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Thread: This is not the norm for me.

  1. #1
    Pamela
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    Default This is not the norm for me.

    I have been wondering all morning if i should post this message. But here goes.

    At the club a few nights ago i had a guy come in who i have never seen before. He approached me as i was coming out of the ladies room. He asked me to sit with him and just talk. I am all for that, thinking i am going to get to dance some for this guy. But he then asks me if he is keeping me from doing my job. I said no.
    Ok, he askes how much to sit with him and talk about his sexuality. Im like what about it. He's Gay he says and wants to get to know about women. Figured this would be a great place to have a conversation, because us dancers are doing acts we are not really proud of either. WHOA!!
    So i heard him out, he started to cry some, i told him i would like 20 bucks. He handed it over, and asked me not to leave. I said give me 50 bucks and i will spend half an hour with you, damn he did. I told him about my dancing, and i like it very much. He was confused, he later told me his BF told him to go and degrade himself with strippers because they are no better than him. WHAT?
    He spent ok money for the time, and i heard him out, he also heard me out. Before his departure, he told me he loves me very much for being honest, and would i like him to come back without his BF not knowing. I said if it will not cause problems. He asked me to never dance for him, but be his friend. At one point he was saying yuk to a few dancers giving dances..? Did not smell of alcohol, and seemed of sound mind. I DID NOT give him my card however. I just don't get where this may be going, and need advice. Blow him off, or take a chance, as he was 'Ping - ponging' back and forth with his disposition. I'm somewhat Confused, and i don't want trouble...And he really did not seem to like women very much.

    Just from what little i can remember, any thoughts? Pamela. In case he does come back, i have a feeling he may.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: This is not the norm for me.

    Um, I think he's very confused and needs help fast, but not from a stripper.



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    Default Re: This is not the norm for me.

    Just sounds like another whacko to me!

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    Default Re: This is not the norm for me.

    Pamela- I'll give you my first impressions from reading your note once. It's my feeling that this guy is indeed gay, and that he really doesn't know women very well. I'm guessing that he says bad things about strippers because he doen't have a clue about them, other than what his boyfriends tell him.

    It sounds like he wants to get to know a woman, and paying for conversation to help him learn is the approach he selected. You seem to be the one he chose as his source of information. So it's money for just talking. I've always said we should be paid by our communities for the mental therapy we provide, and you will be doing just that. I had a guy once pay me $750 to give him all but my stage time one evening, just talking about himself and bouncing his thinking off my thinking.

    You have to decide if he is too uncomfortable to continue with, but my guess is that he "ping-pongs" because he's ignorant about women, has uninformed and probably extreme views about us, and swings back and forth trying out his views as sound bites. I'm sure watching lapdances makes him squeamish, but then women don't attract him so I guess it's not surprising. It's sort of like a straight guy going in a gay bar and watching the men rub up against each other. He might say "yuk" just like this guy did.

    Obviously, you need to make the decision that makes you the most comfortable, but you also might be a source of enlightenment for this guy. And by the way, unless you work out something else, I believe it's fair to charge him whatever your per-song lapdance fee is. A therapist is a lot more expensive. Good luck!!

  5. #5
    Featured Member tragic-beauty's Avatar
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    Default Re: This is not the norm for me.

    thats really interesting.. I have no advice unfortunatly because i have never been in that situation.. Nor heard of somthing like that.. but i do agree that he sounds confused

  6. #6
    God/dess Lena's Avatar
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    Default Re: This is not the norm for me.

    Hi Pam,

    I would say you have two choices:

    1. Get the info for your local Gay/Lesbian/Bi/Transgendered support group or therapy or whatever, and the next time you see him tell him that you don't think you can help him and your not comfortable trying to help him, but you were concerned so you got this info for him.

    2. Talk to him. Set limits, don't be too emotionally involved, but try to help him like himself and help him learn about woman. Don't encourage any drama.

    Lena



  7. #7
    Pamela
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    Default Re: This is not the norm for me.

    Carlos that is my first thought as well, but as i read other posts here, he may really want woman companionship. I don't know gay guys so this situation is a bit tough. I did hear that gay guys like talking to women because we are non-threatening.
    Oh and he is without a doubt gay, sounds just like a woman, and dresses very feminine. Pamela

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    Default Re: This is not the norm for me.

    Pamela- Your subject interests me because I think filling the role this guy is asking you to fill is one of the real underlying reasons men go to strip clubs- to understand women better. We may take off our clothes for the pleasure of customers, but we're real people, with real thoughts, real opinions, real issues and real lives. We have an advantage over lots of other women in that we get to talk with a broader cross-section of men, and more of them. So in the conversations we have with men, our experience with them gives us a lot of knowledge to use.

    I'd take advantage of your gay friend as a means of learning about men with his lifesyle. Ask him point-blank questions about it. As you say, gay men find women non-threatening so he might welcome the opportunity to talk freely with someone. And he clearly is looking for a person to talk to.

    I don't know him, so it's your decision, but I think I would befriend him and give him an avenue to discuss what's on his mind. Obviously you're not a professional shrink, but he just wants someone to talk with it sounds like, and why not you?As I said in my earlier post though, I would charge him on a per-song rate. It may do you some good to get to know a gay man. Good luck.

  9. #9
    Banned Melonie's Avatar
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    Default Re: This is not the norm for me.

    One word of advice - keep in mind that this guy has the potential for becoming an emotional 'leech', the type that may not understand when you happen to be in the middle of some (to him) extremely important conversation with him when one of your regulars walks into the club. If he's paid you for the conversation that leaves you in the very unenviable position of blowing off a regular to let this guy finish spewing, or blowing off this guy and risking him butting in between you and your regular. Just my opinion, but I always avoid situations which require the commitment of my time and attention unless I'm getting 20 bucks every three minutes in the private dance room or $200 per 1/2 hour in the champagne lounge. If you're in a private area and the guy is paying the going rate, he can talk about any goddamn thing he wants to !!!! But if you're in the main club area being seen spending so much attention with this guy can definitely put off regulars or new private dance customers who may opt for a girl who is "free".

  10. #10
    Pamela
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    Default Re: This is not the norm for me.

    Great point all. I have not danced tonite. I will be going back to dance friday. Will let you all know if he shows. I called and asked the manager who works my shift if this guy showed and was talking with any other dancers. He called back and said it was pretty slow tonite and he has not noticed anyone fitting his description. However, i did tell him i will be back Thursday or friday...DUH. (the guy, can't remember if i even got a name.)
    I am not scared, but confused some. I will keep it cool with my regulars. And if he shows, will speak to him, but remain busy. Maybe that will help. Why do i think he "had " to go there that night because his BF was punishing him ? Or i could be way off base here. He may like me ?
    Gosh, not sure how to call this type if he shows again. Thanks guys, and ladies. And yes i want to remain "free" for my customers Melonie, i will keep that in mind. Pamela

  11. #11
    Senior Member smurfalicious's Avatar
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    Default Re: This is not the norm for me.

    Ummm, I don't wanna burst anyone's bubble, but he's not gay. Gay guys know just as much as about women as your average straight guy. Remember, he had a mom, and probably attended 12 years of school or more with other women. Odds are he didn't realize until his teens that he was queer, and even then, hetero ideas of relationships are pretty well pounded into your head.

    Further, how many gay men do you know that don't have a flock of female friends? Women gravitate to gay men, and they piss and moan to gay men. Gay men know women better than hetero men ever could (as a side note if you can bribe one, gay men are awesome in bed). I've never met a gay man that thought poorly of women. Minorities have a way of being understanding of other groups that have a tougher go of life.

    I'd really watch it with this home skillet, he sounds like he has some serious issues. There are a lot of effeminant men in the world who aren't gay. It sounds like a story to try and get you sucked into his drama.

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  12. #12
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    Default Re: This is not the norm for me.

    Smurfalicious, i was going to say the same thing, but you beat me to it.

    i always have to laugh when people say they don't know any gay men... oh yes they do, they just don't know which ones are gay.

  13. #13
    Pamela
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    Default Re: This is not the norm for me.

    Ok guys then i will settle for Bi-sexual perhaps. But i see guys who look like a flamimg___. And he does fit the bill. Game playing perhaps. All i can do is sit and see if this person ever comes back. And i don't have a problem with anyones preference involving sexuality (gay, stright, etc.) It's just his manners that got to me. Or lack of. Alanna, i don't know any who i am friends with to the best my knowledge, (actually my group of friends we would tell each other whats up.) but in passing i am sure i don't know who is gay or not and i don't know them.

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    Default Re: This is not the norm for me.

    well, the closer you are to someone, the more likely you'd be to know, or suspect, they are gay... but then again, there are gay men who are married whose wives don't even know or suspect they're gay - just goes to show how very careful gay men can be about covering up their preference if they feel the need. gay men who are "flamboyantly" gay (flaunt their femine side by action/speech/dress, etc.) are a very small percentage of gay men... lesbian women aren't necessarily "butch" either.

  15. #15
    Pamela
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    Default Re: This is not the norm for me.

    Im from Sweden, Gay is VERY common over there. LOl.
    Lipstick lesbians...oh yes i know of them all. However in my close nit gang of friends, if one is gay..the joke is on my friends and myself. However highly doubtful. But one never knows.
    Damn i think my Shepherd is gay, he humps other males!!! Lol
    Pamela

  16. #16
    God/dess velvet's Avatar
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    Default Re: This is not the norm for me.

    just a thought .maybe he was going to go for the please help me. convert me to straight when in fact he already is... lol
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