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Thread: Help boyfriend problems!

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    Veteran Member blackbeauty's Avatar
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    Default Help boyfriend problems!

    My boyfriend has a best friend who I dislike and I believe she doesn;t like me. He broke her virginity and they are very close. When we were together 2 years ago she and I got in the biggest fight. I knew she still liked him. I apologized for the fight and sent her a christmas card, around feb. she sent him a letter about how she wanted a more romantic type of friendship and how their friendship broke boundaries and that there was more than sexual urges between them. He denied any feelings for her and he told me he reemed her ass for that letter b/c it was inappropriate. Now we're back together and she's been calling lately and late at night 11-12ish. We live together and I think it's totally inappropriate. Last night she calls complaining about how he hasn't been calling her and that once he didn't return her call. I'm sitting there listening to them talk and he seemed uncomfortable. I told him that I'm tired of their friendship he tried to make up all these excuses for her behavior and it sounded as if she said something like are you too talking now. Like she doesn';t know we;re together. He kept telling her that he was hanging out with me a lot and looking for a job. She was pissed. He told me he owuld tell her I was uncomfortble with her behavior but he couldn't do it in front of me. Suspicious! I know that she is going to have a fit when he tells her that but every week there is a problem with her. I do not trust or like her and I never will. I don't know what to do. :'(

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    Featured Member cash's Avatar
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    Default Re:Help boyfriend problems!

    see ...thats the problem ...i don't play that we were lovers now we are just friends shit ...tell him his ex was in his pass and that where she should stay...
    us: us: us: devil in disguise....

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    Veteran Member blackbeauty's Avatar
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    Default Re:Help boyfriend problems!

    I wish I could but then I get I don't want that girl she is my best friend and we'll never be more. i have found notes from her even before we were together when he was with this other girl, she wrote poems about them being together and notes. She will always love him he did brek her virginity and they slept together a ouple of years ago right before me.



    Quote Originally Posted by cash link=board=1;threadid=5201;start=msg54645#msg54645 date=1071333780
    see ...thats the problem ...i don't play that we were lovers now we are just friends shit ...tell him his ex was in his pass and that where she should stay...

  4. #4
    Pamela
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    Default Re:Help boyfriend problems!

    Tried being friends after lovers, don't work i guess. Even tho i am still single, not sure about him anymore.

    Anyway, i know from experience that this behaviour can't continue unles he plays the "game" too. It takes two. Otherwise it's just not do-able.

    Easy enough to have a home/cell number changed etc. I would also watch his behaviour as well. Seriously.

    Pamela

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    God/dess Malibu's Avatar
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    Default Re:Help boyfriend problems!

    Oops! Sounds like you should be calling Mr Springer. That girl ain't gonna leave without a fight! Be prepared.
    You are the envy
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    - Sara Bailey: Sieve of Words

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    Featured Member cash's Avatar
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    Default Re:Help boyfriend problems!

    Quote Originally Posted by blackbeauty link=board=1;threadid=5201;start=msg54647#msg54647 date=1071334098
    I wish I could but then I get I don't want that girl she is my best friend and we'll never be more. i have found notes from her even before we were together when he was with this other girl, she wrote poems about them being together and notes. She will always love him he did brek her virginity and they slept together a ouple of years ago right before me.



    Quote Originally Posted by cash link=board=1;threadid=5201;start=msg54645#msg54645 date=1071333780
    see ...thats the problem ...i don't play that we were lovers now we are just friends shit ...tell him his ex was in his pass and that where she should stay...
    yes he well always say that they are only friends but its obvious that his ex doesn't want to accept it...he should respect his relationship by stop being best friends ....she is disrespecting your relationship by trying to get back with him when he already told her it was over and its clear that he was seing you ....on the other hand are you sure this guy is telling you the truth
    us: us: us: devil in disguise....

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    God/dess
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    Default Re:Help boyfriend problems!

    Quote Originally Posted by Pamela link=board=1;threadid=5201;start=msg54657#msg54657 date=1071336258


    Anyway, i know from experience that this behaviour can't continue unles he plays the "game" too. It takes two. Otherwise it's just not do-able.

    Easy enough to have a home/cell number changed etc. I would also watch his behaviour as well. Seriously.

    Pamela

    I am so sorry BB but pamela is sooooooooooooo right!

    Trust me! you can't be too mad at her if he hasn't told her that he is with you and that she should back off.... Sometimes that is all it takes but men are so weak and they don't understand being honest about who you with will be easier on every body in the long run.

    If he hasn't told her than i'm sorry he is playing the game too. Maybe when he lets her now about you and that he doesn't have feelings for her she will stop ( unless she is some psycho bitch! ).... oh and i would get him to tell her in front of you too.

    This is why i don't deal with guys who still have dealings with the ex... been there done that so many times and its soooo long!

    Good luck hun and let us no how it goes.

    Seraya.


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    Default Re:Help boyfriend problems!

    Old loves die hard. I think it's really up to your bo to figure out what to do. If he carries excess baggage in with the relationship then it's really his to deal with. Stand your grounds and stand by him if he remains true to you.
    Only other thing you might want to try is to set his ex up with somebody else.

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    Veteran Member blackbeauty's Avatar
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    Default Re:Help boyfriend problems!

    She might know about us b/c he was sitting in front of me talking to her, but then again you never know. Even if she knows she doesn't respect our relationship. I'm sure it's hard on him having two girls at his neck. However, I can't take this anymore I'm ready to end it but I care about him. I just have this reoccuring feeling that something isn't right. HE denies how she feels about him saying well she hasn't tried to get back since then. UGH! I'm so frustrated!

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    Newbie 69butterfly's Avatar
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    Default Re:Help boyfriend problems!

    gurl! let me tell u. give him an altimatum cuz most likely he thinks you're gonna put up with his shit regardless of what happens. that we just friends and use to fuck, dont trust that b/c if they have did somethin in the past it can happen again in the future. u can never trust guys and the females people hang out with. b careful!!!

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    God/dess cinammonkisses's Avatar
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    Default Re:Help boyfriend problems!

    Hmmmmmm you need to CHECK HER ASS!!!!!! I'm sorry but I was with my boyfriend for a long time and we had the same problem. I think you're problem is kinda worse than mine because my boyfriend never had sex with his best friend (she was a virgin). Anyway, it's obvious something is going on. I mean maybe your boyfriend is genuine...but shit, he knows his best friend more than you do. He knows when she's up to something.

    But like I said girl..you need to nip that in the bud real quick. Cause it's one thing to have his friends calling..but shit..for her to just be callin on the regular at night..OH NOOOOOOO Ma'am..She needs to stop the madness! Instead of calling her, haver her come over to the house, so all of you can sit down and talk together. If she declines that offer, ask why? What she got to lose, or what is she hiding?

    But regardless of the many suggestions that we all may girl, no one can tell you what to do but you BB. Be sweet girlfriend!!







    Some Douchebag: "[Pimp C] 12:43 am: its true we got to stick together the black people on SW CK you is teh condoleeza of SW"


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    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re:Help boyfriend problems!

    I think he LIKES having her after him, either that or he's still messing with her. Some guys need to have their egos boosted all the time, and keeping one girl in the wings while he's with another lets them have their little ego fun. Yeah, the girl probably knows you two are together, especially if she's calling and talking with him when you're there. But he's just as much of an ass for keeping it going. He needs to end it, and if he won't, then YOU need to end it.

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

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    Veteran Member blackbeauty's Avatar
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    Default Re:Help boyfriend problems!

    Thanx girls for the advice. I think I'm going to have a little chat with her, but there is nothing worse than two girls fighting. Will I come off childish if I call her? Should I ask his permission to call or just do it? Don't you gals think she'll be pissed?

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    Featured Member polecat's Avatar
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    Default Re:Help boyfriend problems!

    Bridgette is absolutely right.

    He's forcing you to feel like 2nd place prize by keeping her intermingled in your relationship. Whatever the reason (power, control, or just simple inability to prioritize what's important in his life), it's not a good thing.

    YOU shouldn't have to do anything with her, or even communicate anything TO her. It's all him.

    Ultimatims suck, but he is obviously aware of the friction this woman adds to your relationship. He'd have to be really stupid or blind not to, and as it's a continuing thing, this should speak volumes for his concern factor. If he's not willing to do the right thing on his own, you'll have to put the choice up for him in plain sight. He either needs to do what is necessary make you his #1, or you need to move on to someone who will.
    It doesn't matter if you're somebody in this world, it rather matters you mean the whole world to somebody.

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    Veteran Member blackbeauty's Avatar
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    Default Re:Help boyfriend problems!

    Another issue, he still talks and continues friendships with the majority of his exes. Although not on the level of the best female friend. HE says that he does this b/c they are quality people and he just doesn't throw quality people out of his life. I just don't undersatnd. He says I don't b/c I don't have close friendships like his has. HA! Whatever! SHe is too fucking needy for my taste.

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    God/dess cinammonkisses's Avatar
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    Default Re:Help boyfriend problems!

    Girl you are well in the right, you hear me? Did you read the post that I made to you? Call her up. That is your MAN. And in case she forgot it, you need to REFRESH HER MEMORY. Now I'm not saying you are gonna end up fighting her or yelling..Talk to her woman 2 woman and let her know how you feel. Call her up on your own. Talk to her on your own. If that doesnt' work, then tell your man to tell her to come over so all of you can talk. If he has nothing to hide, then he shouldn't have a problem doing so.







    Some Douchebag: "[Pimp C] 12:43 am: its true we got to stick together the black people on SW CK you is teh condoleeza of SW"


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    Veteran Member blackbeauty's Avatar
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    Default Re:Help boyfriend problems!

    Oh yeah he still has the letter she sent him. This is what it says:

    Dear Ray,

    What's up big head. Enclosed is your hat and a little token of appreciation for you coming down here to see my play. I had sooo much fun with you that weekend. I really didn't want you to go. But anyway, I was really glad you came. You were so into everything and also you supported me to the fullest. So for that, I thank you. THere is a question and a reoccuring discussion we keep having. You ask me, don't I like where we are now. Yes...I say. I have to say say yes. And you know what, Ray I love it. I love the innocence of our relationship. The laughter, jokes, nostalgic reminiscing... all of that. Like I told you before, I couls have you read to me evry night for the rest of my life. However, I am saddened. (in a way) There is this part of me that wouldn't mind watching it grow into something more than friendship.. LEt me rephrase: a different kind of friendship. If we stay friends the way we have been, that's peachy keen, too.. But I feel like on a "romantic" level there is a littlke more than just sexual urges between us. Now this may all be just arbitrary because you are back with (blackbeauty had to insert my sw name) and I have a couple of "projects" I'm working on myself but I just had to some things to get off my chest. I don't know about me and you. But know that I am your friend for life. No matter how jealous I'll be if you marry (BlackBeauty) but I will always be here for you.I agree that our friendship does break boundaries. What we have is deeper than normal friendships and boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. You're my heart (but of course you know that ...wink) But I guess I'm writing this so that I will receive a response. Hopefully in writing. But that is all sweetie. I'll talk to you soon. Peace out.

    Luv, that bitch

    Now ladies how would you like to read this while you were in a relationship with someone.

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    Default Re:Help boyfriend problems!

    Have her come on over for a threesome maybe she'll cool off a bit



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    Veteran Member emilybelle's Avatar
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    Default Re:Help boyfriend problems!

    hi BB, i was in the same kind of situation with my SO. he kept saying they were friends, and i ended up having to call her up at work to set her straight. she had called at 5am after going out one night with her friends. over the span of two years, i had to call her more than once to tell her to leave him alone. he would always say that he talked to her in private...but we all know that he didn't. after a while, i realized that it was just as much his fault as hers. neither of them were going to leave each other alone.

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    Default Re:Help boyfriend problems!

    BLACK BEAUTY do not call her pls your SO will not thank you for it believe me you will end up looking like nagging jealous wifey..... Besides this is his job.

    You have to understand that she will only call all hours of the night if he allows her to. He has to tell her there is no other way and do you really think she will back off if you call her?

    I have been in your situation a few times and only now i see that it was much his fault too.... you should be priority and if he can't make you that well.....

    Seraya


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    God/dess cinammonkisses's Avatar
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    OHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOO!!!! See I've been trying to be your "shoulder" through this BB and try to give you the support and encouraging words..But the letter...Oh Boi..I must say love..It is Time...She done brought it upon herself LOL...She needs to get BEAT DOWN!!!! F*** the BS..She needs a beat down TODAY! Her letter is wayyyy off base. Even more offbase is the fact that your man decided to keep it! How long have you and him been together? I remember earlier in your posting you said "u really like him" but you didnt' say LOVE. Shoot, if you only like him, then is he worth keeping around?







    Some Douchebag: "[Pimp C] 12:43 am: its true we got to stick together the black people on SW CK you is teh condoleeza of SW"


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    God/dess cinammonkisses's Avatar
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    Default Re:Help boyfriend problems!

    Also..It seems like he keeps trying to juggle the both of you..If he can't put you first then obviously you aren't worth the sacrifice.







    Some Douchebag: "[Pimp C] 12:43 am: its true we got to stick together the black people on SW CK you is teh condoleeza of SW"


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    Veteran Member blackbeauty's Avatar
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    Default Re:Help boyfriend problems!

    Girl you made me laugh! You don't know how much I wanted to beat her ass for that, but I had to be a lady. We were together from March 2001 to MArch 2002, that letter was written around Jan or Feb. We just got back together a couple of weeks ago. SO we've been broken up for a year in a half but I still don't trust that bitch! My girls told me to call her ass up and let her know how I feel. Oh and he gives me this no girl is put before you as long as we are together. WHATEVER!




    Quote Originally Posted by cinammonkisses link=board=1;threadid=5201;start=msg54823#msg54823 date=1071354749
    OHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOO!!!! See I've been trying to be your "shoulder" through this BB and try to give you the support and encouraging words..But the letter...Oh Boi..I must say love..It is Time...She done brought it upon herself LOL...She needs to get BEAT DOWN!!!! F*** the BS..She needs a beat down TODAY! Her letter is wayyyy off base. Even more offbase is the fact that your man decided to keep it! How long have you and him been together? I remember earlier in your posting you said "u really like him" but you didnt' say LOVE. Shoot, if you only like him, then is he worth keeping around?

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    God/dess cinammonkisses's Avatar
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    Default Re:Help boyfriend problems!

    Girl I'm just glad I was able to put a smile on your face through this ordeal you are going through. You said you and him just got back together a few weeks ago, and that you and him live together. I'm not tryin to step on any toes, but I dont think you and him should be living together. But anyway, you really do need to finalize this BS. No one likes drama! That does nothing but add stress. You and him just got back together, this should be a happy time, not one that is drama filled







    Some Douchebag: "[Pimp C] 12:43 am: its true we got to stick together the black people on SW CK you is teh condoleeza of SW"


  25. #25
    Senior Member tranquil_waters's Avatar
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    Default Re:Help boyfriend problems!

    YA know , next time she calls sit and talk to her just like you two are best friends. Kill her with kindness. Keep your friends close and your enemys even closer!!!!! And if that doesn't work give her the beat down!!!! de:
    Tranquil Waters

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