Our mentality towards life and love is formed by every joyous or agonizing episode that we somehow managed to survive. It's commonly referred to as maturing; the art of learning from past mistakes. Nobody wants to allow themselves to be hurt if it can be avoided. My question is; have you ever been hurt as a result of your own emotional protection?
When it comes to falling in love, my mentality is, you either sink or swim. I choose to swim...away. I can't work with a broken heart, and since I must work to survive, I assume this is my sort of survival mechanism. If a guy gets too close than I push him away, and continue pushing till he no longer enjoys my company and gives up. Practice makes perfect, I must be some sort of expert now because distancing myself has become so natural. I don't even consciously consider why it is that I don't want him and I to become involved.
I met this guy a few months ago through some mutual friends, I liked him but wouldn't agree to go out with him. Finally I gave in; but the whole time I kept it under the condition that we remain nothing more than friends because I'm not looking for a relationship. He was both patient and persistent; but in the end my cold bitchiness caused exactly what was intended, he lost interest.
This time its different, I really had feelings for him. What the hell is wrong with me?



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