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Thread: Friend issues. SOS

  1. #1
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    Default Friend issues. SOS

    Hey people,
    Can any of you relate to this problem? I feel like because I am a dancer - the females that know do not want to befriend me. I have lost 3 close friends because of this. One started dancing with me, until her parents found out....they put a stop to it & we lost touch. Time went by & I talked to her again recently& made plans to see her, and she stood me up. She wont return my calls or answer e mails etc etc. I dont understand what I did?? I didnt tell her I was still dancing, but I think that because I have money she assumes that I am. I just dont understand why she made the plans in the first place if she had no intention of keeping them. And as an old best friend, dont I at least deserve an explanation? I put myself through school, and supported myself (because my parents wouldnt help) Im not a bad person. No drinking, drugs, touching men etc....but I guess im not worthy of friends?? I lost another friend(we were friends for 4 years) because I told her i was dancing, and she told her boyfriend. He caught her cheating on him and called me up to tell me that he knew i was a dancer. This really hurt me, but when I confronted her she denied it. This caused a fight for obvious reasons. Months later when i tried talking to her, she refuses to answer me. all i want is closure. SHE IS THE ONE THAT F'D UP!!!!I feel like I have lost all of my close girlfriends. Its hard to make new friends to replace the old ones that you had for years and years. Its also hard to make friends when u are a little older....and i dont really want to make friends from the strip club. Ive tried to talk to these girls, and its a lost cause. If they ever cared about me at all, id think they would give me at least a response. As for all of my other relationships(acquaintenceships), I feel like they are fake in away because they dont know what i do....and i will never feel like i can tell them. any advice??

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    Default Re: Friend issues. SOS

    i don't really have anything helpful to say, but i don't want you to feel like everyone is ignoring you~here's a comment, at least for moral support
    [boobies] [moon] [lightup]

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    Default Re: Friend issues. SOS

    Hi Mona,

    I feel like I have lost all of my close girlfriends.
    As you said, were they ever really your friends? It doesn't sound like any of these people are worth missing. I know it can hurt when you lose friends, but don't focus on it. They are the ugly ones for turning on you because of your job. Regardless of why (lack of understanding, ignorant, controlling parents or boyfriend) the fact is they aren't even decent enough to talk to you about it.

    People grow differently and it's obvious they have their own problems. Maybe one day they'll grow up a bit and maybe then you'll let them come to you, but don't sit around and waste your time waiting for them. They may never mature enough.

    As for all of my other relationships(acquaintanceships), I feel like they are fake in away because they don't know what i do....and i will never feel like i can tell them. any advice??
    No relationships are fake. Some are shallow, but shallow water is still water. If you can't develop deeper, more meaningful relationships, maybe you hold back out of fear or turn to the wrong types of people.

    Don't walk up to people saying "Hi, I'm Mona - stripper by day." You must be discrete for your own safety and privacy. But if you have an ongoing friendship with someone who is mature, don't be afraid to tell them. If they are your friend, it shouldn't matter (though they may have a lot of questions as stripping holds many myths).

    You have chosen this job, it's hard work, and if people don't respect that, you don't need them.
    We all imagine ourselves the agents of our destiny, capable of determining our own fate. But have we truly any choice in when we rise, or when we fall, or does a force larger than ourselves bid us our direction. Is it evolution that takes us by the hand, does Science point our way, or is it God who intervenes keeping us safe.

    So much struggle for meaning, for purpose. And in the end, we find it only in each other. Our shared experience of the fantastic. And the mundane. The simple human need to find a kindred, to connect. And to know in our hearts... that we are not alone.
    Heroes

  4. #4
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    Default older and wiser

    I would be willing to bet you are in your early to mid twenties. I had a similiar situation occur with me but I didn't even start dancing until I was almost 29.

    Yeah, I know it is hard to confide in people what you do because of the way society looks upon this profession, but I worked in a grocery store while I was trying to get through college, and all of my friends fell by the wayside, also.

    I think that maybe the things that we find in common and what brings friends together in the first place changes in your twenties. Sometimes it is as simple as starting a family or moving to another region, or as complex as changing as an individule because of education, life expeirnce or any lack thereof.

    Don't take it personal, but do continue to send b-day and christmas cards to those you feel particularly close to. Let them know that your door is open and some will come back around. Others may drop off the radar forever, but maybe they weren't right for you anyhow.

    Keep your chin up, because you may be in the presence of someone who will one day work together with you to create great things, you just haven't relized it yet!

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Friend issues. SOS

    The same thing happened to me when I started dancing. Close friends rejected me. My best friend of six years told me, to my face, that she felt that our friendship had been one big lie.
    I guess she couldn't seperate me from my job. Don't take it personally. I have found that in this industry a lot of people (non dancers) cannot seperate the person from the job. It is unfair and it hurts.
    As far as sending greeting cards, go for it. You never know when they may change their minds. Good luck.

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    Default Re: Friend issues. SOS

    Mona, whenever you take a position on ANYTHING you will find people will assert their beliefs in response. It won't always be favorable. If you are surprised by one's reaction then obliously you did not know that person very well.
    You have to make the decision on what choices you hold dear to you just the same as everybody else. If there is a big conflict or they don't support your decision, you might want to seek other friends but they have the right to choose who they associate with if it's not to their liking.

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    Default Re: Friend issues. SOS

    Hi Honey,I know how you feel and you sound like you try to justify their actions and when you are a good person you expect other people to also follow a simple set of rules.Such as for them to be the kind of friend that you are.The hardest part is taking the bullet and allowing yourself time to heal.Please do not put this back on yourself and think that you did something wrong and allow yourself to feel negative about yourself.The fact is she is making the choice to not be your friend and possibly judge you.You can not control her actions and only she is responsible for her actions.You sound like you are in a crossing over phase and that can be very lonely.But it will not last.If these people did not stick around then chances are they may not have been your true friends.You have many wonderful relationships waiting for you.Try to just concentrate on controling your emotions and not getting yourself more upset before you end up sick in bed.I got sick a couple years ago and suddenly had to find out that my friends were not who I built them up to be.Very devastating to try and comprehend how people can be so cruel.But I never got a answer and just made my condition even worse.I am a big worrier sounds like you might be also.There is a price to pay for having a big heart.But when you least expect it it will come back to you.It sounds to me like you turned to the right place and have gotten some very good replys.Maybe you will meet your next friend here.We all have something in common.I try to not let me head hang too low because it is hard enough to keep my ass from dragging on the ground.lol.Satina

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    Default Re: Friend issues. SOS

    Well Satina,
    The way i see it, you have two options. One: You can quit your job because it seems like it is making you miserable, OR, Two: You can tell all of your so called friends to GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY HIDE AND GO FUCK THEMSELVES! If they were really your TRUE friends in the first place they wouldn't judge you based on what you do for money...

    Signed,
    Dear Abby...

  9. #9
    Pamela
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    Default Re: Friend issues. SOS

    I pretty much kept my distance from strippers. I liked them fine, but we are competing for $$$$. Some can be cut throat, alot not.
    Yes, you are worthy of friends. You will have friends. These people were not right for you. Thats all. Hit the local library or book store, take on a volunteer service or something down these roads in your spare time. I have friends outside the clubs, they seem to be long lasting, and honest to who i am as well as them. They don't judge, well maybe a few did, but went on with thier lives.
    Maybe strippers from an other club, but never talk money or how great you are at your job. I am sure you don't, but it's just a small tip.
    If people judge you by your decisions in 'your' life, they are not worth your time. We all have skeletons in our closet.
    Good luck, pamela

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