Conversations recently at one of my favorite haunts:
Stoned-Looking Student-Like kid: “Dude, man, we are looking for some good weed or coke”
Your Intrepid Hero (Me): “Um okay…. I hope you find some”
SLSLK: “No man.. we want you to help us, man”
YIH(M): “What do you mean you want me to help you?”
SLSLK: “Come on man, you look like you know where to get some”
YIH(M): “Um.. why do you say that?”
SLSLK: “Dude man, you got long hair, man. We know you guys know where it’s all at”.
YIH(M): “Not only do I not know where any weed or coke is, I am vehemently opposed to drugs of all kinds, and I am even more vehemently opposed to such things happening at my favorite strip club, because it’s a sure way to get it fucking closed down”
SLSLK: “Dude alright alright, don’t get all over us about it” (a short pause.. you know what’s coming) “What’s ‘vehemently’ mean?”
Later that evening....
Tipsy Tie-Wearing Guy Next To Me: “Hey man…. These girls rock!”
Your Intrepid Hero (Me): “Yes.. they certainly do”
TTWGNTM: “Hey, my friend told me there are two lesbians here”
YIH(M): “Really? You Don’t Say”
TTWGNTM: “You have been here before….do ya know who?”
YIH(M): (After a thoughtful pause) “If I were to guess, I would probably say that it just might be one of the dancers”.
TTWGNTM: Blank stare, followed by more of the blank stare, finally “Yeah.. that’s what I think”
I wish I were making this up, but sadly, I’m not.
PJ



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