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Thread: Did I do the right thing?

  1. #1
    Featured Member Fawn's Avatar
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    Default Did I do the right thing?

    I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 yrs. today, and it was out of anger. I was angry that when we get in arguments he always say's "It's in the past just drop it" even if it was like ten minutes ago. Well what happened was back in April he wrote a friend of mine a letter that sounded like he was trying to hook up with her. He spelled her name wrong so she just laid it on her dresser thinking it was junk mail. Well, we found it when she moved out recently, and I asked him about it today. He kept saying "we were having problems then" but wouldn't give me any explanation for the letter. Finally he said it was to comfort her since she had just broken up with her boyfriend. I ate that up untill I remembered the part that said " There is so much more I'd like to tell you, but I can't for fear of rejection." Should I have let this go since it was so long ago? He even told me it was none of my buiseness! She isn't even a friend of his. He has always treated me very well, and I care about him a lot, but if all he does is give me the run around when I feel my questions are important I'm not sure if I should be with him. I stormed out and just yelled back "It's over" and took off, and I know this was immiture. I now question his feelings for me since he didn't even try to stop me. But then again he can be so loving at times. I don't know if I should call and appologize and see where we stand, or just leave it at "It's over". Sorry this is so long, but I really feel you ladies and gentlemen can help me.
    Thanks in advance,
    Fawn
    " Remember during each test there is some girl in Australia jealous of you who wants to do what you're doing."- Lilithmorrigan

    " If you're young and sexy, why not spend a few years
    Shopping and Fucking? Life is short, but youth is shorter. Ride the wheels off, I say." - FeministStripper

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    God/dess Zabrina's Avatar
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    Default Re:Did I do the right thing?

    I'm very sorry this happened Fawn. Its hard for me to give advice on this because I don't know the whole situation. We're you two commited back then? A lot can change in a relationship over so many months. Sounds as if he may have had a crush on her then, but that may not be true now. I'm not sure what to tell you but I think i would have reacted just as you did.

    Good luck

  3. #3
    Featured Member Fawn's Avatar
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    Default Re:Did I do the right thing?

    We had broken up a month before, but then we started seeing each other again immideatly and he'd tell me he loves me, but he didn't actually ask me out again for a few more months, even though he refered to me as his girlfriend when he'd talk to people about me.
    " Remember during each test there is some girl in Australia jealous of you who wants to do what you're doing."- Lilithmorrigan

    " If you're young and sexy, why not spend a few years
    Shopping and Fucking? Life is short, but youth is shorter. Ride the wheels off, I say." - FeministStripper

  4. #4
    Featured Member Fawn's Avatar
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    Default Re:Did I do the right thing?

    He also would tell me that he's a one woman man, so I know he wasn't with any one else either.
    " Remember during each test there is some girl in Australia jealous of you who wants to do what you're doing."- Lilithmorrigan

    " If you're young and sexy, why not spend a few years
    Shopping and Fucking? Life is short, but youth is shorter. Ride the wheels off, I say." - FeministStripper

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    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re:Did I do the right thing?

    I think there's a reason you're questioning his feelings, and it's probably more than the letter. From your post you've been feeling this for a while, and it maybe just came to the surface because of the letter. I'd have reacted the same way to what you described, and I wouldn't go back.

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

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    Featured Member polecat's Avatar
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    Default Re:Did I do the right thing?

    >>"He even told me it was none of my buiseness!"<<

    followed by

    >>"We had broken up a month before, but then we started seeing each other again immideatly and he&#039;d tell me he loves me, but he didn&#039;t actually ask me out again for a few more months"<<

    Congratulations on being stripper #2017 that adheres to the stereotype of latching onto/being attracted to the "bad boy" aka &#039;stealth-mode emotional starvation&#039; lot of guys.

    I give him two thumbs-up in control, power and manipulation skills.. and extra points for the stealth mode of operation ("But then again he can be so loving at times. I don&#039;t know if I should call and appologize"). Seems this jedi is well versed in the force.
    It doesn't matter if you're somebody in this world, it rather matters you mean the whole world to somebody.

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    Veteran Member NVJosh's Avatar
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    Default Re:Did I do the right thing?

    I&#039;d say..."What does your gut tell you?" Obviously you have issues with the relationship, too, and if you&#039;re no longer comfortable, you shouldn&#039;t be there.

    Polecat may be right, too. There are guys (and women) who are expert at manipulating people, knowing exactly how to push the right buttons to get the results they want.

    If he only asks you out every 3 months yet calls you his girlfriend, he may be taking you for granted. That&#039;s not good for you for long-term. You could be setting yourself up for a lot of neglect.

    Finally, you&#039;re 19. I don&#039;t know too many people who found their life partner by that age. This may be a great opportunity to go out there and see what other guys there are who may be a better fit for you (no pun intended).

    Good luck with whatever you choose.

  8. #8
    Featured Member Fawn's Avatar
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    Default Re:Did I do the right thing?

    He called me at 7:30 this morning telling me he has a box of my things and he needs to give it to me today. I tried to tell him that I&#039;m sorry for reacting the way I did, but that at 3:00 in the morning I can be pretty cranky. He just told me "It&#039;s gonna take a lot more then sorry, but I&#039;m on my way to work, I&#039;ll call you when I get off." What is this supposed to mean? I couldn&#039;t sleep all night, and I can&#039;t sleep now. I don&#039;t know if he realizes I was just angry and said some things I shouldn&#039;t have, or if he thinks I want to break up but that I &#039;m sorry for the way I said it. This is sooooooo frusterating. I might as well become a lesbian. At least girls might understand my reasoning more. Any takers ? j/k
    Thanks again,
    Fawn
    " Remember during each test there is some girl in Australia jealous of you who wants to do what you're doing."- Lilithmorrigan

    " If you're young and sexy, why not spend a few years
    Shopping and Fucking? Life is short, but youth is shorter. Ride the wheels off, I say." - FeministStripper

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    Featured Member FONDL's Avatar
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    Default Re:Did I do the right thing?

    It sounds to me like you&#039;ve always lived with someone, either parents or boyfriend. If that&#039;s true it&#039;s time for you to live alone for a year or two to establish your independence, self-confidence and maturity. You won&#039;t ever find out what you really want until you&#039;ve done that. Also I agree with the others who said that this guy sounds very manipulative. Move on, there&#039;s someone better out there for you. Don&#039;t tie yourself down again until you&#039;ve had some experience dating casually.
    Friends Of Naked Dancing Ladies (FONDL)

  10. #10
    Pamela
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    Default Re:Did I do the right thing?

    This seems to be my problem too. Like you two i guess, or him. I always tend to want to run home if i had an argument, sleep on it, thinking it will go away or i will feel better in the morning. No way, i may be more calm, but the issue is still there.

    Addressing problems as they appear is the best form of solving them, instead of bringing something up that bothered you or him 4 months ago, that is really bound to make a person mad, especially if they did not think it was a big thing, or forgot about it.

    And remember nothing is "old news" if it still ruins the relationship, it&#039;s unresolved, and needs to be addressed, after talking out all of the problems, go with your feelings.

    Good luck hun,

    Pamela

  11. #11
    Featured Member Fawn's Avatar
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    Default Re:Did I do the right thing?

    Yes I do still live with my parent&#039;s. I am in school, and agree with them that if I were to move out I&#039;d probly blow off my classes. I never figured that living on my own first would be a solution to any kind of relationship problem. Yes I am only 19, he will be 27 later this month. He is pretty immiture too though. God, I used to be so in love with this guy, I don&#039;t know what changed. I still love him, but I don&#039;t get excited when I hear his voice any more. Maybe we just got bored. I wonder if this can be fixed. He doesn&#039;t like to go out much since he is extreamly shy. We only ever just go hang out with his friends, we don&#039;t really do anything special any more. I may be only 19 but I&#039;m sick of getting attached to people, meating there friends and family, and getting attached to them to, then having it all thrown away. I still miss my old boyfriends family. I don&#039;t really think about him too much, but his family really took me in. I&#039;m sick of getting attached to people who aren&#039;t going to be there later.
    " Remember during each test there is some girl in Australia jealous of you who wants to do what you're doing."- Lilithmorrigan

    " If you're young and sexy, why not spend a few years
    Shopping and Fucking? Life is short, but youth is shorter. Ride the wheels off, I say." - FeministStripper

  12. #12
    Pamela
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    Default Re:Did I do the right thing?

    And i know what you mean Fawn.

    Also keep in mind, shy people are selfish people. (they are too damn worried what others think about them, amoung more reasons why.)

    Pamela

  13. #13
    Jay Zeno
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    Default Re:Did I do the right thing?

    She: What does this suspicious-looking thing mean?
    He: None of your business.

    She: Sorry I yelled at you.
    He: It&#039;ll take more than "sorry."

    Classic manipulation.

    Find someone who considers love, trust, and honesty a two-way street.

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    Member CutiePatootie's Avatar
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    Default Re:Did I do the right thing?

    I totally agree...very manipulative.
    "Love" without respect isn&#039;t really Love.
    This guy sounds extremely disrespectful. You deserve better and you will find better someday.
    Please don&#039;t settle.

    Peace & Hugs


  15. #15
    Featured Member Fawn's Avatar
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    Default Re:Did I do the right thing?

    I know I deserve better, unforunately I love this asshole. I just talked to him and he refuses to talk over the phone, he wants to meet in person. He say&#039;s what really upset him, of course before I broke up with him was that " the woman he loves doesn&#039;t trust him." he also siad I have some issues to work out before I can have a serious relationship. I tried to tell him in my words basically what Pamela said, and he said " Hey, I told you I don&#039;t want to talk about it over the phone, now you can meet me or not, but I&#039;m hanging up." What is that. If he&#039;d not been a snake in the first place this wouldn&#039;t have happened. Thanks for the advice all of you. Thanks again to Pamela who found the words to express exactly what I couldn&#039;t.
    " Remember during each test there is some girl in Australia jealous of you who wants to do what you're doing."- Lilithmorrigan

    " If you're young and sexy, why not spend a few years
    Shopping and Fucking? Life is short, but youth is shorter. Ride the wheels off, I say." - FeministStripper

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    Moderator Djoser's Avatar
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    Default Re:Did I do the right thing?

    This guy writes a letter to YOUR friend trying to hook up with her, gives you the lame excuse that he was "just trying to comfort her" (I can just imagine how he would do that), and then has the gall to tell you it&#039;s none of your business?

    You weren&#039;t being immature when you walked out, you were being strong and refusing to take this bullshit any longer.

    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

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    Featured Member polecat's Avatar
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    Default Re:Did I do the right thing?

    Brownie points to anyone that recognizes the reason why he refuses to discuss this matter to even the slightest detail on the phone.. lol.

    Also, who wants to wager this guy has scored or at least tried to score with some of Fawn&#039;s friends (even completely discarded the "letter" which from the description here seemed at least a meager try)... or at least other local women.

    I&#039;m sorry Fawn.. but this guy reads as clear as day. His techniques are very, very old and true.
    It doesn't matter if you're somebody in this world, it rather matters you mean the whole world to somebody.

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    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re:Did I do the right thing?

    The guys who say he is manipulating you are EXACTLY right. Refusing to talk on the phone is just more manipulation. He cuts you off, then demands you meet him in person?!?!?! That is forcing you to bend for him. If you go along with it, it just establishes you in the position of least control so he can make you beg for him. He needs you in that position to feed his weak little ego, and he is apparently a master at putting you there. HE should be the one doing ALL the apologizing in this situation! If it were me, he&#039;d be groveling on the floor for my forgiveness or he&#039;d be out the fucking door! LOL Sweetie, sorry to be this harsh, but if you keep talking to this asshole and get back with him, then you will deserve everything you&#039;re gonna get from him, which is nothing but more bullshit. I canNOT understand why so many girls keep on with these assholes! &#039;Alpha male&#039; my ASS! That is SUCH bullshit! That is a weak boy whose only form of power is to find girls who are willing to bend over for him. With guys like that, the only power they have is what you give to them.

    Yes, you love him. How many times have we heard that one? "He&#039;s such an asshole, and he treats me so bad, and he doesn&#039;t do anything for me, and he tried to hook up with my friend, and he won&#039;t discuss anything with me, but I love him." Does that sound like real love? Does it sound like he loves you? No. No. No. NO. "You guys telling me I should leave him make sense, but you just don&#039;t understand!" Yes, we understand. We&#039;ve seen it all before. This relationship is no good. Period.

    Fawn, I really hope you get yourself out of this circle and lose this asshole asap, for your sake.

    ***Sorry folks if this reads a bit harsh, but this is a pet peeve of mine and sometimes I think a little wakeup call is in order.

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

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    God/dess Zabrina's Avatar
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    Default Re:Did I do the right thing?

    I&#039;m in total agreement with Bridgette. He tried to hit on your friend, HE fucked up. Now he&#039;s trying to flip it around as if you did something wrong. You did nothing wrong, you did the right thing. He should be apoligzing and kissing your feet right now if he wants even a chance at getting back with you. He just blew it, don&#039;t take him back.

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    God/dess Lexi's Avatar
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    Default Re:Did I do the right thing?

    I hate this kind of thing. This is the same type of thing that happened to my friend and I wrote a post about it called DO I DITCH HER? Anyway, girl he fucked it up and you are the one suffering now... screw it, and move on. I know its easier said than done, but this guy is a jerk who is manipulating you as everyone has noticed and you keep trying to take him back. I also dont know why girls allow this to happen...
    make HIM ask for forgiveness.... if my bf had done that to my friend, it would be over.

  21. #21
    God/dess Deogol's Avatar
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    Default Re:Did I do the right thing?

    I was pretty open minded about things until I read he was nearing thirty and your barely out of your teens.

    Ick. I can understand, like a ten year difference between a 50 year old and a 60 year old; But not between a teenage girl and a man. Ick.

    I think your still a little "boy crazy." That period where teenage girls go crazy over N&#039;Sync or what ever.

    I know your past N&#039;Sync, but you still have a little bit of that "boy crazy" to work out. I don&#039;t know what it is, but I saw it with my sister, I saw it with her friends, and I can see it with my SO&#039;s nieces.

    I think you should take at least a couple months off to get to know "I", instead of getting to know "us."

    You have always been an "us" it sounds like.

    Take a deep breath of freedom and responsibility (like getting your butt to classes) - know what it is like to sleep in a bed you made yourself and the silence of the night alone. There is no better feeling than taking care of yourself after getting out of the house - feeding yourself, housing yourself, doing your own laundry.

    I was nearing 26 or 27 before I nearly had any idea what I wanted in my SO. Most of my experiences were what I DIDN&#039;T want in a partner for life. And you know what, experiencing what I didn&#039;t want showed me what I did want.

    That guy is playing games with your head. He was looking for someone who had little experience in relationships. If you started working out relationships at 14 and your 19 now - that is only five years of, you got to admit, simply getting on your feet - heck even your boobs are relatively new. Fourteen and fifteen were probably pretty wasted years too. That makes it three years.

    This guy has been at it for going on 20 years. Do you think he hasn&#039;t figured a thing or two out yet about pushing buttons?

    I bet he is immature, he is not willing to do the work it takes to create a good adult relationship. I bet he is still in fucking highschool as far as his head is concerned. Thats a lovely thought - a 27 year old highschool boy.

    I know you still love him. This guy sounds like bad news. When you step back from the situation, your going to realize that. Then instead of loving him, your gonna be mad at him for taking advantage of your nievte.

    Repeat "I do not love him" every time you think of him. You may find yourself saying that literally 300 times a day, but repeating phrases is one thing people can do to get past an urge for alcohol/drugs, bad mates, getting through the work day... .

    Just don&#039;t be mad at all the guys!

  22. #22
    Featured Member Fawn's Avatar
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    Default Re:Did I do the right thing?

    It was me who at the time was only 17 went up to him and started the whole thing. We were some what friends for a few months before any thing happened, though not very good ones. It was me who took advantage of him in the first place which by the way he still does not know. My old boyfriend and I had been considering getting back together when he called me up and backed out on our plans for that night. I was pissed. I went to ( we&#039;ll call him "Joe") his house grabbed him by the hand and walked him to his bedroom. (last guy hated "joe").That was how it all began. He told me he loved me long before I even gave a shit. I am his 3 rd girlfriend ever, and he&#039;s slept with a total of five girls. I on the other hand used to lie about my age and lost my virginity at 11 to and 18 yr old. I have a total of 14 men that I&#039;ve slept with, yet I&#039;ve only ever said "I love you" to two. Not to mention that "Joe" in all sinsarity has the smallest dick I&#039;ve ever seen in my life. That can make a guy kinda shy I bet. He know&#039;s it, and point&#039;s it out to me fishing for me to say it&#039;s not, but I hate to lie, so I just say something else nice to him. He was a very nerdy teenager, and an extreamly late bloomer with braces , and went to an all boy&#039;s private high school, which is wher he met pretty much his only friends. I used him because my old boyfriend hated him, and hated seeing us together. I know thats really shitty of me to do. "Joe" has never hit me, he is not verbally abusive to me, and normally he treats me like a queen. I don&#039;t know what caused him to write that letter, and I do think he may have been advancing at my friend, but I also think he&#039;d not only be too shy, and afraid of her finding out his secret, but also the fact that the guy she broke up with happens to be one of my best friends since I was 2 yrs old, and have ( and is known to "Joe") slept with multiple times before my two friends even hooked up. "Joe" is very jelouse of this. He hates that I am still friends with this guy but knows not to say anything about it because the first and last time he did I simply told him " Thats how it is, you can get used to it, or find some one else." That however was way before he even wrote the letter. He isn&#039;t a complete creep. I fact the thing that attracted me most about him is that he is a real southern gentleman. He opens ALL doors, pulls out chairs, tries to pay for everything even when he doesn&#039;t have the money to be taking me out. But most of all I was attracted to his sense of humor. He is very witty, and used to be able to make me laugh for hours on end. Just a good vibe to be around. He knows he&#039;s done wrong, but he&#039;s mad that instead of me trying to talk to him about his response I just turned around broke up with him and drove away with out hesitation. I am by no means saying this is all my fault. I still expect an appology for his actions, and damn well better get one, but I should have handled things differently, especially since I know how he reacts to hostility any way. ( just completely ignores it, or won&#039;t say any thing untill the situation has calmed). This time however I needed to know, and still do if he plans on getting back together with me. My friends have told me " He wrote that letter in April, just let it go" but I&#039;m going to get my answers, it&#039;s not going on the backburner to make me feel less then loved later.
    Sorry this is so long but I had to give a more indepth version of what is going on so that maybe the outside view would be more clear.
    " Remember during each test there is some girl in Australia jealous of you who wants to do what you're doing."- Lilithmorrigan

    " If you're young and sexy, why not spend a few years
    Shopping and Fucking? Life is short, but youth is shorter. Ride the wheels off, I say." - FeministStripper

  23. #23
    Featured Member Fawn's Avatar
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    Default Re:Did I do the right thing?

    Oh yeah. and he gave me a letter wich reads
    "You are afraid of something that may have lasted. And you have got some gaw to pull around on me and kiss me and grope me knowing in your own mind that you were gonna piss things away by dwelling on something that I thought we&#039;d settled all ready.
    You find more room in your life for hurt and pain then you allow for joy and ( what you desire most) love. Well, I love you. And if you hadn&#039;t pissed it all away I could&#039;ve told you....wow, yaknow, things were so great over the holiday! I&#039;m glad things worked out & you were able to go with me to see my parents. THIS IS WHAT I LIKE ABOUT BEING IN LOVE.
    BUT NO.
    Lets say we talk about something that happened months ago. Well, Idunno what you two were talking about and sorting out, but I do know that this didn&#039;t arise untill now (months later). So maybe all she sees is that you are or could be truely happy & is trying to mess it up by putting doubt in your mind.
    Speeks for up untill now- then again...." written wod for word from his own hand. He may actually be right. I had talked with him earlier that day about it,and I too thought it was settled. Untill I remembered that line "There&#039;s so much more I&#039;d like to say but I won&#039;t for fear of rejection". We have a mutual friend who is 20 yrs older then both of us ( and is female so it&#039;s not a gender thing) and has known him for 8 yrs. Any how, she thinks that he&#039;s acting this way because he&#039;s extreamly embarressed, and that I should let it go since it did happen while we were haveing "problems". She also said he told her that he "love&#039;s me so much and it makes him crazy to know that I don&#039;t trust him." She&#039;s not just saying this because they&#039;ve been friends longer, because he doesnt even know how close me and her have gotten over the last few years. She&#039;s told me that she thinks of me like her daughter, since the one she lost would have been about my age, and she usually agrees with me, but on this one she say&#039;s I should just let it go. I&#039;m begining to wonder if I should.
    " Remember during each test there is some girl in Australia jealous of you who wants to do what you're doing."- Lilithmorrigan

    " If you're young and sexy, why not spend a few years
    Shopping and Fucking? Life is short, but youth is shorter. Ride the wheels off, I say." - FeministStripper

  24. #24
    Veteran Member Topaz's Avatar
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    Default Re:Did I do the right thing?

    i would have left his ass too...would not have though twice about it...and would not have gone back...


    Why do some people still have to fight...to get the same opportunities...that are given to others??...

    Look out for self...because noone else will...AND
    The greatest revenge in the world...is success...

    Reclusivness...is a good thing.

  25. #25
    Featured Member Fawn's Avatar
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    Default Re:Did I do the right thing?

    I&#039;m starting to think what I did was a good thing. We met at the place where you get new liscense plates (he was running errands, and I had to be at work in an hour), but he did not wan&#039;t to talk about it " in a public place." I had to go to work, so I just left. I called him when I got home, and he siad he was driving and didn&#039;t want tp get angry since the roads were wet. His ass should have pulled over. I asked if we could talk later and he siad no he was too tired. I was too. Not much sleep for either of us the night before. I&#039;m getting irratated that he&#039;s takeing this long to talk to me, and am thinking of just letting him go. But I feel bad knowing I wont ever feel him against me any more, wont wake up with his arms around me. The usual shit. arrg.
    " Remember during each test there is some girl in Australia jealous of you who wants to do what you're doing."- Lilithmorrigan

    " If you're young and sexy, why not spend a few years
    Shopping and Fucking? Life is short, but youth is shorter. Ride the wheels off, I say." - FeministStripper

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