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Thread: Advice for a girl, please

  1. #1
    Featured Member Juliette_deSade's Avatar
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    Default Advice for a girl, please

    Ok. So I have this friend. She is 20, And this friend used to be a dancer. A pretty good one, really. She loved her job. Made enough money to be independent. I would go so far as to call her pampered, but she did it all herself.

    And then she meets a guy. A guy who swept her off her feet at first and took her away to a quiet, rural town. This girl is from a city originally, but spent a lot of her time as a dancer in a borde rtown.

    Anyhow. this girl is not dancing anymore and feeling stagnant and bored as a housegirlfriend. She takes care of a senior citizen now, which leaves this city girl at home 24/7. The boyfriend is nice and very intelligent but has a fiery temper when provoked. He has thrown furniture, dishes, telephones...broken everything he threw. It is confusing, because this man can be the most loving person that ever was. And he really does take care of her. But not in the way she is used to. This girl has to ask for everything she gets. The independence is no longer there. The fun is all gone, with promises that it will come soon.

    There is an opportunity to dance again, and very soon. A plane ticket was purchased, but the BF has no idea. As of late, he has been very nice.

    An artist bought that plane ticket. Not to the big city, but to the bordertown that she only sort of liked. This artist is a beatiful one, and he is vivacious and totally in love with her. And he will let her dance. He never threw anything at her. He was quite the stoner tho. They had a relationship seven months ago, my friend and this artist. He will be waiting at the airport tomorrow morning for her

    She is panicking. Should she stay put in the quiet farm life? No dancing, not much money, a guy that is sometimes very cruel. A man that can be SO sweet.......
    Or the pothead from the border town who is sexually insatiable and fun but damn! why did he have to live there of all places. Both want her, so what should she do?

    The time is near.
    Juliette DS
    The Texas Pin-up Stripteuse!

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    Banned Melonie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Advice for a girl, please

    Reading between your lines, I take it that your girlfriend is not ready to abandon her independence for a lifetime of "servitude" in the boondocks.

    Personally, I'd vote for option 3 - leave the controlling and sometimes volatile abusive boyfriend to reclaim a fear free independent life. Then use the plane ticket to get out of town in a hurry. Spend just long enough dancing in the border town with the artist to save up for another totally independent move back to the big city.

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    Default Re: Advice for a girl, please

    well, I wouldn't stay in the farm town with a guy who is sometimes cruel. I would either 1) make a temporary move to the border town or 2) fuck em both and go back to the big city.

    Even though she is not working she can surely sock away money here and there to save for a getaway.


  4. #4
    Pamela
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    Default Re: Advice for a girl, please

    By reading your message, she is far too independent at this point in her life to settle with a man who she has to answer too.
    This other guy, fine, if only she is in love with him, and he lets her be her. (but how did he come along while she was with another man)?

    Me however, i would never jump from one relationship right into another. Sounds like she does not need too either.

    She needs time to heal after this ordeal, and gain her own independence back, sometimes you need to be able to do that with out a man for awhile.

    If she is not a stoner, (this new guy is), and is going to a bordertown that she only kinda liked with this other guy, then maybe she wont be complete untill she actually does what she wants. She may not be happy untill she gets the life back she left behind. That is what i feel.

    Pamela

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    Featured Member Juliette_deSade's Avatar
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    Default Re: Advice for a girl, please

    He came first, actually. She married soldier he and got stationed at the bordertown.They divorced. She was married at 16... I saw a picture and spoke with him. I think he sincerely means well. They met while she was still married. 18, I think she was.They have similiar interests. He told me that he would help me out whenever I needed it because I was taking care of his girl till he could. She follows a pattern- men tend to want to nurture her or control her, or both. So she has no concept of being alone. She always danced. She started at 16 with a fake ID in New Orleans, so she always made her own money. It's a first for her. Softest tough girl I have ever seen . I see it in her face. I have seen her be perfectly beguiling with these men we pass. Her eyes can be innocent, hard, puzzled, charming and knowing all at once. Dancing was perfect for her because she really is beautiful

    Ya know what? she doesn't know the life she left behind. Whoa. She was always just a kid. A potsmoker too.

    I am scared to let her get on a plane. She talks so tough but her heart seems defenseless.

    Small wonder.
    Juliette
    The Texas Pin-up Stripteuse!

  6. #6
    Pamela
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    Default Re: Advice for a girl, please

    Doesn't sound like such the tough girl i was responding about in my message. Sounds more like she has a history of men being in her life from a very early age. (bf's/husband.)

    You should be a friend, and let her make her choices. She will find her way one day to what makes her happy.

    It's tough when you are dealing with a tough but softy by heart kinda person. You don't know who they "really" are.

    Maybe she would need some counseling in the future (when money comes in). And just a good friend right now to help her with questions and hadships she may be having.

    Good luck,
    Pamela

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    Default Re: Advice for a girl, please

    First thing I think she should do is lay it on the line with all the parties involved. No playing behind their backs. Everyone should know what the situation is and what is at stake. If the fella is physical and unrestrained he should know that he stands the chance that he will lose her if he doesn't change and if he is up to that. All the competitors should know of each other and what is at stake.
    In the end she will make her decision but when that time comes make the break complete. No loose ends ,no unfinished business, no turning back.

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    God/dess velvet's Avatar
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    Default Re: Advice for a girl, please

    abusive men rarely if ever change. i think she should get on the plane to the border town. let THAT guy know it's a temp. stop on her way back to the big city. let her get her head and finances togather and move on. men that are abusive do have thier sweet sides thats how they get away with the abuse. a person will always say but he's so sweet to me most of the time. a person deserves someone who will be sweet all of the time. i would NOT tell this man she is leaving.
    As quoted by Luckyone:
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    Veteran Member Santos's Avatar
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    Default Re: Advice for a girl, please

    The boyfriend is nice and very intelligent but has a fiery temper when provoked. He has thrown furniture, dishes, telephones...broken everything he threw. It is confusing, because this man can be the most loving person that ever was. And he really does take care of her.
    IMO, her current boyfriend is not nice and he is not taking care of her--not if he is unable to control his temper and his actions.

    Sorry, but it can't be both ways. This guy is abusive IMO and this "friend" of yours is simply making excuses. I don't mean to be cruel, but that is how I see it.

    I have no male friends who act in that manner, and I was brought up to never act in that way--it shows a lack of maturity, a lack of class, and it could be potentially dangerous to this "friend".

    She should forget about being romantically involved with both of these guys and go back to taking care of herself for awhile.

    I really don’t understand why she needs to compromise? If she is as independent and tough as you say, she should be able to extricate herself from this situation.

    But it sounds like she is in love with an asshole—and people do many things that make no sense when they are in love.

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    Default Re: Advice for a girl, please

    i would NOT tell this man she is leaving.
    I wouldn't either. I think I would just get the hell outta Dodge.


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