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Thread: BOYFRIEND LIVING OFF ME HELP!!!

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    Default BOYFRIEND LIVING OFF ME HELP!!!

    I have a problem and don't know what to do. My boyfriend and I have been together for about three years and we have a daughter together. I go to school and work four days a week. He doesn't work. On my nights off he goes out with his friends. I could see if he needed a break but he does nothing. I take care of the baby and do everything. He does keep the house clean. He makes a little money here and there but not anything to even talk about. I don't know what to do? any suggestions?

  2. #2
    Reznor
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    Default Re: BOYFRIEND LIVING OFF ME HELP!!!

    I don't want to sound mean, but I think you might want to "silently push him" towards what he needs to do. Maybe tell him that it would work better if you two lived near eachother but in seperate apartments (or whatever). If he detests the idea, which he probably will, suggest that you both stay there but he pays half the rent. He might not do it. I'm going to assume you've already hinted, and maybe even asked if he could pitch in, but he seems the lazy type. I, as a procrastinator myself, know that it takes a big push sometimes to go the right direction.

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    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: BOYFRIEND LIVING OFF ME HELP!!!

    Since there's a child involved, this is a bit tough. Is he a good dad overall? Does he take good care of your daughter? You say he goes out when you go to work, so I'm assuming that means he doesn't babysit while you're working? Maybe he also shirks responsibilities as a parent in other areas? Who takes care of your daughter while you're working?

    I say, there's nothing wrong with mom being the breadwinner while dad takes care of the kids - why should it have to be the other way around? - but if he's not even taking care of your daughter while you're working, there's a problem. I think I'd kick his ass out. If you're already having to pay a sitter or rely on other family members to care for your daughter while you're working, there's no real difference between that and if he doesn't live with you (other than the money you'll save by not supporting his lazy ass). If he does babysit while you're at work and is a good father, well that's a standard household where one parent works and the other is the homemaker - no problem there. But it sounds to me like that's not the case.

    Do you think it's best to keep him around? Is he truly a positive influence in your daughter's life? These are the questions you need to ask yourself.

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

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    Default Re: BOYFRIEND LIVING OFF ME HELP!!!

    So let me see if I've go this right...you're unmarried and living with a guy, work and go to school, plus take care of home and baby, and he doesn't do any of these things?

    Everybody, can we say "FREE RIDE?"

    You need to speak up for both yourself and your child, and push him to do the right thing. Which might include kicking his lazy, unsupportive ass right out the door. Its not going to be easy, but for you and child's sake, you need to stop giving him free handouts. Good luck on getting him to do the right thing, especially after 3 years of freebies.

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    God/dess Emily's Avatar
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    Default Re: BOYFRIEND LIVING OFF ME HELP!!!

    Isn't taking care of one child hard enough?

  6. #6
    Reznor
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    Default Re: BOYFRIEND LIVING OFF ME HELP!!!

    Exactly Emily. If he doesn't change, she should give him a good reason to.... by starting to move on.

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    Veteran Member DJ_WuLf's Avatar
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    Default Re: BOYFRIEND LIVING OFF ME HELP!!!

    Welcome to Dancerville. The old addage comes to mind ........... What do you call a Single Musician? (Homeless). You are in the majority as many dancers judge potential mates on thier "thrill" factor rather than on thier ability to assist and provide financially in a relationship. Kick him to the curb before he drags you there with him.

    Even though you do have a child together ...theres a HUGE difference between a Father and a Sperm Donor.

    DISCLAIMER: Most of the ladies who post on this site are NOT your average dancer so this doesnt apply to them.
    14 years working in Strip Clubs. "What a long strange trip it's been"

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    Default Re: BOYFRIEND LIVING OFF ME HELP!!!

    Just dump the guy and make sure he's able to spend time with her daughter. You deserve better.



  9. #9
    Pamela
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    Default Re: BOYFRIEND LIVING OFF ME HELP!!!

    He is a father number one, and he does not work ? lay down the law about family life. If he does not get with the program soon, job, support taking care of his daughter, spending time at home. You may need to make some serious changes in your life.
    Good luck, Pamela

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    Default Re: BOYFRIEND LIVING OFF ME HELP!!!

    You need to speak up for both yourself and your child
    I'll totally back you up on that one.

    needhelp,
    If you don't want your daughter to go through the same thing you're going through now, then you have to take this guy out of your life.
    She'll grow up thinking that this is how a relationship is supposed to be: woman works, man does nothing.
    Ask me... I have to fight myself to don't act like my mother! Even though I'm totally different from my mom.
    I know everything sounds easy when we say it, but doing it is a totally different thing, but you already know that "you have to do what you have to do".
    I wish you good luck!

    [love]Mariana

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    Default Re: BOYFRIEND LIVING OFF ME HELP!!!

    The first thing you have to do is confront him. Tell him that relationships do not comprise of one partner freeloading off the other. Since you are both the parents ask him to make an equal contribution to the child monetarily, and timewise. I don't know who's name the place is rented under but demand his half or have him evicted.
    I don't know if you have common law marriage in your state or that you even qualify, but if so you have the right to garnish whatever wages he makes.
    Tell him you already have one child to take care of and you don't need another.
    If it means leave him, then do so.

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    Default Re: BOYFRIEND LIVING OFF ME HELP!!!

    I have a problem and don't know what to do. My boyfriend and I have been together for about three years and we have a daughter together. I go to school and work four days a week. He doesn't work. On my nights off he goes out with his friends. I could see if he needed a break but he does nothing. I take care of the baby and do everything. He does keep the house clean. He makes a little money here and there but not anything to even talk about. I don't know what to do? any suggestions?
    a man who lets his lady work while he does not is a pussy-you need to give him an ultimatum-either he gets a job or you leave him
    guess who's back? back again

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    Default Re: BOYFRIEND LIVING OFF ME HELP!!!

    There are several way's to deal with this. First of all, some people misread you as in thinking he did not watch the child while you work and go to school which you said he did. Although helpful and resourceful ( saving alot of babysitting money ) it is not enough. You never mentioned the emotional state of your relationship with him. If he indeed had a job or goal would he be the one you want to be with. Another strong leverage point is who control's the money. If you control the money then you can ween him out of your pocket and into the realization that he need's to contribute to the family cause. If your sure he's the one you want to be with then you need to explain to him that the vacation is over and move up or move out. If you don't see a future with him and only keep him around because he " fortunately " contributed the sperm needed to produce a child. Everyone one want's a family unit especially when a child is involved, I for one would be deeply disappointed if my parent's didn't love each other and stayed together because of me.

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    Default Re: BOYFRIEND LIVING OFF ME HELP!!!

    Well I'm glad to see we've got some other good guys on here too. As a guy I would have to say number one you need to confront him on this because from what you describe it sounds like he's getting a free ride.
    Keeping the place clean doesn't matter, in a relationship a guy is supposed to help in that area anyhow even if he's working 40 hours a week. If he's not working yet has time to go out when you're at home, doesn't sound like a good situation.

    As others here have said, if you don't see a future here
    best try to work out a split but keep him involved in his childs life. Sounds like you two need to talk.

    Faithless


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    Featured Member LEIGH_LANDON's Avatar
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    Default Re: BOYFRIEND LIVING OFF ME HELP!!!

    I like the point whereas there is a difference between a sperm donor and a father.

    It really is true, but I dont think your case really falls into that too much but it is worthy of thought.

    I would just say its time to talk, seriously. Tell him what you would like the relationship to be - ask for more balance, and could you both work on that? Be specific, not vague, men are very cut and dry that way I find, they prefer to cut to the chase as opposed to you laying it out ever so gently for them to pick up - naw - men are more concrete in their processes, in fact he may not even know there is a problem with this said arrangement.

    Be straight up and dead serious though. And have your back up plan ready - meaning is it enough of a problem you would consider going solo? If so be prepared for it.
    LIVE LONG & PROSPER!
    Leigh Landon

    Never explain yourself to anyone, because the person who likes you doesn't need it and the person that dislikes you won't believe it.

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