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Thread: Help Family Trying To Take MY Son!

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    Member mia216's Avatar
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    Default Help Family Trying To Take MY Son!

    Ok girls this might be lengthy but i need help fast! Long story short my husbands parents are planning on taking me to court to get visation rights with my son and this can not happen as they are bad people they never wanting anything to do with him when we were living back home now that we have moved and told them to stay out of our lives they want to be with him, some of the things they have done is ,
    1. had the other 3 grandchildren and have told my son no he can not go with them when he is begging to
    2. had all of the grandchildren staying the night and not even bother to ask if he could until he started crying about it then said no.
    3. never came and saw him then when we asked if they wanted to keep him overnight they told us to stop pushing our child on them.

    those are just some of the many things they have done to him he is only 4 and is complety happy now and does not even ask about them since we moved the only thing he has said to me is maybe one day nana ____
    will love me. how sad is that for a 4 year do even have to think that?

    the reason we moved was because they were always calling me names and threating me it went on all the time so me and my husband decied to move out of state so we could save a marriage and get away from them. they day i decied they did not have anymore rights was after another fight we went out to eat and they were at the same resterant ,as they were leaving my son started to call out to his nana and poppi they walked right by him and did not even stop they looked over and continued walking without even a hi to my son !
    ok so want i need to really know is how do i fight this? i will leave the country before i subject him to that agian i do not even know what kind of attroney to contact so please help me in what i need to do maybe the same thing has happened to other girls on the site i am just so scared!
    thanks
    mia216

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    Default Re:Help Family Trying To Take MY Son!

    Firstly I am sorry that you and your son are going through all of this. Its such a shame kids have to be used as pawns.
    Now I would find a lawyer ASAP, that way you know your options and your are not left wondering what will happen. Its too easy to freak out when you don't know what you and the grandparents rights are.
    Knowledge is power Mia!
    Good luck we are all here for you!!
    XOXO
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    Default Re:Help Family Trying To Take MY Son!

    Hi Mia,

    First thing is to calm down. The worst thing you can do is come off as a hysterical woman with drama. It's okay to be a weepy and traumatized tho.

    Secondly I'm pretty sure they would have to file the petition in the state that you live in, which might be more trouble and expense than they think. At least half of the people who threaten custody battles never get their shit together to do it. Especially if you don't remind them - so stop speaking to them. Send a christmas card to be polite, and if they call say, oh, it's nice to hear from you but i'm just on my way out the door...

    Third, write down all of those things, with the dates they happened if you can. Now, every time you have any contact with them, record it in a notebook.

    Fourth, it's never a bad idea to talk to an attorney. The best way to find a good attorney is to ask someone in the court system, so if you have a customer that is a lawyer/judge/whatever, ask him who the best family law attorney is. Call them and set up an appointment. Bring everything to the appt.

    Good luck!

    Lena



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    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re:Help Family Trying To Take MY Son!

    I just talked to one of my old bosses (I used to work for a couple of high powered lawyers) and asked him about this. Now, he doesn't specialize in Family Law, but he basically said that in MOST cases (especially when the parents are fit and together--meaning no other custody/visitation battles are going on) grandparents don't have many rights (if any). He said IF this even gets to court, the judge may just very well tell them to deal with YOU. If they cannot find it in themselves to have a good enough relationship with you in order to see their grandson, then it's their problem. **PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS IS NOT LEGAL ADVICE!! YOU WILL NEED TO SEEK THE ADVICE OF AN ATTORNEY WHO IS LICENSED IN YOUR STATE**

    It seems like they are being very vindictive. At least you have the support of their son (your husband). In the whole scheme of things...I've never really heard of grandparents being granted visitation rights. The only time it really becomes a fight is when the parents are fighting for custody and visitation.

    In the meantime, you really need to seek the advice and counsel of a lawyer. You'll want to find an attorney that specializes in Family Law. You can find them in the yellow pages under Lawyers--Family Law.

    Hun, I know you must be really upset about all of this...but, don't worry about what may or may not happen. Just enjoy the day and your son right now and deal with the other stuff as it comes along (I know that it's easier said than done).

    Lots of love!

    Let me know how it goes!!

    Venus

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    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re:Help Family Trying To Take MY Son!

    Why are they trying to do that when they never wanted to spend time with him anyway? It sounds like you and your husband are together. Get a lawyer, it should be easy to fight this one, they have no rights over the son's parents unless you're beating or starving him. Have they filed anything yet or are they just trying to stress you out?
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

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    Member mia216's Avatar
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    Default Re:Help Family Trying To Take MY Son!

    thank you all the only reason they are doing this is to get at me i know that in my heart they are very messed up people the grandma actually has to take meds to be "happy" and not crazy. i am going to contact a lawyer and yes me and my husband have been married for 5 years and do not plan on getting divorced anytime soon. His mother actually went as far as to cause a wreck with them on our wedding day to try to stop the wedding which i did not we went ahead with the wedding without them. i know i need to calm down but my son is my life and i will not allow him to be hurt anymore emotionaly. i will kept everyone updated and yes i do have proof that they do not care about them in the emails i saved.
    mia216

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    Featured Member Lilith's Avatar
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    Default Re:Help Family Trying To Take MY Son!

    1) Calm down. I know that any mother's first instinct is to go into full-out panic mode when someone threatens their child... fight it. You need to be coherent right now.

    2) Call around and talk to some attornies specializing in Family Law. Most offer free consultations; quite some number will be willing to answer basic questions over the phone, without even an appointment. (If you have the cash, time and inclination to fight dirty, then have a consultation with every attorney in the area. This limits your in-laws abilities to attain representation. Once counsel has spoken with YOU, even without money changing hands, they are now barred from representing your in-laws by ethics involving conflicts of interest.)

    3) Seven years ago, a very publicized case from my home state went before the Supreme Court. A young woman, married to a young man, had a small son. Her husband died. After a year, she decided to move back to Texas to be near her own family, who could help the young widow. Her in-laws never got on well with her and rarely spoke to her. However, as soon as she told them she and her son were moving back home, they filed for custody and visitation rights.

    Long story short, the Supreme Court ruled that grandparents cannot subvert a parent's legal parenting decisions (such as moving out of state). Furthermore, if a grandparent wants contact with a grandchild yet refuses to get contact via being cordial to the parents, the Supreme Court ruled that it isn't the jurisdiction of the courts to step in and order desired contact.

    In other words, grandparents have to play nice or swim up Shit Creek. I agree with Lena; this wench is just tring to rattle your cage.
    He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

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    Featured Member Lilith's Avatar
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    Default Re:Help Family Trying To Take MY Son!

    In regards to #2: By "spoken with", I mean a consultation. Talking with someone on the phone does not limit your in-laws ability to retain that attorney.
    He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

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    Default Re:Help Family Trying To Take MY Son!

    Excellent post Lilith! I couldn't have said it better myself. I wish you lots of luck, Mia. Hang in there, and stand your ground. You'll get through this.

  10. #10
    alexislv
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    Default Re:Help Family Trying To Take MY Son!

    You need to understand that the court favors keeping families together which means that grandparents do not have the same rights as parents do unless there are extreme circumstances. The court ALWAYS looks to the best interest of the child which is why you need to document everything they have done and said to show the harm that they do to your child. I wouldnt worry too much especially since you are in another state. They will have to go through ALOT of expense and time to get any proceedings started there. However, if they want to call child protective services on you as a way to lie and bolster their claim, there really isnt anything you can do to stop that. Have a consultation with a lawyer who specializes in family law (should be free) and then document that you saw a lawyer, what he/she said, etc just in case they try anything. From your post it sounds like they really dont have a way to do too much. Are they wealthy? If not, its highly unlikely they will actually do anything. They probably know that you will panic and they like to keep some sort of sick power game going on. I would not contact them in any way. You might add fuel to the fire. If they contact you, be nice, allow them to speak with their grandchild and document what was said, etc. If they are serious about visitation, you will have plenty of notice and know that it is coming. Please dont panic... I cant stress to you enough how seriously the court takes the concept of keeping the family together and best interests of the child. As an example, OJ Simpson still has his kids even though the grandparents had documentation of his violence and a civil court verdict that showed he was responsible for their mother's death. It takes ALOT for the court to break up a family....hope this makes you feel better!

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    Default Re:Help Family Trying To Take MY Son!

    What I don't understand is why would your grandparents want visitation rights when they have a history of ostracizing him in the first place?
    Seek legal advice.

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    Veteran Member Rayleen's Avatar
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    Default Re:Help Family Trying To Take MY Son!

    Quote Originally Posted by Raven link=board=1;threadid=5294;start=msg56102#msg56102 date=1071596015
    Firstly I am sorry that you and your son are going through all of this. Its such a shame kids have to be used as pawns.
    Now I would find a lawyer ASAP, that way you know your options and your are not left wondering what will happen. Its too easy to freak out when you don't know what you and the grandparents rights are.
    Knowledge is power Mia!
    Good luck we are all here for you!!
    XOXO
    Excellent advice and I soooooooo agree on the pawns comment. It happens all the time too. It's just Horrible!
    I can't add anything more to that advice other than emotional support for you Mia. I hope everything works out well and quickly for you and your beautiful little boy.

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    Default Re:Help Family Trying To Take MY Son!

    i know it is hard not to get upset about all this. i went through a very similar thing when my exhusband and i divorced. please write down everything that these people do....it really is important.

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    Default Re:Help Family Trying To Take MY Son!

    Hi Mia, I don't have children; but believe me, I feel your pain.

    My advice isn't always the most popular amongst stripperwebers; but I feel you must act now!

    The best defense is a good offense. File a restraining order against them now! Make shit up if you have to, because with that documentation, there's no way a judge will grant them shit.

    Now, I see that you're a virgo, not that I take that stuff too seriously; but I must mention one observation. Every good friend I've ever had has been a virgo, and they all have one common trait that I hope you don't. Virgo women (IMO) do whatever their BF/Husband tells them to do... no matter what the circumstances. Is he gonna allow you to carry out the advice I've given against his parents?

    Good luck.

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    Featured Member cash's Avatar
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    Default Re:Help Family Trying To Take MY Son!

    i dont think they have a chance at winning besides if they go through with the lawsuite it will be alot of work and spending on their part ...would they really go through that just to make you unhappy.. the only thing i could tell you to do is to be nice to them no matter what they try to do to you let them see that you are the bigger person and continue to save all those nasty emails and messages just incase you gotta go to court...good luck
    us: us: us: devil in disguise....

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    Default Re:Help Family Trying To Take MY Son!

    Wow all this is real good advice it's wierd to set read post and see how smart some of yall are I'll take hat off to yall just keep your chin up mia it will all work out in the end.

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    Default Re:Help Family Trying To Take MY Son!

    Lilith is exactly right - I recently faced a somewhat similar situation myself in Family Court, and ultimately the petition thrown out of court.

    The US Supreme court has recently struck down TWO state cases where a Family Court granted visitation rights to non-parents over the objections of the actual parent(s). The supreme court held in both cases that, absent proof that a parent is "unfit" (which takes a lot more concrete proof than the mere fact that a parent works as an exotic dancer), the parent(s) have the right to decide how their child should be raised ... INCLUDING who the child should and should not associate with. Based on these supreme court decisions, many states have amended their Family Court law to comply with the supreme court's edict. Even if a state still has Family Court law on its books which would appear to allow grandparent visitation over the objections of a parent, even a public defender can point out the precedent of the two supreme court cases and have any grandparent's visitation petition thrown out of court as unconstitutional.

    The news story on the precedent setting Troxel case is still available online at

    The only potential negative outcome is if the grandparents decide to "escalate" their attack on the parent(s) by seeking to submit evidence which might result in a Family Court finding that the child is in the care of "unfit" parent(s). While this could be embarrassing, i.e. having to submit to hair samples being analyzed for past drug use, delving into details of dance club activities attempting to disprove implications that the dancer has promiscuous sex or performs sex acts for money, delving into your personal finances attempting to disprove claims of fiscal irresponsibility or unreported "illicit" income from the club etc. In my own case they even submitted nude pictures of me from my website (which the Judge examined closely LOL). Odds are that these lines of investigation will go nowhere, but it is still embarrassing to have to explain/defend so many aspects of your personal life in Family Court.

    Of course, if any of these lines of investigation do turn up a "dump truck load worth of dirt", a Family Court finding of an "unfit" parent would not just result in grandparents' visitation being granted. It would also very likely result in the parent(s) losing custody of the child altogether. But the last thing a Family Court ever wants to decide is to forcibly separate a child from it's mother, thus some very serious and damaging factual proof is required that the child is living in an "unfit" environment with the parent(s) before a Family Court would even consider such a decision.

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    Default Re:Help Family Trying To Take MY Son!

    thank you all so much you have really been a big help in this matter.
    naomi yes i am a virgo but believe me i stand my ground with everyone including my husband i am not your typical virgo! lol
    about the restraining order how do i get one do i have to have an attroney and how expensive is it?
    all i know is she does not want to fuck with me as i will destroy her if need be i really do not think his family knows excatly what i am capable of doing when forced to do so. my therory is as i am sure every mother feels you mess with me child you are messing with me and you do not want to do that plus i am a true redhead and yes i do have the temper to go with it lol. But treuley thanks for all of the support from the bottom of my heart to all of you!
    mia216

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    Default Re:Help Family Trying To Take MY Son!

    Oooh, good idea Lillith.

    Mia, every state is different but in most states there must have been some recent physical violence or threat. Also in most states it's not a good idea to lie if you don't have evidence to back it up.

    Lena



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    Default Re:Help Family Trying To Take MY Son!

    Getting a restraining order is not hard. You do not need an attorney. Simply head down to your local courhouse. In my experience (which is based on DV) it is free or I would guesstimate it costs around $50. However, there typically must be some sort or threat, violence or harrassment in order to obtain one. Documentation is key. You MUST keep track of dates, times, and what was said. This info is required when you complete the paperwork to file a RO. Witnesses also add strength to your case.

    You're off to a good start documentation wise by keeping their emails. I wouldn't initiate any contact with them just let them talk to the child if and when they do call. Of course, I'd also probably record any and all phone conversations. Be aware recording phone conversations is inadmissable in court (and even illegal I think) unless you notify the grandparents they're being recorded and that might add fuel to the fire. Unless you were feeling extra bitchy and said sarcastically "to ensure quality service, all conversations are recorded"



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    Default Re:Help Family Trying To Take MY Son!

    Thanks Sapphire, I should have explained how to get a restraining order, as not everyone has had to deal with that before. I got one when I was 16, actually mom did, and I believe Sapphire was right about the total cost not exceeding $50.

    p.s. Mia, all you had to say was you're a red head, virgo or not, redheads are some indomitable women. BTW, that wasn't a put-down on Virgo women, like I said, every bestfriend I've had are Virgo's; and I admire their dedication to their relationship. I run away too easily.

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    Featured Member Lilith's Avatar
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    Default Re:Help Family Trying To Take MY Son!

    In my current state of residence, you must have two documented incidences of violence before a restraining order is granted (because, y'know, he might have just been REALLY DRUNK the first time and didn't mean it... I'll stop rolling my eyes right now... okay, maybe now...)

    But I digress.

    You. Attorney. Now. S/He'll know better than we what the best course of legal action would be (scoff and moon them from your front porch, file a RO, move to Italy, etc etc). Good luck.
    He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

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    Member mia216's Avatar
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    Default Re:Help Family Trying To Take MY Son!

    thanks for the info on ro and naomi i know it was not a put down for being a virgo i am just not the typical virgo and have been told this many times just wanted you to know that i do not let anyone tell me what to do once i set my mind to something i stick to it but my husband actually likes the fact that i am the dominet person as he is a very laid back person so we get along great. as far as conditions the only real thing i have is they have treatened to kidnap their granddaughter before in a simiular situation and i have that in an email and then the night before we moved his grandfather came by and told my mother he was going to "snatch my son and take him away" i do not know if that is enough but it is all i have to go on.
    mia216

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    Default Re:Help Family Trying To Take MY Son!

    Mia,

    That may be enough. Talk to an attorney. In one state that I lived in, you just had to be afraid of a person to get a restraining order, so if they threatened you or used intimidating body language or whatever you could get one. Where I live now you have to be related to them or have lived with them in the last six months and documented violence has to have occurred within the last thirty days. Talk to an attorney.

    Lena

    PS Talk to an attorney!



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    Default Re: Help Family Trying To Take MY Son!

    Quote Originally Posted by LoveSexMoney
    Of course, I'd also probably record any and all phone conversations. Be aware recording phone conversations is inadmissable in court (and even illegal I think) unless you notify the grandparents they're being recorded and that might add fuel to the fire. Unless you were feeling extra bitchy and said sarcastically "to ensure quality service, all conversations are recorded"
    My in-laws are going through something like that with their foster child. If they balk at the idea that they are being recorded, keep the speaker phone on and stay with in hearing distance. Good Luck and keep us informed.
    life is only what you make of it

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