Ok, due to popular demand, Here is the article for Scorpio. Do understand that it is written for a mens magazine, so please don't be offeded. Enjoy!
...Scorpio
October 23-November 22
Ruling Planet: Pluto and Mars, Gods of the underworld and war
Element: Water, as in over your head, rip-tides, tsunamis
Symbol: The Scorpion, as in “Don’t fuck with me”
Motto: An eye for an eye.
Remember that 70’s sci-fi show, “Lost in Space?” That stupid robot would, upon detecting some ghastly alien, shout his alarm of “DANGER! Will Robinson. DANGER!” Well, that’s what most people’s inner radars scream when they come in contact with a Scorpio. The intense energy they exude makes people uneasy, and for good reason. Being rules Co-ruled by hothead asshole Mars and silent but deadly Pluto, our Scorpio man is not to be trifled with. This is not to say that all Scorps are dangerous psychopaths, to the contrary. Scorpio’s are secretive and private, quiet, intelligent, and level-headed. Being powerful people, Scorpio’s won’t respect you unless you demonstrate that you deserve respect. A Scorpio’s favorite saying is “Everyone in the world is retarded except for me.” If you have been accepted into a Scorpios circle of friends (few in number for sure) A Scorpio will be loyal, generous, protective, and caring. One of Scorpio’s supreme advantages over others is their superb control of their emotions. They own the original poker face, and they also have the unsettling feature of being able to turn off their emotions as well. Have a love spat or argument with a Scorpio and watch their demeanor turn to absolute ice. This lack of emotion or guilt makes as Scorpio great at jobs such as Navy Seals, contract hit men, and SWAT teamers. They also get off on dominating others, so many end up as Judges or executives as well. If you think that Scorpio men are unemotional assholes, well, not exactly. That’s what they appear to be. Remember, what you see is absolutely NOT what you get. Under that icy calmness rages an emotional volcano. Seething with intense passion, women are especially drawn to Scorpio’s inner fire. Indeed, Scorpio is positioned in the 8th House on the Astrological wheel, and the 8th house rules SEX. Scorpio’s are well known for their sexual prowess and intensity. Scorps view sex not as a recreation or merely a good time, but as life itself. Sex with a Scorpio is an all encompassing affaire, and he will completely give himself over to you in passion and love, and he expects, no, DEMANDS that you do the same. Be superficial about it, and he will loose interest faster than ice water shrinks a dick. Women, if the martial, cold ways frighten you, consider that once a Scorpio man has captured your heart, he will be a passionate, loyal partner who would do anything to please and protect you. Steamy matches for this stud include other Water signs such as sensual cancer and passionate Pisces. Other good matches are ladylike Virgo and classy Capricorn.
The lady Scorpion is exotic, sensual, intimidating, and once she locks eyes with you, you will not be able to hold her gaze. She may appear sexy and well put together, but her eyes will betray her power over men. She is the ultimate man eater. Because of her oozing sexual energy, her supreme confidence, and her directness, she will frequently rub other women the wrong way. In fact, it is a virtual certainty that she will catfight with most of your girl friends, so be prepared to ditch them once she slithers into your life. Her hypnotic power makes it easy for her to get her way with you, and as long as you do what she wants, no one will get hurt. Maybe. Oh. And don’t piss her off. I repeat DO NOT make her angry. You wouldn’t like her when she’s angry. One of the dark sides of Scorpio is their extreme vindictiveness. Offend her today, find your car keyed tomorrow. Sound like the supreme bitch? Well, yes, but wait, there is more. IF you earn her respect, and IF you respond to her passions with passion in kind, she will make a most excellent partner. She will be devoted, (just don’t piss her off) Generous, (just don’t piss her off) and she’ll give you the most amazingly intense sex you’ve ever had. (Just don’t piss her off) Speaking of sex, this is where she really shines. If you want long sensual love making sessions, get yourself a Taurus. If you want fun and games in the bedroom, find a Sagittarius. If you like it short and violent, Scorpio’s your girl. Scorpio rules sex, and so the sexual organs are where she is most sensitive. Since grabbing a Scorpio woman’s crotch at the club is a good way to get yourself stabbed, you must first engage her lust a different way. Start by whispering in her ear about how hot she is, and how much you can’t stop thinking of her smooth as silk thighs under that short skirt of hers. Continue by carefully looking around slyly, and whispering in her ear about how you won’t be able to control yourself very much longer. Pull her to you forcefully while looking directly into her eyes, sliding your hands around that perfect ass of hers and say, “Maybe we should go somewhere more private…” If she cracks a wry smile, take control and dive right in. remember, she only respects power, so once you’ve made it this far, take the lead and dominate her. If you survive the night, you will never be the same again.....




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