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Thread: i'm going to risk sounding like a loser, but...

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    Default i'm going to risk sounding like a loser, but...

    Ok, I just joined here and I've read through a few of the topics on this board; very insightful.

    I do not go to strip clubs terribly often (maybe 3-4 times a year). When I do go, I am often frustrated by the lack of attention I get from the dancers, to the point that I've come to despise "regulars". I understand (and even have come to enjoy analyzing) the "economy of strip-clubs". But I just am floored when I can sit at a club for literally 2 hours and not have one girl come up to me. AND watch girls sit with guys for hours not doing any dancing (and so, I assume, making no money!).

    Some personal info seems required: I'm a younger guy (early twenties) with an office job making good money. I do keep my hair long, but I am clean-shaven. I usually go to the club after work so I'm dressed in a white-collared shirt and black dress pants. I don't think I'm bad looking, so why do dancers just walk past me?

    I know I'm probably supposed to be more forward and go out of my way to ask for a dance myself, but it loses some of its allure for me that way. Maybe its wrong, but I like the fact that the dancers are supposed to act like they're interested. Is there anything else I can do?

    One anticipated response: the subject of turning down dances from dancer's I'm not interested in. no, i don't even get this kind of attention usually, but is it wrong to decline a dance from someone you're not attracted to when no one else is coming up to you? (beggars can't be choosers?)

    Please, the more info, the better. Thanks!

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    God/dess Emily's Avatar
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    Default Re:i'm going to risk sounding like a loser, but...

    who knows, but if I were going to judge off the information you gave, it's probably because you don't look like you'll spend much money. I suggest tipping better. It's a passive way to get their attention. Also, look really interested and attracted to them. That's what I look for in a guy I want to approach...who looks like he really wants me to be there?

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    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re:i'm going to risk sounding like a loser, but...

    When I don't approach a guy it's either A) like emily said, doesn't look like a spender or B) He looks unapproachable, like he doesn't want to be bugged. When you tip the girls for their shows, do you smile at them?
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

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    Default Re:i'm going to risk sounding like a loser, but...

    thanks for the replys.

    I guess I was expecting responses like miss george's. I respect everyone else's opinion, but I admit I am surprised that people still think this way this day in age.

    On tipping: I usually tip $1-$2 on dancers I'm interested in getting dances from. $5s or $10s would probably be better, I'm sure, but is there any line that just screams "Woah! Freak!" It just doesn't seem my style. And yes, I defnitely try to smile at the dancers I tip as well.

    thanks again.

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    God/dess Emily's Avatar
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    Default Re:i'm going to risk sounding like a loser, but...

    So are you a big spender? Is their impression wrong?...just curious.

    You don't have to tip 5s and 10s. 2 dollars is actually good and say something like "you were great up there". She will get the idea.

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    Veteran Member SaraNLA's Avatar
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    Default Re:i'm going to risk sounding like a loser, but...

    If a guy isn't sitting at the stage, but while I'm up there he comes up and tips me a couple dollars, I take that as a sign that he is interested. The same applies if a guy is sitting at the stage and when I go to pick up my tips he says, "Let's go do a couple of dances."
    Let your indulgence set me free. - Shakespeare

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    Senior Member guywholikesdancers's Avatar
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    Default Re:i'm going to risk sounding like a loser, but...

    I don't look like a spender either; I'm usually kind of rumpled. But I never tip less than 5 bucks. Honestly, I don't think a one dollar tip is nearly enough for the amount of work that dancing involves. Would you tip a waitress just a dollar?

    But apart from the fact that it's the right thing to do, a five dollar tip will demonstrate that you're serious. Or what the heck, why not tip ten or twenty? "Oh no, she'll think I'm desperate." So what? She won't mind. You didn't really think you were going to impress her, were you? Just fork over the cash and try to be respectful and friendly about it.

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    God/dess montythegeek's Avatar
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    Default Re:i'm going to risk sounding like a loser, but...

    Several observations which are personal observations which may or may not be correct.
    1. Where do you sit? Some areas are higher traffic and ladies are more likely to see you if you make eye contact. Some areas are dead spots and others are places just passed through.
    2. Some places are "reserved" in the sense that few dancers want to interfere with what is perceived as another dancers "turf" at the time.
    3. What are you doing? If you are looking at the game on a TV you may be considered "involved" and not to be disturbed casually.
    4 One hot spot is near the dancers' dresssing room. It increases passthrough traffic especially dancers going off and coming on shift who are looking for a last hurrah or first blood.
    Also do not sit near large groups. A dancer's time at a table of 4 guys has more sales potential than a one-on-one. She will be more likely to go to the bigger group first most of the time.

    Above all make eye contact with dancers. If nothing else drop an pen on the floor. This will vary from place to place but time of day can matter. After work may be the same time these ladies regulars always show up, and they are easier sales.

  9. #9
    Pamela
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    Default Re:i'm going to risk sounding like a loser, but...

    Watch your body language, it speaks for itself. Sit with hands and arms open and look interested in the club. Also maybe move your head some to the music, and smile. Just a few tips, that say you are into the scene!

    Good luck,
    Pamela

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    Default Re:i'm going to risk sounding like a loser, but...

    Wow. Some good ideas.

    Yeah, I'm definitely prepared to spend when I go to the club. I try to pick a seat near the dressing room, but usually end up at the bar. The tables around the stage are ok, but it's the guys at the booth-style tables that seem to attract all the attention.

    I'll try the tips next time. thanx.

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    God/dess montythegeek's Avatar
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    Default Re:i'm going to risk sounding like a loser, but...

    I was told here the bar was considered "leave me alone" territory. It does not seem to be where I go, but that may be part of it for you.

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    Featured Member Destiny's Avatar
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    Default Re:i'm going to risk sounding like a loser, but...

    Don't take this the wrong way. But if I saw a young guy like you, with long hair sitting at the bar, I would not be very likely to approach you. I'd advise you to definitely move away from the bar and get a table.

    Why not try to enlist the aid of a friendly waitress? Order a drink and be sure to tip her well. After a while, when she comes back around and ask if you need anything else, ask her to reccomend a girl for a dance. Or if you've seen someone you'd like a dance from, ask the waitress to see if she's free. Personally, I've always thought the waitresses were in a much better position to observe the customers and if one tells me that a customers is interested in getting a dance from me, I always try to make it over.
    Dancing is wonderful training for girls, it's the first way you learn to guess what a man is going to do before he does it. ~Christopher Morley, Kitty Foyle

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    Featured Member polecat's Avatar
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    Default Re:i'm going to risk sounding like a loser, but...

    >>I just am floored when I can sit at a club for literally 2 hours and not have one girl come up to me.

    You are obviously giving off a bad vibe or otherwise being interpretted as unapproachable. I don't care what strip club you are in, how many regulars, dancers, etc.etc... If you can go over 30 minutes without getting hustled, something is tragically wrong.

    >> I do keep my hair long, but I am clean-shaven.

    Long hair and clean shaven. Not sure about your facial features, but I'm betting you look 5-6 years your junior and dancers are figuring you are underage with a fake ID. If you are against growing any form of facial hair, grasp your mane and tie it back into a thick pony tail and pull the rest of your hair taught towards the back. Shy guys have a tendency to hide behind their long hair too, so tailing your mane should help tremendously. Having the outline of your face visible and hair pulled back will give you a 10x more "open" look versus a hiding look.

    >>I usually go to the club after work so I'm dressed in a white-collared shirt and black dress pants.

    BIG problem. You honestly think you can transform from "work" mode to "guy out to have a great time" mode that quickly?

    Go home.. Take a shower. Take off those work clothes. Trim your fingernails. Put on soft/casual pants (dockers/khakis), remove that collared shirt and put on something casual, but nice like a pull-over or sweater. Spray a half-spray of cologne (or one drop) on your hands, rub them together vigorously then glide them over your neck and shirt once so you *barely* have a hint of cologne frangrance, and pick something sweet not musky (Pleasures, Armani, and sometimes Joop are my faves). Lose the work shoes and put on something more casual and comfortable (but no tennies!). Most of this is for YOU, rather than the dancers. The better and more comfortable you feel, the stronger your motivation and attitude will be.. and it will pour out from you.

    >>Maybe its wrong, but I like the fact that the dancers are supposed to act like they're interested.

    Hey, if you gotta do all the work, you might as well hit a normal dance/music club or bar. You'll save a bunch in cash and likely find someone to hang with a lot longer.

    Truth is- your attitude ALWAYS dictates how your evening is going to go... be it a strip club or anywhere. It starts loooong before you even leave the house. Put in your favorite up-beat CD for the drive over, let it's rhythm carry spring in your step after you've parked your car. When you approach the club, smile and greet the door bouncer- "Hey big guy, How's it going?".. same with the cover/cash till person "Hi there! How are you tonight?"... when you enter the club, don't look at the ground or ceiling- eye contact with everyone. Don't fold your arms, keep your front open and approachable. Don't sit, stand and make it a habit to wander from time to time.. nod at other patrons and BIG smile to the dancers.

    I don't care if you have a hunchback, peg-leg and missing arm... If you EXUDE charisma and friendliness, you will be hard-pressed to go 10 minutes without being hit up for a dance.
    It doesn't matter if you're somebody in this world, it rather matters you mean the whole world to somebody.

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    Featured Member Prester_John's Avatar
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    Default Re:i'm going to risk sounding like a loser, but...

    I have long hair and am clean shaven. I am 34, and look it (although I was told I few days ago I look 27 - go figger). Except for a three year period, I have had my hair long since I was 17. Its just me, not a social or fashion statement. I have gotten a fair share of flack, rude comments, instant prejudices and general negativeness from it. It's just something one deals with, because it isnt changing, not even in this day and age.

    If a dancer bypasses me purely on the basis that I have long hair, thats her loss, not mine. Someone else ostensibly will get my money. To each his or her own. I dont get offended, because its not worth getting offended about.

    I have found, as I get older, less and less women like guys with long hair. Thats life.

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    God/dess velvet's Avatar
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    Default Re:i'm going to risk sounding like a loser, but...

    no offense guys, but i only like long hair if you are a surfer! not that it would ever stop me from approaching you at work though.
    As quoted by Luckyone:
    I asked directions from a genie in a bottle of jim beam and she lied to me.

    Methodus saved my life!

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    Default Re:i'm going to risk sounding like a loser, but...

    This is probably one of the coolest boards I've posted to. Thanks again!

    I can completely understand the girls just lookin for the best way to make some money, and I definitely am not offended if someone walks by me because of my hair. It's just surprising, that's all.

    I don't know if I can be as forward as everything polecat suggests, but I've definitely got some things to try next time I visit a stripclub. After having this experience at so many different clubs and so many different times, I just needed a fresh, honest perspective from other people's point of view.

    Happy Holidays!

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    God/dess lestat1's Avatar
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    Default Re:i'm going to risk sounding like a loser, but...

    Hey quiet_customer, I'm in the same situation. I dress well and tip better than the other customers, but sometimes have the same problem attracting attention. The advice here sounds really good. I think I just realized that I'm not giving off an 'approachable vibe' when I'm at a club. Can I guess by your username that you're a little on the shy side too? That definitely doesn't help me any. I hate to do the apporoaching (I've been rejected by dancers a few times for legitimate reasons, but still...when they won't even take your money, ouch!) I don't know about being charismatic (tough for me to pull off) but I tend to sit there quietly and probably not smiling, so I'll work on that. Good luck!

    -lestat1
    Quote Originally Posted by _Avery_ View Post
    omg, why is it so huge?!! lol lol

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    God/dess doc-catfish's Avatar
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    Default Re:i'm going to risk sounding like a loser, but...

    Quote Originally Posted by miss george link=board=8;threadid=5338;start=msg57174#msg57174 date=1071855428
    Quote Originally Posted by quiet_customer link=board=8;threadid=5338;start=msg56953#msg56953 date=1071788179
    I guess I was expecting responses like miss george's. I respect everyone else's opinion, but I admit I am surprised that people still think this way this day in age.
    Hey, we're not here to be politically correct; we're here to make money.
    Not to be blunt, but if your motivation for dancing is to make money, then why engage in a practice that many customers find irritating and only prevents you from maximizing your earnings. No successful business ever grew into an empire by judging how much income their customers had based on their appearance. If you went to a business intending to spend money and were treated like you were invisible, would you go back there? I think not.

    Most of the well-to-do customers in my part of town are corporate types, and corporate guys just don't grow their hair long. And they're older. It might not be true in your case, but you can't blame girls for thinking this way.
    I can't blame a gal for that kind of discrimination when looking for a husband, but when you're a salesperson trying to earn money, it is not your place nor in your interest to go picking and choosing based on stereotypes. If you don't want to approach a customer because they are rude, grabby, drunk, or have some physical unpleasantry like BO or bad breath that would complicate your job, then thats understandable, but a salesperson can't go discriminating based on appearance. Doing so will only make them appear snobbish, lazy, and unprofessional.
    We have to have a strategy to make money just like in any other business.
    Since when is overlooking a customer a successful business strategy? The only correct strategy is to consider every patron at your club, regardless of age, dress or appearance as a potential sale. The worst that can happen is that they say no.

    Dancers who have the smarts to do this will work their asses off and get a lot of rejections, but they will also bank, ensure return visits, and start a crop of regulars, simply because they made the effort to treat each customer like they were worth their time. Dancers who go around picking and choosing based on superficialities on the other hand, often see their more motivated co-workers carrying around scads of cash that could have easily been theirs. Either road that a dancer chooses, her reputation will follow her.

    Remember ladies, as the seller it is your job to make yourself look presentable, not your customer's. If we come to the club intent on spending money on you, then its only yours to lose.
    Former SCJ now in rehab.

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    Senior Member guywholikesdancers's Avatar
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    Default Re:i'm going to risk sounding like a loser, but...

    "I can't blame a gal for that kind of discrimination when looking for a husband, but when you're a salesperson trying to earn money, it is not your place nor in your interest to go picking and choosing based on stereotypes. "

    Umm.. the "it is not in your interest" part is fine. The "it is not your place" part is silly and offensive. But maybe that's not really what you meant.

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    Member hockey_nut's Avatar
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    Default Re:i'm going to risk sounding like a loser, but...

    Quote Originally Posted by quiet_customer link=board=8;threadid=5338;start=msg57067#msg57067 date=1071809802
    I try to pick a seat near the dressing room, but usually end up at the bar.
    Sitting at the bar is normally a sign that you don't want to get any dances.

    Definitely sit at a table. As some have said, it helps to find a waitress and order drinks that way. Tip her well and build a rapport. She will help you out.

    Just my two cents...

    -hn

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    God/dess doc-catfish's Avatar
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    Default Re:i'm going to risk sounding like a loser, but...

    Quote Originally Posted by guywholikesdancers link=board=8;threadid=5338;start=msg57255#msg57255 date=1071874407
    Umm.. the "it is not in your interest" part is fine. The "it is not your place" part is silly and offensive. But maybe that's not really what you meant.
    When it comes to unprofessional behavior, I don't mince words. "It's not your place" is exactly what I meant. If one works in a service industry, it is their duty to serve those who make their business possible, particularly when they are in business for themselves. If said person can't grasp that fact, they've completely lost perspective of things.
    Former SCJ now in rehab.

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    Senior Member guywholikesdancers's Avatar
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    Default Re:i'm going to risk sounding like a loser, but...

    Well, seeing as you DO mean it, I'll stand by what I said. It's silly and offensive. I'm in a service industry myself, and I'll work where I feel like working. I can afford to be picky about where I work because I'm damned good at what I do. I imagine most of the dancers around here feel the same way.

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    God/dess Emily's Avatar
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    Default Re:i'm going to risk sounding like a loser, but...

    Quote Originally Posted by doc-catfish link=board=8;threadid=5338;start=msg57264#msg57264 date=1071875451
    Quote Originally Posted by guywholikesdancers link=board=8;threadid=5338;start=msg57255#msg57255 date=1071874407
    Umm.. the "it is not in your interest" part is fine. The "it is not your place" part is silly and offensive. But maybe that's not really what you meant.
    When it comes to unprofessional behavior, I don't mince words. "It's not your place" is exactly what I meant. If one works in a service industry, it is their duty to serve those who make their business possible, particularly when they are in business for themselves. If said person can't grasp that fact, they've completely lost perspective of things.
    Oh, we get it, and I will happily dance for any guy who has money, but when you are a dancer, and there are 15 guys just sitting there and you can only approach one, you only have first impressions to go on. It's jsut not possible to "serve" everyone, even if we are in the service industry.

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    Default Re:i'm going to risk sounding like a loser, but...

    Quote Originally Posted by velvet link=board=8;threadid=5338;start=msg57212#msg57212 date=1071863334
    no offense guys, but i only like long hair if you are a surfer! not that it would ever stop me from approaching you at work though.
    Well, of course, if we have the $$$ you better approach us



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    Veteran Member foxee555's Avatar
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    Default Re:i'm going to risk sounding like a loser, but...

    I would say, whe you go to the stage to tip a girl that you would like a dance from, give her a couple bucks and ask her to stop by your table. From there, she knows you have an interest in something (be it a dance or drink, whatever). If you want to chat, offer her a drink. If not, I'd start negotiating a dance esp. if it's busy. Alot of girls set a time limit as to how long they'll sit before a transaction of some kind occurs (I've had guys call me to them and then after some conversation, they didn't even want to buy a dance or drink! ).
    And, as far as your appearance..well, unless you're at a high-end gentlemans club, I don't see what difference it makes. I mean unless you're smelly or something :wink: JK! Some of my best customers are contractors (hardly GQ). They may look like bikers to some, but I find them sweet, generous, and down to earth.
    Well, Good luck.
    I am lazy and I like to party


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