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Thread: Dealing with HIS ex as a dancer...

  1. #1
    Member Shawn's Avatar
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    Default Dealing with HIS ex as a dancer...

    I am so frustrated right now. My boyfriend of 3 years has this crazy ex. The only reason she is around is because they have 2 kids together, so she will always be in the picture.
    Last night, i was on his email account and i get this email from her, asking if his "whore" enjoyed spreading her legs for money at the club.
    Apparently what she did is get a hold of my cell phone bill and look up ALL of my numbers with the reverse look up thing and found my club. (the b*tch is 35 years old! - that ought to tell you something about her mental capacity).
    Anyway, now i am faced with this crazed woman showing up at my work, telling his family what i do and CONSTANTLY badgering me. Part of me hopes she does show up, as she has no idea what i look like, and that would blow her away, but the other part of me worries she will try and mess with me and send one of her lame friends in to screw with me.
    The worst part is, he left this woman to be with me (no, i didnt know he had a girlfriend or i would have never gotten involved) so she and his entire family already refer to me as the homewrecking whore, even though i am not the one that cheated on her, he is, but now that they will all be aware of my career, it just makes matters worse.
    Has anyone here had a situaion like this? What do i do to defend myself or is it even worth it to bother?
    Thanks Shawn

  2. #2
    Featured Member tragic-beauty's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with HIS ex as a dancer...

    Well I think his family needs to look at the bigger picture. he cheated not you.. Perhaps in time they will learn to like you.. assuming you want to sick around that long.. You should try to set things strait.. personally i wouldnt hang about or that crap...


    But i personally have never been in that exact situation. So as far as good advice goes i cant help you much.. perhaps another girl will have better insight

  3. #3
    Pamela
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    Default Re: Dealing with HIS ex as a dancer...

    Wow, crazy woman, and actually very stupid at that, looking at your phone bill.....hmmm. If this behaviour will progress to her actually meeting you and bothering/threatening you, you may want to consider a restraining order. Until then i would ignore her, she is jealous and her bahaviour alone will make everyone eventually figure her out. What goes around comes around. Pamela

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    Veteran Member hollyday's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with HIS ex as a dancer...

    i'd be calling your cell phone company and dicussing their privacy policy
    this happened to my girlfriend, her husband called the cell company and got her phone records...they are not allowed to do that and u could sue....what if she assaults u in some way because of this information...
    this woman is obviously still very hurt and vindictive....i'd be careful
    and i'd heed the above advice from pamela as well
    i hope this guy is worth it
    good luck
    blessed be

  5. #5
    Veteran Member NYCjacqueline's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with HIS ex as a dancer...

    What a nut! While i've not had this experience exactly,but I did have an ex-bf who went after and harrassed not only me, but my current fiance - he went and told my family horrible lies about me, and how I left him for my current boyfriend, and also told them immense lies about our relationship - it was quite a tumultuous 8 months. The more I fed the beast, the more it would roar. The more I'd ignore things, the less he'd bother us.

    It might just take some time, but your bf needs to take some responsibity and stand up to his family in your honor! You haven't done anything wrong, so there is nothing to defend.
    If your boyfriend's family really loves him , respects him ; his opinion and choices to be fruitful, they will listen to him and accept you as well.

    My ex no longer bothers me (took some time - been over a year, but you never know), and my parents have a wonderful relationship with us as a couple and they love my boyfriend.

    Good luck in your situation! I home it turns out well...
    "You have no idea what a long-legged gal can do without doing anything." -Claudette Colbert

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    Member AshleyBrooks's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with HIS ex as a dancer...

    I'd let her know your serious and are not gonna play any petty bullshit....

    You do this by having her served with a restraining order..........

    don't sweat the petty stuff girl.....

    IMO - petty jealous bs is like cow pies.... the more you stir it up ....the more it stinks!!!! but it you leave it alone to crust over....it dosen't smell at all...

    my 2 cents.....

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    Member Shawn's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with HIS ex as a dancer...

    Thanks girls for all of the advice so far.
    Ashley B, i love your attitude!!!! Makes me want to kick some ass (well not in the literal sense)
    Hugs all. Shawn

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    Veteran Member Kittie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with HIS ex as a dancer...

    Wow. That is horrible. I would be so pissed off at my phone company if they gave out my records. I would want the person who did it fired immediately.

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    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with HIS ex as a dancer...

    Hi Shawn. I want to stress beforehand that I am not judging you. Frankly, you LOOK like a homewrecking whore. These people have a family and it split up directly because of you and the fact that you take off your clothes for money isn't going to help. I agree that you shouldn't be held responsible for his actions eg., he cheated and lied to both you and his previous girlfriend, and you didn't force him to and that should tell you something at the beginning of your relationship - you might want to rethink this whole thing. However he is their son, and his kids are their grandkids who are no longer living with their full family. You can't expect them to love you, especially not immediately. However if you don't want to rethink these things, keep these things in mind: this woman was just left with two children. Either now she is raising them largely by herself or not raising them at all. Financial issues are probably much more of a burden and she is probably very upset at having given this guy years of her life and then being traded in without dignity or respect. She may still have been in love with this man and be incredibly hurt. Sometimes that can make you do crazy things. In time she will get over it. Regarding his family, the only thing that can validate your relationship is time. If you stay together (if he doesn't lie and cheat and dump you after having two children) his family will grow to accept that you.

    I want to stress again that I am not judging you. But I think there are certainly more than one way of looking at this situation which involves the feelings of at least 5 people.

    Jenny
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

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    Veteran Member NYCjacqueline's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with HIS ex as a dancer...

    Wow. That is horrible. I would be so pissed off at my phone company if they gave out my records. I would want the person who did it fired immediately.
    Yeahhhh.....come to think of it, how'd this witch get YOUR phone bill, anyway? did she open your mail? (that's a federal offense) did she call the phone company? (she'd need your SS# in order to get that information - cell OR regular phone). did she go through your stuff?
    hmm!

    "You have no idea what a long-legged gal can do without doing anything." -Claudette Colbert

  11. #11
    Member Shawn's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with HIS ex as a dancer...

    My (soon to be ex) boyfriend is not that bright and i guess when we just got new phones with AT&T, he forgot that he had used his old address (the house she is living in) as the billing address and forgot to change it before the bill got there, so they were mailed to her house. Still, it was in his name and after 3 years, to be so concerned with what i am doing, just seems a bit on the pathetic side.
    I understand what jenny said though, in the familys eyes, i do look bad, but as far as time goes, how many more years is this going to take> i just dont think i have the will to stick around and find out.......Thanks for all the great posts ladies!!!!!! xoxox Shawn

  12. #12
    Pamela
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    Default Re: Dealing with HIS ex as a dancer...

    Your very lucky your ex does not have possesion of your current phone (home) bill, water bill, cable, ect. An ex can be very nasty. And have your utilities cut off, just sometimes by knowing your address. It has happened before. That Damn Cosmo book with 50 ways to "get back" at your ex lover. Play it safe. But i subscribe so, it came to mind. Pamela

  13. #13
    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with HIS ex as a dancer...

    Hi. I may have been a little harsh (issues with a broken home, anyone? And I'm only 26. Not enough time to get over that one). Three years does seem like a while, come to think of it. But, I don't know, the guy just doesn't seem like a prize to me (evidently, at the moment, not so much to you either). You, of course, would know your own life and boyfriend much better than I (being entirely unacquainted with both), however offhand I would also suspect that he is playing both sides of the situation (frequently problems with exes come up because they are not as fully apprised of their ex-y status as you may be). What does he tell his family about you? Does he tell them that he loves you, that he's been with you for three years and that he is planning on building the rest of his life with you? Or does he shrug and say "Meh?"?

    Good Luck, no matter what you decide to do.

    Jenny
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

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