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Thread: Please, need opinions/a tad confused....

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    Default Please, need opinions/a tad confused....

    Hello and thanks in advance for reading...

    I am just a tad confused. Here is the low-down....

    Here goes. I am a male, 33, and honestly am a novice in regards to the clubs. Seriously. My first two experiences have been over the past two Saturdays with a friend of mine who suggested we go. A few beers, I was ready and off we went! I took a notice to one girl, and after some conversation here and there we went back for a dance. It was cool - we talked and it went well. (I got the "do you want to keep going?") All I could do was nod. It was great. Anyway, I paid and went back to the bar with my friend. Her shift was over. (I'm getting to my point, sorry for rambling...) I went back this past Saturday with a few other people, my friend from last week included. My friend arrived first, and went in. I was outside parking and getting rid of my coat and whatnot. She saw him first and asked where I was. I walked in, said hello, and she came back about 15 minutes later and asked if I was ready to head back. (Silly question!) of course, and back we went. Again, she was cool, pretty, down to earth and made it very comfortable. Anyway, we began, and as before asked me some personal stuff, (married? live close by etc...) and then leaned down and kissed me on the mouth. This went on for the entire dance, 5 to 6 times. Is this normal? Hey, I am not complaining, it was great, she was beautiful, and I really added to the experience, but it added a personal part to it that I wasn't expecting. I was back with other girls here and there, but you get the "last second veer-away" if you go for the mouth, and I understand that. With her, there was no veer-away. In a word, wow. Is this part of the hustle-practice? Are guys sized up based on a visit or two and then the choice is made if a kiss is warranted or even part of the equation? Maybe after talking to me she realized I was 1) harmless 2) nice 3) not the elephant man 4) polite etc... and then made that decision? Based on comfort level and familiarity? Honestly I am just confused. ???

    I guess I am just afraid of inquiring and looking like a clown and spoiling the fantasy. Then again, if there is an interest, she is really cool, sexual, great to talk to, etc. However, these also seem to be traits for the job. To be honest, it would be neat to see her under different circumstances. I just don't want to look like a naive dope. I would gather that the girls are not looking for eligible bachelors in the clubs! Based on this last paragraph, you can plainly see my confusion.

    I was hestitant to post, because it sounds crazy when you type it and then read it. That said, maybe you could save me a little embarrassment or just slap some sense into me via the board!

    Thanks, and take care!

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    God/dess Emily's Avatar
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    Default Re: Please, need opinions/a tad confused....

    Hello and thanks in advance for reading...

    Is this part of the hustle-practice? Are guys sized up based on a visit or two and then the choice is made if a kiss is warranted or even part of the equation?
    There is no standard hustle-practice. Kissing is against the rules in a lot of clubs, but a lot of dancers will do it for the right incentive ($$). Don't analyze it too much. If you enjoyed it, go back for more, but I am willing to bet a great deal of money that you wouldn't have gotten the kiss if you weren't buying dances.

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    Default Re: Please, need opinions/a tad confused....


    There is no standard hustle-practice. Kissing is against the rules in a lot of clubs, but a lot of dancers will do it for the right incentive ($$). Don't analyze it too much. If you enjoyed it, go back for more, but I am willing to bet a great deal of money that you wouldn't have gotten the kiss if you weren't buying dances.
    Thanks so much for taking the time to post. It has been racking my brain for the last few days. I certainly didn't go overboard with the dances (maybe I did, not sure what the norm is) I basically had 2 each visit with this particular girl. Started as one, and asked if I wanted to keep going, and I agreed. So it was in essence 4 total. You are right - I guess I am analyzing it too much.


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    Veteran Member anais's Avatar
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    Default Re: Please, need opinions/a tad confused....

    Have your friend get a dance and see if she kisses him. It sounds like you think she may be interested in you because she kissed you, but maybe she just does that. Get dances from a couple of other girls. Maybe it's just a kissing kind of club. I don't know. In my club, we are not allowed to kiss and girls have gotten fired for it.

  5. #5
    Pamela
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    Default Re: Please, need opinions/a tad confused....

    I have worked with girls who will kiss customers on the lips, tongue in mouth. YuK, because they also have kissed others before. It was against the club rules in that club, is in the club i work now.
    I have found with some dancers kissing them makes them want to go back to her again, because kissing is a very personal act. She wins over the other girls. She gave more. You sound like a wise man, you need to come out and ask her if kissing is part of her normal practice.
    See if other girls are kissing any guys too. Go in one night when she does not know and sit back for awhile, in hopes she won't notice you for a time. Watch her. See how she behaves with other customers. If you did pay her out good, she may be using this "kissing" to gain regulars. You can do alot of guess work, you may be wrong, ask. Thats how you get the answer in the long run.
    She may like you, she may want you as a regular inside the club, she may do this to other customers as well. Could it be called a hustling technique? Yes. But a bad one. Only for more $$$ from you. Sad some do this, but true. Hope thats not your case.
    Good luck, Pamela

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    Default Re: Please, need opinions/a tad confused....

    Kissing is part of the hustling game; it's one of the easiest ways to gain customers. I've been kissed in the lips quite a few times. Yeah, it feels great, but don't get carried away, simply because I know the girl wants me back.



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    Default Re: Please, need opinions/a tad confused....

    It seem's like she's got the lead here so I would follow, cautiously, expecting the whole time that you are her "regular". If she is interested in you as more then that, she will soon let you know, preferably B4 you dole out too much money.

    As for the Kissing, I have seen girl's " tounge kiss " like 6 or 7 guy's on stage during one set [eek] yuck. I made a formal rule ; No kissing "male" customer's ever, I omitted female customer's on purpose. Only one guy like's to see a guy get kissed by a dancer ( the one getting it ) but as for women hell it's a real crowd pleaser, the guy's love it.

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    God/dess doc-catfish's Avatar
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    Default Re: Please, need opinions/a tad confused....

    While I think doing it on the lips is a tad extreme, I see nothing wrong or too intimate with kissing on the cheek or forehead. It's merely just a friendly gesture of appreciation for doing business.


    Some gals here do it, and some don't. An equally friendly hug makes a nice substitute.
    Former SCJ now in rehab.

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    Member Lynn's Avatar
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    Default Re: Please, need opinions/a tad confused....

    Exchanging saliva with several men per night is just plain unsanitary. Who knows what you could catch, and as for the guys, who knows where this dancers mouth has been, are you willing to take that risk? If she kisses you, she's most likely done it to every other guy that night. Most of the guys I meet are married or have girlfriends etc, taking home some easy strippers germs is disgusting.
    A polite hug and peck on the cheek are fine, and sometimes during a dance I'll do a little eskimo kiss (nose to nose) that always gets the guys to smile.

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    Featured Member tragic-beauty's Avatar
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    Default Re: Please, need opinions/a tad confused....

    ill kiss a guy on the cheek or give him a hug if hes a nice guy.. but thats just a friendly thanks.

    never on the lips..

    Bleh [nono]

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    Default Re: Please, need opinions/a tad confused....

    More and more cute young dancers will GF kiss any guy they want for a regular. Some will get emotionally and sexually intimate fast, and this really confuses serious guys over 25.... If you like a dancer, talk about her reasons for doing what she does. Listen in a non-judgmental way.... Sometimes you find a gem.

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    Default Re: Please, need opinions/a tad confused....

    a real good dancer shouldnt have to miss lead costomers to get a regular..

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    Default Re: Please, need opinions/a tad confused....

    More and more cute young dancers will GF kiss any guy they want for a regular. Some will get emotionally and sexually intimate fast, and this really confuses serious guys over 25
    I would represent that the ease with which many young dancers will "GF kiss" any guy who looks like a lucrative prospect, and the speed with which many young dancers become "sexually intimate" with a guy who proves himself to BE a lucrative prospect, are calculated "business moves" on the part of these young dancers. Any emotional intimacy you may have thought existed with a young dancer is most likely to be very convincing 'acting' on the part of the young dancer.

    IMHO, I have no problem with dancers who choose to be sexually intimate with customers in exchange for money - as long as it happens in a club where such practices are generally accepted, and as long as it is a straight deal i.e. "customer, you're going to have to pay X$ for this extra, Y$ for that extra" etc. However, it is a pet peeve of mine that many young dancers (and a few experienced dancers) are NOT honest about what they are actually doing and instead institute fake emotional involvements etc. to "lead on" customers. Sooner or later this winds up causing a backlash effect when the customer finally discovers that he's been the victim of emotional manipulation as well as sex for money in a disguised form, and this backlash is usually held as a negative against ALL dancers not just the girls guilty of the manipulative dishonest business practices.

    As you said, it might be (remotely) possible to find a "gem" who truly and honestly has emotional reactions to particular club customers. It's also possible to win the state lottery!

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    Default Re: Please, need opinions/a tad confused....

    A good customer I will kiss on the cheek. A very good customer I will kiss on the lips. A great customer I will French kiss. A Fantastic customer... (I won't post it on the board).

    But I would not read anything into it. The more sexual we make it for the customers, the more they are willing to spend. That's not to say she doesn't like you. She may find you attractive, but not want any relationship outside the club.

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    Default Re: Please, need opinions/a tad confused....

    Same thing happened to me once and I posted it here.I chose to let it stay a fantasy,whether or not the dancer was truly attracted to me who can really tell? This particular dancer I watched for quite awhile beforehand and I did not see her get that intimate with anyone else.I do however believe that whether dancers want to admit it or not they are human and can be attracted to a customer and may even want to start a relationship outside of work,you just never know.If you seem to click together on some level then why the hell not?? I know you ladies are their to work and make money to pay bills but is it too tough to admit that you have been attracted to a customer to the point of getting a little more intimate and involved? Reading some of these posts one would get the impression that dancers are just souless money vacuums and dont EVER think that a dancer just may be interested in you for any other reason than your wallet...

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    Default Re: Please, need opinions/a tad confused....

    Interesting insight, Melonie, and I agree in part, but some young "party girl" dancers do it for free. They go through cycles of real affection because they're alone with no emotional roots. They just want to feel close to someone. One party grows tired of it first - sometimes the customer, sometimes the dancer. The backlash effect can go either way.... I think older dancers are more likely to practice deliberate emotional manipulation as a form of payback.

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    Default Re: Please, need opinions/a tad confused....

    Itsallgood2003:

    Just remember that these ladies are here to sell a fantasy and make money. Some have wider boundaries then others but a SC is not like a regular bar or club. A lot of good points were made by the dancers and customers alike:

    1. Can she be interested in you romantically? Yes, but highly unlikely considering you only met her that first night.
    2. If she is swapping spit with you the first time you meet her...who else is she doing that with and are you comfortable with that?

    I would just be upfront and ask her, "do you kiss all the guys you dance for?" Then you will know where she is coming from. I wouldnt get too caught up with trying to get somekind of "relationship" started with her. It will make it easier on your head, heart, and wallet!! Like someone said...if she really is interested in you for a regular relationship, let her take the lead.

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    Default Re: Please, need opinions/a tad confused....

    Have your friend get a dance and see if she kisses him. It sounds like you think she may be interested in you because she kissed you, but maybe she just does that. Get dances from a couple of other girls. Maybe it's just a kissing kind of club. I don't know. In my club, we are not allowed to kiss and girls have gotten fired for it.
    I had a few dances with other girls and like I mentioned above, it would be the last second veer away. You know, heading for the mouth, and a kiss, and then a quick left turn - cheek! And that is fine. I was just caught off guard with this. Again, it was great! She was really cool, and it made for an awesome experience. (Obviously, as it is still swirling around in my head... I was polite, I'm not too shabby looking, nice, and yeah, I paid. She has seen me before and chatted with me and my friend. So it could be comfort level and familiarity as I mentioned. But it is in the back of your head, you just wonder. If it was a regular bar, approaching it much easier. In the club setting, you just run the risk of mistunderstanding, ruining it, and looking like a doofus. But certainly someone I would actually like to chat with over a cup of coffee under quieter, less demanding (for her) circumstances. Listen to me - I feel like I am sporting the "L".

  19. #19
    Pamela
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    Default Re: Please, need opinions/a tad confused....

    Keep an open mind too! Many dancers have met and dated customers before. Will you be in for the long haul? Don't know. Ask her.
    Good luck!
    But please if she makes a habit out of kissing other guys to gain regulars, don't bother. Too much of a health risk for one.

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    Default Re: Please, need opinions/a tad confused....

    A good customer I will kiss on the cheek. A very good customer I will kiss on the lips. A great customer I will French kiss. A Fantastic customer... (I won't post it on the board).

    But I would not read anything into it. The more sexual we make it for the customers, the more they are willing to spend. That's not to say she doesn't like you. She may find you attractive, but not want any relationship outside the club.
    Firstly, I am really glad I found this site - everyone has been really nice and helpful with my dilemma. I wasn't really sure who to discuss this with. Thanks.

    Regarding your second paragraph, that is my thought and my fear at the same time. I don't want to ruin it. It has been fun, a great experience with a nice, talented, beauty. She certainly won me over with the kiss. I'm in the web I guess. I was certainly thinking about it and even toyed with the idea of heading back a few times already this week, although the idea of going myself always seemed strange to me. (Feel free to dispell that fear) You just don't get those same experiences at Starbucks.

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    Default Re: Please, need opinions/a tad confused....

    Itsallgood2003:

    Just remember that these ladies are here to sell a fantasy and make money. Some have wider boundaries then others but a SC is not like a regular bar or club. A lot of good points were made by the dancers and customers alike:

    1. Can she be interested in you romantically? Yes, but highly unlikely considering you only met her that first night.
    2. If she is swapping spit with you the first time you meet her...who else is she doing that with and are you comfortable with that?

    I would just be upfront and ask her, "do you kiss all the guys you dance for?" Then you will know where she is coming from. I wouldnt get too caught up with trying to get somekind of "relationship" started with her. It will make it easier on your head, heart, and wallet!! Like someone said...if she really is interested in you for a regular relationship, let her take the lead.
    Wow. The whole "swapping spit" angle puts quite a different spin on it. :o But I get your drift. As far as realtionships go, it is certainly hard to gauge in the club, since parts of a relationship are sped up to a great degree at a SC. I would assume had I met someone in the produce aisle, the dancing and kissing would take a bit longer to be established. While not that hard on the eyes, Brad Pitt I aint.

    I was just concerned about inquiring, as I didn't want to be labeled as just another one of the "misunderstanders".

    I guess I am pretty much stressing myself over what was a really cool and enjoyable time.



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    Default Re: Please, need opinions/a tad confused....

    Thanks to everyone for all your insight and advice. I appreciate it!

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    Default Re: Please, need opinions/a tad confused....

    Well, since I'm still new at this, I'm not looking for the guys with the big wallets (although I'm secretly hoping for that when I sit down) instead, I look for the guy I'd be most interested in. It makes me feel more comfortable to think that this is a person I'd flirt with and talk to outside that enviroment. Which means that I'm, in one way or another, atrracted to every guy I sit with.....I would never act on it, ever. Even if I didn't have a great BF, I don't see this business as a good foundation for a relationship. But, if I thought you were really sweet, or really cute, I'd probably give you a little cheek peck.....and thats a stretch for me!! If this girl is really touchy-feely and mouth kiss may be her way of saying "your great, I honestly like you" or "this is great, this guy thinks I like him" If your really curious, just ask her, she gets a million questions a day, she's used to it, no matter how wierd you may think it is. More than likely she'll be honest. Go for it!
    Hottie on the Hood

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    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Please, need opinions/a tad confused....

    Yes some girls do date guys they meet in the club, but most of them don't date guys who are paying customers, unless they are willing to also pay outside the club. But most dancers most of the time, don't date customers, period. It would most likely be detrimental to your own well-being to get your hopes up about any sort of personal thing with a dancer outside the club. Not to say it doesn't happen, but the chances are VERY slim.

    As another poster said, you shouldn't analyze it too much. Just consider it a good time had and that's it. It may not happen again if you get dances from her again. Then again it might. If you assume it won't, and it does happen again, you'll be pleasantly surprised. If you assume anything else, you may be in for a big disappointment.

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

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    Featured Member Prester_John's Avatar
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    Default Re: Please, need opinions/a tad confused....

    I've always gone by the rule that unless the dancer gives me her phone number unsolicited and says "I'd like to see you outside the club" (for any number of possible reasons and intentions), nothing that happens inside the club is a prelude to any outside experiences (i.e hanging out or even dating). No matter how intimate (but not illegal) we happen to get within the club, it stays in the club. Its part of my club experience, and I will not make any club experience more than it is supposed to be.

    I'm a pretty pragmatic, low key guy. I just assume any closeness I happen to have with the dancer will only work because we are in the no-pressure zone of the club. Whatever the dancer's life situation makes that unable to be translated outside of the club. By firmly believing this, I have never felt led on, or used. Oh, there are sometimes I leave the club thinking "Man, it would really be nice to see this person outside of the club sometime". But I take that with a grain of salt.

    Living realistically really dispels any confusion that might occur for me.

    PJ

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