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Thread: i am a dancers boyfriend, am i a jerk

  1. #1
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    Default i am a dancers boyfriend, am i a jerk

    i have a girlfriend who is a dancer in ny. i work in construction and times have been hard for me due to weather. i have only been working like 2-3 days a week. my girlfriend averages 2000-2500 a week. i use that money to pay for bills, rent, car payments, ect. i have also been buying tools for my construction work. she has no problem with all of this, but i dont want to take advantage of her. i an a skilled carpenter and we plan to start a construction company together. i have also been using her money to pay for her old debts as well as my own. again, she has no problem with this. we have a nice condo we rent , and we both have nice vehicles. is it wrong for me to be in charge of her money ? when i do work a full week my take home is only 700. i cannot aford all our bills on my own, and working only 3 days i cannot afford anything. she is pampered like crazy. she gets 200 dollar hair cuts, MAC cosmetics, expensive chlothes, ect. i think i am doing right, any suggestions ????

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    Veteran Member EvilCyn's Avatar
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    Default Re: i am a dancers boyfriend, am i a jerk

    I think the fact that you are asking in the first place shows you are not trying to use her... If your relationship is strong enough that you are basically sharing your life then no......When one has to help out with thee other, that is the way arelationship works..
    You said she spends money on the things she likes for herself, Then she is getting the rewards of working her butt off, and also working on what you guys have planned....... I think you are doing all right and Good luck !!
    There is no better buzz then busting a nut.......
    The Curve is more powerful then the sword .. Mae West

  3. #3
    Pamela
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    Default Re: i am a dancers boyfriend, am i a jerk

    You say she has no problem with you using her money as well as your own when you can afford it. Thats great!

    But have you two talked about the use of her money to buy tools for your construction job.. for example?

    If you have not talked about the fact that you are using her money for yourself, you may want to ask her how she feels. Just to cover all bases, and make sure you are correct.
    If you don't want any problems, and the relationship to work long term (like forever). Talk...you can then make sure all is fine. Pamla
    PS if you all talk....You have no problems, wish you both all the best.

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    Default Re: i am a dancers boyfriend, am i a jerk

    You knew what you were getting into when you got involved with her in the first place. I would swallow my insecurities and pride if I were you and keep sharing my life with her. It seems that she loves you for what you are and does not care that you make less than her. Don't forget, maybe she'll go through hard times at her job herself and will not make that amount of money every week. It happens to most couples, regardless of their respective professions or trades.



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    Default Re: i am a dancers boyfriend, am i a jerk

    What you are dealing with is what a relationship is all about and if you both are committed to each other I am sure there will be times where your money will cover her ass - ets.

    That is how this business should be used, as seed money to start a business of your own to eventually replace your job and here dancing.

    I wish you both good fortune.

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    Featured Member LEIGH_LANDON's Avatar
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    Default Re: i am a dancers boyfriend, am i a jerk

    SO if you break up - does she get to keep the tools she bought????
    LIVE LONG & PROSPER!
    Leigh Landon

    Never explain yourself to anyone, because the person who likes you doesn't need it and the person that dislikes you won't believe it.

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    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: i am a dancers boyfriend, am i a jerk

    LOL Leigh! Sort of what I was thinking It doesn't really seem like this guy is taking advantage of his gf, but he needs to watch himself and be careful to keep it that way.

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

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    Senior Member Messi's Avatar
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    Default Re: i am a dancers boyfriend, am i a jerk

    Just watch her facial expressions when you ask her for money or when you guys talk to see if they change any. I make more money than my boyfriend and occassionally he will ask to borrow some. It doesn't bother me until he does not say thank you or he never bothers to take me out with his own money. You can tell if it bothers her by her facial expressions. And liek everyone else said talk to her about this! good luck!!1
    "...it was a queer shaped little creature, and held it's arms in all directions,'just like a starfish'" (carrol)

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    Veteran Member Nichole's Avatar
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    Default Re: i am a dancers boyfriend, am i a jerk

    I think it is ok as long as she is ok with it and has access to her money if she wants it.
    Visit http://www.midwestdancewear.com for a great selection and price for all your dancewear, lingerie, and shoe needs!

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    Default Re: i am a dancers boyfriend, am i a jerk

    Sounds like you're doing just fine, if you are running everything past her and she's okay with it all. And obviously, if she is accessing premium salons / cosmetics / etc, then you are not one of those jerks who takes all his woman's money and basically uses it all on himself.

    The thing I am truly curious about is why you are basically feeling like you are deprived in relative terms. If your woman is making this kind of money, and splurging so much on herself, does she not also splurge on you? Work stuff deosn't count, unless that is your all-conuming passion in life. It should be fairly equal, not a case of one person forever scraping and the other person forever living the lap of luxury...

    I know that anytime I was rolling in green, I was more than willing to spoil anyone with whom I was involved, so long as they were not taking advantage of it. Just as my sweetheart is thoughtful towards me.

    McCain


  11. #11
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    Default Re: i am a dancers boyfriend, am i a jerk

    hi i origionally started this thread and i am currently in the process of purchasing a work truck, and my girlfriend is vey angry because 1) she wants to go on vacation and she feels this will delay that and 2) she thinks she is going to end up paying for the truck. i want to buy the truck for work but i dont want to cause problems. to tell you a little about my situation, we have lived together for 3 years, we have a child together and we plan on getting married. we are both going to college, and we have a good life. we do as we please, and although we run out of money on a regular basis, we buy what we want and theres always more money to be made. shes 21 , im 22. i plan on starting a construction business, building us a house and having her stay home and doing as she pleases. or if she wants to work that is fine too. she does not understand that i need a truck to be in the construction business. together we make 10k a month. she makes about 7k of that. i dont think a 500 a month car payment is going to make a big difference considering thats 125 a week and i estimate we piss away about 750 a week on b.s. such as dining, dvd's and just buying bullshit stuff. i told her if we take 125 a week and put it aside we will not miss it at all ? what do you girls think ?

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    Featured Member LEIGH_LANDON's Avatar
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    Default Re: i am a dancers boyfriend, am i a jerk

    that same thought wheres the ring on her finger? Intentions and as good as they may sound - wheres the reality - another thought too...you guys seriously need some counselling in finance hooooooo weeeeeeeeeee!!!
    LIVE LONG & PROSPER!
    Leigh Landon

    Never explain yourself to anyone, because the person who likes you doesn't need it and the person that dislikes you won't believe it.

  13. #13
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    Default Re: i am a dancers boyfriend, am i a jerk

    credit counselling and a ring, yeah that will solve everything, thanks

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    Default Re: i am a dancers boyfriend, am i a jerk

    Ryan your not a jerk, I think what the ladies are trying to tell you is maybe with a ring the others things will work themselfs out.
    Don't make me spank you!

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    Default Re: i am a dancers boyfriend, am i a jerk

    ok then we all have opinions and here mine - buy your own damn truck.
    I was trying to be subtle but I could give a rats ass.
    Get a better job, share your expenses and buy your own freaking tools.
    If you love her AND you had a child with her then make it right and marry her for Christs sake.
    Thats my opinion.
    LIVE LONG & PROSPER!
    Leigh Landon

    Never explain yourself to anyone, because the person who likes you doesn't need it and the person that dislikes you won't believe it.

  16. #16
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    Default Re: i am a dancers boyfriend, am i a jerk

    what would be a BETTER JOB ? if i could take my chlothes off for 2k a week, trust me by all means i would. but unfortunatly i have to get up everyday at 7 am, 6 days a week to make a decent (although not by your standards) paycheck. However, i have a skill, I can an do build beautiful homes. Yes you may make more money than me now, but can you stand back, look at the job you've done that day (or night in your case) and do you feel a sense of pride and accomplishment ? look, i have nothing against dancers but i have NEVER IN MY LIFE seen a 22 year old male who can keep up with a dancers 2k a week. it is not possible. i think my 700 a week is good for my age, and my income will only increase with age while a dancers will USUALLY decrease with age. so you may think you are clever now but you job takes no skill, there is no sense of accomplishment, and there is no reality.

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    Default Re: i am a dancers boyfriend, am i a jerk

    Therein lies your REALITY. Finally saying what is REALLY bugging you - her job and the lack of respect you feel.

    No reality you say? No skill you say?

    You are entitled to your opinion, as negative as it may seem. The issues you bring up, are irrelevant.

    Many dancers are getting top grade education paying for it themselves via dancing. Many have bought business, or homes (as I have, extended education and several homes) we are in essence BUILDING a life. Yes dancing has an expiry date, but when I am done as many others as well, I'll be miles ahead by way of dancing.
    Dont attack which you know nothing of my dear.
    You are obviously in a very angry place right now. If you arent getting the answers you want here, then go talk with your girl.
    You invited us into your crisis by posting. So lashing out is redundant. Try to consider that when you arent hearing what you want to hear.
    To quote a famous car commercial jingle:

    You asked for it you got it, TOYOTA.
    LIVE LONG & PROSPER!
    Leigh Landon

    Never explain yourself to anyone, because the person who likes you doesn't need it and the person that dislikes you won't believe it.

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    Veteran Member hollyday's Avatar
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    Default Re: i am a dancers boyfriend, am i a jerk

    SO if you break up - does she get to keep the tools she bought????
    NO SHIT LEIGH
    thats what i was thinking.....i don't think u should be paying 'your debts off'' with her money either..r u going to marry this girl.....either that or u should be on your knees kissing her ass everyday.......holy fuck.....bobby scores is right.....
    what would happen if she fell and broke her ankle and was off for six weeks....then where would u be?????
    better get another job
    blessed be

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    Default Re: i am a dancers boyfriend, am i a jerk

    I don't think you are necessarily a jerk, Ryan, but you have to be made aware of the fact that there is a considerable amount of skill indeed required to be a successful exotic dancer!

    They have to be able to dance, and dance well, and dance to a lot of music that sucks whether they like it or not. This may look like fun to you, but it requires a hell of a lot of talent, practice, and effort. This also requires a hell of a lot more courage than most people have, male or female. It requires that they be in top physical condition, especially if they start whirling around and up and down that pole. One slip, with some of those tricks, could mean a very serious accident, or permanent disability.

    Not only that, but a successful exotic dancer must also be adept at sales, especially now with this troubled economy, and increasing competition from less skillful women who are willing to grant sexual favors to make up for their lack of talent and effort. They must present themselves favorably to a huge variety of guys, many of whom are a**holes, plain and simple, or acting like one because they feel like being in a strip club gives them license to do so.

    She must also be a psychologist and negotiator, not only to cajole and circumvent these bestial losers, but also in dealing with scumbag-dominated, manipulative and generally outrageously greedy management. She also has to operate with a wide variety of DJs, most of whom are functionally illiterate, view dancers only as potential conquests, and are insufferably arrogant to boot.

    As if all that wasn't enough, she must also face a constant barrage of abuse from relatives, random acquintances, and society at large, for having the audacity to attempt to make a buck from the performance of what is erotic art, if it's done right--and if I have anything to do with it that is exactly what it is!

    What's more, in a large portion of this fair "land of the free" of ours, she faces potential criminal charges which can ruin her life permanently (try going around with a record as a "sex-offender"), often for doing no more than an average housewife does when bending over to pick up her towel on a public beach.

    I have worked every kind of damned job there is, and I can testify that, if it's done right (as I know full well Leigh, for instance, does), there are very few occupations which require more skill and effort.

    I have grown up around (my father is a masonry contractor) and worked directly with (not only as a laborer when I was in college, but also as an architectural illustrator/commercial site planner of no mean ability) many, many people in the construction industry. Some of them are greedy, unscrupulous, jerks, who put up shoddy buildings that start falling apart within months of completion. A lot of them are very skilled and capable of working very hard indeed.

    But so are a lot of fine dancers I have been priviledged to work with, who can be as proud of their accomplishments as anyone out there, and who are morally as virtuous as any (often far more than most) developers/construction industry professionals I have seen.

    That, whether you choose to accept it or not, is the reality of this situation.

    Djoser
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

    ______________________________________

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    Default Re: i am a dancers boyfriend, am i a jerk

    Well at least you are up front about it and not just pissing awy her money fornothing. I know a dancer wh was a=married and while away making tons of money (obscene amounts) and sending it home and him pissing it away and comes home to find him fucking aanother gir, you are far and away above this. I cannot tell you how many dancer sI know that support their " musician" B/F and in the end getting screwed over it and then they find another loser to take his place. Just be up front and and if things are right , then fine. but don't expect her to just absorb it if you split up. At that point it shold be a lona and if it involves sizable amounts of $$ then a contract shuold be drawn up.

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    Default Re: i am a dancers boyfriend, am i a jerk

    My fiancee used to own his own credit repair business and is VERY creative when it comes to money. I showed him your post and here is what he says.

    Number one you guys are still young. It sounds like you have a lot of credit card debt. it also sounds like you have some problems that need to be worked out.

    You seem to feel inadequate because you don't make as much as your girlfriend. You are not supposed to easrn what she does. Jobs pay peanuts and anyone working at a job will make lousy money.

    The whole point of dancing which both of you need to understand is that it should be used for SEED money to start other businesses that will provide you passive income without either of you having to physically work the business to earn money.

    I suggest you keep a log of her earnings after tip outs daily and PUT 30% of all her money made nightly in a money bag and DO NOT TOUCH IT. Set a goal to have $12,000- $15,000 in that bag by December 31st. Convert the bills to hundreds so you won't be tempted to spend them.

    Live off the remaining income which is plenty. You guys are not focused on savings but depending on being able to make back everything you spend.

    Ryan, in your business AND dancing you CANNOT count on earnings always being the same. I have danced for 15 years and will attest to that. Construction work is iffy also.

    I would be happy your girlfriend can make what she does but I'm sure you've heard the saying "get while the gettings good". You guys have got to stop using credit now. Her $7000 a month could easily drop to $4000 and your $700 a week could result in no jobs at some point and unemployment.

    Stop worrying about being the breadwinner. focus on helping you girlfriend track EVERY penny she makes and even help her finetune her selling skills so she can maximize what she earns.

    There is nothing wrong with wanting nice clothes and makeup. I wear Mac myself. a $200 haircut is unnecessary at this point in her life. A $30 will do just fine. Just pay cash for all your clothes out of the 70% of her dancing earnings I am proposing you live off of.

    As far as a truck goes, that is not wise to take on another $500 loan. You are going to end up having it repoed because your incomes will fluctuate. Do you each have a car? Have you paid on yours for two years. If so, consider trading it in and getting a USED LOW MILEAGE truck. You don't need a new one to beat up hauling construction supplies and dirt in. Don't create another bill because starting a new business does not generate steady income right off the bat.

    There is nothing wrong with being nicely dressed, and the classier you or your girlfriend look, the more money you will attract. I buy designer clothes and my fiancee is a better shopper and dresses me better than I do honestly. If you guys see an outfit that is new for spring and at regular price, know that within 90 days it will incur 25-30% or more markdowns as stores have a maximum amount of time to hold inventory. We go around to all the better department and off price stores regularly and find some great deals on designer clothing. I bought several nice Lauren blouses regularly priced at $70 for $15-$19. I have Dana Buchman blouses I found on a clearance rack at a Las Vegas Dillards for $40 and they retail for $168. The key is always checking out stores.

    Be on top of your money and don't blow it counting on the fact that there is more where that came from.

    i recommend you both get the audiobook Rich Dad Poor Dad, and both of you listen to it and build your life to his teachings. Learn how to get your money to work for you as the author teaches and how to set up business that will provide you income for life.

    You can BOTH retire off her dancing income if you BOTH are in sink with each other and focus on saving that 30%. In january, take 25% of your 30% saved and invest it in the type of business discussed in Rich Dad Poor Dad.

    Once you are stable look at buying a home that will not cost you over 25% of 1/2 of your average combined income per month and read books on investing in lease option or other investment properties that will give you a large net worth.

    Pull up this web site, www.incorporatingyou.com and learn how to create operating capital through a corporation and corporate credit. Don't risk your personal credit on a business venture. If it fails and many do you will lose all you have.

    The fact that your girlfriend is dancing and doing faily well is a plus that can make you rich for the rest of your life. Don't be jealous of a woman outearning you. this business if handled properly can set you guys up forever so you never have to work for anyone ever. You won't get rich building houses yourself,as the audio book I referred to you will tell you. You have to set up a business model where you have others building for you and you collect your profits off of their work.

    The same goes for your girlfriends dancing. She can physically only earn so much as one person per night. Look at the club that she works for. How many girls during the day and night pay house fees to work. That is more money than the best dancer could ever earn in even a double shift, isn't it?

    You guys are young and if you want to have a good marriage and a good life you must both see eye to eye on these matters. You don't need any more personal debt. You need to learn how to work those dancer earnings into substantial savings and business set ups that will provide you 7 figure income for the rest of your lives. Thedn you both can get $1000 haircuts and travel the world 1st class while other people who blew all their money when they were young HAVE to work for $700 a week until they are 65.

    Does your girlfriend follow this site? Think about what I said. A bright future is in your near future or in 20 years you will both be saying what you could have had if you would have been focused.

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    Default Re: i am a dancers boyfriend, am i a jerk

    thanks for the GREAT info. i have read rich dad poor dad an other books by kiyosaki, and im in the process on starting up an internet business. im just waiting for my resale tax number so i can buy wholesale. i am going to take your advice on saving 30 percent, i just have to convince my girlfriend that this is the best thing. im hoping with her income and my construction ability, we will be ably to build a small apt. complex in the near future.

    and about our old debt, it is almost paid off, we will be debt free in about 45-60 days. thanks again.

    P.S. i've decided not to buy a truck with a loan, i am going buy a cheap work truck for like 3k and it will be paid free and clear, i've had enough with these car payments

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    Default Re: i am a dancers boyfriend, am i a jerk

    Good luck in all your pursuits.

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