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Thread: This Guy

  1. #26
    Veteran Member hollyday's Avatar
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    Default Re: This Guy

    sorry i got on this late
    Q what a story i needed a smoke after that
    SCARY and i totally agree
    talk about going beyond someones personal space ???
    i change my stance
    if he didnt say call, don't call wait till he comes back and see if u can email
    tell him u enjoy his company and respect his advice
    good luck
    blessed be

  2. #27
    Featured Member Chuck149's Avatar
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    Default Re: This Guy

    Jackjrct - How do you know when to trust what a dancer tells you when your relationship has started with you as a customer?
    You've got to go with your gut. For me, my first impression of a situation is usually correct. Think with your head ( the large one not the little one) and not with your heart.
    "when it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day" ~ Marty Bucella

  3. #28
    Member Q's Avatar
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    Default Re: This Guy

    Dan,
    I am not sure that I can help but feel free to PM me if you need to-
    As to when can you tell the difference and when can you trust the answer?

    I lean more towards believing that the answer to that question is somewhat conditional.

    Meaning that it seems that your main priority is that you do not want to damage the dancer/customer relationships anymore then you want to damage the friendships involved.

    To do that you need to ensure that you are personally OK with the fact that you may be just a customer.
    I have found that when I assume the role of customer I must be 100% comfortable with the fact that the money involved is "throw away" money. Incidentally coined as TA money, (not my terms but it works) TA money is money that really just does not matter. In that manner when it turns out during the night or a few days later that it was about the money then it does not bother me as it was really about nothing and tossing away a bunch of hundreds was meaningless in much the same way as the extra cup of cappuccino at lunch may be enjoyable when I have the time but with or without it my life and my feelings are not exposed and I am ok with that.
    The second thing that I have come to realize is that it may be a combination of several elements, the first is obviously that you are the customer, the second is that the money is not important (to you), the third is that quite often it takes a long time for the girls to learn to trust you and establishing that trust is most often done with consistent and reliable payments, the fourth and final thing that I have learned is that for many of the girls even if and when they do decide they like you and want to be in your company that does not mean that the money can go away as they need the income and more often then not they will take the reduction or elimination of money as a sign that they (not you) are being played and they will then stop trusting you.

    Think of it this way- with or without you in her/their lives she/they still have all of the same bills, costs, problems and issues. Adding you only increases those things and you are married thus making you a “compromise” relationship where she/they are going to give up many things at an emotional level just to have and continue the relationship with you. Before you decide to push things to the next level ask yourself how will it benefit you and how will it benefit the girl(s) involved? I have a lot of male friends that are also married and I find that they are not prepared for the reality of the next step, they are more often then not just concerned with getting laid. I remind them that getting laid is incredibly easy and it is much easier to find a woman for that at almost any place that you normally go to as lonely/available women are literally everywhere.

    The key to remember IMHO is that taking on a new woman as your girlfriend (or whatever title) is a responsibility.
    I tell them to make sure that they are comfortable with that and that they can afford it when they get involved with a dancer or self employed woman because at some point your relationship is going to cost her money as you will end up taking some of her available time to earn and you must be prepared to help her and in the event that your relationship disrupts her job (some clubs actually do discipline the girls for dating customers when it is found out) can you support her even if it is temporary?

    If so, and you are comfortable with moving forward ask yourself what will you do when you have feelings for her? Can you continue to watch her dance? Will it then bother you and will you then want to establish controls on the relationship? In that light can you support her (and your other family) emotionally and still keep your life together? Remember that she only has a fairly limited amount of time to earn and to put something together in her life and you may take up a lot of that time.

    Maybe I am wrong and off base but I have had the benefit of the financial means to make these types of mistakes and continue to survive and not disrupt my life and I believe that experience is worth what you use it for and I hope that my experiences may be helpful to others (both men and dancers).
    Q

  4. #29
    Veteran Member NYCjacqueline's Avatar
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    Default Re: This Guy

    Dan- Your story sounds very much like my experience. I had a customer for about a year and ended things about 2 weeks ago after some complications.
    He would take me out on a weekly basis and pay me for my time. Originally I met him in the club, and we hit it off nicely. He understood something very important about time - that to dancers, it is valuable. Our relationship was not a sexual one, other than him knowing that I am bisexual and would take me to other clubs in Manhattan and would take me to the VIP lounge with my favorite girl. If comfortable, we'd all go out together for a night on the town - I'd gone on trips and had met and become close with all of his friends. The money was exceptionally good. The customer was perfect - we were friends, my boyfriend knew of him and his "deal", he sometimes visited me in the club and gave me take out and a wad of cash just for fun, and I even met his wife (long story). I was never greedy - I never set a "number", or told him he had to pay me such & such. I'd regularly meet him for lunch and outings and not get paid a dime. The money he generously gave me was out of his own will. This was one of the reasons he told me he loved being with me, as he never felt like a customer or a sugar daddy.
    The problem is, is that even in a business/friend - type relationship, things will get too emotional or personal one one end or another. In my case, he became way too attached to me, and would call a little too much. These signs became apparent a few months ago, and I told him that we should take a break. AFter getting together again, it was just as bad as ever. As a person and a customer, he has been wonderful - but I only see problems for the future. Not only with him one on one, but while my boyfriend knows of the situation as well - it's a disaster waiting to happen.
    This took all of a year to evolve to what it has become (which I cut off), and I'm afraid it's not over. This man is very driven, and is very attached, and I will probably run into him in the club tonight, or tomorrow night.
    So if you see any signs of getting too attached on either end, Dan, just be careful, and analyze what is most important to you and make your decisions based on that. Your future will thank you for it!
    "You have no idea what a long-legged gal can do without doing anything." -Claudette Colbert

  5. #30
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    Default Re: This Guy

    Well I read everything here and I have not contacted him. He did show up to the club yesterday, I just mentioned that I didn't remember seeing him last week. He said something about his wife being ill. We talked about some issues I'm having and told him that his talks have been helping out. I went further to ask between visits if there was some way that I could contact him. He said calling would be a problem, but that I can email him and if he thought talking would help that he had my number, or he would just email me back.

    I guess I'll see if he responses to any emails I send.

    Just one last note, I would never go as far as some of the ladies here have (if you can believe the stories). I can see where I could have done some damage by contacting him without his knowledge.

    Thanks to all.

  6. #31
    Veteran Member NYCjacqueline's Avatar
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    Default Re: This Guy

    LOL - a dancer should know that in *this* business, ANY story is a believeable story. Just look at Anna Nicole Smith as a prime example. I never question the girls stories on here!

    I think Jason has had the best advice thus far. And it's good that you've decided email as a contact source- it's a more benign way of approaching things, and that way there's no feeling of encroachment into personal lives too much!

    Good luck, girl!!

    "You have no idea what a long-legged gal can do without doing anything." -Claudette Colbert

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