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Thread: Sex Advise Please???

  1. #1
    Senior Member ambilyn's Avatar
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    Default Sex Advise Please???

    I know that this is not about dancing but I really need some advise here. I just had a baby 4 months ago and up until I gave birth my sex life with my hubby was really great. Now I don't feel like doing it ever. At first I just thought it was cuz I was healing from labor cuz I did it natural, but now I am not so sure. Does it take time for your libido to come back or is this just how I am now?
    Ambilyn

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    Newbie davidbb's Avatar
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    Default Re:Sex Advise Please???

    Well your body has underwent a hormonal change since you had your baby. This happens to many women.

    I don't think your libido will return naturally. Your doctor can prescribe some hormone pills that will return things back to normal. I've heard birth control pills help with this also.

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    Featured Member Lilith's Avatar
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    Default Re:Sex Advise Please???

    You just had a baby. Your hormones are going mad, from huge spikes near delivery to wild swings as your body heals and gets back into a near-normal fertility. If you are nursing, then your hormones are even higher than those of other, non-pregnant women. Your metabolism likely changed, and your body likely looks different and feels different than you are accustomed to. Your whole life is now different; you can't even so much as hop into the shower whenever you damned well please.

    With so many new changes, to body and lifestyle, the most common mistake is the assumption that everything will be "back to normal" as soon as the baby is born. Things will never be "normal" (ie; pre-baby) again. You'll probably float a few pounds above pre-baby weight, your body will have new sensitivities and you'll have less free time (for taking care of yourself, your hubby and free time for romance).

    Best advice I can give is to find a new normal over time, and rejoice in whatever actually does return to "pre-baby normal". Set up a night where you and the hubby have "Mommy and Daddy time"; time for dates, time for a glass of wine and time for foreplay. Both you and DH should become team players; if you just can't get into it or are seriously too tired for an orgasm, then blow the poor man. In return, he needs to re-learn your body and what will get the new motor running, as well as having an eye to "foreplay for Mommies" (which translates into doing the dishes, ordering in dinner so you don't have to cook, getting up once a night with Baby so you can rest, making sure you have the chance to shower, etc etc... these things will help your libido far more than pills or gels).

    Some things really just require time. Before I had my eldest, my nipples were my G-spot; playing with them was instant horniness for me. For a year afterwards, touching my nipples was an instant turn-off; they were too sensitive (hormones and nursing) for it to feel enjoyable. Things will find their own level soon enough, merely do your best in the meantime to maintain a good relationship in and out of the bedroom.

    Congrats on the new addition, btw.
    He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

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    God/dess montythegeek's Avatar
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    Default Re:Sex Advise Please???

    Your body has never changed this much this fast before.
    Your life has never been changed this much this fast before.
    You are tired more than you probably have been before from everyday stresses.
    Do not forget to communicate with your SO, he's significant for a reason. Get help if you need it and I am not just talking medical. Not having to clean the toilets when the baby kept you up all hours can be a godsend. TALK, and don't let yourself get swamped and don't try to rush things or be perfect.

    And if you can, post a baby pic so we can gush over it.

  5. #5
    Senior Member ambilyn's Avatar
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    Default Re:Sex Advise Please???

    Thanks for everything that you have said so far. My baby's pic is in the upload section of the gallery so you can see her

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    Veteran Member francesca's Avatar
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    Default Re:Sex Advise Please???

    I would give it some more time. You will eventually get back to normal. You have had a hormone change, as mentioned above, as well as a huge change to your life--new stresses, new worries, new responsibilities. If your sex life was great before, you have every reason to believe it will come back. Just explain things to your husband and hopefully he is supportive until that time! This is not the way you are now!
    * FIND YOUR POWER ANIMAL

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    God/dess montythegeek's Avatar
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    Default Re:Sex Advise Please???

    Quote Originally Posted by ambilyn link=board=1;threadid=5477;start=msg59028#msg59028 date=1072473096
    Thanks for everything that you have said so far. My baby's pic is in the upload section of the gallery so you can see her
    That one is a definite "keeper". She is cute as a button. You get an applaud for that cutie.

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    Senior Member Average_Dude's Avatar
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    Default Re:Sex Advise Please???

    Wow congrats on the baby.That is a cute kid you got. Alot of time thier is such a change in lifestyle once you have a kid that takes a factor on sex such lack of rest probabley the biggest for most and time. Also the baby is in the room or next room from you. Or just what ever is in your mind that put sex aside at that moment but it can get better. You both have to work at it. Set some me time aside for your self. Tell dad to take a hike with the kid for couple of hours maybe once a month and do something for your self if you can. Such take long bath with candles and wine. I don't know I am a man. A slice of pizza and pint of crown and I'm happy. You know what does it for you. The main thing is make your self happy or your not going to make him happy. We have a saying around my house and it is HAPPY WIFE HAPPY LIFE. Hehehehe Just take it slow and easy. Find your self and tell him what makes you happy. It's a alot easier for us to be told what makes women happy than have to guess. Because we guess bad I mean real bad. Good Luck

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    Senior Member Average_Dude's Avatar
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    Default Re:Sex Advise Please???

    Wow thats me giving sex advice who would have figured. Hehehehe Well atleast I got couple kids so maybe that counts.

  10. #10
    Featured Member FONDL's Avatar
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    Default Re:Sex Advise Please???

    As others have said, many women's sex drives never fully return because of the big horonal changes and their lack of sleep. That's why you see their husbands in your clubs (LOL).
    Friends Of Naked Dancing Ladies (FONDL)

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    Default Re:Sex Advise Please???

    It's perfectly normal to have no interest in sex at this stage. Think of it as Mother Nature's way of protecting you - your body is not ready for another pregnancy, so your sex drive shuts down. There have been studies that have noticed that a women's sex drive is often stronger when she is fertile, to encourage pregnancy, it just makes sense that the reverse would follow.
    I think it took about a year for my sex drive to get back to somewhat normal after my daughter was born. Until then my whole being was so mommy-focused the idea of sex was almost repulsive. The good news is that it did all come back, and then some

  12. #12
    Senior Member ambilyn's Avatar
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    Default Re:Sex Advise Please???

    Is there any over the counter things that I can take to improve it?

  13. #13
    Featured Member polecat's Avatar
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    Default Re:Sex Advise Please???

    lol.. You're a newly 4-month mother and wondering why you your sexual appetite isn't like before?

    Uhm, despite the obvious hormonal changes, having a 4-month old baby sucks the life, energy and sexual prowess RIGHT out of you as well! Not only that, but your entire pysche and brain are functioning completely different now that all the maternal instincts are into full swing. Life procedure is now a totally different thing and you are in a major transition period.. and it takes much longer to adapt to such a HUGE change.

    I really hope your husband is being fully supportive and undergoing the same changes. If he plays his cards right, the two of you will have a better sex life down the road. Give it another 4-12 months for all the changes to become 'routine', as well as his ability to work favorably into your newly found "mom" mind complex. You will soon find someone who is a super fabulous father to be the most sexually irresistable thing, and if he's able to fit into this role, the appetite will return... and then some!
    It doesn't matter if you're somebody in this world, it rather matters you mean the whole world to somebody.

  14. #14
    Senior Member tranquil_waters's Avatar
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    Default Re:Sex Advise Please???

    Congradulations on your beautiful baby girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As for your sex drive, Be patient. you'll get most of it back. Make sure you cat nap whenever you can.
    Tranquil Waters

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    Senior Member Average_Dude's Avatar
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    Default Re:Sex Advise Please???

    Try Horny Goat weed or Damiana leaf at GNC. Works for some not for others for $10.00 it's worth a try.

  16. #16
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    Default Re:Sex Advise Please???

    Give it some time till your hormones settle and surely you'll be bangin' in no time. Cute baby



  17. #17
    Pamela
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    Default Re:Sex Advise Please???

    You need to get one of those baby books, about your pregnancy and after, you will feel soooo much better. These books speak of "after baby" and how many many women feel like they don't ever want to be touched by their husbands again.

    Also you are taking a new role right now, mother! How the heck can you feel sexy so soon? Don't blame you, this wil pass.

    Also many husbands go through the same thing, they now look at their wives as "mothers" and not sexy for some time.

    You are not alone, it will come back, as you all adjust, you heal, baby sleeps well and the old routine starts to roll around again.

    Give yourself time! Take care of you, and one night you will probably put something sexy on and have the good ole feelings again!!!

    Pamela

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    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re:Sex Advise Please???

    Oh, congrats on the cute new baby!!

    I had a baby about 16 months ago. I didn't want to have sex with my SO for almost 5-6 months. Having a baby is such a big change; not just with your body, your hormones and your emotions, but also with sleep. Since your little one is only 4 months old...I would venture to guess that he's not sleeping through the night...which getting up every 2-4 hours (all day long) takes a big toll on your body.

    My advice is to take one day a week that you and your husband go out by yourselves and enjoy just the two of you again. Your "sex buttons" may have changed since you had the baby, so make sure that you start exploring the new sensitivities and find the new ways in which you get turned on.

    Make sure that you take care of yourself. Can't sleep everytime the baby takes his nap? Then, take a nice, relaxing bath and use the time to take care of yourself. Have some laundry that needs to be folded, but you're just too tired? Take a nap with baby...everything else can wait.

    I wouldn't recommend using drugs to "get back to normal". You are normal. Just use some patience and explore the "new" you.

    Good luck!!

  19. #19
    Sexy
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    Default Re:Sex Advise Please???

    Congratulations...
    You are quite normal... I went through many ups and downs sexually after each baby I had.

    Important things:
    Don't judge yourself harshly
    Get rest when you need it (and then some...)
    Delegate Delegate Delegate (things that need done)
    Take time to nurture yourself
    Take time to court/date your spouse again, romantic not necessarily sexual.

    HUGS! Hope all goes well sweety...

    Sexy
    mom of 4 yo, 3 yo and 1 yo

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    Default Re:Sex Advise Please???

    If you are nursing, please check with your doc before experimenting with any OTC/herbal preparations. Many herbs that are perfectly safe for adults can be harmful to infants if excreted in breast milk.

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