiate for a guy to get lapdances when he's in a serious relationship, and I even offered to go with my bf if he wants me to come along (which he doesn't) Good thing is, he hasn't gone YET, but when he DOES go and I find out, he might have to become
    history as well.

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    Default Re: How would u feel if YOUR bf got a lapdance?

    While I don't have a b/f right now, I think I'd be okay with him getting a lapdance now and then while out with the guys.
    Dancing is wonderful training for girls, it's the first way you learn to guess what a man is going to do before he does it. ~Christopher Morley, Kitty Foyle

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    Default Re: How would u feel if YOUR bf got a lapdance?

    I'd have to question his reasoning for not wanting you to go with him. Either he is concerned about your anxiety with the whole issue, or he doesn't want you around to 'spoil' his fun, in which case he may not be very trustoworthy. If he is only worried about your anxiety, you can assure him that you just want to see what it's like and have a good time too. If what he's worried about is whether having you around will kill the mood, I'd be questioning whether he's already been and lied to you about it, what is the 'mood' you might be killing, and why he says it's 'gay' for a guy to bring his gf. I see couples all the time in the club and those guys definitely are NOT gay. They are enjoying the company of not one but TWO women.

    About the touching thing, I personally don't feel it's cheating - a lapdance is really pretty impersonal after all. It is not even close to actual sex, unless the guy is getting extras. Of course if he is doing that you need to kick him to the curb in short order, but a regular lapdance isn't anything to worry about IMO. The laws don't preclude anyone from getting more than a standard lapdance if that's what they want. Some girls will always go beyond the legal limits, and come clubs will allow and/or encourage it. There is dirty stuff going on even in the cleanest of clubs in the strictest of cities, just more discrete.

    I think you need to have an open discussion with your bf. Tell him exactly what makes you uncomfortable about him going to a strip club, and remain calm and rational. If he is the right type of guy, he should be able to tell you why there is no need for you to be worried, in a way that makes sense, not just that it's gay for him to take his gf, or he only wants to go hang with his buddies, or you can't tell him what to do. (That last one sounds pretty childish btw.) Of course you really can't tell him what to do, but you can tell him what makes you uncomfortable and if he's worth a damn he'll refrain from doing things that make you uncomfortable.

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

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    Default Re: How would u feel if YOUR bf got a lapdance?

    My ex-boyfriend went to strip clubs fairly frequently, and it never occurred to me to be jealous about him getting lap dances. I just figured it was an "out with the guys" type thing. And I view stripping as what it is, a JOB - the dancers are being paid to dance, and I'm sure they're thinking more about how much money they can make per hour than how they're going to successfully steal some stranger's boyfriend away.

    On the other hand, I did get jealous at the fact that this guy would go to strip clubs with other girls, even though he knew that I wanted to go with him. He later revealed himself as the ass that he was by dumping me and then having sex with my equally bitchy "best friend," ...but that's beside the point! The point is, I don't think your man getting lap dances is anything to lose sleep over. But if there are enough other factors involved to make you suspicious in some way, you need to talk to him directly.

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    Default Re: How would u feel if YOUR bf got a lapdance?

    I'm with Pamela. One guy I dated recently would get lap dances and it was a cause of many arguments and pretty much ended up being what broke us up. it was not acceptable. It doesn't matter that I am a stripper. it's a job! I don't spend my free time and free money to get a rise out of strange men. I'm so far removed from my customer that all they get is this shell of who I really am. My boyfriend gets the real me and that's sacred. He should feel special to get that and be the only one that gets it. He's the one I want to give selflessly to.

    It wasn't a jealousy thing. It was a self-respect thing. I didn't want him to become "one of those guys" to some dancer. I know how girls look at guys who buy dances and I don't want him reduced to that.

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    Default Re: How would u feel if YOUR bf got a lapdance?


    It wasn't a jealousy thing. It was a self-respect thing. I didn't want him to become "one of those guys" to some dancer. I know how girls look at guys who buy dances and I don't want him reduced to that.
    Emily, can you please expand on this...

    To the ladies who don't have a problem with it, what if he got dances from the same girl each time, maybe once a month. Would that change your opinion? Because most guys do have favorites, though they'll never admit it to their significant other.

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    Featured Member Devastating Divyne's Avatar
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    Default Re: How would u feel if YOUR bf got a lapdance?

    That something miraculous had descended from the heavens and popped him on the head. Hell, if he did my next step would be to ask if I could get that Volvo C-70 now instead of waiting until graduation for it. I got enough pictures of it,from various angles, on our refrigerator to make u think we had a small child who just discovered what a color printer could do.
    I've known him since I was 15 and he has never, according to all who know him, and himself, gotten a dance. He's only inside of the club I work at twice, once on the nite b/4 my bday and once when I was in town and not speaking to him or taking his calls to give me a bottle of champagne and kiss my ass.
    He does not feel that there is anything wrong with the whole club scene b/c a small minority of his buddies do get dances in fact he has one who is a serial stripper dater, but my ole boy just is really not the strip club/lap dance type.
    I don't sit in people's laps at work unless I'm dancing, but never when just sitting at the table and talking. I don't sit in his lap at home b/c its just not something we do, so I can't imagine him being the type to let a stranger sit where even I don't. If he did though, I don't believe I would be upset. I'd simply be smiling when I left work listening to the sweet chirp of my Volvo's security system saying hi to me
    "Come what may although I often say realities come from dreams, but approach all lies with open eyes because NOthing in this world is EVER ALL it seems."

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    Default Re: How would u feel if YOUR bf got a lapdance?

    I would have no problem with it. I hope he would have a great time, spend lots of money, and not act like a lecherous fool. I would hope that he would be enough of a gentleman (or good man) to not offer a girl $5.00 for a BJ....ya know, act decent.

    MissB

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    Default Re: How would u feel if YOUR bf got a lapdance?

    I have no problem with him having fun. We are both very open and secure with each other. We know that there is a difference, sex is sex and love is love.

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