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Thread: Self Esteem

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    Default Self Esteem

    How does every dancer here deal with her self esteem issues? I would consider myself pretty self confident, but as a dancer, sometimes I find it difficult not to compare myself to another dancer who is maybe either a better dancer, has a better body, or a prettier face, makes more money, etc etc. I find myself doing this from time to time, especially when I am having a bad night and someone is having a better night. Do any of you girls ever feel this way, and if so, how do you normally deal with it? I know, being a dancer is difficult, especially when your main asset is your looks. Thanks for your suggestions, I'm new to dancing, and I find I have to deal with this issue from time to time.

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    Default Re: Self Esteem

    One of the hardest things about this business is that you begin to equate the amount of money you make with your worth as a person and your attractiveness - thus, we feel bad after nights that we make little money and great on nights that we make a lot. It's important to give yourself a reality check every so often and remember that you are still the same person no matter how much you make.
    As far as comparing yourself with other girls, I am sure that you have heard guys tell you that you are the best-looking girl in the club - every girl hears this, and it is true - you will always be the most beautiful thing in there to some people, and someone else will be to others.
    Take stock of your assets and emphasize them and you'll feel unique and maybe not compare yourself to other dancers. You're going to do this anyway from time to time; the important thing is not to let it make you unhappy. I am a tall brunette, and sometimes I'm envious of the petite, cute blondes; but I can't be that, and so I focus on working what I have and enjoying it.
    On a side note, I find that if you are only working as a dancer and don't have anything else going on in your life to focus on, it can make dancing the center of your life in a bad way. I make more money and enjoy work more when I am in school because I have other meaningful things in my life that are important, therefore dancing isn't the be-all and end-all of who I am. I think it's good for dancers to take classes or have other passions in their lives to focus on. It makes your life more complete and anything that happens at work seem less significant.

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    Default Re: Self Esteem

    Most nights I do not have to worry about these issues. But I'll be the first to admit I've had a few nights when I went home in tears, regardless of how much money I had made that night. I'm a moody little wench, so sometimes the night can be going perfectly and I'll be in a complete funk. Other nights, the sky might be falling right around my head, but I'm still at the top of "my game".

    One of the big things I do is try not to hang out in the dressing room very much. The drama is something that always brings me down. And I really try to avoid my more irritating coworkers - I like most of them, but irritation will deteriorate a person's mood quickly. I've been known to go the bartender, the bouncer, or the DJ (sometimes even another girl) and ask them to "Give me happy thought" before I go on stage. I bring things to read for the nights when it is so dead that no one shows up, and everyone else is wondering why they rolled out of bed that afternoon. I call all my favorite customers for a few minutes and take the time to say hello, let them know I am working, and have a short pleasant conversation that everyone enjoys. I play whatever music pretty much strikes me, although on some nights even my favorite tunes just don't strike me as "right".

    I don't think there is any way to truly eliminate bad self-image / self-esteem nights, but you can minimize them, and minimize their impact.

    And if your job ever starts really getting to you, compare it to the worst job in America: The guy who runs the complaints department for Midol. That puts it *ALL* in perspective!!!!

    McCain

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    Default Re: Self Esteem

    I am a black dancer and hve been told that I am an 8 or 9, but in some bourgeoisie clubs made to feel I am a 3-4 when hey won't hire me.

    I have dance for 14years and feel that mny of the younger dancers aren't as kept up as those of us in our 30's were 10 years ago.

    Club owners used to tell us if we wore jeans to work to wear a pair of heels wih them, have our makeup on and our hair and nails done.

    If you wear the best hair style that is becoming on you (get some opinions) have your makeup on properly so it accents your skin and doesn't look too thick or too natural, wear classy coordinating costumes and shoes and have a pleasant smile and are confident when you approch every customer, you will do well.

    Every night you can't make tp money or be the best saleperson. Just strive to be the best you can be and be serious about dancing a a bad 5 day week dancing will most likely earn you more than an average week at an 8-5 job and you will do just fine.

    be open to experiencing different clubs in different areas. You may find you fit in better in some clubs than others.

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    Veteran Member NYCjacqueline's Avatar
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    Default Re: Self Esteem

    ...a key issue that colette pointed out is also having other things in your life going on. I've found that the girls that deal the hardes with self-esteem issues don't do anything other than dancing. whether it be school, another job, saving money to start your own business (which is what i'm doing), it's good for your mind - and good for your soul.

    there is this whole notion that strippers can only do just that - strip and be cute. and sometimes that attitude is reflected in the club by terrible customers and nasty co-workers. it is only natural to be affected by that sometimes. but if you have something else to also focus on, it most definitely helps.
    "You have no idea what a long-legged gal can do without doing anything." -Claudette Colbert

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Self Esteem

    I think we all deal with esteem issues from time to time. At 26, I am one of the oldest dancers at my club. This fact alone makes me extremely insecure. I could go into all sorts of physical-type comparisons to make myself feel better (i.e. I have a leaner body than the 19-year-old, I have better boobs than the 18-year-old, etc.), but this never really gives me the solace I need. Looking inward, as the other posters mentioned, is the real way to self esteem. I remind myself of all that I have been through and done (i.e. popped implant, badly broken ankle, financially supporting mom and brother when mom had cancer) and I think "no one else could do this." No customer, no 18-year-old co-worker, just me. When you think about what you've done, rather than what you are, or rather, aren't , you can get a truer, better perspective of yourself. HTH

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    Default Re: Self Esteem


    Collette made a great point about having other things in your life. I know I've already said this a zillion times, but just volunteering a couple times a week at a soup kitchen or babysitting at a womans shelter can make you feel so much better about yourself.

    As far as feeling good at work... I know that there will always be cute little blond girls that appeal to some customers more than I do. I know there will always be someone who does "more" in dances and appeals to some customers more than I do. I know there will usually be someone who is a better dancer than me and will appeal to some customers more than I do. But I also know that 90% of the time I will be the most sensual dancer with the most unusual looks.

    So on nights when the perky blonds are making all the money, I just remind myself that this is a perky blond night, and soon we'll have a sensual brunette night and I'll kick ass.

    Lena



  8. #8
    Pamela
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    Default Re: Self Esteem

    Hi ladies,
    agree with you all! The most important factor is just what was said...i breed dogs, have 2 adopted pitbull terriers, a teenage daughter, work 4 evenings a week at a major hospital (only until 8:30 eastern time... have to hit my dance job, lol.) And have a phone sex job 6 days a week! Also do webcam when i feel like masturbating online!
    I think i am a very busy bee!!!! It keeps me healthy, in shape, and takes my mind off of the dancing. I only think about my dancing job when i am there, when i leave for the night, i am done. Now my attention is on my daughter, dogs, ect.. I never compare myself to any other woman...i can't. I will never be a exotic black haired woman. I am blonde with blue eyes, and have to live with that. (of course my hair is what you call dirty blonde, so i put lighter highlights through it, )
    Also, i keep pictures of women i admire, Pamela Anderson, Heather Locklear for example on my fridge, my bathroom mirror, by my bed and in my car. It's my inspiration to keep on going.. I look at them and it motivates me to exercise, do my hair, and wear sexy clothing.
    I have to love me. But i have lots of love to spare for others.
    Sorry ...just going on about how to feel great when times can be tough.
    Pamela

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    Featured Member Devastating Divyne's Avatar
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    Default Re: Self Esteem

    Life is fucking u right now, so ummmmm......get on top and fuck life right back all rough with no K-Y .
    "Come what may although I often say realities come from dreams, but approach all lies with open eyes because NOthing in this world is EVER ALL it seems."

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    Featured Member tragic-beauty's Avatar
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    Default Re: Self Esteem

    i have Looww low lowwww self esteem.. But one thing i never do.. Is show it... i just go out there and give it my all.. and if i dont do well.. meh.. there will be better nights

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    Senior Member smurfalicious's Avatar
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    Default Re: Self Esteem

    'tomorrow will be better'....is something i keep trying to tell myself....but it never is....life is fucking me so hard right now that k-y is a must....
    Ewww! KY!? Don't you make any money dancing. Come on, trot down to the porno store and pick up a bottle of Eros Woman. Yes, it's $20, but it works, and it's not gross and sticky and ewwwwww!!!

    Sorry, just being a smart ass. Carry on...

    love and cookies
    -smurf
    You can't fight gravity, on a planet that insists, that love is like falling, and falling is like this...

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    Senior Member smurfalicious's Avatar
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    Default Re: Self Esteem

    well....i express how i'm feeling....and get made fun of....how interesting...




    (don't worry....i won't be bothering y'all anymore)
    Oh simmer down trigger I wasn't making fun of you. Therein lies the problem with text is it's a whole helluva lot easier to read into wrong, and clearly I took what you said wrong, and like wise.

    I mean really, if I was trying to make fun of you, I would have been direct.

    love and cookies
    -smurfmonster
    You can't fight gravity, on a planet that insists, that love is like falling, and falling is like this...

  13. #13
    Pamela
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    Default Re: Self Esteem

    Low self esteem is something we all have from time to time through out our lives. And if anyone tells you different they are lying. It can come on for a few moments time, last for days, or a life time for some. Faking is a great thing to do when you have self esteem problems, because sometimes the body can be fooled, as can the brain! And damn it feels good. Right now i am battling with my ass and thigh issue. It's beating me up. I have a self esteem problem at the moment. (it's gonna be a very short moment). I will fight it by ignoring it at this time because it feels good. I don't have time to fight my insecurities. So they better just back off! I ignore them, they go. Maybe not for good, but enough to give me a damn break. I have laundry to do, and animals to take care of along with my daughter and working. Nope....NO time today for self esteem problems. Get busy girl!!! They have to jump on the back burner then, they have no choice!!!
    Love to all, Pamela

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    Veteran Member Adina's Avatar
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    Default Re: Self Esteem

    This is for Candigirl, who wrote "This is something I've been dealing with 24/7 for the past couple of years.....low self esteem....no self confidence....poor self image....no energy or drive to get over it and move on. How do I overcome all of this....when all I want to do is sleep....and sometimes check out of this rat race....permanently.... "

    You overcome it by finding something that you love and doing it. Ask yourself: what am I really passionate about?

    For years I felt the answer was nothing - I was totally apathetic and directionless and didn't have much confidence of finding a path in life. Then, 2 years ago, on a lark, I decided to take a class in metalsmithing. Something clicked and it ignited a fire hotter than an oxy/propane torch (descending into jeweler-speak now) that continues to burn to this day!

    Don't give up hope. Your "thing" - whatever it is - is out there waiting for you to find it.

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    Default Re: Self Esteem

    Candigrl; some people tend to handle touchy subjects with a spot of humor - it is never meant to harm only to lighten the mood. I for one use humor at all times to diffuse many situations.

    When I am feeling a bout of the blues, I hook up with my girls. Sometimes just not being alone is a remedy. We can go over all these negative thoughts and emotions over and over and over when alone. We do sleep overs, or shop or just be together. It doesnt solve anything but damn its a soothing balm in the meantime.

    Does your man help out in this situation? Is he part of the solution or part of the problem?

    If you dont have one, get looking. Kinda fun to flirt and toy with boys on an evening out and DAMN it does wonders for your self esteem.
    I love that. It also takes my mind so far away from my aches and pains as a dancer.

    I hate to sound like some kind of health guru but there is such a mind /body connection it just cant be denied. AMP up your B vitamins. I SWEAR this helps magnitudes. I take B complex 50's, week on week off every day.

    Try that old glass half FULL state of mind too - everyone was telling me oh Leigh you have the worst luck (when the tranny dropped on my vehicle) I laughed and said HELL NO! Bad luck would have been me on the highway in the middle of no where and it dropped, bad luck would be I was not working and couldnt pay for it to get fixed!
    That sort of thing...be a survivor - look whatever is ailing you RIGHT IN THE FUCKING EYE and say bring it on...deal with it HEAD ON, so liberating to refuse to be a victim of anything.

    Lay down your issues on paper and tackle them.

    Be GOOD to yourself.


    LIVE LONG & PROSPER!
    Leigh Landon

    Never explain yourself to anyone, because the person who likes you doesn't need it and the person that dislikes you won't believe it.

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    Default Re: Self Esteem


    Ewww! KY!? Don't you make any money dancing. Come on, trot down to the porno store and pick up a bottle of Eros Woman. Yes, it's $20, but it works, and it's not gross and sticky and ewwwwww!!!
    BTW, little miss smarty pants, WET is FAR better than Eros and it's half the price.
    "Are those real?"
    "No, they're imaginary"

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    Senior Member smurfalicious's Avatar
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    Default Re: Self Esteem

    BTW, little miss smarty pants, WET is FAR better than Eros and it's half the price.
    *grins* Think what you like. Eros was reccomended to me by the kindly gay men at Good Vibrations in Berkeley. I figure gay men know lube pretty good.

    At any rate, anything is better than KY. Speaking of that awful stuff, why in gawds name does the gyno always feel the need to use half the tube? Do some women enjoy feeling it ooze out later?

    love and cookies
    -smurf
    You can't fight gravity, on a planet that insists, that love is like falling, and falling is like this...

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    Featured Member Amethyst's Avatar
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    BTW, little miss smarty pants, WET is FAR better than Eros and it's half the price.
    Just my two cents - MILLENIUM is the greatest!!!

    Amethyst


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    Default Re: Self Esteem

    Self Esteem is how you look at yourself ,not how others look at you. There is always someone better than you as there is someone worse. How does that help you?
    The thing that builds esteem is how you achieve the goals that you have set for yourself, not by others. Don't worry about what everyone else is doing. They have their own goals that may not coincide with yours.

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    Senior Member April's Avatar
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    Default Re: Self Esteem

    Unfortunately, this issue comes with the job. I just try to think, "Different strokes for different folks." Sometimes it's my night, sometimes it's someone else's turn. Usually on a down night, I get pretty silly. I goof around and try to have a good time. At least then, it's not a total loss! I think acting insane is the only thing that keeps me from truly loosing my mind!

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    Veteran Member carmenNYC's Avatar
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    Default Re: Self Esteem

    NO ONE is perfect. everyone has their own flaws. in this buisness, it is very easy to compare yourself to other dancers... dancer A is prettier, dancer B is skinnier, etc etc. it goes on and on. this is the fastest way to feel shitty about yourself, which causes you to make less $$. in this bizz self esteem is very important- you have to know your own worth. in extreme cases these feelings can lead to depression, or eating disorders. i have watched this happen-- it is not a pretty sight.

    just try and aim to be YOUR best-- not a carbon copy of another dancer. this is what i try to tell myself when i am having a fat/ugly/i feel like shit day.

    if all dancers looked exactly the same, strip clubs would be SO boring!!! men like to look at all kinds of different women.

    sounds gay but...

    LOVE YOURSELF. AS you ARE.

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    Default Re: Self Esteem

    Desiree, self esteem is how you view yourself. If you are doing something that is less than respectful in your opinion,then you will feel bad about yourself. Likewise if you do things that are respectable ,then you feel good about yourself.
    I ,as a dancer feel fulfillment when I can lift a persons spirits, even for a brief period. If it wasn't for me, how else would this person be spending their money- drinking?
    My best assets are not my looks. My best asset is my ability to get in touch with my own sexuality and convey it to the audience. If you look like you are enjoying yourself everyone else feels it too. You know it's strange but some people can only feel good by observing other people enjoying themselves.
    You see, once you have mastered being comfortable with what you do then the money follows naturally.

  23. #23
    Pamela
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    Default Re: Self Esteem

    Another good point, just smile. Even if you don't feel like it, or nothing is funny....SMILE!!! It does make you feel. The power of the smile, i love it! And others see it too.
    The feeling is what gets me, a real closed lip or showing teeth corners of the mouth going up!!

    AHHHHH! It works, and will release feel good chemicals in the brain for a short time.

    Pamela

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