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    Default my parents--please help

    hi..im new..i've been stripping for a week now...I'm going to college FAR away from home (thank god!)... but my parents have been getting suspicious ...I just paid off all the debts I owed them (left over from my dog's cancer surgery.) plus, i've stopped calling home to ask for $. They know I'm a 'broke college kid' and were asking where i got the $. I didn't really have an answer for them. They also saw on my credit card bill some stripper-related purchases.

    They both freaked out even at the thought of it. My dad screamed at me about "horny, drunk, dirty old men groping you...bla bla bla..." And they don't even know I've already done it...all this shit was just over the consideration of it! They both said they don't think there's any difference between prostitution and stripping (wow...talk about misconceptions! dad said "there's no difference between them fucking you and looking at you naked" ...uhhhhh, HUGE difference there) I tried to reason to them, saying that stripping isn't what they think...but I couldn't defend it too much because I didn't want them to know I'm actually doing it. I told them i had looked into it, for need of $, but siad i wouldn't do it if they object so much (i hate lying to them!).

    Any advice on what to do, whether to tell them, etc? I don't want to be disowned! It could be very bad if they find out on their own (though i dont know how they would)...im interested to know whether you tell parents, how they reacted, etc.

    thanks :smiley:

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    Featured Member Lilith's Avatar
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    Default Re:my parents--please help

    "For the record, Dad, dancing is nothing like that. No disrespect intended, but I visited a strip club two weeks ago when Tammy dragged me down there and it was totally different than the stereotype. The girls were very nice college girls, just like me, and all they did was dance. I had such a great time that one of them mentioned that the club had an opening as a bartender. ... Of course I'm the new bartender! *insert puzzled look* What did you think I was doing? By the way, Dad, could you show me how you make that champagne cocktail for Mom? One of the girls was asking for it, the sweetest girl, too, her name is Alicia and she's majoring in accounting..."


    Etc etc etc. The variation (or continuation) on that if your parents also object to bartending is:

    *heavy, patient sigh*

    "Bartending is a perfectly respectable occupation, Mom. I serve beer. I make martinis. I earn fabulous money in tips because most drunks can't tell a $10 from a $1 by their third Bloody Mary. I also don't care to be a burden to you and Dad and this will get me through school quite comfortably. I know you may not like the idea, but I am an adult now and it is MY responsibility to make sure my bills are paid, not yours."
    He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

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    Default Re:my parents--please help

    I think I would just be open and come out with it sweetie. But as well as that, be honest about the work too. It it not prostitution (or why would clubs state "no prostitution allowed"?). Clear your dad up on that and be assertive with it. And also make sure they understand the benefits of your work (you are paying your way, clearing debts, etc) and that it allows you to still continue with school without having to work so many hours to attain the same amount of money. You are a young woman, you can agree to disagree on the appropriateness of the work but it's your choice and ask them for their respect for that.

    If they find out without you telling them (and if anyone is damn determined and suspicious enough they can), you will be in hot water. But as long as you're avoiding the subject in opposed to lying about it, it will be easier for you to protect yourself if caught out.

    If you really want to be secretive to your parents (and this would require some thought because you should be prepared for potentially worse consequences if caught) just beware if you live at home or are there for long periods of time. And ALWAYS lock and hide your stripperkit away from prying eyes and try be careful when travelling/coming home from work.

    Hope this helps. Let us know how you do, OK? I've been in similar and worse situations so I know how you feel. Good luck.
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    Senior Member Jenna's Avatar
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    Default Re:my parents--please help

    My parents found out before I had the chance to tell them, but either way I think I would have been in hot water. Our parents are a completely different generation than us & they don't understand a lot of what we do, from piercings to tatoos to dancing, etc.

    My dad is a cop in CA (I dance & go to college in NV though) and one day the Reno PD came in to randomly check licenses & all that.., well one of the po-po's recognized my last name & was like "does John have a daughter in Reno?" and word got back to him so quick... I thought I would be disowned & on my own for school but he knew that if he cut me off, I would be "sucked into the business" even more than he thinks I am so that was not an option.

    While my parents didn't disown me, they don't support me either. I am an adult & it's my body but I am still their daughter. We are at a weird state right now!

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    Default Re:my parents--please help

    Ok, first things first. Since they've already gotten suspicious and you didn't really give them any answer, don't bring anything about it up to them. If they ask and you don't want to tell, just say you're not doing it. If they push, and bring up the cc purchases, you might just say that you had thought about it but you hadn't done it and you've decided not to. If they ask again about where you got the money, just tell them you got a job as a shooter girl or cocktail waitress or something, and the tips are really good. They might get on you about the hours and how you need to spend your time studying - tell them you're only working weekends and it's better than always being broke and begging them for money. That's what I'd do in your situation for now. They don't need to know everything you do - you are responsible, and if you're paying your own bills, well it's just none of their business.

    I did tell my parents two weeks after I started dancing, and I caught hell, but I was living on my own in another area (like you) and I really didn't care if they liked it or not. It's my life, I know what I do and don't do, I set my own standards and stick with them. I have never told my grandparents and to this day have a special story for them concerning my occupation and income. They are 100 times more old-fashioned and it would absolutely break their hearts if they knew I was stripping. I choose not to tell them because I don't want to cause them all that stress and because I know they would never be able to understand or accept it. My parents, on the other hand, did eventually get to be 'ok' with it, after time passed and they realized I hadn't become a junkie or gotten in trouble with the law, and had more money and a nicer car than them besides!

    If it's easier to fib a little and stay in their good graces, so be it. If you can't stand being dishonest to them and have to be straight with them, so be it. There will be consequences either way, you just have to decide which consequences are worse for you and go the other way.

    As for your cc statements - why are they sent to your parents house? Is the card in your name? Can you get one with your own name and stop using the one whose statements get sent to your parents? Another thing you could do is open a checking account - most banks have ATM debit cards with either a Visa or Mastercard logo, so you can use them anywhere credit cards are accepted. You don't have to have credit for that. Deposit whatever you plan to use in the account, and whenever you need to buy something online or whatever, use your debit card instead of the cc. This way your parents can't see what you're buying.

    One last thing, since you're new: Start saving money now. You could take something like 20% of what you bring home every night and stick it in a savings account. You will be glad you did!

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

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    Default Re:my parents--please help

    Aphrodite, you DO have an "Ace in the Hole" in this situation should it turn ugly. Simply remind your parents that you would not need to dance if THEY had provided sufficient financial support for you to concentrate on your studies and nothing else. Point out to them that you do in fact need more money ... that any conventional job you could get to earn the money you need would require many many hours away from your studies ... and that only dancing can provide good earnings during short working hours which do not conflict with your classes.

    I went through a rough period with my own mom when I first started dancing. For about a week I got the "how could you" scenario with all of mom's incorrect Hollywood Stereotype presumptions about dancers thrown at me. During the second week we had a chance to seriously talk about what goes on in dance clubs (and what DOESN'T), and she began to see that maybe some of her preconceptions might be wrong. About a month later her boiler broke down and she was desparate to come up with about $1500 instantly to replace it - which I gave to her! Ever since then my dancing was fairly well accepted.

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    Featured Member Fawn's Avatar
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    Default Re:my parents--please help

    I think the waitress Idea was a good one, or that
    you bought that stuff as a joke for a friends B-day, or a boyfriend likes that stuff (that should end the conversation). Then ocasionally ask them for a little money.
    " Remember during each test there is some girl in Australia jealous of you who wants to do what you're doing."- Lilithmorrigan

    " If you're young and sexy, why not spend a few years
    Shopping and Fucking? Life is short, but youth is shorter. Ride the wheels off, I say." - FeministStripper

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    Default Re:my parents--please help

    My theory about people who have huge misconceptions about strippers is that they also have misconceptions about bars, period. If I tell them that I'm a cocktail waitress, the image they get of me serving drinks and flirting is close to the reality of me taking my clothes off and flirting. Thus, it isn't dishonest to tell them that I'm a cocktail waitress or bartender.

    Lena



  9. #9
    alexislv
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    Default Re:my parents--please help

    ADMIT NOTHING! You can already see your parents reactions just from the thought of it. If pushed, I agree with the other suggestions, say you thought about it and realized it was a mistake and now you are a cocktail waitress or bartender at a nightclub on the weekends. And then get all your stuff sent to your address (bills,etc) so they have no way of looking at your statements and stuff. Give them no way to be able to find out.

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    Senior Member tranquil_waters's Avatar
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    Default Re:my parents--please help

    Honey, Say nothing, Keep bumming money. Just put it into an account they don't know about. And pay for all you dance things with cash!!! But you will need to account for not being home or in your dorm sometimes so just tell them you are waitressing. No harm in that. Good luck!!!
    Tranquil Waters

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    Default Re:my parents--please help

    I dont think you should tell them either! I agree that "cocktailing or bartending" in many parents eyes wouldnt' make them sleep with ease either. Just dont bring the subject up again.

    Continue to pay for everything in cash, and if they ever call you while your at work, tell them you were in "so and so's room" I know that you probably will feel bad lying to your parents, but you need money!

    I would've suggested just saying be a work-study on campus. But everyone knows that they have you doing so much crap for so little money. But ultimately the discision is up to you. You know your parents a whole lot better than we do. Good luck in whatever you decide though.







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    Default Re:my parents--please help

    Quote Originally Posted by Lilith link=board=1;threadid=5305;start=msg56389#msg56389 date=1071652984
    "For the record, Dad, dancing is nothing like that. No disrespect intended, but I visited a strip club two weeks ago when Tammy dragged me down there and it was totally different than the stereotype. The girls were very nice college girls, just like me, and all they did was dance. I had such a great time that one of them mentioned that the club had an opening as a bartender. ... Of course I'm the new bartender! *insert puzzled look* What did you think I was doing? By the way, Dad, could you show me how you make that champagne cocktail for Mom? One of the girls was asking for it, the sweetest girl, too, her name is Alicia and she's majoring in accounting..."


    Etc etc etc. The variation (or continuation) on that if your parents also object to bartending is:

    *heavy, patient sigh*

    "Bartending is a perfectly respectable occupation, Mom. I serve beer. I make martinis. I earn fabulous money in tips because most drunks can't tell a $10 from a $1 by their third Bloody Mary. I also don't care to be a burden to you and Dad and this will get me through school quite comfortably. I know you may not like the idea, but I am an adult now and it is MY responsibility to make sure my bills are paid, not yours."
    Tyler gives this response two thumbs up.

    Tyler.

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    Default Re:my parents--please help

    Thanks everyone, so much, for all the replies. When i go home for the holidays i plan to go to the bank so all CC bills will be sent directly to me, since i pay them anyway. I had considered telling them i was a shot girl/bartender/waitress but they are so nosy i know they will ask me a million questions...and i dont really know whats involved in those jobs! They used to live in this city too so they know all the restaurants...

    I think ill just keep my mouth shut for now and pretend to be broke, but not ask for $ anyways--as far as they know i do have the work study job (which i quit a while ago, 6.50 per hour=NOT WORTH MY TIME.)

    love, a

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    Default Re:my parents--please help

    But I'd bet they don't know all the BARS. It sounds like they will likely bring it up again and expect an answer, since you say they are 'so nosy'. It's perfectly understandable that they'd care about what their daughter is doing and all. I think you should have an answer ready just in case. Just ask some of your friends about some local bar or nightclub, and tell them you're working there. Waitresses serve drinks - you can say you're only working weekends, and the tips are great. All you have to know to tell them about waitressing in a bar is that you clock in, get your tray and circulate the floor getting drinks for people, collecting money and getting tips. Shooter girls basically run around with a tray full of pre-mixed shots, jello shots or kamikazis and the like, and sell shots to people for $2 or $3 or $4 each, and you get commission and tips from that. They may not be excited about that, but it's better than stripping in their eyes. If your parents call late at night when you're working, you were studying with so and so, or working on a paper in the computer lab or library or something.

    Try not to stress about it too much, and make that money!

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

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    Default Re:my parents--please help

    I have been dancing a year now and my parents dont know, although I think my grandmother assumes something. She said, "working at gogo bars is not good...men are crazy there" But she thinks I bartend at one. My parents have no idea, but they wonderwhere I make money especally my mom. Shes the manager at the bank where my account is and although I know she doesnt monitor it, when I make a deposit and shes there, she MUST wonder why I have $700-$900 more than I did the day before. lol

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    Default Re:my parents--please help

    I think telling them that you are waitressing or bar tending in a good idea. At least it will explain for the hours you work and the money you get

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    Default Re:my parents--please help

    Hey, I am nobody to give advice about what you should do. However, I can share something with you to consider.

    I lost my Dad this year. It was somewhat unexpected. He and I had a great relationship. The only regret I have is that I did not spend more time with him.

    In any event, it reminds me of how fragile and precious life really is. I am doing my best not to go to sleep angry with anybody, and to do what I can to bring some sunshine to somebody else each day.

    Money and things go away, but relationships influence us and those that follow us for eternity. Parents are special, and you realize it far more after they are gone.

    The way you handle this could be a defining point in your life and the relationship you have with them.

    If your folks didn't love you, they wouldn't be concerned about you. Consider yourself lucky at least from that perspective. I doubt you will change their mind on the subject.

    Good luck

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    Default Re:my parents--please help

    Aphrodite, I have to say that I agree with your decision to say nothing rather than tell your parents a bullshit story. Ultimately, lying to your parents would introduce yet another negative trend. You're much better off saying nothing, rearranging your personal accounts so your parents don't have access to info about your bills, and if extremely hard pressed by your parents down the road simply tell them the truth whether they'll like what you tell them or not.

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    Default Re:my parents--please help

    "If I really wanted to hurt my parents, what would I do?"

    If telling them you've become an topless/nude dancer would be one of them, then don't say anything.

    I think you're being very honest in that you're in school and they know that. That's what you're doing with your life. The rest is just to pay the bills.
    Let your indulgence set me free. - Shakespeare

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    Default Re:my parents--please help

    You are legally an adult so you have the right to make your own decisions. If at all possible try to skirt the issue as long as possible. There is more possibility of coming to an agreement with them the longer you hold out.
    Bottom line is that they are still your parents and that you are lying to them. Of course you would like them to see it your way but that may take some doing. If you can cover for it , I say what they don't know and isn't their concern (ie. it isn't illegal ) won't hurt them. Just refuse to answer them. It's far better than lying to them.

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