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Thread: Boyfriends- Taking Advantage of Your Dancing

  1. #1
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    Default Boyfriends- Taking Advantage of Your Dancing

    Hi,

    I was just wondering if anyone here has enabled men to let them treat you like utter shit at times, calling you names about what you do for a living-despite you not only taking care of yourself financially but him as well? Do you find yourself buying them more money on gifts for them than you do on yourself? Im trying to get out of this cycle but am too embarrassed to talk to anyone I know at work about this. Does anyone have any stories personally or advice?

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    Default Re: Boyfriends- Taking Advantage of Your Dancing

    I've seen this in dozens of ladies I've befriended over the years...... Very common has been seeing their BF/SO in the club getting money from them and then I see them in another club getting dances from other ladies......


    I think the "ugliness" comes from the resentment and low self esteem THEY feel as a result of your making more money than they are capable of..... I've seen guys go from working to not working, spending more of their time "cheking in" on their girlfriends because they get worried the gravy train may leave the station without them.....

    I don't think it's a healthy relationship at all for a lady to enter into. Find a guy that can support himself and still spoil you and bank your own money..... or like SOOOO many ladies I've known.... years willl pass....... hundreds of thousands of dollars will pass through your hands...... and you'll be working that first weekend of the month to make rent........


    I have a difficult time meeting ladies!

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    God/dess Zabrina's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriends- Taking Advantage of Your Dancing

    It's so annoying how guys can meet you as a stripper, get involved, date seriously, etc and say they are fine with you stripping. Then as soon as you have a fight, or dump them it's "Your nothing but a stripping slut." They are fine with it all that time, and damn fine about all the money you bring in then suddenly they want to use it to put you down. Well sorry but F--- them. You have a good job, you can pay your own bills, don't ever let some guy take advantage of you or make you feel bad about yourself.

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    Featured Member tragic-beauty's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriends- Taking Advantage of Your Dancing

    im a married woman.. and my hubby is great.. hes is a systems admin for a big company.. he treats me and loves me like i deserve. he knows that when i come home from work im comming home to him.

    He also knows that the money i make is ours. .and the money he makes is ours. it doesent matter to him that he has to go day in and day out same hours and i only need to work 3 nights a week and make 400 *witch isnt bad for febuary and its shitty weather*


    You gotta find a guy that loves you for you.. no matter what job you have.. And yes there are few of these men out there..


    I say ditch this loser your with.. and find a REAL man

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    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriends- Taking Advantage of Your Dancing

    I have seen this so many times with so many girls - and I ALWAYS want to try and talk some sense into the girls allowing some asshole to take advantage of them, but they will usually never listen and even think I'm some kind of asshole for saying something. Girl, if your bf lives in your house, takes your money, eats your food, and treats you like shit - he is a piece of shit who needs to feel the pain of your spiky stiletto poking his ass as you drop-kick him out on the street! You are a beautiful woman that alot of REAL men would do anything to have, and you do NOT need some schmuck like that.

    Don't waste another second. Get rid of him. You're better off alone than with an asshole like that who only sucks the life out of you. Lose him, start hanging out with the friends that you probably lost touch with when you hooked up with this scum, go to work more, start keeping your own money and enjoying it yourself. Don't think for a second about settling for any man who isn't everything you want - has his own good job, his own money, his own car and place to live, treats you properly, etc. If you settle for less, you are effectively saying you deserve less, and that is your biggest mistake. Never settle! Hold out for the right man, not just any man.

    And take care of yourself. Take the money you've been spending on that sorry excuse for a boyfriend and save it for later on - you can use it to start a business, go to school, retire, whatever. If you need support, you can always come here. That's what this place is for. If you get lonely, call your friends or go to work. Just get away from that loser.

    Good luck to you and stick with us!

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

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    Veteran Member hollyday's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriends- Taking Advantage of Your Dancing

    HA
    someone wants to get me started this early in the morning
    yes, i've been treated like shit by countless 'boys' because men would'nt act like that..they say they hate your dancing but their hand is out the minute u walk in the door...
    they say they love u but have no reservation smacking u upside the head
    run girl, run far and fast
    i'm not going to reiterate previous posts but there is a thread 'why did u start dancing' and 'domestic abuse' that might answer some of your questions
    blessed be

  7. #7
    Pamela
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    Default Re: Boyfriends- Taking Advantage of Your Dancing

    If he is calling you names, and you buy gifts to make him feel better, he is taking away your self worth. I can't stand guys who play this idiotic game. Set rules for HIM, or give him his walking papers. It won't get better unless you grab the pattern and change it now.

    He calls you names, and you give him money and gifts. Just read this over a few times. It does not make sense. And you writing your message today, you know it. Take care of number one! YOU!
    To hell with an abusive man. Pamela

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Boyfriends- Taking Advantage of Your Dancing

    That is not love. You don't need that. Dump him life is to short.

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    Banned Melonie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriends- Taking Advantage of Your Dancing

    Dancing 101 - repeat after me - NEVER get seriously involved with a guy who earns less money than you do! If you let this become the case, money will ALWAYS be a source of heartache between you. Either he'll be leeching money from you, or he'll be after you to quit dancing so you'll no longer earn more than he does, or he'll be blowing his own money and expecting you to pick up the slack in regard to bills.

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    Featured Member Corey's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriends- Taking Advantage of Your Dancing

    Melonie,

    Get a grip!! I have never EVER had to support a man! Get out of this pattern quick. I am getting married to a wonderful man with multiple degrees with a very cool job in Beverly Hills!

    I met him outside of the club scene. He is cool with my dancing, as long as I am not completely nude and he has never ever seen me dance and I like it that way.

    I have only ever dated educated men. I have been engaged around seven times but never married. There is a reason for that; whenever I saw a red flag, I ran. FAST! I am over thirty and this will be my first marriage.

    My point is, that I listened, watched and observed for any "red flag" tendencies.

    I have seen your photos and you have a wonderful sexy, quality about you and you sound like a nice person. Save your money and find yourself a nice man, not a shit head!!

    Good luck.

    Cheers,

    Corey
    (Formerly known as 'Korina')

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    God/dess Paris's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriends- Taking Advantage of Your Dancing

    You don't have to be a dancer for this situation to be taking place.

    What is wrong with men today?

    I had many boyfriends who would use me for my money, screwing my friends in my bed while I'm at work. This was before I started dancing. I was married to a loser who couldn't keep a job, had a theft problem, and expected me to move in with his mom so that he didn't have to get a job. I was working two jobs and driving a 1986 ford Taurus, just so that he could drive his brand new car and sit on the couch all day drinking and watching TV.

    My first love couldn't get a job, a car, an apartment, so he moved in with me. I worked full time and put in a lot of over time so he didn't have to leave his video games all day. I supported his lazy ass for three years. Finally he got a job, and I returned to finish college because I had to take the time off from school just to support us. A month after I returned to school full time, he shacked up with some other chick he had been seeing for almost a year (behind my back) because he now had a job and she was willing to accept him :o Did I mention that he was also very abusive to me verbally, and occasionally physically??

    I was dating another guy that just moved into my apartment one day without my permission. He just told my roommate what he was doing and that it was cool with me. My roommate gave him a key, and told him to go ahead. This boy racked up a huge cable pay per view bill, a huge long distance phone bill (his other girlfriend lived out of town), wrecked my car, got me fired from my job (causing a scene at the restaurant I worked at), and eventually got me and my roommate evicted from our apartment because he was having loud parties all night long (I worked graveyard, my roommate and I worked together after HE got me fired). And this all took place over the course of three months At least he didn't hit me, right?

    I am now married to a wonderful, hard working responsible man. He likes my job as a dancer, and only wants me to be happy. He used to be a dancer himself, and knows what it takes to do my job. As a matter of fact I got the idea of being a dancer from him.

    The nice guys are out there, you just have to look (sometimes very closely). You are an exotic dancer! You are the Creme de'la creme of women, so don't settle for the bottom of the barrel of men. Let them date the fat ugly welfare cases, and leave them to only dream of a woman of your caliber.


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


  12. #12
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    Default Re: Boyfriends- Taking Advantage of Your Dancing

    :-/ ??? :o :-/
    Lets see bitting the hand that feeds him. minus 10 points, calling you names minus 10 points treating you like utter shit minus 50 points projecting his own feelings of failure on you minus 10. He has 20 points left are you going to let him use the last 20 .This relationship is over your just prolonging your pain. Stripping is an honest job and should be proud of it. So tell that hopeless leach that your mad as hell and not going to take it anymore. If he hits you call the cops and press charges. If he calls you a whore or whatever tell him at least I'm not a thankless, jobless, homeless, little boy who thinks his girlfriend is his mommy, and kick his ass out. By my love.

    Either have the locks changed and through him out If he won't go call the police and tell him you'll tell them he hit you. I he challenges you call them it's up to you if you want to embellish the story it's your word against his.If that takes to much time get another place. In life we get into relationships with people we care about love even and they change. That's life your working he's not you will be doing him a favor cutting ties with him and yourself at that same time. It is time you have had enough. And so has he his actions shows he's asking for it. It's bad enough that you have to deal with all that shit on the job and come home to him .

    Tell him to grow up a real man does not act like this. He disrespects you've, that's adding insult to injury, after all you done for him. This will continue and get worse to drive your self esteem into the ground. I have had to give up relationships with people that I didn't want to that I cared for deeply. But I wasn't getting anything out of it. He is not filling your needs and on top of that he's abusing you. This makes me angry and it should make you even madder. You are not responsible for him he is not your 7 year old child he is an adult and is responsible for taking care of himself.

    Actions speak louder then words what he has for you is no longer love! Kick him to the curb.
    :o ??? :-/

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    God/dess doc-catfish's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriends- Taking Advantage of Your Dancing

    I suppose a good question to ask here is why so many dancers (or women in general for that matter) end up with these leaches when there are a lot of great guys out there who'd be honored to have an sexy, independent gal for a S.O,

    If I had a dancer girlfriend, I would NEVER think of freeloading off of her, even if she were making double the money that I make.
    Former SCJ now in rehab.

  14. #14
    Veteran Member Theresa's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriends- Taking Advantage of Your Dancing

    I've actually dated a gentleman who thought he was entitled to a 15% cut of what I made each night. :o We were both going to school and I was working as a stripper while he didn't work at all, and he thought since he "let" me dance he should get a cut. Not only did I give him a hundred dollars here and there, I bought him a PlayStation 2, among other things. He was also stealing money from me all this time, and when I finally realized it is when I finally got rid of his ass. We are actually friends now, but there is no way I am ever leaving him alone with my money ever again!! (and he no longer asks for money...)

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    Banned Melonie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriends- Taking Advantage of Your Dancing

    Corey, I think that you mis-read my post. I was trying to tell new dancers to never get involved with a guy who earns LESS money than she does. Where guys are concerned, being involved with a girl who has lots more income than he does will almost always bring on bad psychological issues. These can be as simple as limp noodle problems due to his male pride being shattered, to a toned down version of a pimp/whore syndrome, to looking down his nose at you as a person because the only way he can explain to himself why you're earning so much more than he does is because you're doing something immoral.

    Not that anyone is interested, but my current SO is the head of an engineering department and earns well into 6 figure territory. I divorced the one and only "shithead" I stupidly let into my life when I was very young. Hell, my 'ex' was degrading me as a person and stealing money from my purse well before I ever started dancing!

  16. #16
    Featured Member Corey's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriends- Taking Advantage of Your Dancing

    Hey Melonie,

    I'm sorry! I read Gothic Violet's post and for some reason thought I saw your name! I guess I got so angry reading a post like that I wasn't reading straight.

    So...um..that was actually advice for Violet. I just hear too much of this stuff, wherever I work. I don't understand it. I have gotten back at men who have treated me with no respect,(in real funny ways too). I can never take shit for that long. I think my patience is way too short


    Sorry Melonie,

    Cheers,

    Corey
    (Formerly known as 'Korina')

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    Featured Member LEIGH_LANDON's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriends- Taking Advantage of Your Dancing

    WOW...love messes us up. Hard to take those crucial steps when we are in love but it will be the best thing you can do for yourself. Cut it - cold clean emotionlessly remove him.

    You will be so surprised at how great you feel after he leaves...the freedom the release of letting go of a sick relationship. It will help you stay strong remembering you decided you are worth more than this.

    There ARE good men out there.

    And I found when I lay down the law right from the get go it saves all kinds of grief. What I mean is what you want from the relationship and what you absolutely will NOT tolerate.

    This is YOUR life, to do with as YOU decide. Your career choices, your path your education level, your sanctity.

    I also will NOT live with a man, until there is such a SOLID foundation from which to continue the relationship to the next level.
    They can pay their own freakin bills, buy their own food, pay their own rent or preferrably mortgage and they can court you until YOU decide different. UNTIL YOU decide different.

    One little advice I use on my self is this - if I had a daughter what would I tell her to do if this was her situation. How would I advise my own child on this grief.....then I use my own advice on myself, because I AM somebodies daughter. So are you. Would you ever let a man treat your own daughter this way? What would you tell her on how to handle it and what to do? Try this --you would be surprised at the strength we would have if helping our own child but we neglect our own needs. Apply this formula and treat yourself like you should be treated.

    We ALL know this kind of man, and we all avoid him the best we can at all costs. We all have a story, love.

    Be good to yourself, sometimes we are the only ones to be good to.

    Good luck, and be strong.
    LIVE LONG & PROSPER!
    Leigh Landon

    Never explain yourself to anyone, because the person who likes you doesn't need it and the person that dislikes you won't believe it.

  18. #18
    Featured Member Devastating Divyne's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriends- Taking Advantage of Your Dancing

    My piece of advice is this. If you are truly fed up and then leave. When I first started working in these clubs there was always some girl sharing sob stories about a worthless dude who kicks her ass, spends her money and treats her like crap, but she never leaves. She whines about how horrible her life is, and how bad things are, but she always goes back.....actually what do i mean go back she actually never leaves. Typically, they blame it on having kids with the guy or whatever. I felt so bad for all these diff girls until some of the other girls at work told me that some of these girls go through this shit and have been going through these situations for years and years and that they do it for the attention. I am NOT saying that this is why you are doing it, I am making a point.
    If you are genuinely ready to get out then do it. You have to do what is right for you. You are special and deserve to be treated as the ultraspecial creature of divine wondrousness that you are. If he is not gonna treat you right then leave. Don't wait until you are physically damaged, ie.a broken jaw, arm, leg, or whatever, to get it together and make him leave.
    If this has affected ur self esteem and that is part of your difficulty in letting go of a bad situation, get you some flashcard or notecards and write: I am so cute, I am special, I bring joy to those around me, I love and am loved, I am deserving of love and etc, etc. Also: u might wanna try my ATF breakup flashcard: Losing me hurts him more!
    Stick them on the mirror in the bathroom, wall near bed or on microwave, any place you frequent for a selfesteem boost all the time. I also have them in my locker at work for the slow nites when u feel a little funny and the money is being the same way.
    "Come what may although I often say realities come from dreams, but approach all lies with open eyes because NOthing in this world is EVER ALL it seems."

  19. #19
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    Default Re: Boyfriends- Taking Advantage of Your Dancing

    A lot of the problem stems from our choice in men. I was in a terrible relationship for years with a guy who cheated on me repeatedly then if i argued with him would beat me. My first husband had little ambition and enjoyed spending my money but hated my dancing. I left him.

    My fiancee now bailed me out of my violent relationship, bought me all new clothes when I had to leave the violent relationship, and put his business plans on temporary hold so we could leave and go where he could never bother me again.

    Good girls like bad boys. My relationship now is a shared one. He helps me out tremendously and i learned a lot from him. He is the reason i am more disciplined and focused than in the past. I work when we're on the road and he has set up various business intersts to support us after dancing and when I am not working.

    Look at Dr. Phil's relationship. They both sacrificed to put each other through school and stuck by each other good and bad.

    I get troubled somewhat when i hear many dancers measure a relationship based on how much money a guy has. You have to both pull together to build a relationship and make it work. a relationship is about LOVE not just finding a guy with money. if you have the right guy you can work and help him get through school and he can do the same for you if you have SET GOALS.

    How many dancers pass over a guy who is getting an education and who has an entrepreneurial mind for one who is a thug? Some dancers boyfriends look like gangbangers and thugs rather than the ambitious educated type. yet you look good enough to sell executive level men VIP time.

    Number one we as girls always have guys wanting to get with us. are these guys who are ambitious. An ambitious guy #1 will always be looking for an opportunity to make money and will not be freeloading.

    #2 your man of choice CANNOT have any problems with your dancing and MUST understand when he sees you hold a guys hand and lead him into VIP, when you sit on his lap, and when he rubbing on you during a dance that it is business and he MUST totally understand the business and be rooting for you to sell as many dances as possible and even be able to watch you work watch thecrowd and give you ideas he has that can help you sell more dances.

    You like wise should be building a business of somekind together and be involved in his world just as he is in yours.YOU MUST FIND A MAN THAT YOU CAN BUILD A LIFE WITH TOGETHER AND WHO IS AMBITIOUS AND WHO SEES DANCING AS SEED MONEY FOR YOUR FUTURE LIFE TOGETHER AND NOT A GUY WHO IS LAZY AND WHO IS FUCKING BEHIND YOUR BACK.

    I am in my 30's but for you younger dancers who are not as likely to find a man who has chosen his path in life, find a clean cut, educated guy who hAS NO JEALOUSY OF YOUR DANCING and who has an entrepreneurial mind and who is always focused on making money (not drug money).

    It doesn't matter how much money he has now but what does matter is his comfort level of your dancing and his ability and willingness to work and be focused on gaining wealth rather than hanging out with the guys


    He cannot be a control freak like my ex was. My ex guy had a viable business going but he had to be the boss and didn't want me in his business. i doubted him when I met him but because i wanted to be with a guy who wanted something in life I let him overpower me into a relationship I knew shouldn't have been.

    don't just look at a guy for what money he has. Find a guy who as i said before is not jealous of your dancing, and who maybe has the entrepreneurial spirit and business discipline so many of us dancers lack to help you develop a future off of your dancing revenues. make sure he is not a roughneck type and also a hard worker. Find the type of guy who will go on the road with you dancing, who will take care of the household chores and the bills. And you be the kind of girl who will help him with his business and be there for him when he is working hard for your future.

    If you have met a guy that doesn't fit what I just mentioned (and it will tak a while to meet him but when you do meet you will know it) don't mess with him at all or don't get too involved. If he is not a business looking and oriented type guy LEAVE HIM ALONE!!!!!

  20. #20
    Pamela
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    Default Re: Boyfriends- Taking Advantage of Your Dancing

    As far as me making more money than a BF. I have. And i have had no problems. He made his money and i made mine. We were not married, and even if so, it's still my hard earned money. And his is his own hard earned money. We would take turns buying dinner for each other, or movies. Little things like that. I need to have the understanding right off the bat with a man about money issues. I will not buy your clothes, food, car payment etc. But i will buy you a present when i feel like it. Some men are threatened by women who make more. Sad, it should be a bonus for him. To know a woman is not going to use him!

    Anyway, i date doctors and such so i may never have the problem of making more money than a guy. If i do meet someone that does make less than me, and we date i will let him know that money will not be mentioned. It's just that simple for me. Ask me what i make a year and i will tell ya, but thats it for the money talk. Pamela

  21. #21
    Veteran Member NYCjacqueline's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriends- Taking Advantage of Your Dancing

    I worked for a short time with one particular girl that was in this type of situation. I sat there and listened to her story- how her bf didn't work and she would be working and going to school - how he never paid his bills and she would pay all of his bills and be the breadwinner, maid, etc...
    Of course, we all told her to dump the freeloader and find a guy who actually loved her and was responsible for his own bills and wiping his own but - and she shook her head yes- but I knew from the look on her face that she wouldn't. I have no idea why anyone would want to remain in a relationship like that - but whatever their reasons are, to leave them is a decision they have to make and take actively- even if emotionally attached to the person - it's for your own mental, emotional, and economic welfare!


    Violet, you'll feel so much better once you rid yourself of this destructive relationship - and are with someone who is supportive of you - I guarantee you will see yourself blossom after being free from this situation!

    Good luck,girl
    jax
    "You have no idea what a long-legged gal can do without doing anything." -Claudette Colbert

  22. #22
    Veteran Member OPEN's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriends- Taking Advantage of Your Dancing

    I too have talked with and befriended many dancers that have had this situation. I am not sure why so many let this happen. But it is nothing short of emotional abuse, and that is just as bad as physical abuse. I feel like if my gf or wife were dancing that i would be ok with it but who knows,,, I am not in that situation so I cant be sure. I think for the most part it is a maturity level that alot of guys have not gotten to yet or maybe never will.
    BTW ,,, Mariah,,, wow ur very hot, wish I were in Texas,,,hehe,,,, stuck here in MA

  23. #23
    Featured Member Devastating Divyne's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriends- Taking Advantage of Your Dancing

    I just wanted to add this: about the type of girls nycjacqueline and I mentioned, those in the situation who talk about it with friends and family, but then still stay. The longer u talk about it, but do not leave or leave only to return; chances are that when you do decide to leave for good or are in a really bad situation that noone will help u b/c they think u r crying wolf again. Most people don't like to get involved in these kinds of situations neway, so if u need help and have made ur mind up then make ur move and ur friends and family will be there.
    "Come what may although I often say realities come from dreams, but approach all lies with open eyes because NOthing in this world is EVER ALL it seems."

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    Default Re: Boyfriends- Taking Advantage of Your Dancing

    Hi, Firstly I wanted to thank everyone that was nice enough to respond to this post. I appreciate the advice/insight everyone has given as most of the girl's I am friends with that aren't dancers don't understand the exact ramifications that we go through involving work and the effects it does play on our personal lives.

    I wanted to say something though. I find it difficult to believe that I am the only one on this board that is going through this now. I am sure that this thread benefited other girls on here as well, but perhaps they just didn't want to talk or ask what I have, because it does make you look weak/stupid in a way. Why would girls stay with abusive men? Its like watching those horribly depressing Lifetime Television for Women movies. Your siting there going that girl is such an idiot-I would have left that guy/callen the police on his ass by now etc etc.

    In the replies it's clear that there are smart women that have been in similar situations so I don't feel bad-and can see that there is hope if I do something about it.

    I don't think I am lumped into the category of the girls that just talk about this and don't do anything about it though. Right now I am taking steps to make my life my own and I am going to start doing little things for myself and only me for once to get back the person I use to be. I don't think if you have been in these situations a lot of the girls on here and that I have been in its as easy as it sounds to just leave the person in question, especially if you love him and have depended on him in ways other than money. I think that any positive change is good-even if it takes a while. I am making plans and taking action upon them. I believe I am doing the best I can right now and that's more than most girls do. I just wanted to know what other dancers have done in this type of situation.

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    Default Re: Boyfriends- Taking Advantage of Your Dancing

    dump the bum
    The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette
    a clear conscience is a sign of a bad memory

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