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Thread: Judging others or having an opinion

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    Default Judging others or having an opinion

    What is the difference between passing judgement and having a negative opinion ? Is there a difference?

    Hypotheticaly- a dancer is doing extras or selling drugs in your club and you find this offensive for whatever reason.

    Are you making a judgement or just having a negative opinion?

    What about the a person you know of who has unprotected one night stands regularly and you find this offensive given the reality of STD's ?

    Is that a moral judgement?

    If we don't judge other peoples actions, how do we define what is morally acceptable for in our own lives ?

    It seems to me that it is a catch22- if we don't voice our opposition to something we are condoning it, but if we do speak up, even in a non threatening or insulting manner we are part of the moral bandwagon.

    If we as humans don't have the right to judge others then what about Charlie Manson? I know it is an extreme example ,but think about it.

    I'd really appreciate every ones thoughts on this as I am about to be raising a child soon and I have been working on these kinds of issues in my mind so I can raise the most intelligent and caring person possible and this is an issue I am realy on the fence about.

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    Veteran Member Naomi_Tx's Avatar
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    Default Re: Judging others or having an opinion

    I've been saying this for years, it's human nature to judge everyone we come in contact with. It's how we decide who and whom not to associate with. I'm so sick of people saying "it's wrong to judge others." or "it's not our place to judge others."

    That's total bullshit. What isn't our right to do, would be to pass sentence.

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    Veteran Member toxicgirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Judging others or having an opinion

    my opinion:
    i have seen interesting things in my life. much of what you listed above (as what most others have)
    but this is what i tell myself: it can ALWAYS be me.
    instead of being nasty or finding things offensive, i try to be more helpful. i dont really think badly of the person- i just try to be helpful so they dont destroy themselves. kindness can get you somewhere.

    ex: if someone from work is using drugs in front of me (if i hear something through a rumor, i ignore it), i will tell them that i wont tell others, unless something serious, such as an od occured. i will tell them in a calm and caring manner how their choice can harm her body and ask the girl why she sees the need to do it. i wont tell them 'you're bad for using drugs' or something like that. i'm more like, 'it's really sad to watch someone hurt themselves like that- wouldn't you love to spend your money on something else?' i also tell them that if they want my confidential help, that i would have no problem referring them to a clinic or giving them information. another thing- I TRY TO SET AN EXAMPLE- i can't tell someone to do something if i cant do it myself- that's why i dont use any drugs or drink, no casual sex, etc.
    this attitude did have a positive effect- one girl was going to snort a bunch of coke. i told her how coke deteriorates her muscles, told her that her choice was hers and that i wasnt going to stop her, but that it was sad to see her injure herself like that. she started crying. i guess i made one difference.

    o and one more thing: charles manson was just an angry hippy who wanted to join the beach boys.
    "RIP THE SYSTEM"

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    God/dess doc-catfish's Avatar
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    Default Re: Judging others  or having an opinion

    It seems to me that it is a catch22- if we don't voice our opposition to something we are condoning it, but if we do speak up, even in a non threatening or insulting manner we are part of the moral bandwagon.
    The problem is with some people who voice their opinions (either pro or con) is that they don't back their statements up with reason. They instead resort to emotional blather which tends to say more about the messenger than it does the message.
    [argue]
    Needless to say, if someone at your club is engaging in activity that is putting your well-being at risk, I see nothing bigoted with pulling that person aside and explaining exactly what the problem is.

    Its not so much that one judges others, but how they go about doing it.
    Former SCJ now in rehab.

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    Banned Melonie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Judging others  or having an opinion

    I define opinions, positive or negative, as pertaining to subjects which do not affect me directly. I personally feel that the emergency crews that worked through the tragedy of 9/11 are the most fantastic people on earth. I also personally feel that the democrats debating a couple of days ago don't have enough brains or balls between them to make one good president. I also have a neutral opinion if a random girl chooses to prostitute herself in a hotel room or chooses to sell drugs on a streetcorner. Just my opinion, doesn't matter if anyone else agrees or disagrees.

    On the other hand, I define a judgement as the rightness or wrongness of someone or something which DOES affect me personally. Dancers providing 'extras' or selling drugs in dance clubs does affect me personally on some level. If they happen to be doing it in the club I am currently dancing in, the effect is immediate. If they're doing it in some other club, the effect is not as immediate but may still affect me personally since their actions affect the thoughts and actions of others which may result in other developments that will affect me eventually i.e. anti-dance club ordinances, mistaken impressions that if these girls are whores and drug addicts, and they are dancers, and I'm also a dancer, that I'm also likely to be a whore and drug addict etc. Because their actions do affect me personally, that gives me the right to judge.

  6. #6
    Pamela
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    Default Re: Judging others or having an opinion

    I believe we judge people. It makes sense. I often judge people i meet by their attitude towards animals. If they don't like animals, i don't want them for a friend and move on.

    I also don't care for prostitution, and made that clear in earlier threads. Because if you prostitute yourself out in my neighbour hood, most likely, drugs move in as does theft. That impacts my life. It's in my neighbour hood.

    I also judge people by the vehicle they drive, you drive a pinto, i figure you are not wealthy. Drive a Porsche, and i figure you are wealthy. Both people get the same treatment from me, as i care very much for people who are not as fortunate.

    But yes, i admit...I look at how people behave in public and behind closed doors upon meeting them, i then pass judgement, or form my own opinion about them, and decide if i want to be a part of their lives.

    It's human, and normal.
    Anyone who does not form an opinion about someone, is probably lying. This is our minds at work, and can very well be the difference between life or death in many situations.

    Pamela

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    God/dess Lena's Avatar
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    Default Re: Judging others or having an opinion


    We all judge people. I agree with what toxic says.

    If I know a girl at work does extra's, I might try to gently influence her towards my opinion. I don't do this by telling her that what she is doing is wrong. I do this by getting her on "my side" and getting extras on the other side. For example "doesn't it drive you crazy when some girls do xyz?" Once I've established the idea of not doing extras in her head, I might (if I'm feeling nice and its slow) try to help her improve her dancing/conversation so that she can make $$ without extras.

    With drugs I take a harder line. The first time I see a girl do drugs in front of me, I will ask her not to do drugs in front of me and I'll say that it just makes me sad to watch people hurt themselves and that I've had a couple freinds die from drugs, etc. I let them know that I'm not judging them but that that behavior is not okay around me.

    Judging people would be saying "that is wrong/bad/evil/etc"

    Lena



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    Default Re: Judging others  or having an opinion

    An opinion: "I don't think that girls should do extras in strip clubs."
    A judgement: "Girls that do extras in strip clubs are nasty, bad skanks."

    An opinion: "George Bush has exceedingly poor foreign policy skills."
    A judgement: "George Bush is a moron."

    Of course you should have opinions - how else can you make decisions about your own life? I have a problem with passing judgement on other people, though, since we can't judge the life choices of other people without knowing their circumstances. Of course, I also believe things are different when someone's actions put others in harm's way. Then action needs to be taken - but I'm still not certain it's up to us to judge.

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    Default Re: Judging others or having an opinion

    Tiger, everyone has a judgement. The only way you can't have a judgement is if you're dead or have absolutely no knowledge of a subject.
    Once someone experiences something they start to draw conclusions about it, so when you ask them about it they draw from their limited experience on the subject.
    A negative opinion is simply those judgements determined by the individual to be negative by their belief system.
    Everyone has a different judgement on everything. Look at the O.J. Simpson trial. Everyone has different belief systems . Whatever and however you determine a phenomena to be good or bad is your moral system.
    Is it wrong to pass judgement? Heck no, everyone is doing the same. What I can say is to go by what you have experienced and if you are challenged by it explain your reasons for maintaining such a position. You may convince your contender or they may convince you. The thing is ,be open to explore concepts that may be counter to what you believed to be true. In the end , you are deciding how you feel.

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    Veteran Member xmarx52's Avatar
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    Default Re: Judging others  or having an opinion

    I believe we judge people. It makes sense. I often judge people i meet by their attitude towards animals. If they don't like animals, i don't want them for a friend and move on.


    Pamela

    Pamela, you and me are like siblings of different mothers I swear. Anyone who does not like animals I don't quite trust. If you are just passive to them that is one thing but anyone who simply does not like animals I am very suspicious of.

    More later...
    Anyone with a memory should be very humble.

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    Default Re: Judging others or having an opinion

    All you can do is educate your child to the best of your knowledge,try to teach them morals and kindness,and lead by example,when he or she is older then they can form their own views and opinions,all we can do is steer them in the correct direction and try not to push negative or prejudice beliefs on them, depending on how we were raised.

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    Veteran Member Naomi_Tx's Avatar
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    Default Re: Judging others or having an opinion

    if fact one of the main reasons i can't stand people is that they are overtly judgmental (and maliciously superficial)....and having to deal with them is a necessary evil
    Um, you do realize that this is a judgmental statement.

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    Default Re: Judging others or having an opinion


    Um, you do realize that this is a judgmental statement.
    See that is what I am talking about- are we taught or do we, me much included, just do it because it is human nature.
    Well I guess I just have to hope I will be a healthy positive example, but I think it is important to consider

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    Featured Member LEIGH_LANDON's Avatar
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    Default Re: Judging others or having an opinion

    about the liking animals thing - this brings up a very good point I would like to make, a very special friend of mine never quite has anything to say about anyones animals and acts quite indifferent to others pets, abhors the slobbering and such of the affection of a dog to its owner etc etc, well, I just let it go - and felt that bill will come due soon enough - and low and behold?

    Turns out a family pet that died when he was young that he was incredibly attached to loved so much-- died and it was his first experience with losing a pet and death all at once....

    I think he keeps his distance in some kind of defense mechanism...not wanting to like or get attached again as it was so terribly painful of an experience that marked him in his adult life...

    Again bringing light to the judgement factor - one might hastily judge this person with the "doesn't like animals" criteria on his whole persona when in fact there is always a story - we all have a story, no?

    I got this out of him in a round about way - and found out the little story behind it without actiually asking why he was so distant and sort of cool around pets. Turns out he loved that dog so much...

    Anyway - I justed wanted to share that - and bring to light that things arent always what they seem....

    LIVE LONG & PROSPER!
    Leigh Landon

    Never explain yourself to anyone, because the person who likes you doesn't need it and the person that dislikes you won't believe it.

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    Pamela
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    Default Re: Judging others or having an opinion

    I so agree LIEGH this can happen as with the person you met. I though usually ask what kind of animal a person has, if i am in the slight bit interested. Or watch for rude comments like "animals stink," words like that. IF someone is abit aloof with animals, i at times think they may have been bitten at one time, say child hood.

    But i need to hear or see a negative responce directly towards animals. That is how i pass my judgement.

    And yes, i admit like before, i judge people based on alot of things, but that is mainly kept to myself, and i feel it's normal to judge others.

    Pamela

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    Featured Member LEIGH_LANDON's Avatar
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    Default Re: Judging others or having an opinion

    Its pretty difficult NOT to like animals in fact for some reason I believe this is innate.

    Present in all of us and whatever experiences we have in life make us the people we are - and we cant possibly know everyones story so reserving and opinion or judgement on a person might be best put aside until we can really make a call on anyone.

    I love animals simply adore them but dont have any as I am incredibly allergic. Put me in the hospital a few times with severe asthmatic reactions. So I dont HAVE a pet.

    And as far as them stinking? LOL, well...they kinda do! Some anyway.... Depending on the owner too - my friend has a pocket puppy and this mini dog's breath and teeth are so rotten and because dogs do lick themselves he does stink - as cute as a button that he is - well he stinks. He is unkempt and foul. Although she loves and babies him and the dog wants for nothing pisses and shits anywhere and the owner thinks its cute! I think its offensive.

    And what of the peoplke that leave the dog chained up on 3 feet of rope in the yard for the duration of its sad pethetic life? Becasue they own a pet makes them a great person? How about those that leave them to perish in a hot car while they shop?

    This owning or liking animal thing isnt a very good judge of character at all in my book.
    LIVE LONG & PROSPER!
    Leigh Landon

    Never explain yourself to anyone, because the person who likes you doesn't need it and the person that dislikes you won't believe it.

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    Default Re: Judging others or having an opinion


    I drove over the next sunday morning when I knew his parents were at church and stole the dog. Gave him to my cousin.

    I would literally murder someone who hurt or stole one of my dogs; but I felt I had to do this.
    Good for you- treating a dog that way is what makes them mean and dangerous. It sounds like the were using the dog as an alarm system or something, like a thing and not a living being . I have animals and have at times treated them better than myself back when I started out stripping. my theory was they were small would suffer faster than say me. They ate better than me for a year probably., which was fine by me

  18. #18
    Pamela
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    Default Re: Judging others or having an opinion

    I so agree with you very much LEIGH. But alot of people do judge others on the way they treat their own pets.

    As far as a dog tied out, thats simple: NEGLECT. Meaning not love. And it's the same with small children, and the way a person (normally a man) treats his mother. These are the big 3 i have been taught to watch for. And it usually holds true.

    You know what they say about young children who kill animals for the hell of it (kittens, puppies etc.).....Look out for them later in life.

    I do however understand what you say, not everyone will judge others by this.
    I do however.

    Pamela

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    Featured Member LEIGH_LANDON's Avatar
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    Default Re: Judging others or having an opinion

    understood that you do but just in the few moments of speaking with someone to make any judgement call - do you have a pet?
    Just isnt enough to break it down, and surely they arent going to tell you that they neglect the pet either...so again, it would be nice if just a couple questions could clear up any person's principals on character but it just isnt so.
    LIVE LONG & PROSPER!
    Leigh Landon

    Never explain yourself to anyone, because the person who likes you doesn't need it and the person that dislikes you won't believe it.

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    Veteran Member Naomi_Tx's Avatar
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    Default Re: Judging others or having an opinion

    Tigerlilly, I think your suspicions are right on, they just wanted an alarm system. I know what you mean when you write about treating your dogs better than yourself at times, I'm the same way. I love my girls more than any friend or BF I've ever known. I've never shot them a smart-ass remark; and, ironically enough, they are the only ones who I've never thought of as a bitch at one time or another.


    I had a bit too much to drink at work last night (understatement ) and stayed over at a another dancer's house. Woke up at 7am to the sound of a baby crying. Looked around and there were like 10 other people sleeping throughout the house. Found the baby in her crib still screaming; took care of her till 1pm when her father woke up and took over. Mother was still pretending to sleep when I left at 2pm.

    My judgement: She's a inconsiderate guest and a poor mother.

    I've decided that I'm not ashamed of my ability to judge others, it reassures me that I still have morals and manners.

  21. #21
    Pamela
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    Default Re: Judging others or having an opinion

    Again i mainly judge people by their behaviour with
    1) pets
    2) children
    3)parents
    My big 3.

    These are not in any particular order, it's just my way of "me" banging out of a situation where i don't think i would be interested in people who are mean or neglectful (language, physical contact, lack of affection etc.) to any one of these. I try to chose friendships wisely, but does not always happen. It can't.

    However, these are not the only things i judge people by, i use clothing in a certain setting for example. LIke parents of children running around a supermarket without shoes or shirts on.

    There are many ways to judge. I admit, i do judge people, and in only 30 seconds with someone either talking to me about themselves, or behaviour towards animals and people i make a conclusion.

    Again, thats me. As with my gut instinct at times may tell me within seconds something does not feel right with someone, i act on it the way i feel i should. I do my best to always be nice to people i meet, never start an argument, and like them. But sometimes it just don't work that way. If it did, i would be living in the perfect world, or i would be perfect, that's not the case.

    Pamela

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    Veteran Member carmenNYC's Avatar
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    Default Re: Judging others or having an opinion

    of course i judge people- it is human nature- everyone does it. if someone close to me is doing something that could be destructive towards themselves or others, i will talk to them about it in a rational, calm, friendly way. the worst thing to do is yell at them or belittle them. this might sound corny but just teach your child morals, kindness, RESPECT, and ALWAYS to treat others how you would like to be treated. everyone has their faults-- not everyone agrees with everyone else's actions and choices. you can only do something about it to a point. then, it's none of your business.

    oh yeah, CONGRATULATIONS on your new baby!!!!!!

    ~carm

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    Default Re: Judging others or having an opinion

    so....i 'made a judgmental statement'....


    i guess in the area of the world were i reside....kind people that don't pass judgement (make negative assumptions)
    What area of the world is this? You mean the people who see things around them never see anything as being negative? Where are they -heaven?

    or feel the need to degrade others on a consistent basis....don't exist....so i'd rather not be around people when i don't have to....
    This is an entirely different thing. I don't feel the need to degrade anyone but there are negative attitudes (prejudice , hate, ignorance) that need to be challenged. Ignoring them will do no good. I am not putting them down. I am contesting the basis of their theories.

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