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Thread: Dealing with...Fantasy killer's ???

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    Default Dealing with...Fantasy killer's ???

    I rarely start a topic of discussion but need a little room to vent. After reading a thread in the ladies about slander I was possessed to start this one.

    To start, my wife and I are fairly well respected within the realm of our industry ( locally ) . We are the pseudo fantasy couple in our area. I owned a business and worked the club's to stay social. We got together and some of the girl's where jealous, calling me a sugar daddy and saying that there was no love and she was only in it for the money. After our son was born I had the opportunity to buy a club, which I did, fulfilling another widely shared fantasy that many of us in the industry have. Therefore fueling even more jealousy amongst our now rival's.

    Now back to my wife, we have been friend's for 7 year's and together more then 4 year's two of those married. She is also one of my dancer's and as one we work very hard and well, I might add, at keeping our relationship out of the club. I'm her boss at work and she is mine at home. She work's really hard for her money and take's exceptional pride in her career and ability to perform. Anyways the hugest problem we have encountered is that she get's destroyed by other dancer's, either from our past or one's we have meet along the way. She has a fantasy life that she share's with customer's, that she is a student and work's her way through school dancing ( the ol struggling student angle ) , she uses the same story all the time to keep it all straight. Other dancer's that know her and work at other club's keep telling her shit to customer's and ruining her money. There's one that I busted doing coke out back one night and fired, 2 other's at a rival club that are just jealous because there live's suck and hate that she is successful and happy and many other's that we can't place yet. To the point that we don't tell new girl's coming in that we are a couple until we know they are going to work out and stay. We have even had girl's inside the club pulling the "oop's I slipped" shit and killing her earning potential. It is so frustrating for the both of us, I have so much trouble dealing with it that it's starting to eat at me. Yeah I've given her the " hey baby, they can't compete at your level and they cheat at the game to knock you out of the race, jealous bitches, what come's around goes around." and all that stuff. I doesn't help when they are taking all the money and she's fighting to get her's. Guy's will spend on a dancer who has an S/O or kid's or what ever if it's presented properly or not brought up at all, guy's will never spend serious money on the " owner's wife " ever. She is intangible and perceived as such. This is unfortunately a smaller city and therefore much more of a problem then it would be in any place with a population of say around a million. I guess the truth does hurt sometime's

    Just had to vent, any comment's, suggestion's welcome.

    Peace,
    Not so Crazy, Bob

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    Member Big_Gun's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with...Fantasy killer's ???

    Wow CrazyBob,

    I think you have a great life. You own a business, and are married to one of the entertainers. You obviously have a beautiful wife, and with that I would be happy.

    Did you ever consider that she work in a different club ? Do you feel jelousy about her dancing ? Are you trying to keep an eye on her in your controlled environment ?

    These are issues that I would feel. Perhaps you should carefully look at your priorities. Maybe your's is the only club in town, but if not, she should move and separate her dancing from the marriage.

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    Senior Member Indica's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with...Fantasy killer's ???

    Wow is right. What a tough situation! It irritates me that others find it nescassary to mention she is the "owners wife", but some people dont have the confidence I suppose to make money without playing nasty.

    Like Big_Gun suggested, is it at all possible for her to work elsewhere? I know its petty to think of her leaving the club where you guys can support each other just because of some harsh girls, but its nearly impossible to control what girls say privately to customers.

    Or....... just not tell anyone, but I guess there isn't much you can do about the employed girls that already know.

    We had a husband wife situation at our club, but thankfully it never came to this. Hope you can find some viable resolution, this is a toughie. :-/


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    Featured Member Prester_John's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with...Fantasy killer's ???

    No matter what one does, or what endeavor one takes up, there WILL be those who are irrationally jealous, and will do what they can to bring you down, for various reasons. It's usually easy to blow off the one time barbs, but it takes a real thick skin to shrug it off over a long period of time.

    Bob, while she works in the place you own, this sort of occurrence will be inevitable. It may seem simple and trite, but you have to weigh the advantages and disadvantages for BOTH of you by Sasha working there. Do the immature actions of others ruin her earning potential over a long period of time or just a few nights? Is this something that’s increasing?

    If you think that her working with you is an arrangement that has enormous personal benefits for you guys (like, the closeness of working with a spouse, which, if you get along well, is priceless), then you really need to bite the bullet and accept that this will happen on a regular basis. If you both think professionally the only solution is for her to work somewhere else, then that really might be a possibility. She can always work a little at your club.

    From your posts and talking to you in chat, you really seem to really care about your employees AND the customers. Maybe you can set an atmosphere where the girls themselves as a whole will not tolerate backstabbers like that. If one crosses the line, the rest of the group takes care of it. That’s harder to do engender, but much more substantial in the long haul.

    I hope this helps.

    PJ

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    Default Re: Dealing with...Fantasy killer's ???

    Ok maybe you guy's haven't read far enough into the forum to understand my wife and I's relationship. She was a dancer when I met her,I fell in love with a dancer, it is her career and she love's it. I would never want her to stop dancing until which time as she felt she was ready to move on to something else. It make's her happy and making her happy is a priority to me. Am I jealous? hell no, in fact I'm very proud of her. Do I watch her nervously as if she is going to disrespect me ? no, give the knowledge that I am involved with a dancer at the club, no one has ever guessed right as to who it was. As for working at another club, that is out of the question and would be ludacrist to assume that one of my compeditor's would allow my wife to work for them naturally assuming that she would be there to prospect dancer's from there club's to work for me.

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    Default Re: Dealing with...Fantasy killer's ???

    Thank's PJ, and yes I have created an environment where backstabbing isn't tolerated the only quandry I have it that if I catch a girl talking about other's personal stuff to customer's and fire her. She goes to another club and talk's louder and more freely causing a problem that I have absolutely no control of.

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    Senior Member LapOfLuxury's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with...Fantasy killer's ???

    I was once a regular customer of a club where the owner's wife was a dancer. She wasn't one of my favorites. She wasn't very pretty (in my opinion), and I didn't find her personality terribly appealing. But the fact that she was the owner's wife actually made her a little more interesting to me. She actually made MORE money from me because I knew than she would have if I hadn't known.

    I may be an unusual case because I don't go to strip clubs for any kind of FANTASY. Strip clubs for me are not about fantasy, unless we are talking about FULFILLING fantasies through the REALITY of physical intimacy with women I find attractive and charming. I don't care if dancers are married (to the clubowner, or otherwise), shacking up, single, whatever. I never ask dancers about their relationship status. If they want to volunteer the information, fine.

    Say there was a dancer I regularly spent money on that never said anything to me about her relationship status, and I suddenly found out she was the clubowner's wife. No problem. But say that dancer had portrayed herself as a single, struggling student. Big problem. Big turn-off. It is very off-putting to find out somebody has been feeding you a bunch of lies about her life.

    I don't really approve of dancers OUTING those who feed their customers big-time BS autobiographies, but I don't approve of the big-time BS autobiographies either.



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    Default Re: Dealing with...Fantasy killer's ???

    LapOfLuxury; you are correct, She doen't offer any personal information unless provoked. When she is provoked to do so it is usually by a customer who want's more then the usual entertainment provided in the confines of the club. You in deed are a rare and cherished type of customer and I would assume in a group of about 5% of customer's over all. You are also right about the fact that she has to be dishonest but the customer put's her into that position if she want's to retain his patronage, if he askes her about her personal life he's lookin to see if there is room in it for him.

    Sapphire; I know you can understand our quandry, being from a demographic's not unlike our's. The idea of her having to travel to make good honest money when there is more then we need right here at home is disstressing. We have considered it but the fact that we have 3 small children at home that compete for our attention now only make's that all the more unrealistic.

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    Default Re: Dealing with...Fantasy killer's ???

    oh dear, this really is a difficult situation. :-/ i can see how it would be nearly impossible for her to work at a rival club, too. maybe Sapphire's idea might improve things... she could say you're a very "modern" couple - you have you're playmates and she has hers and sometimes you all play together or some such thing... i think a lot of guys would find that titillating. i've always thought that the majority of guys looking to date a dancer aren't really interested in forming any kind of commited relationship but are more looking for someone to just date and have sex with. if she were to say that you two were married but had an open relationship it wouldn't close the door for those guys just looking to date and screw.

    other then that, i just can't think of anything else that might work... as i'm sure you're discovering, it's just impossible to control what other people are going to say especially behind your back. so maybe the best approach would be to try to find a way to make it work for you rather then try to fight against it, ya know?

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    Default Re: Dealing with...Fantasy killer's ???

    I've been in her shoes, i completely understand, however there's nothing anyone can do to stop the greedy strippers from running their mouth.

    My ex-boyfriend and I worked toghther, he's a DJ.

    Anyway, we tried to hide our relationship at work. We drove separate cars even though we lived together and I did try to avoid the booth. Everyone knew.

    It was unbearable, the manager actually overheard a girl telling a customer after he made a flattering comment about me on stage. She wasn't even fired which made things worse because there was nothing to worry about! Actually, she never came back but the damage was done.

    He'd been in the business for a long time and was not the jealous type; but who the hell could enjoy a dance from a girl who's big mean-looking BF is upstairs with a total view?

    I wasn't exactly the hottest girl there; but damn I really was treated like a leper!

    I was lucky to live in a big city so I moved clubs.

    It sucks Bob I know, the only advice I can give her is to not obsess about it like I did. Very hard to make money when you're giving that intimidating glare to a girl across the room who looks like she's talking about you. Paranoia is not sexy.

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    Pamela
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    Default Re: Dealing with...Fantasy killer's ???

    Wow...lots of drama from other dancers. I would (and this is me), remain a dancer inside the club, remain married to you (the wonderful man), and keep on sticking to the club rules.

    Me being the owner of the club, would start looking for other potential good dancers, while keeping the others, then replace them.

    Sasha should keep on with what sells....Telling guys she is going through some school and thats why she dances.

    Let the others from other clubs talk, she can deny, and also become popular at the same time.

    Maybe it's time to slowly clean house, and get different dancers aboard. While Sasha works her job.
    Maybe slow, but she can be whoever she wants inside the club. And not every guy is going to believe the others. It's only making her more popular. And they look jealous of her.

    Watch for the major trouble makers, and keep your wife dancing in the club you two have! She can pull it off, and the other dancers can talk shit.

    Most guys don't care anyway, they just want a beautiful dancer to spend time with, married or single.

    I can't think of many clubs where you DON'T have shit talkers anyway.
    Lotsa luck,
    Pamela

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    Default Re: Dealing with...Fantasy killer's ???



    Let the others from other clubs talk, she can deny, and also become popular at the same time.
    And not every guy is going to believe the others. It's only making her more popular. And they look jealous of her.

    Most guys don't care anyway, they just want a beautiful dancer to spend time with, married or single.

    Sounds nice Pamela; but reality bites!

  13. #13
    Pamela
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    Default Re: Dealing with...Fantasy killer's ???

    Sometimes running is not the answer. Face reality, and make it better!

    In this business there is alot of talk....life goes on. Many dancers quit beacuse they won't face reality, or it's too hard to tackle in this business.



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    Default Re: Dealing with...Fantasy killer's ???

    Sometimes running is not the answer. Face reality, and make it better!

    In this business there is alot of talk....life goes on. Many dancers quit beacuse they won't face reality, or it's too hard to tackle in this business.


    Pamela, I am trying to explain this, to those who haven't experienced it themselves, as patiently as possible.

    Sorry to be so blunt girl, but you've got no clue what you're talking about in this thread.

    You're right, many dancers won't face reality. Like when they think they've got the answer for everything.

    I didn't quit DANCING I quit the club.

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    Pamela
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    Default Re: Dealing with...Fantasy killer's ???

    Naomi i gave my opinion....now get the hell off my friggin back!!!!!
    You don't like what i SAY, don't respond. Who the hell made you a damn expert ? Huh??


    I have no clue what i am talking about, how long have you danced, and made good money, stuck it out through thick and thin.

    Ya know, Don't respond to me....it's that simple. I read the thread, i have danced many years, my advice came from my heart to Crazybob....This is his club and wife...wtf ???

    Sorry had to modify here, Naomi...looks like i gave advice that was something you could not or just chose not to do, i had no idea you did change clubs because of problems. That ws a good choice i hope, and worked well for you. I gave advice against what you have done, and this was not a personal attack, i did not know you changed clubs because of problems.

    Sorry if i have offended you in any way, you gave great advice. I just said the opposite. No harm done i hope.

    Pamela

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    Default HRe: Dealing with...Fantasy killer's ???

    Hey Bob,

    I have dealt with this situation and it wasn't pretty. I was dancing at a club that may ex-fiance owned. I was actually there before him. He and his partner bought the club from the previous owner. We met at the club. It was just a slow forming chemistry thing.

    Here is the irony: I got along with my co-workers just fine. I actually thought they would be happy for me!! I never thought of the repurcussions, because I never thought there would be any.

    We never ended up getting married, but I think if I had quit once we became involved, it would have spared me a lot of pain. I had my car keyed, I even stopped wearing my ring and told everyone we broke up. Hell, we did brake up, for a month! Still, almost every dancer hated me. Even those at the rival clubs.

    I am sure that living in a small city makes it even worse.
    This club was in the Northern Calif. Bay Area, south of San Francisco.

    I would explore the idea of her working elsewhere.

    Good Luck,

    Corey
    (Formerly known as 'Korina')

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    Default Re: Dealing with...Fantasy killer's ???

    Crazybob, It seems like you and your wife enjoy working together and the idea of her going to another club is unappealing. In that case, I would make it a club policy that there is to be no gossiping by the dancers to the customers. If all your dancers know AHEAD OF TIME that they will face consequences for their gossip, hopefully they will be less inclined to do so. I'm sure your wife is not the only married dancer on your staff, and many dancers have boyfriends, kids, etc. Telling personal info about other dancers is a big no-no, owners wife or not.
    Most of the girls who work at your club often enough to know the inside scoop will want to hold onto their jobs. Trouble is, how do you enforce such a rule? It's so hard to tell who's gossiping because it's such a he said/she said kind of deal. I guess you would just have to count on the threat of being fired to keep the girls quiet.

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    Default Re: Dealing with...Fantasy killer's ???

    Gosh Bob, I had no idea club owners went through such hassels. For the first thing, yeh you're right, all those other girls are simply jealous you have a stable marital life as opposed to theirs.
    You have the confidence to know that your working relationship with your S.O. is strong enough to dismiss all the rumored claims of others. You are the one married to her ,not them.
    I wouldn't think someone would go against someone who literally is in bed with the boss. It just testifies how arrogant these women are.
    The best thing I think you can do is to uphold your principles. If you show the strenght of your convictions maybe these girls will give up and go elsewhere. I don't think you can fire them for their attitude. Hopefully a better lot will come in.
    I know the owner of a topless joint who's girlfriend works at his club. Not only does she dance (not so much anymore) but she also bartends, keeps the books ,and generally helps manage the business. I don't think he has the same problems as you as he freely admits she is his girlfriend and business partner.
    So far as I know ,you run a clean and fair joint. Keep up the good work.

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    Default Re: Dealing with...Fantasy killer's ???


    Okay, this is my take on the situation:

    Backstabbing gossip is going to happen. Can't change that.

    The only thing she *can* change is her reaction to the backstabbing gossip. There is, in every such situation, a way to twist it around to maxamize earning potential. I worked at a club one time where girls ran around telling customers "don't get dances from her, she's a lesbian she doesn't even like dick." So I just let it be known that I was the type of lesbian that liked to go out with my girlfreind and seduce guys... I got off on watching them fuck her. Obviously, so untrue and I didn't even have a gf at the time, but I became much more popular than the girls that were spreading the shit.

    In this situation I think your wife has two options to turn this shit in to cash. If she's the very classy type she could do the "I don't understand why jealous girls have to start these kinds of rumors" (this sort of comment should always be made with the appearance of hating to say anything bad even about the girl who's spreading rumors.. it's just that, well, you know she's been having a hard time with money lately, and I guess I'm an easy target because I've been around so long and have so many customers... I'm sure things will get better for her though, she can be so sweet sometimes... or whatever).

    Option number two would be "oh, giggle, that's supposed to be a secret, i'm not supposed to tell... but i just love messing around with other men right under his nose, i totally get off on him being right there while i'm rubbing myself on another man and there's nothing he can do about it, etc."

    Option number one will retain the classy regulars. Number two will attract and retain the kinky weirdos, who sometimes have a lot of money.

    JMO,
    Lena



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    Default Re: Dealing with...Fantasy killer's ???

    Thank you everyone who has posted and those that will. As you all know I bitch very little and usually try to be the barer of knowledge, but we all have situation's that impartial comment's can shed lucrative light on. This being one of them for me. You girl's have provided a plethora of good, sound excuse's to make this a more bareable situation as opposed to the tragic problem it started out being. It is unfortunate and helpful that this isn't a unique problem for us.

    As for being a tyrannical boss that hack's out any problem's that arise, I'm far from that. If I was to fire someone that stepped on a girl, I would be considered partial or unfair,especially if it's my wife. She get's less slack and is expected to do more, better and with less complaining then the other's. She's my wife and understand's my dilemma, it's just kinda unfair. She doesn't use my power to her advantage ever, all her money is made entirely by her merit's alone. She would have it no other way.

    Great response's from everyone, some I'm more than sure she will use. You ladies are all goddesses in my eye's not for the mere number's you post but for the wisdom you poured into them. ( There, now I guess I'm an ass kisser )

    Peace,
    Bob

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    Default Re: Dealing with...Fantasy killer's ???

    Hi Bob,

    I think that Alanna and Lena have an idea that might just work. If you have trouble selling or keeping alive the fantasy of being a single girl, then maybe your wife might try selling a different fantasy. It just might work.

    I bet you have heard of or seen the pretty big boobed blonde Net model called "Wifey". She is very pretty but no prettier than a lot of other models and what guys respond to with her is the idea of seeng this guys wife doing all these naughty things. As you know the whole idea of Taboo always makes things seem sexier. So maybe your wife can sell the idea of her husband getting turned on by her showing off for other guys. Just a thought.

    Either way I hope you can work something out and things go smoother for you both in the future. Marriage and running a business are hard enough with out other people making it harder on you both. Good Luck!
    Anyone with a memory should be very humble.

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    Default Re: Dealing with...Fantasy killer's ???

    if she were to say that you two were married but had an open relationship it wouldn't close the door for those guys just looking to date and screw.
    Bob, i just wanted to point out that by saying "wouldn't close the door" here i didn't mean that Sasha should actually contemplate dating and screwing these guys... but just create that illusion in the customers' minds. re-reading this, i can see how my saying this might be misunderstood (and really make your eyes pop! ).

    since everyone seems to be in agreement that there just isn't any way to totally stop the gossip, it seems that what might work is to take the ammunition away from the jealous girls that are saying things to customers about Sasha's marital status. if she changes her story to include admitting that the owner is her husband, that would take away the ammunition. i'm thinking that most customers would tend to believe a story that the two of you were an open kinky couple since i would think most customers would find you two to be a bit open and kinky just with your being the owner and your wife dancing there... so it wouldn't be a stretch for them to believe that Sasha was available (if in her story she made it seem that way) no matter what others said. sure, girls could say that you two were married but that no way do either of you see others, but would a customer believe that when the owner's wife works there, Sasha gives the impression that you have a wild and unconventional relationship, and when you pass her by you give her and her customer a smile and maybe a little wink or a wave? and she wouldn't have to abandon the student story either, but just incorporate that into the new story... who says you can't be a married dancer and still go to school? it might be a good idea for her to not totally drop the school story so the gossipers can't claim that "oh she used to say she was a student, but since that lie didn't work, she just made up another story!" does that make sense?

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