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Thread: Retirement blues...

  1. #1
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    Default Retirement blues...

    I stopped dancing 7 months ago, after 2 years of working full time plus dancing part-time, plus raising my daughter alone. I was completely and utterly burnt out! Exhaustion was reaching epic proportions, I was tired and cranky, money wasn't what it used to be - I know many of you have been there. By the time I was done paying the sitter there just wasn't enough left to justify the time away from my girl, and I really felt that I needed to be around more as a mom. I was also burnt out on the whole scene, feeling that my self esteem was becoming too tied in to how I looked, and how much money I was making. I also was feeling that I was missing out on a chance to have a more "normal" life as far as dating, relationships, etc. The night I cleaned out my locker, I was a little sad, but mostly relieved, like a burden had been lifted.
    Overall, this has been a good decision - my daughter is much happier now, I've been able to spend more time with my parents and friends. I did date a little, but never really met anyone who interested me all that much.
    Problem is, I miss dancing! I miss the club - my friends there, and the new people I was constantly meeting. I miss the attention, I miss having money in my now always empty wallet. I miss shopping for cute little outfits and having somewhere to wear them. I miss that feeling of performing, the top of the world thrill I got when all eyes were on me. I miss shameless flirting without obligation, I miss the part of me that is still very much a dancer.
    I know that my spot is always open at my old club as I am still well liked there. I've been toying with the idea of checking out some other clubs. I've been wondering if I need to seek professional help...LOL!
    I know that I can't do it all, and I don't have the energy to try to maintain that kind of a schedule again. I also know that I need to spend this time with my daughter as she is struggling with pre-teen issues and has really benefitted from the extra attention she has had with her mom around. I know all of these things, yet i find myself thinking about dancing constantly.
    Has anyone ever had an experience like this? Any advice, bits of wisdom?
    Argh!

  2. #2
    Senior Member Jackjrct's Avatar
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    Default Re: Retirement blues...

    From the Male side...

    I understand where you are coming from. A former dancer I know had the same basic problem. She started dancing school at age 3, and always dreamed of going to Broadway and Hollywood.

    Being only 5'2", that kind of took care of Broadway & Hollywood. Having a child at 17 really put a stop to the dream. She worked for a few years and did the same as you, retired to raise her child going into first grade.

    She missed the stage, the lights, the attention, the clothes..... So much so she got depressed. She finally went back two to four times a month and she makes good money because the "fans" miss seeing her. They got use to seeing her three or four times a week so they never spent as much as they do now that she appears maybe once a week.

    Just some info that I hope will help you.

    PS. Going to a strip club later in live (at 40, I'm 44 now), my image of the club when I was 20 and never went because of what "Hollywood" showed them to be, I have to admitt that I respect those dancers that are hard working college students, single moms or married women (and those that I missed mentioning) that are doing this for a good reason (not to keep their habit going). I have a new found respect for you all. Wish more people would visit this site and clubs to find out what they are really about.


  3. #3
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    Default Re: Retirement blues...

    That is the thing about dancing. It gets under your skin! It's in your blood and will always be a part of you.
    Speaking from experience.
    Do what you need to do to move through the desire. Don't wait 'till you're actually too old and the choice is somewhat out of your hands.
    Maybe part time? You might go back and remember why you left....good luck!

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    Default Re: Retirement blues...

    Thanks for the input - I have considered the very part-time option, but doubt I'd be able to arrange it. The clubs here are generally pretty strict about scheduling, for example at my last club you were required to work a weeknight for each weekend night you wanted to work. When I decided I needed to cut back my hours, the management made an exception to the rule for me, but I know they took heat from some of the other girls about the double standard. I doubt I could get that kind of preferential treatment now that I have been gone for so long - even more unlikely if I tried another club.

    Jackjrct - interesting about your dancer friend. I was a competitive gymnast as a child and studied ballet as well. Some of the girls on my team used to worry themselves sick when it was competition time, but I craved it, not because I really wanted to win, but because I loved the thrill of performing. One of my teammates used to say that I looked like a queen on the floor exercise, even though I was far from technically perfect, I had that special something that just made people want to watch me. I had a similar experience with my stage shows - I wasn't the prettiest girl, or the best dancer, yet I always got a good response from the crowd.

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    Senior Member Jackjrct's Avatar
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    Default Re: Retirement blues...

    Ara, and you got the response from DANCING. The place I go to, there is always the very hot looking, model material girls and then the lovely girl next door looking girls. You know who makes more money? The girl next door. She makes a show and the hot looking girls can't understand it. I (and most men 30 and above) like the tease part of dancing. The younger hot looking girls go up, twirl and before you know it they're topless.

    Wish you well.

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    Default Re: Retirement blues...

    I can completely sympathize with the feelings of longing and missing the stage. I was dancing while I was still in school (ya know, the whole college/stripper thing!). Now I work full-time, and I can't imagine how I could incorporate even a part-time dancing career. How does one work for 8 hours and then dance for 8 hours in one day...and then get up at 7am to go back to work?!?!?! :o I wish I could do it, because I miss dancing.

    When I was dancing it was such a bi-polar experience for me. It was incredibly draining. Dealing with grabby, abnoxious, and cheap customers sapped the life force out of me. And since I have always been one of the larger women in my clubs (it's not that difficult...some women really appeared to be anorexic), that would also pull at my self-esteem...causing me to question my attractiveness. However, on the up-side, I loved the stage, dancing...especially the dancing (I have been doing ballet, modern, and funk since I was 4 years old), the make-up, the performance, the hyper-femininity of it all, and the outfits. I loved being sexy, talking about sex, flirting, being sexual in a very open/forward manner, and getting so many incredible compliments from men (sometimes I would jokingly tell them to stop because I didn't think I would be able to get my fat head out of the doorway!!! ). Man, do I miss it. Maybe I will be able to go back at some point in time. We shall see.

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    Default Re: Retirement blues...

    Try going another route - perhaps check out a local theatre company - acting on stage may replace some of the on stage rush and you get to dress up and be someone else for a while. Do you sing? perhaps and open mike night or join a band.

    Could you teach new dancers or girls who want to dance for their husbands?

    Just a few suggestions.

    rebecca
    Rebecca

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