Hey guys,
I've had to go back to my hometown from college and stripping because I nearly had a breakdown. It was stress, school, work, etc., but work was such a big factor.
When I had just started working (mid-October), I was very naive and innocent, even though that's a contrast to what an exotic dancer is like. Those of you who have read some of my posts in the past know that I was working in a very shady, ghetto club. For the most part I liked it, but in another way, it was one of the worst things that happened to me.
It started out when I was sitting with a customer who was telling me that as a stripper, I was there to fulfill a certain fanstasy, etc. While saying this, he took my hand and put it on his crotch. I froze, I didn't know what to do. I was scared, unsure, and then he asked me to give him a handjob through his pants. God, I'm so ashamed, I thought I'd be like a bitch or something if I didn't, so I sorta did. I felt worse than shit.
There were other customers, some that were always trying to French kiss me (yes, in the club... the management was always turning their head the other way), customers who tried to touch my crotch, etc. And I'm a very... not sure what the word is... "nice" person, I don't want to be mean to anyone, I'm also terribly naive, as I have already stated. And I can't get over these feelings of guilt and feeling like a whore. I feel taken advantage of (I was only 18 at the time, I'm 19 now)... but I do like dancing. But I feel terrible about myself. Has anything similar to this happened to any of you guys? I don't know, is there any advice you could spare? I don't know what to do, I've been taking this out on myself in a lot of unhealthy ways (overeating, hurting myself, etc.).
Peace, love, and empathy,
Lola



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