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Thread: Advice for my sister?

  1. #1
    Guest

    Default Advice for my sister?

    Hello ladies. I am a former dancer, it's been about 3 years. My sister took up dancing a couple months ago, and seemingly loves it. She got $500 hair extensions and was spending money left and right, so obviously it was going well for her. Yesterday she called me crying that she had screwed up her life, got caught up in the "dancer lifestyle" and I guess somebody somewhere offered her drugs and she did em...more than once. I don't think she plans on quitting, she lost her other job. But I am so worried about her and the direction she is taking. She swears she'll never do it again, but she also swore she'd never do it at all. She is not paying her bills, I didn't ask her, but then what is she doing with her money...besides buying fake hair, that by the way she paid way too much for cuz it looks like crap! She won't talk to our mother, and I can't help her, we live in different states, although part of me is ready to get in my car and go! I tried to make her feel better by telling her it wasn't her fault, she f-ed up and everyone f-s up in their lives. I'm so worried about her though, what should I do??


  2. #2
    Featured Member TiNi's Avatar
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    Default Re: Advice for my sister?

    First of all taking drugs is not a dancer lifestyle. That's bullshit. She chose to do drugs no one force her. A lot of dancer dont do drugs.

    And for her to spend money like she crazy is plain immaturity. I get hair extension for $100. $500 and more is for celebrities. She got money crazy and she learning her lesson the hard way.

    Guest she must be grown enough to dance and have her own apartment. Even though it's your sister, she have to deal with her problems. There is nothing anyone could do that would her. Only she could change herself.

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    Veteran Member hollyday's Avatar
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    Default Re: Advice for my sister?

    yes thats true tini
    but shes crying out for help
    i know i've been there
    i wouldnt go there per se because u don't know what your stepping into..but i would try to be there for her......
    blessed be

  4. #4
    Pamela
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    Default Re: Advice for my sister?

    Dancing is not for the "faint at heart." And she is not the only one to get caught up in the "dancing world." Right now what she needs is not to be questioned by anyone, (even you.) But needs support. She has made a decision. And calling you crying mey very well be a "call for help." Be supportive, and do your best to get her head on the right track. See.. you where a dancer, and it can't be good for you and bad for her. You know what i mean. Drugs are a big problem when dancing, as is spending money that needs to be saved. Talk, talk talk. Be there for her, and do your best to pull her out of the scene. She needs to start with a straight head, and learn about dancing, and the downfalls. Let her know she may very well go to jail for her activity, and men will take advantage of her etc. Let her know this is NOT her fault, but a situation that happened. Do your best to keep your head straight too, and still 'pull' her out of the job. She can always go back to dancing at a later date. She first needs to talk to you or someone she will trust about the "dancing world." Education is what i am trying to say. That is what she needs. Along with your support, and feelings, cry with her if you feel the need. In the end it is her choice. She is an adult. So do what you can to get her straight, and i say the first step is to pull her out of the job, so she can educate first, then go back. Sounds tough. But you never know. She sounds aware of her problems, now let her know how much bigger they may become. It's not to late. Ever. Tell her you love her! And want to give support. Even the power of the telephone can work wonders! You have some work to do, but she is not a lost cause, just confused it seems. Lotsa luck, Pamela
    PS and sometimes one hitting bottom is a BIG wake up call. Pray, and have faith as well.

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    Senior Member Hershey's Avatar
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    Default Re: Advice for my sister?

    Yup I agree with Tini and Pamela. Do try to be there for her and dont pass any judgement on her for whatever wrong choices she made in past. She turned to u for help because maybe she trust u and hoping that you can help her get out before she falls in the trap with drugs or debts. Like Pamela said educate her about the stripping business. For people who offered her drugs are not her TRUE FRIENDS.

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    God/dess Lena's Avatar
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    Default Re: Advice for my sister?

    I agree with Pam and Tini. Just be supportive, and talk about good healthy things when you talk to her. Try to be as much a part of her everyday life as the people that she did drugs with are. Call to check on her and let her know you love her. Send her cute e cards. Be in the back of her mind the next time someone offers her drugs. Talk about practical ways to save money, and to not do drugs (I always laugh and say "I think I have better things to do than play with my nervous system"). Just be there.

    Lena



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    God/dess doc-catfish's Avatar
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    Default Re: Advice for my sister?

    I think Guest's sister has a slightly more fundamental problem than just drugs.

    We all have known someone in our lifetime who just had to have the nicest most expensive stuff, be it cars, clothes, services, just because they were EXPENSIVE. Even if the price tag was well beyond their means. Its about having status and showing it off. How that sort of attitude gets hard wired into people's brains, I don't know, but its really kind of pathetic to watch.

    Now I have nothing wrong with people who have nice cars and the like when they've saved up and understood how much money and personal sacrifice it took to buy that nice thing. High-lifestyle spendthrift types DO NOT do this. They have to have those $500 hair extensions and have them NOW. They borrow money from friends and family and never give it back. They max out their credit cards and apply for more.

    A lot of girls with that type of attitude get into dancing because they perceive it to be easy money, but aren't prepared to deal with the downside of it. They're attracted to dancing for the "lifestyle", not for making ends meet.

    I'm sure every gal on this website can attest to how physically demanding and emotionally draining dancing can be. When one is not prepared for that and is in a line of work where money is easy, that's where drugs enter the picture. This isn't a dancer problem. It's often occurent in any profession where young naive people are making a lot of money and can't manage it. Just look at what a drug addicted mess the NFL and NBA are.

    My advice guest:

    If you love her, support her. But I'd let her know that all the support that she gets from family and friends isn't going to matter if she doesn't step up and support herself. She needs to get her priorities in life in order! I would advice that she quit dancing because she obviously can't handle that environment. I just hope that the drugs haven't clouded her judgment so badly that she can't see that.

    Best of luck.
    Former SCJ now in rehab.

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    Featured Member TiNi's Avatar
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    Default Re: Advice for my sister?

    Dr. I totally agree with your statement

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    Senior Member Jackjrct's Avatar
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    Default Re: Advice for my sister?

    TiNi, I don't think guest suggested that drug are part of your world. I think she meant the fashion, the money, the make-up, the money, all eyes looking at her when she dances, the money. It could get overwhleming going from minimum wage to making a weeks worth of minimum wage in a couple of hours.

    The place I go to, of the 6 or 7 regular dancers (those that are there week in and week out) are clean, fun folks. Those that come in and out have "problems".

  10. #10
    Guest

    Default Re: Advice for my sister?

    Thank you everyone for your replies. Tini I hope I did not imply I think drugs are part of dancing. I put it in quotes because I don't believe drugs and dancing go hand-in-hand. I've never done em, and never seen it at any club I worked at. I know it happens, but it happens everywhere else too. I apologize if I offended you.

    I am not against her dancing at all, I was surprised when she called me about starting, I just worry now that she got caught up in something that now she can't control. She was working three jobs, every day of the week. I can understand in her situation how easy it was for her to lose herself. I went home for Christmas and thought she had a bit of an attitude, like she was the first one in the world to do this, (Dr you hit the nail on the head) maybe I should have seen it coming.

    Anyway, she came to me for help, and I didn't want to let her down. You all gave great advice, and I appreciate your help. Thank you!

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