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Thread: what do u tell....

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    Veteran Member hollyday's Avatar
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    Default what do u tell....

    I was just wondering what any of y'all tell your kids? My son is 5 and i thought he didnt know what i do...i've always told him i'm a waitress...but the other day we were driving by the beef baron in london and he says "Hey mom, there's your Barbie school" i was laughing to myself so he wouldnt see, but how did he put it together? It's a pretty plain looking building..maybe there's a small girl on the sign i don't know...i've told myself i'd quit when he starts figuring out what i do..(like hes not going to have to eat and wear clothes when he figures it out...)..but is the time here now? Do any of u out there tell ur kids what u do?
    Thanks
    just wondering
    blessed be

  2. #2
    Guest

    Default Re: what do u tell....

    Why didnt you tell him you worked as a waitress at.....some diner , or chain restaurant?

  3. #3
    Pamela
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    Default Re: what do u tell....

    I have a small daughter, would not even know if i took her there, at this time. Is there ever a good time to tell them? I would say that is a decision based on you, your childs maturity, and your comfort level. I plan on telling my daughter. But she is far from 5. I just feel our children come first. If you lie, and they are good about catching us in lies! You will have a bigger problem than a child that may be angry or confused at first. Most of all don't make the child feel quilty. "i had to do this to keep food in your mouth, clothes on your back, you know? Help the child to understand your job, and feel good about mommy working for "US." Sure, but i tell anyone who asks, or think i may be dancing. It's my life. But it does have an impact on those we love.
    Pamela

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    Veteran Member hollyday's Avatar
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    Default Re: what do u tell....

    I used to work at the Flying J and he's been there before...but he's not stupid...he's been in the car when i've been dropped off at work so i think he can remember what these place's look like...i myself am not ashamed...but i dont want it to be hard for him..of course the way i can't keep clothes on the kid i would'nt be surprised at his chosen profession when he gets older
    but to emily
    i had tried that in the beginning but obviously i hasnt worked..
    blessed be

  5. #5
    Pamela
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    Default Re: what do u tell....

    Lying to him won't hang long at all. Your right a 5 year old remembers what places look like. And he is only getting older. Maybe wait untill he asks you. Then you can prepare yourself to answer him. I would never lie to my child, i would live in fear as she grew up someone would tell her, or she would find out. She will find out. And living a lie does nothing for your self esteem either. I think you have time, Holly Day, he's 5. Is that first grade, kindergarten. It may just be too much for him to understand right now. That is your deciaion only, as you are his parent.
    Lotsa luck, Pamela

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    Veteran Member hollyday's Avatar
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    Default Re: what do u tell....

    he's in SR Kindergarden...and yes way way way to young to be bothering himself with such things...and ur right llying is worse because what if he found out later,...but really how bad is it?..im not a hooker...im an entertainer..and psychotherapist
    blessed be

  7. #7
    Pamela
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    Default Re: what do u tell....

    Well said Holly Day,
    And only YOU can make a decision for your child. And right you are dancer should never = hooker.
    Pamela

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    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: what do u tell....

    OMG, I am glad to see this topic, because I have been debating this myself. I don't have kids of my own, but I am about to take my little brother, age 9, to raise. Long story, but suffice to say I'm the only family who's able, willing and sane enough to take care of him. He lives in a foster home in New Mexico right now and I'm in Puerto Rico, and I've already been telling him that I work as a waitress at night, but I wonder how long that will work. He's old enough to understand alot of things, but he's been through alot and I don't want to add to that. I will never have him with me as I'm going to work, but what if he finds my outfits?

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

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    Featured Member TiNi's Avatar
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    Default Re: what do u tell....

    I never though about what would happen when my kids get a few years older like 5 and on. My children are 6 months and I know kids at the age of 2 know what going on. I am glad you brought up the topic.
    I had a girl that was working that told me her 2 year old daughter would put on her clothes and said she wants to do what her mommy does. I have 2 boys I dont know what I will tell them ???

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    Veteran Member hollyday's Avatar
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    Default Re: what do u tell....

    wow bridgette...kudos for u to take your brother....u definetly deserve your wings...my son has seen my outfits and shoes but i don't think he puts it together...it certinaly is a tough call eh!
    i agree, your little brother has probably been through a lot..and does'nt need, btw, i take my clothes off for a living...
    i'm still stumped...cuz it's like your dammed if u do and dammed if u dont
    blessed be

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    God/dess velvet's Avatar
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    Default Re: what do u tell....

    my son is older he thinks i bartend at the club. i stash the outfits. when he was younger it wasnt an issue but as he began to know what kind of club it was i explained that there was alot more money to be made at that type of club than a regular one as a BARTENDER. now days that type of club isnt seen as badly as it used to be. i dont think he minds at all and he enjoys all the money that has been spent on him.
    As quoted by Luckyone:
    I asked directions from a genie in a bottle of jim beam and she lied to me.

    Methodus saved my life!

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    Veteran Member Nichole's Avatar
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    Default Re: what do u tell....

    My daughter just turned 6 and so far she has never asked where I work. She knows that I go to work when it gets dark outside and thats about it. I don't know what I'll do when she starts asking questions.
    Visit http://www.midwestdancewear.com for a great selection and price for all your dancewear, lingerie, and shoe needs!

  13. #13
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    Default Re: what do u tell....

    The dancers that I've spoken to have all told everyone in their immediate family (parents, siblings, grandparents, cousins, etc.). So isn't safe to assume that your kids have already heard where you work from your family. Don't most dancers who work nights use their family as babysitters, if so, I'm sure they have asked and talked about where mommy is at.

  14. #14
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    Default Re: what do u tell....

    Hey! I think dancers are exquisite and beautiful creatures, I would like to be one, I have a 5 yr old daughter myself. I think that it depends.... Do you think what you do is wrong? Granted, its not appropriate for the childs age, but many things they have to know about aren't. I would say the best thing to do is generalize, tell them you are a dancer, smile, be positive about it, let them know how you feel about it in simple terms. Do you have fun? Tell them. Is it for the money? Explain that. I wouldn't get into the specifics, but be honest enough to inspire honesty. What do you think is bad about the profession? Explain that too. I smoke, and I go through it on a regular basis. Its not something I want her to do, but not something I can hide, either, so I tell her the facts, that I hope she never wants to do it, that I wish I hadn't started. I tell her exactly the bad points, and emphasize them. I hope to be able to quit someday, but I will make her aware of the struggle involved so she can learn from me. If you don't think its wrong to dance, tell them the good things. If it has caused you problems that you don't want them to experience in the future, explain them, and let them learn from your mistakes. I personally don't think it is anything to be ashamed of, and ultimately, you can provide them with a realistic view on the subject so they understand better when they get older. Yes, you like it, its good money, its fun, more time to spend with them, etc..... but also explain that its hard because everything is not all good. There are people who have limited understanding and make seem like a bad person, there are bad people who come into the clubs and do things you don't like, there is lots of smoke, blah....Just be honest.

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    Veteran Member hollyday's Avatar
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    Default Re: what do u tell....

    what a great perspective Victoria
    thank u
    blessed be

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    Default Re: what do u tell....

    My daughter has been somewhat aware of my chosen profession since shortly after her 5th birthday. As I was working in a bikini club at the time, it was explained to her that Mommy makes money by dancing to cool music in pretty clothes and sparkly swimsuits. Kind of like a human disco ball. But it is also explained to her that some people don't like what Mommy does, and that it is better not to discuss it with other people.

    She's a smart child. She understands much more than most people think. And I'm sure that some may disagree with the fact that she is limitedly aware of what I do, but it's better to be honest now than to lie and have to explain it all down the road. Just my opinion. Everyone must raise their own children in the way they feel best. In some places, that may mean having to hide your profession from your child, as in some areas the knowledge that you are a dancer can cause you to potentially lose your children. I'm fortunate enough,and smart enough, to generally avoid such places.

    McCain

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    God/dess velvet's Avatar
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    Default Re: what do u tell....

    i dont tell as i dont think a young man/teen needs to know that about his mother. i dont want to bring another warped man up... kinda kidding but serious too.. think about it.
    As quoted by Luckyone:
    I asked directions from a genie in a bottle of jim beam and she lied to me.

    Methodus saved my life!

  18. #18
    Veteran Member hollyday's Avatar
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    Default Re: what do u tell....

    ha ha velvet do u think it's different with a boy than a girl?
    doncha think telling them kinda takes away from their innocence...
    blessed be

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    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: what do u tell....

    Well for me it's my brother not my son, but he's still only nine and I don't want to give him unnecessary grief at this time. Obviously if I'm going to be taking him to raise soon, there has been alot of crap in his young life already. The last he needs is something ELSE to deal with right now. I guess for the time being I will just have to make sure I keep the clothes well-hidden and continue to tell him I'm waitressing, but at a regular club.

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

  20. #20
    God/dess velvet's Avatar
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    Default Re: what do u tell....

    holly... yes i do thats why i DONT tell.
    As quoted by Luckyone:
    I asked directions from a genie in a bottle of jim beam and she lied to me.

    Methodus saved my life!

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