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Thread: Questions about touching

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    Featured Member FONDL's Avatar
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    Default Questions about touching

    I'm puzzled by all the negative comments on these strings from dancers about being touched. Most places I go to the dancers initiate it, eg. when I sit at the bar they come up and climb all over me with hands everywhere, trying to convince me to buy a lap from them. So when I do I assume they're OK with lots of touching since they starrted it. Am I wrong? Also, if you hate to be touched, why do you work in a lap dance place? Seems to me that's what it's all about. Isn't that why most guys buy laps? I'm not trying to be critical here, I'm just trying to understand.
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    Default Re:Questions about touching

    this has got to be ones of the strongest points towards all the dancers mad about being touched. ecxelent point fondl.

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    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re:Questions about touching

    There's a rule... we can touch, you can't. I personally DON'T really touch the customers. Just a question, do you guys ONLY touch the girls who touch you first? If you get a dance with a girl who hasn't grabbed YOUR ass or crotch, do you think you can grab hers?
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

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    God/dess Malibu's Avatar
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    Default Re:Questions about touching

    Bella's right, at least where I'm from we can touch the guys, but the deal ain't reciprocal. And even at that, there's a limit as to where one can touch. It tends to be more 'tease touching' allowed, like stroking faces, arms and stuff, an occasional peck on the cheek is permitted and even a grab of the ass can be ok. Nothing heavy like crotch grabbin', snogs or extras or you get dealt with.

    Sorry lads if this disappoints but remember that it's all part of the fantasy! We wouldn't want to destroy it for you now, would we?
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  5. #5
    Pamela
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    Default Re:Questions about touching

    You have a good reason to think this FONDL. I think some dancers (upon climbing on a customer etc.) should talk more. Let the guy know what is acceptable and not. This would sure help alot of guys who think otherwise, hell i would think it's fine too if someone climbed in my lap and brushed all over my body! Reaction... i would want to touch.

    Pamela

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    Featured Member FONDL's Avatar
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    Default Re:Questions about touching

    I've found that every place is different. What's considered standard practice in one club would get you thrown out of another. So when I'm in a place for the first time I usually ask one of the dancers what the rules are. And you'd be surprised how often a girl will say "we're not suppossed to let you do xyz but I don't care as long as no one's watching." On the other hand you sometimes run into a girl who will object if you try to do something that virtually every other girl in the place allows. I do what's standard for the club. If someone is going to have different standards than the club's norm they should tell the customer before he buys a dance. If you're working in an area where a lot of touching is normal, I think you can assume that most guys who go to clubs there expect to touch. And if you don't like that tell them up front, not after the dance has started. Be open about your rules and you'll avoid a lot of problems. But it might cost you $$$ too.
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    Default Re:Questions about touching

    FONDL, I think the reason you get so many dancers here that are upset with touching and then you meet girls that initiate it when you go to the clubs is that SW represents a small percentage of dancers in the world. Maybe the girls that allow little to no touching fit a certain personality that is attracted to SW. It seems the ladies here have more going for them than the average dancer. Lets face it, a lot of dancers have severe drug or alcohol problems, mental problems, and low self esteem. They might be willing to do more for money. Whereas most of the dancers at SW treat stripping as a job and may have a higher self esteem. Does this make sense? Also, the girls that don't allow touching here at SW, and are upset at the guys that try anyway, are going to be more vocal about their opinions than any girls here that might allow touching or even extras. The girls who allow touching might be quiet for fear of being flamed or unpopular.

    I think with any club you go to you need to remember YMMV. Every girl there has a different personality and different boundaries and every girl is allowed to have those boundaries respected.

    To answer your question, Miss George, I think it is common. Also, I think what a club says they allow and what they will allow is different most of the time.

    FONDL, as far as stating our rules before the dance, I've heard some guys comment that they don't like that. They feel bossed around too much or something when they weren't going to try anything anyway. If you feel it is important in your chosing of your lapdancer, just ask her before you decide. If I am asked I always tell, but I don't volunteer information, I feel it ruins the fantasy for them.

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    Veteran Member emilybelle's Avatar
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    Default Re:Questions about touching

    i agree with kobi....i don't like to be touched at all when i dance. i will, however, put my hand on his arm or something equally as innocent. i also think that i must give off a vibe that i don't allow any touching, b/c i have never had a customer try anything....well, except for that guy that asked to suck my toes, but that is an entire different story. lol.

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    Veteran Member Jayln's Avatar
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    Default Re:Questions about touching

    I have worked in two contact clubs that allowed breast and ass touching. It didn't bother me, I became immune to it. I just didn't respond to it sexually.

    The club I work now allwows me to touch the customer, but not vice versa. I like it because it still allows human contact and I can give a good lap dance, but without the worries I had at other clubs about men touching me when it was unwanted.
    For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you will long to return.

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    God/dess montythegeek's Avatar
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    Default Re:Questions about touching

    I agree with Pamela and favor communication. Mixed signals do not help things. You know your boundaries and others do not unless you tell us. Especially if they are different from somone else we mwy have come across.

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    Featured Member FONDL's Avatar
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    Default Re:Questions about touching

    Kobi, I agree with you that what we have here is probably a much higher class of dancer than one usually encounters in a club. And frankly I don't really care about intimate touching, I'm much more interested in a girl's personality. My general rule is I try to treat everyone pretty much the way they treat me and themselves. If a dancer shows respect for me and for herself, I will to.
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  12. #12
    Pamela
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    Default Re:Questions about touching

    FONDL why not find out what the club rules are, then get the dancer that will go along with what the club allows. If you like to touch, hit that type of club. I met alot of guys over the years who would see xyz letting xyz play with her boobs, but i did not, and the customer did not understand. It simply was against the rules, and i did not want to go down if a bust came our way.

    Yes, some dancers will give mixed signals, it is not fair to customers.

    Hun come down to Fl, hit south bch! You will have a ball! They tell you what you get, and they will let you have medium to high contact.

    I am more north Fl. now, and we have low to no contact. but Find out what the club allows, and get the dancer you want for your money! If you want just a nice dance, as you sound like you do as well, ask her what she has to offer.

    I hated contact when dancing in clubs, and i told the guys i don't do contact, well very little, calves, upper arms, hair, feet, face. And i would sit on a guys lap and talk, i hated lap dances. But now i do private parties, and i admit there is contact.

    Lotsa luck!
    Pamea

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    Featured Member FONDL's Avatar
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    Default Re:Questions about touching

    Thanks Pamela, finding out what the club rules are in advance is pretty much what I do. I live near Philly and around here a lot of touching is pretty standard in most clubs. I was in South Beach last year on vacation but never got a chance to hit any clubs. The only FL clubs I've been to lately are in Key West. I especially like Teasers.
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    Default Re:Questions about touching

    I ENJOY fondling dancers, but I'm not one to risk myself getting thrown out of a club. So it's play by the rules, at least in my case.



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    Featured Member FONDL's Avatar
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    Default Re:Questions about touching

    Carlos, I try to play by the rules too, but sometimes it's hard to know what they are. Often when you ask a girl she will be very evasive - "Don't worry, Hon, you'll like it" or "I'll give you the best dance you've ever had" are common responses. I don't require a lot of touching but I hate the clubs that make you keep your hands at your sides. That's not worth $400 an hour ($20 for 3 minutes) to me.
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    Default Re:Questions about touching

    FONDL...we meet again....

    1. Dancers tend to be independant contractors and club loyalty seldomly exists. Thus, when a stripper works at a club, she is taking her own rules, needs, and experiences with her. Sometimes the club does not even post the rules, or they are so blatantly ignored that no one really knows them...

    2. Touching: in my experience of late, laps have become an extended game of cat and mouse. Its soooo draining. Sometimes, after several songs, I have to appease the cat by letting him get a squeeze or a peak. 99% of the girls are doing it around me (H-Town!). I think this is how is begins, and pretty soon the girls are disconnected from the touching because patrons have gotten so annoying. The girl is tired, maybe buzzed, and business has been slow.....

    I doubt most of the ladies that post here are being completely honest, but I am not accusing anyone, there is no point. You have yourself to answer to, not us...meow!

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    God/dess doc-catfish's Avatar
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    Default Re:Questions about touching

    I can certainly understand that different men have different expectations from a lap dance, but my line of reasoning has always been, when in doubt, err on the side of caution and keep your hands off.

    I must be in the minority amongst those of us whom are male, but frankly touching the dancer really doesn't do that much for me. Don't get me wrong, I love to touch a woman's body, but that type of intimacy to me is something I want to share with a SO, not a total stranger that I'm paying by the song to do small gymastic feats on my lap.

    If I'm going to pay a gal for a dance, I want my entertainer to be on the top of her game, and logic would dictate that she'll do a much better job if I just sit back, put my mitts to my sides, and let her do that voodoo that she does so well.

    And while I gotten a few of those "what you don't like me?" stares from gals (usually those working in clubs where high contact was commonplace) who appeared concerned that I wasn't enjoying myself because I wasn't touching them, for the most part showing some manners on my part has been much appreciated. In fact, dancers who thought that I'd enjoy things a little better if my hands were "somewhere else" simply grabbed them and placed them where they sought fit. No complaints from me there.
    ng:
    It is often true what many have said about strippers, "Behave yourself, and she will misbehave." But I do wish more dancers would show some discretion and save their misbehavior for those who've earned it. Maybe then, we wouldn't get so many "mixed signals".

    In the meantime, I'll be a good little customer. :wink:
    Former SCJ now in rehab.

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    Featured Member electric_head's Avatar
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    Default Re:Questions about touching

    I just relax and keep my hands to myself and I find I get a much better dance.
    Don't make me spank you!

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    Default Re:Questions about touching

    I like to cuddle, but that's reserved for my one or two regulars. But then i rarely stray from them for dances anyways.

    But my one friend used to have me do the 'test drive'. If he's was not sure about a dancer he would send me for a test drive, so to speak. Basically i'm a big cuddly approachable non-threating guy, generally well behaved. So I always drove the same when he sent me out. Gently ran my fingers up the outside of her leg, always straying from the naughty bits (it is the first dance). Start at the toes and try to make it to the top, if I didn't get slapped it's was a successful test drive.

    IBflames.

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    Featured Member Fawn's Avatar
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    Default Re:Questions about touching

    We have that rule too, about the girls can touch but not the customer. I'll let a guy touch my back, hair and knee area if he has been a gentleman so far, but any thing more then that deserves for him to be slapped, and I make it known as soon as his hands get anywhere they don't belong.
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    Featured Member FONDL's Avatar
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    Default Re:Questions about touching

    Back, hair and knee area are fine with me, I don't require any more than that. But in some clubs that's just the starting point and if I really like the girl that's fun too. What I don't like is places where you can't touch anywhere at all. Usually I like to give a girl a backrub and I find most girls enjoy that. And I usually only buy dances from someone who sits with me for awhile first and we've gotten to know each other a bit. I prefer a dance from a person, not a piece of meat. Often the conversation is more important to me than the dance. BTW Fawn, if that picture is really you I wish you were around here, you are my type and then some. Wow.
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    Featured Member polecat's Avatar
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    Default Re:Questions about touching

    Local ordinances here dictate that a customer is not allowed to touch a dancer in the slightest, but a dancer can touch themselves with anything (a customer's hand included) as much as they want.

    Of course, how this in enforced varies greatly from club to club- with some clubs resting your hand on a dancer's shoulder will have a bouncer on you in 2/10ths of a second, and others where it's pretty much accepted that you pay to grope a woman however you want for a 4 minute song. I almost coated my monitor with coffee reading one morning an ad for a local strip club that said "Beautiful hostesses.. okay to grope!"

    For the most part, rude, grabby and gropy patrons are total retards and simply know very little about women. You're talking lottery odds to find a woman that genuinely likes being manhandled by any stranger off the street, as well as a dozen times inside an evening. Charm and good looks not withstanding, but in general, even if it's allowed and acted upon, it's more often simply tolerated/acting for $$ rather than enjoyed. What's really going on inside the dancer's head is usually how much longer the song is going to last and how fast they can get the hell out of there and onto a less touchy customer.

    I've always found dancer initiated touching to be 100x more rewarding anyways. After several visits of being incredibly stand-offish in the touching department with a sweet dancer, I've found a distinct determination (lol) by the dancer to try as hard as they cant to instigate touching, and in a way that she finds more enjoyable and acceptable. Comfort level of the dancer is what it really boils down to for how well the experience goes. The retard quotient of stripclub regulars will never understand the rewards of being a zero-expectations customer that is rewarded for his good manners.
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  23. #23
    Pamela
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    Default Re:Questions about touching

    I don't mind being touched, it's the spot you touch me at that matters. No private areas. Besides alot of guys like a ld, and sit with their arms down. A ld is not an invatation to touch unless the dancer lets you know it's fine. Working the clubs i had low contact allowed. Privates more contact.

    Pamela

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    Veteran Member oceanblue's Avatar
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    Default Re:Questions about touching

    I disagree with customers touching the dancers because once it starts it begins a large cahin reaction where every guy coming in the place thinks hes there to touch and be touched. It sets a gross and abusive business. Thus making it no longer a nude club but a bordello.
    Few people understand the psychology of dealing with a highway traffic cop. Your normal speeder will panic and immediately pull over to the side. This is wrong. It arouses contempt in the cop-heart. Make the bastard chase you. He will follow. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

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    Featured Member FONDL's Avatar
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    Default Re:Questions about touching

    Seems to me that touching/respect are somewhat related to conversation at least some of the time. I've read that some of you dancers think that conversation is a waste of time and you just want to get on with the private dance then move on. But in my case at least I enjoy conversation. And if a girl sits and talks with me for awhile before dancing, I'm much more likely to show her a lot of respect, for at least 2 reasons: first I've gotten to know her a little which always makes harder to show disrespect, and second, she's gone out of her way to be nice to me and I want to return the favor. Has anyone else noticed this, that if you sit and talk for awhile first the guy is likely to show more respect and try less unwanted touching?
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