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Thread: Dressing Room hostility

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    Default Dressing Room hostility

    Hi I really need some friendly advice from somebody out there. So if your reading here's the problem...... I've been a dancer now for over a year and I've found that can handle the customers and the occasional slow nights but one thing that bugs the crap out of me is the fact that the other girls tend to be so jealous and hostile towards me. I mean no one is phyiscally threatning me in anyway. But the dirty looks, stares and outwardness of making me feel like an outsider is there. I'm sort of embrassed to say that this bothers me because I've never been one to really care about what hateful jealous ******* think. But it's making my work enviorment uncomfortable and I'm begining to get pissed off because I don't steal other girls customers, I don't get caught up in the club drama, I mind my own business and I'm friendly unless otherwise provoked.
    Some times it seems as though the other girls try reach out and try to be friendly but when I open up and try to respond they use that as an opportunity to be to prove that they are cooler or that I'm not such a big deal that sort of thing, it's werid. Anyway I make my money playing by the rules and they seem to be threatened by that. If it's jealously is there anything that can be done to ease the tention? I've tried new clubs and this problem follows me everywhere. To those that respond thanks for the advice I'm new to the forum and I think it's pretty cool!!

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    Default Re: Dressing Room hostility

    I used to get a lot of that as well when I first started dancing, and I et it chase me from club to club for a while.
    One day you wake up and realize that no matter how nice or bitchy you are, there will always be someone in the dressing room treating you that way.
    Just let them be as snippy as they want while you make your money. In the end, they only hurt themselves.

    McCain


  3. #3
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    Default Re: Dressing Room hostility

    Do you think that every pretty girl gets this? Ive had the same problem pretty much where ever i go, and u begin to think its YOU. (when you know u are nice to everyone, and stay to yourself)if it doesnt go further than mean looks...its cool to stay there - but are there other ways the girls can mess with you? It definitely makes the job harder when girls are not cool with you, and they make you feel uncomfortable. How do you make yourself go back to the club when this is going on?

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    Veteran Member Theresa's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dressing Room hostility

    I can definintely relate to this topic!! Most recently, these two girls put a TURANTULA (sp?) in my dance bag because they know i dont like spiders, and they thought it would be funny to do this for my birthday. Even though the thing was in a container, when i was searching through my dance bag i nearly had a heart attack when i found it. At first I didn't think the thing was real, so i opened the container a little and it started moving, so i put it in front of the one girls locker and it crawled out!! I locked all my stuff in a locker and got the hell out of the dressing room. This is only the latest of all the shit i have been putting up with in this particular club lately. I am definitely looking into changing clubs because the money is SO not worth all the crap i get from certain dancers there.

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    God/dess Lena's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dressing Room hostility

    Hmm.. I get the same thing.

    I find I get the most respect if I am nice but stay to myself and don't respond to any friendly advances, at least not the first few times. Staying in one place for a while helps too, sometimes. No one ever likes the new girl.

    Lena



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    Default Re: Dressing Room hostility

    Never - new girl is always "competition".

    Never mind that we'd all make money hand over fist if we'd all work together - it simply will never happen.

    And new girl will always be the first to be blamed if anything is stolen - I myself have even been guilty of the grievous error of accusing the new person.

    McCain

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    Default Re: Dressing Room hostility

    It sounds as though those girls are very unprofessional - big shocker in this biz, I know, but there is still some basic etiqutte to follow.
    I know that it can wear you down, but try not to focus on your coworkers. After all, they are not the ones in the club to see you.
    Maybe the girls are threatened because you're different from them somehow - if you're a student or if you're a little punk rock in style that will put off some girls. I used to have girls think I was snobby because I read books in the dressing room when it was slow (my favorite thing ever - a girl said "I just can't ever read a book. Sometimes I read a whole magazine, though."). In any case, I would suggest you find one person you can connect with - dancer, bartender, whoever - just so you have someone you feel is friendly at work. That could make all of the difference in the world.
    I really hope this works out for you - I have the good fortune to work with girls that almost all get along with each other, and it is a wonderful thing. I know just how rare it is, too!

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    Veteran Member NYCjacqueline's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dressing Room hostility

    I guess that in this business we're all going to deal with dressing room hositility some time or another. Of course we all know that most of the time it's insecurity that makes others hostile - sometimes, though - it's a guarded thing, too...the turnover in this industry is huge - so easy come - easy go...many don't care to make new friends or new ties. Dancing in Manhattan, I've run into the rudest, most jaded and nastiest girls there are. Somehow I've never gotten in so much of an argument or minor disagreement with any of them

    The best thing to do is be nice as usual - be yourself - despite their attitudes. My mom used to say to me "kill 'em with kindness", and believe it or not, it really works. I remember that when I first started at my current club, I had innocently mentioned that one of the girls looked great - so young or something along those lines - - and she stopped putting on her lipstick while looking in the mirror, slowly turned her head and lowered her eyes and rudely answered that she never tells people her age, so I shouldn't expect her to tell me" I shrugged and walked away. Of course, I wasn't asking her age - I was just pointing out her attractiveness. Today, this girl is one of my closest friends - in and out of the club. It's amazing how kindness will leave people unguarded and how it changes them

    If someone doesn't respond to your kindess, then that is their problem -not yours. Just stay away from them - you don't need that negative energy around you!
    "You have no idea what a long-legged gal can do without doing anything." -Claudette Colbert

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    Default Re: Dressing Room hostility

    It sounds as though those girls are very unprofessional - big shocker in this biz, I know, but there is still some basic etiqutte to follow.
    I know that it can wear you down, but try not to focus on your coworkers. After all, they are not the ones in the club to see you.
    Maybe the girls are threatened because you're different from them somehow - if you're a student or if you're a little punk rock in style that will put off some girls. I used to have girls think I was snobby because I read books in the dressing room when it was slow (my favorite thing ever - a girl said "I just can't ever read a book. Sometimes I read a whole magazine, though."). In any case, I would suggest you find one person you can connect with - dancer, bartender, whoever - just so you have someone you feel is friendly at work. That could make all of the difference in the world.
    I really hope this works out for you - I have the good fortune to work with girls that almost all get along with each other, and it is a wonderful thing. I know just how rare it is, too!
    Not to change the subject, but your post made me laugh out loud, because that is EXACTLY what happened to me at the job I'm leaving, although that's not why I'm leaving. Everything was cool until I started brining books to work. I mostly got comments like "That shit'll rot your brain" I just shrugged and kept reading. My favorite is:
    "What happened to that book you had yesterday?"
    "I read it"
    "The whole thing?"
    At one point my supervisor told me I was reading too much, and I pointed out "What's the difference between me reading, and them sitting around and smoking?" His only reply was "Just make sure you don't ignore your work." The entire experience was a great motivator to return to school.
    The dumb kid is back!

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Dressing Room hostility

    For teresa: the thing with the spider......u should've squished it with a shoe and put it back in the container. Tarantulas are not extremely expensive, but somebody paid for it and either somebody's pet or pocket would've felt it for that crap. U were being nice....... I wouldn't have.
    As for dressing room drama: do not ever let anyone disrespect you and you'll be fine. Let people whisper, stare or whatever, but do not ever sit in the dressing room and let somebody trash talk u in ur presence. U don't have to argue or fight just don't be a pushover. It sends out the message that u can be treated that way and b4 u know it'll be a group thing that could get out of hand. I've seen it happen. Basically, do ur job and keep doing it well. If u were not making money they would not care how good u looked, so jus keep up the good work.

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    Senior Member AnAgAmEsX's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dressing Room hostility

    It sounds to me like the girls are extremely intimidated by you and are feel they cant compete with you......some girls are soooooo pathetic~snotty~catty~bitchy~run their mouths non stop~always judge~and act like their 12 yrs old. Its very hard to be around these such scumbags who cant just live their lives and do their jobs. They feel they always have to be up in your business to make sure your not doing anything better than them. Personally~I got along great with pretty much all the girls I met in the clubs~at first they would be quiet~but it's sort of a little game in my head to get in good with EVERYONE.....especially the best dancers there because they'll teach you all the cool tricks and you get popular faster by associating with them.......I ALWAYS work them and win them over!! I just wish I could hustle men as good as I do the girls!! LOL shit i'd be rich!!!!
    ~*Newly*Born*Lil*Porn*Star*~

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    Default Re: Dressing Room hostility

    Anyone have any advice or pointers as of how to get in good with the other girls, or to at least be on friendly terms with them?? I am soon to be the new girl, and I usually dont befriend alot of girls so this is going to be new... I am not catty and usually am not friends with alot of chicks because they can be so catty and backstabbing.. So words of wisdom anyone???
    Dignity is about showing self respect and having quiet self esteem

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    Default Re: Dressing Room hostility

    I would go in and be polite, but otherwise keep your mouth shut. When the girls feel comfortable with you and want to talk with you, they usually will. This doesn't mean play mute, but limit your initial conversations to stuff like "How 'bout those Raiders?", "Are there any customers out there?", "So what all should I know about this place?" (be careful with that one - you need to analyze any responses carefully and pick and choose your information), you get the idea. I found that if you remain humble, and ask questions of the girls that have been there the longest, they usually will try to be at least a little helpful because you are flattering their egos.

    That's the best I can help you with at the moment.

    McCain

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    Senior Member AnAgAmEsX's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dressing Room hostility

    LOL!! Im sooooo completely opposite~Because I get nervous around new people I start talking much more and really fast......hehehehee They can usually see i'm harmless and innocent~just totally wacked out is all!! I talk to everyone about anything and always show concern for the other girls~I'm considerably older than most of the girls so I guess they could look at me as a mom or big sister! I'm always asking them~are you ok sweety?? I hate to see them looking sad~and when their upset about something I listen if they want or stay out of their way when they want. I'm a pretty passive person unless your a really nasty person to me or back me into a corner~THEN watch out........like I said~I'm pretty wack mentally lol!! Some of the girls will just ignore you and hardly talk to you for the first few days until they feel comforatable.......just keep talking to them until they warm up to you~eventually they will come around~OH another thing is some of them feel threatened by another girls looks or feel another girl is taking away their income~some dont like too many girls working at the club they work........it takes time and friendlyness........just let the b/s go in one ear and out the other.........keep smiling!! Sorry so long.........
    ~*Newly*Born*Lil*Porn*Star*~

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    Default Re: Dressing Room hostility

    I am the same with my coworkers, but not until after I have established my presence in a new place. Otherwise some people find it very offensive - being ovelry concerned can be perceived as being overly nosy.

    McCain

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    Default Re: Dressing Room hostility

    OOHHH nnnooooo~i dont mean like that~I'm not all up in their business like white on rice or anything~I just meant if one of them look upset or stressed I always~always show concern and ask if they're ok. I never ask them whats wrong~what happened. If they wanna tell me~they'll do it on their own. If they dont want you there in the first place they're all pretty strong and will just flat out tell you they dont want you there at that moment. I walked in on 2 of the most popular dancers in my club who had been cat fighting and bitching at each other for a couple days before that. They normally were best friends and possibly had been roomates~well anywayz~I was friends w/both of them and when ever one mentioned the other I would always say, "Well I'm not going to bash her because she's been nice to me since I started here. I'm not getting people pissed off at me!" That would end that b/s right away! Well anyways~I got to be pretty good friends with both of them and one night I walked in our dressing room after my dance was over and they were in there screaming at each other. Of course both crying and miserable~they did'nt want to be fighting. So when I came in they both yelled, "GET OUT!!" . Hhehehee damn~they told me!! I did'nt take it personally~I was glad they were working it all out! After the fight~I told them both I was glad 2 see they made up!! They were fine after all the crap was over. And they did'nt even realize they had yelled at me!!
    ~*Newly*Born*Lil*Porn*Star*~

  17. #17
    Pamela
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    Default Re: Dressing Room hostility

    Hi Ladies,
    my method to the madness... i am there to work not make friends. I am still friendly, but mind my own business when it comes to other dancers and rude remarks. Kill them with kindness, some people just don't know how to handle that approach.
    Pamela

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    Featured Member TiNi's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dressing Room hostility

    Pamela is right with this kind of word the people who you think are your friend or are nice to you are the ones that are going to back stab you and I learned that the hard way when I found some of my money missing. I am nice to everyone but i keep my distance at the same time.

  19. #19
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    Default Re: Dressing Room hostility

    The second shift I ever worked, I was openly threatened by this bitch. There was another newbie in the dressing room beside me who the threat was also directed at, and she did nothing but keep curling her hair, acting like it made no difference to her. I just followed her lead, but was thrown off guard a little. Like everyone says, you must let it roll off your back because they aren't the folks you're making your money from.

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    Default Re: Dressing Room hostility

    I guess I have been pretty lucky as far as this club goes. At first at seemed like the dancers I met were on the"hardened" side, but they are OK. I received a lot of compliments from them, younger and older on my looks and performance. That NEVER happened in Northern Calif.

    I've just had a couple of catty comments thrown my way. There was also a dancer that was working there, who also did porn. I never have and she knew this. So, she decided to go into gory detail about the films she has been in and what guys she's been with. Also, my manager still is a porn actor, so she had to tell me about him too.

    This was too much information, but I just got dressed quickly and went to talk to customers. I am rather relieved that I haven't seen her for a while.

    I am going back to a club I walked out of 2 and 1/2 months ago this Monday. The management took me back, no problem. I didn't have too much problem w/ anyone there, but I kind of stayed to myself. I really liked the juice bartender on days. She made me feel very comfortable and would help me find the REAL money

    Cheers,

    Corey
    (Formerly known as 'Korina')

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    Featured Member Amethyst's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dressing Room hostility

    Unfortunately, I've had my share of the catty bitches at my club. I will say that 90% of the girls have been very nice to me and I've been lucky enough to meet some very cool people that I know could become friends down the line. But there are 10% who have gone out of their way to make me feel alienated (which I don't). Last night, for example, none of my closer buds were there and there were two wenches that were being extremely wenchy towards me. I just ignored them and during my downtime, stayed out of the dressing room and hung out with the DJ and the managers (which got me hooked up with another big spender - yay!).

    My advice? Ignore the stares and gossip, don't put yourself in a position where they can try to intimidate you, and make it known (by your attitude and the way you carry yourself) that you are NOT the one to be messed with. That doesn't mean go around glaring at people, but just be confident and extremely professional. That seems to intimidate some girls who are there for the lifestyle.

    Amethyst


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    God/dess Emily's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dressing Room hostility

    It sounds like a lot of us are encountering dressing room hostility. I get it too, but only from a couple of girls that are jealous of how much money I make. I do not brag (in fact, I try to hide it), but you always know who the girls are that do well. I know they assume that I'm doing extras and whatnot, but I'm not.

    I think dancers on this board are a self-selecting group of "go-getters". I think we take the job more seriously than the average dancer and because of that, work harder. I'm a firm believer that the reason a lot of girls that hate me don't make the kind of money I do isn't because of extras or looks (one of them is gorgeous!) is from working for it. I cannot get over the fact that the biggest whiners about how they aren't making enough money are the ones that put forth the least amount of effort in getting it. DUH!

    It doesn't get to me though. I kind of revel in it because if they hate you, it's because they are jealous. And because I do well and thus end up making the club money and I tip well, I'm liked by the people that matter.

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