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Thread: Dealing with the mental strain of the job...

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    Default Dealing with the mental strain of the job...

    Hello to all...I don't know if this topic has already been covered in depth, but I'd like to know how you dancers handle the mental aspect of the job. I'm not referring to the typical grabby customer and how to put him in check, but rather how does one handle the day after day mental crap that many customers subject dancers to. I've been told that the most draining part of the job is dealing with customers who question why you do this for a living, whether you have a significant other, prying deeply into your personal life, constantly asking you to take the relationship beyond the fantasy aspect, and even customer jealousy issues, i.e. is your regular your boyfriend etc. I know I've pointed out a broad category of mental topics, but I'm mostly wondering about how you deal with it in general and how you are able to return to work the next day with a great attitude and "sunny disposition". If anyone could shed some light on this, I would appreciate your replies. Thanks.

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    Veteran Member Kittie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with the mental strain of the job...

    I think the thing that helps me cope the most is the fact that, no matter what I do for a living, there will always be things I don't like about my job. The way that anyone finds a job that works for them and makes them happy, I think, is by appropriately weighing out the pros and cons of the job. So yeah, there are those shitty situations that you mentioned that I do have to deal with from time to time, but on the plus side I have a job where I get to dress up in cute outfits and wear sexy shoes. I get to dance and listen to music all night long. I get to meet new and interesting people. I get to make my own schedule and, depending on how hard I work and how much I hustle the floor, I can pretty much make as much money as I want. Because I get paid in tips, I get money everyday, which is a really good incentive to go to work. In other jobs I'd only get paid once a week or every other week and that sucks. And because I'm attractive and good at what I do, and because there are strip clubs in every major city and lots of smaller cities in every state, I know that no matter where I go I always have a job. And no other job I've ever had could offer me that kind of job security or that kind of freedom.
    So, those are the reasons that I keep going back everyday.

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    Senior Member BebeBabiez's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with the mental strain of the job...

    Well said, Kittie! Dont u love not having to work EVERY day.. plus.. if u want time off, you got it! ( Right now I only work 1 day a week, but it's about the same as if I worked a normal just 5 or 6 days!)

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    Default Re: Dealing with the mental strain of the job...

    This is just one of many reasons why so many long-time strippers have a weekly "therapist allowance".

    McCain

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    Pamela
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    Default Re: Dealing with the mental strain of the job...

    1. when asked why i do it i usually say "because i probably make more money than you. And we both end up laughing. (usually).

    Other answers are simple no's. I don't leave with a customer ever. I let him know that.
    And if a guy crossed the line to a fantasy world, fine. But keep it in the club. I also told them i am fantasy in here.
    These questions are all easy for me, it's only a job. Not my life. I am in control. Walk out "that" door anytime i want.
    I play a game while i (was) dance....it's not me. I am a stripper now, leaving these doors, i am a woman like my mother, sister, etc. I was very able to leave all the crap, and fun at work. That building held they key to turn me into a dancer. (may sound wierd) That is where i put my mind. Enter the building, change out, i looked and acted like a total different person...All for money. It worked well.
    Pamela

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    Default Re: Dealing with the mental strain of the job...

    I really don't consider those thing's the true mental stress of the job, rather a point of conditioning that all new girl's go through. Learning how to deal with the player's, yet that same stuff happen's in the "other world" everyday as well. The real mental strain I feel come's from a girl having to deal with the peek's and valley's of attention she attain's in the form of money. A crappy night is a crappy night but if most of the other girl's bank and you have a crappy night then you feel less desireable then the other's. If you leave the other girl's in the dust and drive the crowd wild you walk out at the end of the night a princess. I see girl's that deserve better get passed over and go home with little money and it can create a snowball effect they come in the next night and have remnant's of the night before on there mind's so they start out on a bad note only to make thing's worse.

    I personally feel that a ladies ego goes through the worse mental stress in this industry. Although ego's become seasoned like everything else by the veteran's who learn to deal with it as well.

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    God/dess Lena's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with the mental strain of the job...

    Most of the things you mentioned are not big deals. You just have to be secure enough in yourself that you are not bothered and understand that other peoples behavior only reflects on other people.

    The thing that gets to me after a while is just how many sad, lonely, predatory, aggressive, or whatever people there are in the world. Sometimes it just kind of rubs off on me.

    So, when I get home, I sit with my tree and I don't go inside until I can mentally and emotionally leave it outside. I totally refuse to bring anything negative from work into MY house that I've worked so hard for.

    Lena



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    Default Re: Dealing with the mental strain of the job...

    mebbe it's cos i've only been dancing for about six months, but i don't get overly stressed about work. (unless i'm pms-ing) the way i see it is u deal with assholes everywhere u go, at least i can take their money in the club. if i couldn't take it mentally, i don't think i would be dancing.

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    Senior Member Mikimoto's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with the mental strain of the job...

    In my case, going to work (Lusty Lady S.F.) is my stress relief. When I'm there I get to hang out with the girls and catch up with them. When I'm actually working, my job requires me to masturbate and do toy shows (behind the glass). So I can't really think of a better job in the world right now. I still can't believe I get paid to socialize and masturbate at the Lusty Lady.

    I might feel differently if I worked at a high contact club though, hehe.

    Now that we are a co-op, it looks like I'm never going to give up this job.

    Come visit me now that we are not closing!

    Kaiya (at the Lusty Lady in San Francisco)

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    Default Re: Dealing with the mental strain of the job...

    but rather how does one handle the day after day mental crap that many customers subject dancers to. I've been told that the most draining part of the job is dealing with customers who question why you do this for a living, whether you have a significant other, prying deeply into your personal life, constantly asking you to take the relationship beyond the fantasy aspect, and even customer jealousy issues, i.e. is your regular your boyfriend etc. I know I've pointed out a broad category of mental topics, but I'm mostly wondering about how you deal with it in general and how you are able to return to work the next day with a great attitude and "sunny disposition". If anyone could shed some light on this, I would appreciate your replies. Thanks.
    I used to keep motivation lists up on my home mirror, one place even let the girls keep one up on the dressing room mirror.

    I reminded myself every single day and night of WHY I was dancing, and exactly WHAT my goals were. I never lost site of those. well, ok a few times I did, and man did I get depressed. I redid my lists every sunday night. Some of my friends made fun of me, but they all started doing the same thing too.

    I also created a fantasy 'character' for when I danced or did the dominatrix scenes...I always had tons of one-liners, sexy stories, jokes ready for the customers... the customers very quickly would forget about the b/friend questions, etc...they were having too much fun with the fantasy.... yes, some guys get ticked off at that,, but the amount of time/investment they expected from me certainly would not have allowed me to meet my goals. I never can beleive that anyone was going to pay me money to hear about my sad past... in fact, in the beginning I made the mistake of answering questions truthfully, and those guys/girls used that info to attempt to cause more pain to me.... REALITY CHECK: the kind of money I expected to make from dancing, did not make room for me to sit on my ass and talk about my sad past, lack of love life, painful bone spurs from the heels, stressful job, etc... who the heck wants to put all their energy into that? focus your thoughts on your goals and happiness if that is what you really are dancing for. Those guys that want all that personal info about you, obviously have differant goals then you, and are not interested in your happiness nor success. they may not have any faith that you are working towards your goals, and will try to convince you that you will never be capable of meeting your goals.

    some things I always remembered:
    * my goals are my own.
    * survival of the fittest
    * my life is a mirror of my actions.
    * if I am in an environment that does not allow me to meet my goals, it is time to change the environment/club/location
    * many guys are happy to escape into a fantasy world, where a beautiful dancer gives them beautiful happy positive things to think about and end it their.....Always remember that the LOUDEST, RUDEST, OBNOXIOUS people are very rarely the majority...

    when that fat hairy smelly jerk attempts to make you feel bad,,, just be thankful that you are not in a fat hairy smelly jerks body like his,, he may be having a terrible life, terrible day,,maybe he has no money, some people get very upset and intimidated by beautiful happy people.

    * Do NOT let miserable people drag you down, they are miserable because of their OWN thoughts, actions, and choices....

    * You are the one that chooses to take initiative for your own life and goals. beleive me it is not the end of the world, no reason to be sad because you choose to dance for money.

    * Surround yourself with other happy positive people too, it works wonders for your own life.

    * There are some really good books and articles online about the traits of successful and happy people. You want to be happy and successful, it is not going to 'just happen one day' it is something you choose to work on like any other goal.
    Sexy Virtual Humans
    http://www.AILust.com
    powered by artificial intelligence

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    Senior Member April's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with the mental strain of the job...

    What you are describing are what I call "pushy people". I avoid all "pushy" people, telemarketers, etc. If it is a telemarketer pressuring me to buy something, I tell them "No thank you," then I hang up. If it is a customer pressuring me for more than I can give him or trying to get too personal, I politely tell them, "I'm sorry I can't help you with that, but if you would like a table dance, that's what I do best." If they still persist, I say something like, "You are a just a little too much for me to handle," or "That's a little too personal," then I excuse myself. I don't feel like I need to subject myself to people who are emotionally draining, even for money.

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    Default Re: Dealing with the mental strain of the job...

    I think the saying "consider the source" is good for many trying situations. Take a good look at who is judging you or just saying stupid things. Usually you will realize that you really don't care what their opinion is.

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    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with the mental strain of the job...

    I totally agree with Kittie and crazybob.

    We know we'd have some form of job-related stress no matter what we do, and we have chosen what we want to do based on alot of factors. I am positive that if I had to face the 9-5 grind I'd be alot more stressed than I am with dancing. I have so much more freedom and security than I could ever have with a 'normal' job! Heck, look at the economy and all the jobless 'normal' people out there losing their houses, cars, etc. Then look at your average dancer - she may not be rolling in dough, but she's still able to support herself (and for some, her family).

    Second, crazybob is dead on with the source of our biggest problems. We learn quickly how to deal with the things you mention. We will always get annoyed if we hear an unusually large amount of it, but that stuff is still small potatoes. The real problems come when we have a crappy night and watch nearly every other girl making money. It is common to wonder 'what's wrong with me' in that situation, and it's hard not to let it get you down. If you don't deal with it, you can get yourself into a rut and cause a bad night to turn into a bad streak. The good thing is, eventually that always ends. I had a bad streak back in September that lasted 3 weeks. There was business all over the club, but it seemed no matter what I did, I just couldn't make any decent money, but everyone else was doing great. I kept going in, night after night, thinking I'd make some money, and it wasn't happening. My stress had gotten to me, and of course it affected my income, which affected my stress, and so on. It can be a nasty cycle. Finally, at the end of 3 weeks (in which I had worked 19 nights), I walked up to a table, and within 10 minutes we were in VIP drinking Cristal all night. I walked out with over 1100 that night and a big fat smile on my face, minus a giant bag of stress! Although after nearly 8 years of dancing I've learned how to deal with the stress pretty well, sometimes I still get down. Guess that's what makes me human!

    Anyway, what I do to deal is use the forums here, talk with friends, vent with someone appropriate when I need to, and try to keep in mind that we all have crappy nights and that there will be something for me later.

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

  14. #14
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    Default Re: Dealing with the mental strain of the job...

    I've been working as a stripper less than six months as well... I've posted before about my experiences in VIP where the guy wants to play psychological games with me. At my previous job, bartending, I could simply walk away; with stripping, I was having serious problems telling them they've crossed a line due to the fact that they were paying good money for my time. It's so much easier to set verbal limits with the guy prior to entering in VIP as to what he can and cannot touch, but never do you say, "All right, you say one thing about how there must be love missing from my life, or assume I'm some sort of victim of society, or any other henious bullshit -- and it's over."
    In all fairness, dealing with those sort of assholes is not something I have to do every shift. It makes me so much more grateful when cool customers ask for me to accompany them to V.I.P.
    SexyPimpBot.com, I thought your suggestions about making a list of our goals was really great. I think that will help me keep everything in perspective.
    This job requires a multitude of skills, and putting up with these "savior types" is the thing on my list that needs work. I think most of us would say we are strong women. To make it at this occupation, you pretty much have to be or you'll end up with a severe case of "stripper damage" after shift 1. I really don't have all the answers, and I'm mainly writing this post to any other "newbies" who feel similarly. If they're dealing with mental stress, I'm lettin ya know you're not alone.

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    God/dess Lena's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with the mental strain of the job...

    Hey Jules,

    Like somebody else said, just consider the source. I think these guys are hilarious, and they don't require much work. Just listen to the bullshit and laugh. Occasionally throw in something like "but I LIKE my job *giggle*" or, "but where could I dance naked if I didn't work here?" or something like that, and just sit back and enjoy.

    Lena



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    Featured Member LEIGH_LANDON's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with the mental strain of the job...

    Good one Lena, humour definitely eases the whole scenario, and really much of it is terribly funny in retrospect.

    LIVE LONG & PROSPER!
    Leigh Landon

    Never explain yourself to anyone, because the person who likes you doesn't need it and the person that dislikes you won't believe it.

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    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with the mental strain of the job...

    Ditto. Making a joke is a good way of easing your own stress, and lightening the intensity of the saviour's desire to 'rescue' you. I use the same approach as Lena with these guys, and it works like a charm.

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

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