Results 1 to 5 of 5

Thread: Ever wish you could eat your words?

  1. #1
    Banned
    Joined
    Jan 2003
    Location
    B.C & USA
    Posts
    1,869
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Ever wish you could eat your words?

    One of my friends sent this to me today and I thought I'd share it with ya'll since they made me LMAO


    Ever spoken and wished that you could take the words back...or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are a few stories of people who did and do . . . . .


    How Much For. . .
    I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.

    Melinda, 39, Seguin, TX

    I Like That . . .
    I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

    Colleen , 31, Ferndale, MI

    Nuts About You . . .
    My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
    Faye , 34, Ellerslie, MD

    I Saw Mommy Kissing . . .
    While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now"she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my
    daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.
    Amy,Stafford, Virginia

    What Kind Do You Want ? ? ?
    A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently
    misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN ITH A HAMMER?"

    Diane E.

    For The Last Time . . .
    Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo! I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nea! rly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

    About Last Night . . .
    This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any . . . a true story. We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too because they were laughing so hard

  2. #2
    Featured Member
    Joined
    Jun 2003
    Posts
    1,088
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 4 Times in 2 Posts

    Default Re: Ever wish you could eat your words?

    Too funny!

  3. #3
    Senior Member Chelle's Avatar
    Joined
    May 2003
    Location
    Iowa
    Posts
    181
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Ever wish you could eat your words?

    You have made my weekend! ....unfortunately I have been a victim of the child's "it's just the farts" answer. It was definitely not this funny to me when it happened.
    chelle
    Chelle
    www.geocities.com/lolasfeature

    "Everyone always says to look outside the box- I prefer to believe there is no box"

  4. #4
    Senior Member m's Avatar
    Joined
    May 2003
    Posts
    148
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Ever wish you could eat your words?

    funny one i got this week along the same lines

    Several years ago, I returned home from a trip just when a storm hit with crashing thunder and severe lightning. As I came into my bedroom about 2 a.m., I found my two children in bed with my wife, apparently scared by the loud storm. I resigned myself to sleep in the guest bedroom that night. The next day, I talked to the children, and explained that it was O.K. to sleep with Mom when the storm was bad, but when I was expected home, please don't sleep with Mom that night. They said OK. After my next trip several weeks later, my wife and the children picked me up in the terminal at the appointed time. Since the plane was late, there were hundreds of other folks waiting for their arriving passengers, also. As I entered the waiting area, my son saw me, and came running shouting, "Hi, Dad! I've got some good news!" As I waved back, I said loudly, "What's the good news?" "Nobody slept with Mommy while you were away this time!" Alex shouted. The airport became very quiet, as everyone in the waiting area looked at Alex, then turned to me, and then searched the rest of the area to see if they could figure out exactly who his Mom was.

  5. #5
    Veteran Member
    Joined
    Jul 2002
    Posts
    400
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 12 Times in 2 Posts

    Default Re: Ever wish you could eat your words?

    [laughup]

    geez, M, that must have been embarrassing!

Similar Threads

  1. Words with Friends
    By lilykane in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 06-28-2011, 06:46 PM
  2. New Words
    By CuriousJ in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 03-22-2006, 11:39 PM
  3. Words To Think About
    By VADEN in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 11-08-2004, 10:09 AM
  4. Words to all....
    By ambilyn in forum Stripping (was Stripping General)
    Replies: 22
    Last Post: 03-24-2004, 01:16 AM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •