yet another intellectually stimulating post from none other than Lover
yet another intellectually stimulating post from none other than Lover
one opinion regardingh the psychology behind spousal abuse ( as posed by my social work proffessor ) is that 1. the aggressor wants to control the victim 2. there is no sufficient judicial punishment or social stigma attached to domestic violence, in fact, as noted above, the stigma is attached to the victim (" it's her fault" or " well she should just leave"). The idea has also been posed that abusive individuals are not "suffers" of low self-esteem; but just the opposite, they think too much of themselves and not enough of other people. My grandfather beat my grandmother until she was retarded and now has seizures. every one of their sons grew up to beat their wives and girlfriends. My mom has been beaten by every man she ever loved. I myself have not experienced this yet, but their is little anyone can do to prevent it from happening that first time 1 out of every 2 women will be a victim of domestic violence. We don't need to worry about educating our daughters, it is our sons that will be the problem. (no offense to the mothers of boys but something like 96 or higher percent of domestic violence cases are where a male is the aggressor) mothers need to stop telling their sons that they are perfect and raising them up to think that noone is good enought for them.




TiNi,
Damn, that is scary! You are a very lucky woman. You are also smart for leaving.
I have only been w/ one physically abusive person. He mostly abused my walls. Not uterine, but within my house. At the time, I was in college and living w/ a bunch of post-punk "artists". Mostly male, but safe. My ex came back from work and I had gone to a fast food place w/ one of my roomies. I am 5'2", he was a foot taller. He got mad and picked me up off the ground and held me up against the wall threatening to punch my face. Three of my roomies, all male, were in the same room terrified. The scrawniest one stood up to defend me and my ex threatened him. He sat down.
Well, my dickhead ex was holding me up by the collar of a downvest I had on. His vest. It was huge on me. I actually slipped through the downvest, ran around and away from him, screaming "fire". I then grabbed my cell and called the police. They came and asked me is he should be taken away. Of course, I said" Yes, definitely."
I have volunteered at a shelter since then. I have endured a couple of boyfriends who were verbally abusive, but they never last long. I get rid of them before it get's worse.
Yesterday, I went to work. When I got there, there was only one day dancer. I went to get ready and the owner was in the dressing room yelling at his girlfriend. I had to wait a 1/2 hour to get ready. Meanwhile, possible money is walking out the door.
When I started getting ready, the girlfriend apologized to me, saying that he had taken her written school work and threw it in the toilet :-/
Dating is tough. But don't settle for a loser guy. I have found that some of the regulars at my club have noticed that I don't date or party w/ anyone. Some of them are now trying to take my self-esteem down a few notches by not tipping me as much and asking me what I do for money when I have slow nights. I just smile and say I have investments.
Girls, just be strong and know that you are a good person. Good does not mean loving someone who berates you verbally or kicks the shit out of you. Life is tough enough. Be tougher!
Cheers,
Corey
PS I don't have any "dancer" photos on line but I will try to up load what I do have.![]()
(Formerly known as 'Korina')
I volunteer at a domestic violence shelter and I donate food at one as well. I have you in my thoughts. Take care of your kids and yourself.
Vicki


I do think it is wonderful to see so much support on this board. It makes me smile broadly, and feel quite warm inside (I know, I know, sounds extremely cheesy!!!
...but it's true!!!!).
I also wanted to give massive props to azryale's words...you are so incredibly dead on (at least in my opinion). Awesome thoughts...incredibly powerful and well thought out. Keep it coming!!!!





Holy crap I can't believe I haven't seen this one before! TiNi, I'm glad you're ok and hope you're still doing well and staying away from that freak.
My experience:
I was a victim of child abuse by my stepmother from age 4 to age 16 when I finally decided I wasn't going to take her crap anymore and ran away from home. I remember the day I took off like it was yesterday, so scared I could hardly breathe but also too scared to look back. I just jumped out the laundry room window and took off running down the street. Fortunately, I'd been working at paycheck jobs since age 14 and had a paycheck that I'd just cashed the day before, so was able to catch a greyhound bus out of town. I literally walked up to the bus station (which was closed) just as a bus was arriving to pick up passengers at 10pm that night, told the bus driver I was going to visit my grandparents and didn't have a ticket but had money to buy one if he'd let me on. I have no idea why he let me on, when I was obviously underage and scared and had no luggage. But he let me ride to the next town and buy a ticket there to my destination, and that same bus also happened to be going my way. Weird how those things happen. Anyway, I went through lots of legal crap to stay with my grandparents until age 17 when I was emancipated and allowed to live on my own as an adult. So for whatever reason, I had something in me from a young age that made me aware that I could do something about my own situation and get myself out of a bad environment.
Then my first boyfriend, whom I had met shortly after running away from home, became abusive after 3 years (I was 19 then). He had developed a drinking / drug problem and gotten very jealous. One night he came home from work drunk and high on something (I was too naive at the time to have a clue what he was on), accused me of cheating on him and proceeded to point a loaded 22 rifle at my face, daring me to breath or give the wrong answer. He didn't pull the trigger, thank god, and as soon as I had a chance I jumped in my car and tore out of there as fast as I could.
The next bf got very possessive and jealous after only a few months, and when he hit me in the face one day I sped away from him too. After that, I guess I took a look at myself and my apparent pattern of finding abusive assholes to date, and started making a conscious effort to change it. I have not been in an abusive or unbalanced relationship since, and all that happened before I started dancing. I learned how to spot an abuser and avoid him like the plague, and now I can pick one out in a crowd from across the room. I have also learned how to spot nice, stable guys and get them looking my wayIt was not easy to change myself, but that's what I had to do in order to have good relationships, and it was all rooted in that early childhood abuse from my evil damn stepmother. The sad thing is, my stepbrother has grown up to be just like her and is a holy terror to be around even for 5 minutes. It is so bad that I can't stand to be around him, and haven't seen or talked to him in years. AND, I have been unable to have any sort of relationship with my dad, partly because the wicked witch of the west put such a wedge between him and me that the relationship we had when I was little disappeared by the time I was 12, and partly because I have always blamed him for allowing her to abuse me for so many years (even though she always waited until he wasn't home to do most of her dirty deeds, she still slipped sometimes and I know he knew something was up).
So maybe that's a tad more than you all needed to know, but I don't keep it a secret and I think it's healthy to discuss these things. Too many people keep it inside thinking they're somehow at fault for being abused and that they can't do anything about it, and that they will be stigmatized if they talk about it. I also think too many people prefer not to talk about it thinking maybe if they don't admit it, it might all go away. Well it doesn't, unless you make it go away. And there is nothing wrong with talking about it, and there is nothing wrong with being a victim, as long as you recognize at some point that you have control over your life and do what it takes to make it better.
It is sad that so many people are abusive and that so many are abused. What is worse is that victims often wind up either being chronic victims or abusers also. And children of abused women also tend to grow up and become victims or abusers too, because they see it and think that's how things work. There is no fault in being a victim, but IMO if the victim never makes the necessary personal changes to avoid it, lets the cycle continue by growing up to be an abuser, lets his/her kids witness such abuse and/or be abused, that victim then becomes part of the problem. It is sickening that some people feel the need to hurt others, but IMO they KEEP hurting us only if we let them. We can all change our circumstances, no matter what is going on and no matter what it is like. We just have to dig deep within ourselves, maybe ask for help, make the effort and stick with it.
I used to volunteer for a women's shelter and there is one in every city and area. They take great pains to keep the locations secret and secure so psycho abusers can't get to the women staying there. If a woman doesn't have money of her own and is in trouble, she can call the cops and they will take her and her kids to the local shelter where she can stay until she gets a job and place of her own, plus they offer food, clothes, counseling and help with transportation, legal issues, job and housing search, etc. I know most strippers may not need all the financial help, but if you're in a bad situation it could be good to know you have a place to stay without the pressure of having to go to work for a while - especially if the psycho abuser knows where you work. The following website has some good national information and references, and the national hotline for domestic violence is 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224 (TDD). They can refer callers to local help and services.





Bridgette
Once again you have astounded me with your strength, courage and ability to overcome adversity. Not much I can write as of this moment. I've so much on my mind at this moment I really don't know where to start. I'll just say to you: go girl.


I also wanted to say, "thank you" to all the women who have shared their own personal experiences. It takes a lot of strength to be a survivor, and it also takes a lot of strength to tell your story publicly. It places an issue that is kept so secretive and laden with embarrassment and shame out in the open so that others may feel your strength and acknowledge how amazingly often this happens in our society.
I, too, had to look within myself to understand why I was finding myself with men who treated me less than wonderfully. And, by all means, please don't take this as "blaming the victim," but rather, it was important for me to find power and the ability to change my circumstances...and not feel like this is all too overwhelming and out of my control. I was raped by knife point at the age of 12, and then again at the age of 14 by a boyfriend. For years, my choice of men was always in comparison ("Well, he's not raping me, so then this relationship must be just fine."). It took me several years to get out of this funk...and not just settle, but rather demand beauty, equality, and healthiness in a relationship. And I am happy to say that I have found all of that and so much more with my current boyfriend of 4 years.
Thanks for listening!![]()
[A regular was chatting with me, pointed this old thread out to me, and, after hearing what I said, encouraged me to post it to this thread.]
I was verbally abused by my father when I was young. It took years to convince myself that I was someone worth something. And my father only picked on me. Never my other brothers or, thankfully, my mom. A couple have said he felt threaten by my intellect. Others said it was because I was sickly boy when growing up whereas my other brothers were just the opposite and what he wanted in sons. Some (my mom being one of them) say it was a combination of both. I feel fortunate that my mom and younger brother always believed in and encouraged me. I don't know where I'd be without them. I know where I am without my older brothers who didn't. I haven't spoken to them in over fifteen years now because one climatic event put it all into focus for me and I said, "If you don't respect me, I don't want anything to do with you." I've never regretted that decision.
And I've seen the other side of domestic abuse that isn't widely talked about. Women abusing men.
My first experience was quite a shocker. It was in the military. There was this GREAT sergeant. Really good guy. Think of Sheriff Andy Taylor and this guy was his younger brother. We hanged out a lot. He was the dreamed about idealized older brother that I never had. However, we never went to his home. Then after three months, he had to swing by his house. Oh my god. That memory is burned into me. When he opened the door to his trailer home, the smell literally made me unconsciously walk backwards and bump into my friend. The smell of old urine. All the windows were covered. And there sat his wife who didn't work. Smoking and watching TV. Cigarette burns on all the furniture (he wasn't a smoker) and I watched as she put out another cigarette on the couch. And my friend? This is what saddens me the most. Here was this guy that I respected so much and now he was meekish, cowering around her, he apologized over and over for the place and blamed it all on himself, and he rushed to change the diaper. The woman didn't even look up at me, a first-time guest in her house. This is what I'd expect to see in a psycho horror picture. And then it clicked. After we left, I innocently asked to see his workbench. "Oh, I don't have one." I turned to him and said, "Norm, then how could you have had that accident with it?" A couple weeks earlier, he had come to work all bruised up and said it was due to an accident while working on his workbench. He just looked down at the ground and said, "We have a son. I cannot leave him or even her. She's my wife." When we were at the gym training, I purposely wrestled off his t-shirt to see what I could see and saw what I expected. Bruises and even cigarette burns. Unfortunately, I was only 18 and didn't know what to do.
Years later, I was in a "Psychology of Women" class. I have a degree in psychology. The topic of domestic abuse came up and the feminist instructor taught it in such a way as being that only men are the abuser. I called her on it. She got upset and the class (all being women) turned on me. I then did research and found that women are just as likely as men to be domestic abusers. The only two main differences are:
1) Women will use objects to hurt the men and men don't.
2) Men very rarely ever report that they've been abused by their wife/girlfriend.
I also found out that cops commonly refuse to file domestic abuse against the wife and belittle men that report it. Men know this. They know no one will either believe them or they'll be called a wuss. And NO domestic abuse center in the nation (at the time I was researching this ... '86) accepted abused men. None. There is no support system for the abused men at all. Unlike with women, emergency rooms never press men to see if the home "accident" or "bar fight" was really domestic abuse. Men do not report domestic abuse due to all these reasons thus why most data (based on reported cases to police) that is collected on domestic abuse all points that it is just men who are doing it and at most "some" women.
Lastly, my last long-term relationship was where I was the recipient of it. I just didn't believe it was happening at the time. She was only 100 pounds and I'm 245, built, and have a high pain threshold. Her fists and kicks would just bounce off me without causing pain. Her verbal abuse ... well ... I was used to that due to my dad. But the thing that opened my eyes was the widen eyes of my friends. We were at a friend's place helping them move. My ex working in the lab at that moment. It was a hot summer day and I stripped off my sweat-soaked t-shirt. When I did, I heard gasps behind me. I turned around and they were pointing at me and indicating it was my back. One of the women took me into the bathroom and had me look at my back in the mirror. It was covered in bruises. I didn't recall where I got them from ... until I remember her beating on me the days before. I had a great friend by the name of Nicole and she sat me down and made me talk right then. It was very hard to admit what was going on. And stupidly I didn't do anything about it even after that because ... as always ... my relationship had highs as well as lows. The next high made me think it will all be good from then on. But it was a roller coaster relationship. When it was high it was HEAVEN and when it was low it was HELL. It didn't also help that she was drop-dead beautiful, an atheist (I'm a realist), libertarian-leaning, and very smart. But my friends never let up. They constantly were telling me to leave her. I didn't listen. I hoped things would change. "It's just stress from being a graduate student." "It's just that time of month." I feel like such a fool now. She used me. In so many ways, she used me. While living together, I made more than her but never was able to save any, but she was able to save $5K for a round-the-world trip as her graduation present ... minus guess who. And once when she was repeatedly kicking me in the stomach, I tapped her in the stomach and said "How do you like it?" She flipped. She called my mom and my sister-in-law and said I had physically abused her! HER! My sister-in-law never liked me so she believe my ex without question. My mom, on the other hand, asked what happened and I told her. She then asked what else was going on that she didn't know about and I slipped the beans. Trying and failing to hold back tears, she said, "Why are you in this relationship?" It hurts even now thinking about it. And it took years more before I was able to break it all off. To say I deserve better. That I'm an OK guy. That nothing gives anyone a right to hit you ... even if they're small and the hits don't cause pain.
And this is probably why I've been avoiding deep relationships since then. Dating is fine. I do a lot of that. I get asked out a lot by women and I have a fun time. However, as the saying goes ... it takes as long as a relationship lasted to get over it. Well, that time limit is now. After I get my show up and off the ground, I'll start looking again. Bridgette, if you'd like to tell those signs you've discovered that enable you to spot and avoid abusers, I'd REALLY like to hear them.
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B, you are truly amazing.Originally Posted by Bridgette link=board=1;threadid=1286;start=msg17824#msg17824 date=1049533010
I dealt with the mental and emotional abuse with my ex husband. There were few occasions that it got physical, but luckily it was nothing severe. The most major thing was during an argument, he pushed me, and I fell back against the wall scraping myself on the door handle. When I went to work later that night, the bouncers saw the mark on my back, and were going to go look for him.. lol.. But, he always knew, that if he was to actually hit me, he'd better make damn sure I didn't get up.
My Husband's ex-wife was mentally, emotionally, sexually, and physically abused by her stepfather. He would tell her almost daily that she was "nothing". So, she pretty much grew up believing that. She's very promiscuous now, which led to the divorce from my husband. I sympathize with her though, because that's what she was taught basically. She seeks affection from anyone that will give it to her, in any form. It's very sad.





Pumpkin,
Thanks for posting your story. I know it took a lot of guts to do it. Guy can be victims of abuse too.
We all need to remember that.
I am glad you found it in yourself to share your experiences with us.
Bridgette,
I have to agree with Deja Voodoo ! You go girl !
TiNi,
Feel free to PM or YIM me anytime !
hugs to all,
Farrah
My new love...is me !
Even the greatest authority does not, ultimately, know you as you know yourself.
Jhuka
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
Maya Angelou
You ladies amaze me with your strength and good advice on this subject. I have never been an abuser but I have been abused by my ex-wife, it's not a fun thing. I could never retaliate as I was bought up that a man does not hit a woman for any reason.
Needless to say I got my ass kicked a few times even though I was significantly larger than her. My mistake was allowing my embarassment to keep me from filing a police report. Not many males are comfortable in admitting something like this and try to take the blame because they see it as being weak, when in reality it takes a strong person not to fight back.
Anyway, I am divorced now and live with a wonderful lady who has helped me deal with my issues. We open our home to women who are abused and give them a place to stay, no strings attached. Sadly it's mostly dancers who end up in the apartment over the garage, but breaking free is the first step and they know they are safe here while they rebuild their lives.
Kudos to those taking the first steps, stay strong and remember it wasn't your fault.
SD
Wow... reading all these stories made me realize just how bad it is out there. I knew it happen (to me also) but I guess I never realized how often.
As a child our father mentally and a little physically abused us. He was always coming down on us and how we never did anything right... he would spend his entire paycheck on Speed and blame my mother. I remember one day vividly where he went into the back yard with my mom and told us kids to stay inside and not look outside. As a kid, you are quite nosey and look anyway. Well I look out the window and see my father with a noose around his neck and my mom holding the rope (he forced her). He kicked the chair out and started choking. I was screaming and then I saw my mom let go. My fathers excuse "They do it in the movies, so why can't I do it". Also, daily we were told if we didn't finish our food, he was going to dump it on our heads... things were bad.
Then when I was 17 I met a guy through a friend of mine... he seemed great at first, all sweet, nice words, flowers, etc. Well my mom was in another bad relationship with a guy that abused my youngest brother (I think he was 4 or 5 at the time). I told my mom it was me or that guy. I came home 2 days later to see my shit packed up. So I moved in with this guy. That's when stuff got bad. I had to come right home from work. If I was 2 minutes late he said I was "screwing" someone else. Then that turned into getting smacked when I walked in the door. If I walked wrong, I got hit. He told me I was worthless, ugly, no good, and no one else would ever like me. I thought I could get no better... I gained a ton of weight and let myself go. I honestly thought he was all I could get. Well, I lost all contact with my family and friends. I wasn't allowed to talk to anyone he didn't approve of. Finally one day my mom got ahold of me and realized what was going on (she already realized her mistake with the guy she dated) and came to the house one day and moved me out when my BF was gone. He called and called crying "Please come back, I swear things will be different" and all those lies. A couple months later, I get a call "Your ex was in a car accident, his steering went out and he went over a cliff. He is okay, but might be paralized from the waist down". So I go see him (don't know why) and I end up finding out he drove himself off the cliff to try and get me back. I didn't go back to him. He started a dating an Ex-friend of mine but still called me and told me he wanted me and not her. I still stayed away. I was realizing how bad he was. One year after I left him I was at a race and was walking to the car with my friend and her nieces. As we are walking, I see him and my ex-friend following us. They were yelling that I hit her truck (when she ran into a concrete pole)... I got to the car as fast as I could, got the kids in and started it... there he was telling me to roll my window down. I rolled it about 1/4 inch... he kept yelling and accusing... I said I had to go and went to drive and he took his hands and busted the window. Glass went everywhere, including my eyeball cutting it open. My friend followed them so they couldn't get away. I ended up in ER and under surgery. They put 20 microscopic stitches in my eye in a 9 hour surgery. Luckily I got most of my sight back. I have to wear glasses though. We did the court thing and he only got work furloh (sp?) and had to pay me $7,000 which I have only seen $700 of.
So even after I left, he still tried to have control. I don't take that shit anymore. I am a totally different person now... I am married and my husband is great. He helped me through a lot of my healing. There is just no reason for abuse to anyone... man, woman, child or animal. To everyone that has been abuse, I hope your lives are better now and there is much love in my heart for all of you.




Thanks Farrah. Even though this happened a while ago, I will help anyone and take advice as well. It's good to support people in there time of need. I still get threats from him but I am in control of the situation now. And I dont fear him at all. Some people just dont want to get help. I move on but yesterday he want to see the kids an like an ass I agreed. Make a long story straight the cops had to intervene, and he wont be able to see the kids anymore. My new BF is furious. I learning now that it's ok to be a single mom. Which i always have been, but i wanted him to be apart of the kids life. But for my safety and my kids, it's better that he do come around anymore.




Being that he is the father of your kids didn't you know him better? I'm sorry for your incident but it showed no sound judgement on your part. Now not only do you have to put up with him (restraining orders) but your twins are tied to him for life.
ugh... it seems that everytime i read something about violence against women by dreamer he seems to always manages to point his finger at the victimOriginally Posted by Dreamer link=board=1;threadid=1286;start=msg86024#msg86024 date=1079710172
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anywho.... Tini I hope all goes well w ur situation and good 4 u for taking back ur power b/c as we all know taking away power and control is how these guys operate.
I have also dealt with years of bad relationships. I went to psychotherapy for over a year. I also read some really great books which have helped me to spot the abusers and not fall for their B.S.. Learning how to spot those guys is no different than going to school to get an eduacation. Even though there are no guaruntees in life, knowlege really goes a long way to help you stay safe from the truly evil people. Evil people are too rotten and weak to see themselves for who they really are; and most of them will never have the strength to get help.
For me, it has been an ongoing process to learn about how to stay away from bad people and to share my knowlege with others, and to learn from them as well.
If anyone is interested, here are some of the books that have helped me.
"Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them" by Authors: Joan Torres , Susan Forward
"Stop Getting Dumped" by Lisa Daily (I just read this one a couple of months ago)
"The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem" by Nathaniel Branden http://nathanielbranden.com/fs/new.html
"The Road Less Traveled" by M. Scott Peck
There are too many really great guys out there to tolerate the rotten weaklings. It is possible to meet some really nice, stong guys once you understand how nice and strong you are.
Most people prefer to believe their leaders are just and fair even in the face of evidence to the contrary, because once a citizen acknowledges that the government under which they live is lying and corrupt, the citizen has to choose what he or she will do about it. - M Rivero
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Do these books go the other way as well? Helping guys spot abusive women to avoid?Originally Posted by livenudegirlsunite link=board=1;threadid=1286;start=msg86147#msg86147 date=1079728847
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Good luck everyone! Thank you for sharing....
"Have you ever been to American wedding? Where is the vodka, where's marinated herring?" - GB
"And do the cats give a shit? No, they do not. Why? Because they're cats."-from The Onion
Originally Posted by Mia M




Originally Posted by Isis link=board=1;threadid=1286;start=msg86044#msg86044 date=1079713358
Hey Isis, ANY victim ( male , female, animal) that TAKES responsibility for their involvement in the situation is BECOMING enpowered over their situation. Do you think becoming a victim like them helps them?
Trying to place more responsibility on the attacker simply is the same thing as becoming complacent with them. The only way you get power back is by taking responsibility yourself. The only thing is that now your offspring have to share in your responsibility. See the article "What do you all think" by Lexi.anywho.... Tini I hope all goes well w ur situation and good 4 u for taking back ur power b/c as we all know taking away power and control is how these guys operate.![]()




the abuse started happening after I got pregnant. And get this I did not put him on the birth cert. I am not a dumb chick. I dont have to put up with nothing. I have try to keep him in the kids life but he always messes thing up. He dont take care of them. Thank you for making me feel like shit Dreamer. Also this is an old thread.Originally Posted by Dreamer link=board=1;threadid=1286;start=msg86024#msg86024 date=1079710172




Wherever there are buttons to be pushed, along comes Dreamer to push them. It's like clockwork
Hey TiNi- so glad this is long past and you're starting to get this behind you. You don't have to defend your choices or the circumstances leading to abuse. Everyone knows abusers are the biggest cons/hustlers on the face of the planet... they swindle their way into a total line of confidence then everything changes.
To me, a "dumb chic" would be the exact opposite- one that changes or curbs the way she lives, loves, trusts and pursues happiness due to one or two complete and utterly definable losers. There is no "empowerment" to be gained from becoming closed, frigid, untrusting and otherwise inhibited from a social disease spread from a loser. You're above that and always were... it's just tragic what happened to you and just consider it a gigantic IOU of kharma to pay off down the road (with interest).
It doesn't matter if you're somebody in this world, it rather matters you mean the whole world to somebody.




Tini, if you think I am being harsh on you you should think what a lashing you would get if this case went to Judge Judy.Thanks for being an a-hole but the abuse started happening after I got pregnant. And get this I did not put him on the birth cert. I am not a dumb chick. I dont have to put up with nothing. I have try to keep him in the kids life but he always messes thing up. He dont take care of them. Thank you for making me feel like shit Dreamer. Also this is an old thread.
He is the father of the twins ,correct? So what does it matter what you put on the birth certificate? Let me put this in a way you can understand. I married a woman who gave all those same promises to love , honor , obey that you'd expect of a partner who turned out to be a golddigger and deserted me when she failed to rob me.
NOW, who do you consider responsible for that aberrant union????? Now that wasn't hard considering that it's a male you're talking about. The difference is that I take responsibility for MY judgement in the interaction. No children resulted from the union but I realize that it would be my responsibility for the WELFARE of the children.
That MEANS whomever I left the children under care of utimately rests on MY shoulders.
I DON'T make anyone feel like shit. That's what people feel of themself when they realize the consequence of their actions.![]()
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Hey Polecat, how about you quit pushing my buttons?Originally Posted by polecat link=board=1;threadid=1286;start=msg87146#msg87146 date=1079985599
Hey Polecat, how come I have to defend my choices or the circumstances that lead to my abuse?Hey TiNi- so glad this is long past and you're starting to get this behind you. You don't have to defend your choices or the circumstances leading to abuse. Everyone knows abusers are the biggest cons/hustlers on the face of the planet... they swindle their way into a total line of confidence then everything changes.
A "dumb chic" is one that doesn't assume the responsibility for the welfare of their children. One that doesn't realize the consequence of their actions affecting their children. Complancy means turning them over to people that compromise your values.To me, a "dumb chic" would be the exact opposite- one that changes or curbs the way she lives, loves, trusts and pursues happiness due to one or two complete and utterly definable losers. There is no "empowerment" to be gained from becoming closed, frigid, untrusting and otherwise inhibited from a social disease spread from a loser. You're above that and always were... it's just tragic what happened to you and just consider it a gigantic IOU of kharma to pay off down the road (with interest).
As I said before "empowerment" comes from taking responsibility for your own life instead of blaming the rest of the world for evils that befall you. If you don't , I wouldn't expect anything more than negative karma to follow.![]()
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I appologize if simply pointing out your blatantly obvious attempts to annoy, frustrate or otherwise belittle women at ever beck and call you somehow find offensive. Halting the process would likely spare yourself the grief of having it pointed out to you in retort.Hey Polecat, how about you quit pushing my buttons?
Ya' totally lost me here, bucko. Can you quote me back or otherwise point out where I said you have to defend anything? On the contrary, I pretty clearly stated (and to TiNi, not to you):Hey Polecat, how come I have to defend my choices or the circumstances that lead to my abuse?
>>"You don't have to defend your choices or the circumstances leading to abuse."<<
Not sure where your reading comprehension skills made the disconnect... I thought that was pretty clear. Carry on.
I'm with you here.. but I fail to see how this applies to this case. It's not like she was shooting up in the living room and invited a pimp/drug pusher into the house while the kids were present. She asked the father of her children for a freaking ride... holy shit, press child endangerment charges! Lock her ass away and throw away the key! I hear she even LET'S HER CHILDREN GO TO PUBLIC SCHOOL!! (gasp!).A "dumb chic" is one that doesn't assume the responsibility for the welfare of their children. One that doesn't realize the consequence of their actions affecting their children.
Did you mean complacency? Because if you did, I'm again baffled how a mother trying to find someone to watch her children, and asking for a ride to an audition can even be hinting at complacency. This guy was a freaking nut-job and she was obviously unaware of what he was capable of. We take risks every day of our lives- when we drink a cup of coffee and eat bacon for breakfast, when we hop in our cars and drive to work, when we book a vacation in Tahiti, etc.etc. It's absolutely moronic to put all blame and circumstances on an individual.Complancy means turning them over to people that compromise your values.
I'm all for accountability for one's actions... but do you honestly see this example as being a case of parental negligence or complacency by allowing her ex/father of her children offer a ride to an audition?
I'll eagerly await your dissertation on how the victims of 9/11 were totally stupid for ever working in a high-rise building in New York. Good day.
It doesn't matter if you're somebody in this world, it rather matters you mean the whole world to somebody.
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