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Thread: boyfriends/husbands in clubs

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    Default boyfriends/husbands in clubs

    I am considering becoming a dancer, and have a very supportive boyfriend. I would feel much more comfortable if he was present when I was dancing. Do clubs allow strippers to have boyfriends or husbands around when dancing??? What is the usual policy?
    Thanks
    Misty

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    Featured Member Destiny's Avatar
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    Default Re: boyfriends/husbands in clubs

    I don't know of a policy, but I would guess that as long as he was buying drinks he could hang around. However, I would strongly discourage him from doing this.

    There are 3 reasons:

    1. Let's face it, you're selling a fantasy to your customers. The fantasy that you might possibly could be their girlfriend. You most likely would be inhibited with your boyfriend around and this would limit your earnings.
    2. If it became known around the club that he was your boyfriend, it might discourage some customers from buying dances from you.
    3. You would be tempted to spend too much time with him. I can't tell you how many times I've seen girls spend hours hanging out at the club with their boyfriend or some cute guy they met. These are the same girls that complain at the end of the shift that they havn't made any money. Well duh???? Dancing is a job and the only way to make any money is to treat it that way. If you were a checker at Wal-Mart would you want him with you there?
    Dancing is wonderful training for girls, it's the first way you learn to guess what a man is going to do before he does it. ~Christopher Morley, Kitty Foyle

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    Default Re: boyfriends/husbands in clubs

    The vast majority of clubs do not allow boyfriends to be present, with good reason--the vast majority of men cannot handle the sight of "their" girlfriend dancing for another guy, even if the stage show is no big deal.

    This would especially be true in a club where grinding VIPs were easily visible, and/or if a rude, grabby customer was getting the dance.

    Your boyfriend may be the coolest guy on Earth, but the manager cannot afford to gamble on his remaining that way. Jealolusy is a common human condition, and can sneak up on even a confident person, in this business.

    I've only been in it for three years, but I have noticed it gets a lot easier as you go along. Most 'normal' guys could never be so secure as to actually watch their wife or serious lover grinding in VIP. I have had several girlfriends I dated casually in the business, no problem seeing them do it (even the one who confessed she'd once orgasmed in there, by rubbing on the guys leg in a certain way--I never saw that, LOL).

    Even some experienced dancers will frequently get jealous...

    Several of them whom I have dated, when visiting me at work, would get very jealous seeing me paint various portions of other dancers' anatomy, or getting my ass repeatedly spanked, grabbed, bitten, etc. by dancers there. All part of the game, but it pissed a lot of them off. One of them still got jealous, long after we had stopped dating, and tried desperately to stop me painting an ass one night. These were not even really serious relationships.

    But I did have a serious girlfriend in hi-friction for a while, and a couple times I confess, it was disturbing to go to where she worked--even though it was me who got her the job--but mostly it was fine, really. The VIP was all around the outside wall, so readily visible. It was actually really funny sometimes to see it, the concept being so radically different from all 'normal' conceptions of courtly, romantic love that we are raised with and have constantly reinforced through the media and more conventional peers.

    Even a high percentage of the men I know in the business cannot deal with it, especially if it is high-friction dancing. I feel like I'm doing fairly well if I can offer advice on doing better VIPs, and even steer new customers their way, knowing as I do exactly what that man will recieve. Or breaking a hundred for a guy so he can get a dance from her (he had no clue).

    Being a 'stud' is no guarantee of security and confidence enough to deal with this potential problem. There is a guy here, in the business, who gets laid more by dancers than anyone I've ever seen. His feeling of bruised "machismo" pride was nonetheless such that he wound up breaking the jaw of his last serious girlfriend.

    It is not necessarily always just a feeling of jealousy that is the danger. You can feel protective of someone you care about without necessarily being jealous. But it is better for all that the bouncers deal with it. You do not want an enraged boyfriend going off on even a groping schmuck, if you are the manager.

    And I think I would still have trouble remaining calm in the face of the actual sight of any woman I loved being abused, as some recent postings have described. This is thankfully never something I have had to face, only occasionally heard about at the end of the night.

    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

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    God/dess doc-catfish's Avatar
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    Default Re: boyfriends/husbands in clubs

    This might be streching it a bit, but another reason that the practice is discouraged is that it may appear to the owner or manager that your boyfriend is pimping you out. Although I know that might sound ridiculous to some people, I'm sure its happened in more than a few cases.
    Former SCJ now in rehab.

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    Default Re: boyfriends/husbands in clubs

    I have to agree that it may well be a bad idea, both from a stand point of the beau becoming jealous or over protective...(perhaps just properly protective having read some of the outrageous posts of late). When he actually witnesses the laps, especially if his normal calm personality might be influenced by a couple drinks which he will probably be consuming to justify his attendance at the club.

    to support destinys earlier point...
    I remember when I was fresh out of high school, at my first job, "the guys" would take a lunch brake at a local low end club that had a buffet along with the dancers.
    In one corner were usually 4 or 5 "thug" boyfriends drinking beer while their gfs worked the room....I dont know if it was the pimpish impression it gave me..or fear of doing something wrong and having a problem....but, while I enjoyed the stage shows I never got around to having a lap.

    I have to say in my defence I was just a wide eyed youth at this point and lunch was only an hour long less drive time. I have since learned to be a far more enthusiastic customer

    Damn its snowing here again
    Canuck

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    Default Re: boyfriends/husbands in clubs

    Just as with drinking on your first days and such, anything that distracts you at work might cause some problems. I've seen girls leave crying the first day and some that bank in their Wal-Mart thongs (he-he). But seriously, the bf in the club is a bad idea until you are more sure of your desire for the job. Him watching you isn't going to make the experience more comfortable in the long run. I think a first-timer really needs to get used to things on her own. Remember: your man won't always be able to protect you, and you won't have the skills to protect yourself unless you get the emotional and physical adjustment period dealt with.

    One example: I know a girl who just started dancing, and loves the stage, but gets nervous because her boyfriend gets anxious about her doing lap dances. Meanwhile, friction occurs because other girls play him, thinking he is a regular customer. Last week, the bf decided to buy a dance with a girl after a few drinks, and the new dancer got upset because he was only allowed to tip girls "if I tell him to". So you see, some complex jealousy issues can develop, even purely bey circumstance.

    Personally, my fiance has never seen me work, although he may come to a neoburlesque act I am creating. He knows that when I am there, it is to do a job. He also knows I am acting, and that an actress works better without that kind of distraction. It's not that he's freaked, he just doesn't have business being on my shift. It also encourages him to realize that I am unashamed and morally solid in what I do. Most dancers will probably agree that if you need that kind of emotional security at work, you need not dance.

    I would try out an amateur night. That way, you get the rush of being onstage naked without the pressure. Bf can come to this and then everything is all good. After that, you can decide if dancing is the right thing for you. Also, going to strip bars with your boyfriend pre-applying might resolve some issues for you.

    Whatever you do, please realize that some clubs won't allow your bf in the door if that's who they know it is. Other clubs don't care. But almost every club will take offense at your bf starting shit with customers or occupying lots of your time while on the floor. Remember, you are there to entertain, and the show doesn't stop when you get offstage!
    Security and support is what good managers and boucers are for, so chose a club that is known for attentive management if this knida stuff is a problem for you.

    Good luck in all you do!
    Rayne
    shakin it and doin fine

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    Default Re: boyfriends/husbands in clubs

    I appreciate the feedback. As far as making money, I am already a licensed teacher and will only do this for extra money; if I stay with stripping or not is not a big deal to me. My husband isnt the type to go and beat the hell out of a groping customer, as he realizes this is something that may come with the territory. But if he becomes uncomfortable with it, I'll just quit. I honestly wouldnt even think of doing this if he wasnt around.

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    Default Re: boyfriends/husbands in clubs

    Assuming he would NOT get jealous and freak out, is there any one out there who is SUPPORTIVE of the idea?
    So from the replies I got, it seems like most clubs wouldnt love the idea; but I suppose the policy is all up to the individual club, and some DO let significant others into the club, right?
    Thanks everyone.
    Misty

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    Default Re: boyfriends/husbands in clubs

    My fiance' is very understanding of this business and randomly will go into a busy club and observe how the money is flowing but he always is ANONYMOUS and we act like we don't know one another.

    In this business you have a lot of girls with loser boyfriends who stir up trouble and that is why most clubs don't want them in the club.

    There is no need to have your guy in the club all the time you are working and if he comes in once in awhile it is important that the club doesn't know he is with you as well as the customers knowing you are single too.

    As Nike says, "Just do it". You can spend so much time worrying about this job that you will never get started. Dancing is just like any job. just go to work and do it.

    It is very important to not be seen with your guy if you are to be successful in this business and there is no way any man can sit up in a club for 6-9 hours at a time while his girl works.

    While I totally believe every guy should understand this business, any boyfriend or husband needs to remain anonymous in a club and not go in too often and you should not run over to talk to him unless you do it quickly and pretend he is just a customer.

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    God/dess Emily's Avatar
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    Default Re: boyfriends/husbands in clubs

    I don't understand why you'd want your man in the club. If you need him to feel comfortable, you are probably in the wrong business because there will be many times that he will not be in eyeshot. I'd say the same thing to girls that have to drink to feel comfortable. it's a crutch and therefore, a liability.

    Also, how would YOU feel if he was being hit on by dancers? I cannot imagine any club allowing him to be there while you worked.

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    Veteran Member Tia_q's Avatar
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    Default Re: boyfriends/husbands in clubs

    Club rules vary-the last club I worked in, SO's were only allowed 1/2 hour at the beginning of your shift, and a 1/2 hour at the end (providing those girls whose SO's dropped them off/picked them up) The club I currently work at doesn't care. So I would check with your clubs policies.

    As for him coming in, I concur with the majority of opinions here, it's not really a good idea.. whether he's "cool" or not, it is a distraction. (as well as several other problems that could come about that have already been mentioned)

    Here's a question-you stated that you are a teacher, correct?- Does he go to your job there too? Chances are, he doesn't-so why the need with dancing? In order to maximize earning potential, you have to treat this job as professional as any other one out there.

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    Default Re: boyfriends/husbands in clubs

    Bad, bad idea!

    Nothing good is gonna come of him being there. The club I'm a regular at allows SO's, and I've never seen anything but trouble come of it. It will definitely hurt your earnings, and if you aren't making big bucks then why do it at all? At some point he's gonna get jealous, I don't care how cool he is; sure, you can quit if he has a problem with it, but how are you gonna make him stop thinking about it? Jealousy is a nasty little beast, once the seed is planted it can grow into a real monster. What if he watches you giving a lap dance and thinks (for whatever reason) that you are enjoying it, how is he gonna deal with the knowledge that men are constantly asking you out (especially if they are good looking or wealthy)?

    It's hard enough for a man to deal with the idea that his lover spends her time sexually arousing other men, it's doubly hard if it's going on in front of his face.

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    Default Re: boyfriends/husbands in clubs

    apparently not for some men. Some men let their lovers have sex with others; some let them dance (and only dance) and arent bothered by it, etc. It may not be common, but not all men would get jealous.


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    Default Re: boyfriends/husbands in clubs

    A man who can calmly witness his 'true love' stimulating another man's erection--even if by merely rubbing it with tender portions of her body, is a rare man indeed. I have done it with varying degrees of success, and am not so over-confident as to claim invinciblity in this regard.

    If you have found such a man, more power to the both of you, and I hope you can continue to enjoy such unusually secure intimacy.

    But you can't blame a manager for being skeptical of this, they have generally seen less secure relationships, and often had to deal with unpleasant consequences.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

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    Default Re: boyfriends/husbands in clubs


    Either you want to have a real job as a stripper and make real money (in which case you need to treat it like a real job and leave the bf home) or you and your boyfreind have some kind of fetishy wouldn't-it-be-cool-if-you-were-a-stripper-and-I-watched kind of thing going on (in which case, you need to find an appropriate venue for that, like an ameature contest). Please don't confuse your fetish or relationship issues with our profession. It gets enough bad rap as it is.

    Lena



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    Default Re: boyfriends/husbands in clubs

    Interesting how some people reduce total security due to total commitment to a fetish.

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    Default Re: boyfriends/husbands in clubs

    Most clubs are against it because of the drama it brings. My b/f came into the club to celebrate my bday and has since visited, always with buddies in tow who spend money with other girls. Some of his friends buy dances, and some of them just tip girls for time. He enjoys himself, and one of the bouncers knows that we are together, but he never just comes by himself and just hangs out in the club. Whats the point?
    If you want some moral support so that you feel comfortable. call your girls and have them come cheer you on the first nite or first couple of nites until you get comfortable. Having your boy there will give you a focal point, but set a bad prerequisite for getting comfortable at work. When you start dancing you need to be comfortable and if the only way you can be comfortable is if he is there, then after he leaves it will be impossible for you to get comfortable without him being around. This may lead to difficult working conditions in your subconscience.
    "Come what may although I often say realities come from dreams, but approach all lies with open eyes because NOthing in this world is EVER ALL it seems."

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    Default Re: boyfriends/husbands in clubs

    A real job as a stripper? Maybe she just wants to make extra cash on the side. And just because her and her bf might be really secure doesnt make it a fetish. And IF it is a fetish, sounds like a good way to enjoy it.

    Amber

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    Default Re: boyfriends/husbands in clubs

    No a fake job as a stripper.

    I wanted to make extra cash waitressing one summer. I still had to treat it like a real job. I couldn't say "oh, well this isn't a real job it's just extra cash so I'm not going to follow the rules or try hard to make money." When your at work, your working.

    She said that she didn't care about making money, that it's just a side thing for fun. Having to have her bf there doesn't make either of them secure. It either makes her very dependant, or him controlling, or one or both of them gets off on the idea of him watching her dance naked for other men. None of which belongs in my workplace.

    Lena



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    Senior Member Dharmabum's Avatar
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    Default Re: boyfriends/husbands in clubs

    I have to side with Lena on this one, there is no good reason for her man to be there. In addition I'd say that very, very very few men would be comfortable watching his SO sexually arouse another man unless he got some kind of sexual kick out of it. I was seriously dating a stripper a few years back who I had met at a club I was a regular at. We had met at the club and I continued going even after we started dating; neither of us told anyone we were dating nor did we act like a couple when in the club; I'm also one of the least jealous guys I know. Still, it wasn't a comfortable situation; I enjoyed watching her on stage, but I would purposely avoid seeing her do lap dances. I knew she was a stripper before we started dating, had seen her dance many times before and I'm not a jealous person by nature; I didn't think it would be a problem, but it was. I'd be real leary taking him into this situation blind.

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    Featured Member susan's Avatar
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    Default Re: boyfriends/husbands in clubs

    I worked in very "low-milage" clubs, but even at that, it was VERY tough, in the long run, to work while my b/f (now husband) was there. It was nice the first COUPLE of times, but after that, uh-uh. Nope. Couldn't do it. In fact, he knew the management of the first club I worked VERY well -- he'd worked there as a bouncer BEFORE I ever danced there (he's the one who introduced me to them). So, it wasn't like the managers didn't like him (they loved him -- wanted him to come back!). Plus, it wasn't like HE got all freaky -- he knew ZACTLY what dancers do BEFORE he ever suggested it to me.

    However, NO ONE ELSE in the work-world puts up with their spouse or SO "hanging around" while they do their job. Would you like to ride on an airplane knowing the pilot's wife is up there sitting in the jump seat? How 'bout the next time you go to the OB/GYN for an exam -- was her husband sitting over in the corner, sipping a beer, while she worked? Nahh.... it just doesn't work that way.... It's a workplace. Leave your HOME LIFE at HOME.

    Plus, I BIG TIME ditto everything else everyone else has said. It's a wholesale BAD idea for your b/f to hang around, beyond MAYBE the first night.

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    Default Re: boyfriends/husbands in clubs

    I feel this is a big gray area. Most of my girl's are involved with people from the industry, they are familiar with the scene and know how to act inside the club. They don't openly interact with there S/O's in the customer's area. If these S/O's act appropriately during hour's of opporation I allow them to stay. They add to our staff, I have them cleaning table's, mopping floor's, taking out trash and most importantly backing my bounce staff to nutrilize situation's quickly, so as not to disturb the other customer's. This of coarse goes for a few of the S/O's and not all. I have ran S/O's out of the club before but usely because they do get in the way of a dancer making money. For the few that do hang out, they do so knowing they have to act appropriately and they are to act as if they work there. It's nice to have a few flunky's around to go to Hardy's or Taco Bell for the girl's that are hungry or Walmart for those that need something quick.

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    Default Re: boyfriends/husbands in clubs

    It totally depend on you and your man. My man says he could take it, but I'm not so sure. The clubs I have worked at have had a strict no SO rule. Besides, it seems like the girls who DO invite their men in just sit on their asses talking to them all night....every night. Why even bother coming into work?

    MissB

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    Default Re: boyfriends/husbands in clubs

    First of all, having your SO in the club while working is a recipe for disaster, no matter how secure you both are. There are a million things that can cause a problem. We are experienced - we would know.

    If a woman feels she NEEDS her SO to be there in order to feel comfortable, as others have said, she is probably going into the wrong business. This is not a business for the faint of heart. It is tough and I would question her ability to handle it if she thinks she has to have her SO there.


    A real job as a stripper? Maybe she just wants to make extra cash on the side. And just because her and her bf might be really secure doesnt make it a fetish. And IF it is a fetish, sounds like a good way to enjoy it.

    Amber
    She stated she just wanted to do it for extra cash, but even if only part time, it is a job. A VERY tough job that should be taken seriously while doing it. But to the point, I would argue that if a woman wouldn't even consider doing a particular job without her man being there to 'hold her hand', they can't be that secure. Sounds like there are some massive insecurities on both their parts.

    Misty, I don't mean to sound negative, and I'm certainly not saying you can't or shouldn't become a stripper, but maybe you should rethink your reasons for saying you wouldn't consider doing this without your man there. Yes there are some clubs where your man can go all the time and no one will care, so long as he behaves himself. The managers will still frown on it, even if they don't express it, and you can be sure that if he causes trouble he (and possibly you) will be thrown out. Other clubs won't even let him in the door if they know who he is. Also, if you bring him to the audition, that definitely does not look good. Some managers won't even consider hiring you if you bring him in for the audition.

    Finally, what everyone else has said about having SOs in the club is true. The vast majority of the time, this causes problems, either in your work or relationship or both. Like Susan said, you should keep your home and work seperate, even if it's only a 'side job'. Besides, if you were going to take a side job at Macy's for extra cash, you wouldn't feel the need to bring your SO, so the same should apply to stripping 'on the side'. If you feel you can't do the job without him there, then you aren't up for it, period.

    Whatever you do, good luck and please let us know how it goes.

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

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    Default Re: boyfriends/husbands in clubs

    i have my husband being there while I am dancing, he wants to make sure i am safe, we do act like we don't know each other he even tips me, and then after shift we make fun of those guys who had no clue.
    Customers should know that some of the girls are married some have b/fs or even kids, the point is that all of it outside of the club! Dancer do their job and they come to the club for the job and making money not for checking everybody out.... Of course, my husband doesn't want me to strip, but for now it is very good money for our future. We think about that, everything else what's on the way is something just to deal with and get over. Trust and love win anyway!! Holla!
    ORCHID

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