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Thread: Restraining Orders

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    Veteran Member anais's Avatar
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    Default Restraining Orders

    I have written some before about my customer that turned into a stalker. It is a complex situation that is seeming to never end. For most of 2002 this guy was a regular customer and spent a lot of money on me. I always made it clear I would not have a relationship outside of the club. But we did spend a lot of time together inside the club (my whole shift in VIP four days a week.) I really did care about him as a person and his well being. Towards the end of the year he started getting very depressed and crazy. He would cry a lot and talk about suicide. I recommended he get counseling and he did for awhile. He wanted to start going to my church and I told him I did not mind that and figured it might help him mentally and maybe he would make some friends and find some support outside the strip club.

    One day though, he showed up at the swimming complex where I was swimming with my kids and was watching me through the window. I freaked out and told him I did not want to see him anymore and to never come back to where I work. That night he tried to commit suicide.
    That was Dec. 31, 2002.

    After that, I called him a couple of times while he was in the hospital to see if he was OK, but explained that obviously our relationship was unhealthy for the both of us, that I was not comfortable taking money from someone mentally unstable, and that I did not want any sort of relationship with him, but that I would be polite to him if I saw him at church.

    Since then he has tried coming to the club several times, but management won't allow him in. He has sent me several letters, but after a seventy page letter he sent me, I started returning them unopened. he tried sending certified letters, but I refused delivery. I have stopped going to church except for an evening class my husband and I wanted to attend about sexuality. He came to those and would always wear shirts directed at me (Ex- "I am on the brink of insanity and you just pissed me off", "don't worry, not everyone hates you as much as I do". etc.) Finally my minister interceded and told him to leave me alone.

    The only reason I did not get a restarining order is because I still felt bad for him and slightly guilty about his suicide attempt. I figured if I got one, he would not be allowed to go to church and I would feel bad about taking that away from him.

    I have not heard from him in a few months and I finally thought things were better. But I guess he called work the week before Christmas trying to find out if I would be there. He tried coming in on Christmas Eve, but they would not allow him in even though I wasn't there. But there have been two nights now that he has been seen driving around the block around our building. He drives down the alley behind work where our parking lot is and around the block repeatedly. We have people walk us out to our car, but when we get there, there is no one to walk us in. I don't know if he is trying to scare me or if he really waiting to catch me alone in the alley. So it is a whole year later, and I still think the man is obsessed and crazy.

    Should I get a restraing order? Can I get one even if he is not trying to contact me directly? What is the difference between a restaining order and an order of protection? Would it keep him from driving through the alley by my work? How would it affect him if I went back to church? Do they notify him ahead of time that I am filing this and does he have a chance to dispute it? I worry that he would try to hurt me before it gos into effect.

    Thanks for reading this long post. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

  2. #2
    Veteran Member Rayleen's Avatar
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    Default Re:Restraining Orders

    Get a restraining order-you are being victimized. Do not speak to him at all-ever. That only feeds his instability. You are in NO WAY at fault. Stalking is a mental disorder, you cannot and did not cause it. Becareful and good luck.

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    Veteran Member Shayden's Avatar
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    Default Re:Restraining Orders

    I'm sorry I can't help you more Anais but the only thing I know is when my boyfriend hit me a couple times and I went to the police all they could give me was an order of protection. They notified him saying just that. Then when he tried to see me again by coming to my house, I called the cops and they took him to jail but of course he made bail. It only happened once though, he went to jail after that for other reasons.

    If you call the police department and tell them your circumstances they will explain it to you (I wouldn't mention the stripper part till after you actually decide to file an order of protection) and if you do catch him in the alley behind the parking lot call the cops. If you already have the OP then he can't be there and should be arrested.

    Shayden
    When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail!

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    Default Re:Restraining Orders

    Definitely get a restraining order out against this guy. How effective it will be will depend on how much the local police decide to enforce it. However, it DOES leave a paper trail in the event of future problems with this guy. It also shows you are worried for your safety, something which may help you in front of a judge and jury should you have to defend yourself from him later on. To be on the safe side, I'd suggest you go and file the appropriate paperwork.

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    Member masarati's Avatar
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    Default Re:Restraining Orders

    Anais,
    you could always call the club when you arrive in the cllub parking lot, so that 1) they know you have arrived and 2) a doorman/bouncer/manager can meet you at your car and walk you inside.

    As the others have said please file paperwork and get the paper trail started. Good luck to you
    MAS

  6. #6
    Pamela
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    Default Re:Restraining Orders

    Restraining orders are meant to make a person feel as though they are NOT going to get what they want. It pisses many people off. A restraining order will NOT protect you from harm. What they do is have a hope that this piece of paper will be enough to scare him away. Works at times, does not at times.

    You on top of the restraining order must take steps to protect yourself. First a certified letter that you will have no further contact direct or indirect with him, and a police report of this letter, (most times police handle this part) as well as any other activity that is reported as odd from him.

    Police can only go so far with this, it all lies upon seeing if this man will make a move on you. That sucks, but true.

    Make changes, at work (like driving to and from) home, (locks always) out and about, (not away from the publics eye).

    Also if he breaks the restraining order, he will be arrested, only to be back out, and soon enough.

    This lies in your hands more so than the law, they will not baby sit, so make changes, of any sort that you feel he has the ability to contact you.

    Here in Fl, our stalking laws are taken very serious, but they can't hold them long.

    It's you along with the police that will make a difference. No contact, not even a smile or hi.

    Like they say if someone says they are going to kill themselves, it's their problem, not yours. Don't make it yours anymore. Back out, now. Never show a weakness, or caring for this person anymore.

    Lotsa luck, stay safe.

    Pamela


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    Featured Member cash's Avatar
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    Default Re:Restraining Orders

    OMG ...You have a real problem on your hands with this psycho ..i think you should get a restraining order immediately is there any way that you and your husband can do pertaining to moving ...cause even thought you might get a restraining order a stalker can be a very dangerous person and might find other ways of getting around the restraining order ..i think youu should go to the cops omg.. i hope you guys are ok ...if it gets worse i would suggest you move for the safety of your family and especially your kids
    us: us: us: devil in disguise....

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    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re:Restraining Orders

    I am sorry for your situation. People who come here and think stripping is a cakewalk can learn some of the tribulations faced in this industry.


    That being said, I suggest that you DO NOT get a restraining order for this guy. Read Gavin DeBecker's "The Gift of Fear" ASAP ( I believe it has been mentioned before on this forum.)

    Restraining orders are just more fuel to the fire of a person in desperation. A person truly cannot be stopped, and the police can only act once a crime has been committed, not to prevent it. Although this seems truly unfair to you and your family, the best thing to do is to continue to ignore him, and maybe take this information to an agency that protects public figures and others against stalkers so that they can profile this guy and see what actions need to be done.

    Nofity your children's school about him, but whatever you do, DO NOT acknowledge him. In most cases....he WILL go away, and it won't be easy....

    Good luck!!!

    "Have you ever been to American wedding? Where is the vodka, where's marinated herring?" - GB
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    Featured Member Devastating Divyne's Avatar
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    Default Re:Restraining Orders


    A restraining order is a bullshit piece of paper that neither restrains anyone else nor protects you. However, as everyone else has stated its your paper trail or "proof" that he did what you said he did and you told people who were supposed to help get it stopped. It really only serves a purpose as proof of activities which you allege happened and backs you up if he pulls the whole "I never did that" or "her friends are lying for her" shit if you all end up in court or in a situation with the police present before both of you.

    I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with them, but basically its a note from the police saying they believe you and nothing more. They usually don't stop much or change much if someone has their mind made up. I may sound somewhat negative in my view of them, but the average cop will tell you right outside of the station, what can't be said inside, its just paper and if someone wants to do something they are gonna do it and sometimes these things make people worse because they are finally getting some sort of attention or contact from their victim. If you do see him or he violates it the police have to catch him there before he knows you know he is wherever he is or he may be able to produce an alibi and make things even more confusing for the cops to sort out. File it and be as careful as you have been all this time. He may go away or he may develop a vengeance. Good Luck and please be safe.
    "Come what may although I often say realities come from dreams, but approach all lies with open eyes because NOthing in this world is EVER ALL it seems."

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    Default Re:Restraining Orders

    anais,
    You have to do something. Don't let him rule your life and keep you from doing anything. If the club knows about him call ahead and get someone to walk you in. (as said before) There has to be something the cops can do. Call a lawyer, just don't do nothing.
    "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."

  11. #11
    God/dess Lena's Avatar
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    Default Re:Restraining Orders

    Anais,

    Restraining orders are usually the same thing as orders of protection or protection from abuse orders, just different states call them different things. Procedures are different in different states, but this is my experience:

    When I filed I got a 14-day temporary restraining order restricting him from contacting me or coming within a certain distance of me or going to my work place, school, and I was able to add places (I added a bookstore/coffeehouse that I spent a lot of time at).

    He was sent notification and was allowed to dispute it. He did and there was a hearing set. At the first hearing, he said I was crazy and making it up, etc. They appointed me a free lawyer. At the second hearing, my free lawyer (who hadn't returned any of my calls) showed up and I told the judge if I was going to be represented by this guy I think I could do it better myself. At the time, I was an emancipated minor and I think the judge took pity on me, so she appointed another lawyer, one who had her own practice and wasn't from legal aid.

    At the third hearing, he showed up with six witnesses to say that I was a crazy liar. After four hours, it was continued and we finished it the next week. After a total of six hours of basically arguing over weather these things had or hadn't happened and weather I was crazy or not, the judge (who was actually a magistrate) made a criminal finding (not normal in a civil case) and granted me a restraining order. The restraining order did me absolutely no good at all. The long hearing got him all excited, and afterwards he got off on sitting outside my house and leaving before the cops got there, sending me messages through his friends that couldn't be proved, etc. At one point he tampered with my car so that it caught on fire when I started driving (of course, no proof that it was him).

    The police told me that they COULD NOT protect me, that they believed he would kill me eventually, and that I should move out of state and never register my utilities in my own name or register to vote and always use a PO box.

    Years later I learned that the restraining order was the wrong thing to do. It reinforced his idea that he was having an effect on me. My responding to his behavior at all reinforced it, but the hearing where he learned how much his behavior affected me made him much worse.

    I second the recommendation for Gavin de Becker's book, The Gift of Fear.

    My advice would be to stop returning his letters but don't acknowledge them either.

    Don't even acknowledge his existance.

    If you can, change where you work. If you can't, call the club when you get there and get someone to at least watch you walk in. Remember, this is your safety on the line.

    Go to the police. Talk to an investigator. Tell them everything that's happened and show them the letters. They may contact him and tell him to leave you alone. They will open a file. Legally, if he does do anything to you, having this history is the same as having a restraining order.

    Lena



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    Default Re:Restraining Orders

    Wow you have an unusual problem. Since I've actually met you and know your club, what you are describing is especially meaningful for me. First of all you are with a good club that does have good security... which is helpful. Alot of times, what women consider stalking is really a guy who is totally in love with them and
    just wants to be near them. However, in this case you have someone who has about legally and clinically proved they are mentally ill. His thing with the T shirts
    is going too far and certainly sounds like something a nut would do. At the very least he is embarassing you in public and that is "bad form." He also shows poor judgement in making such public pronouncements. You appear to have already taken the step of sitting him down and having a heart to heart conversation with him... that this relationship won't work and that you won't see him outside of the club... and that you are married. (With two kids yet!)
    Making you feel guilty that he tried to commit suicide has got to be a new low.
    I mean he would piss me off and I would make some comment that next time he should try a gun to the head because its more efficent. "Spend the moeny and get the .44 mag guy." (And I'd have a folding police baton hidden under my sleeve when I said it to him.) At least he would have no illusions about my intentions, but then he might. I guess my advice would be to have no contact with him as you are doing. Actually sounds like that was working. Make sure security at the club keeps him out. (They don 't want a nut like that around anyway.) If in six months he's still bothering you, you will have to get a private attorney to do the paper work and consult.)
    Final comment. Dancers that aren't as nice (and as smart) as you are don't have these problems. They would just tell him to f**k off. You may be the only female or only person who showed any concern for him ever... and of course that mey be your downfall in this situation. Send me a private PM and we'll talk some more about this if you want.

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    Banned Melonie's Avatar
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    Default Re:Restraining Orders

    I hate to say this, but when a customer is allowed to become so closely and regularly associated with a dancer (to the point of occupying the majority of that dancer's working hours and providing the majority of her income), it's virtually impossible to expect that any semblance of a dancer/customer relationship can be maintained in the mind of the customer. After all, the dancer has devoted hundreds of hours of her exclusive attention towards this guy (to the exclusion of most other club customers), and the dancer has accepted tens of thousands of dollars from this guy. With that amount of time and money invested, most guys will not be able to accept the idea that all of this time and money has merely been a business transaction.

    I agree with others postings that attempting to obtain a restraining order #1 is probably not going to be automatically granted without a court hearing (given the amount of time and money which were exchanged between you), #2 is probably only going to serve to piss this guy off or make him even crazier, and #3 is not actually going to provide you any real degree of protection (since the order can only be enforced AFTER it has been violated). IMHO the situation has been allowed to progress to a point which is far beyond the help of a restraining order.

    I'm also very concerned that a person who has expressed suicidal tendencies in the past might also be capable of homicidal tendencies just prior to another suicide attempt, if you catch my drift. Unfortunately, there have been more than a few historical incidents of dancers' bodies being discovered in dumpsters with the prime suspect being a "snubbed" regular customer.

    I don't mean to be paranoid, but if it were me I'd be doing some serious research into moving a couple of thousand miles away from this guy and re-establishing yourself with a "front" address ! And if you re-establish yourself as a dancer again, I highly recommend that you make it a personal rule to never devote more than 20% of your attention to any one individual customer, regardless of the amount of potential income which might be at stake.

    If you decide that relocating to protect yourself from this guy isn't possible, I'd highly recommend purchasing a 9mm pistol and learning how to use it. Again I hope that I'm being paranoid, but this situation strikes me as having the potential of turning extremely volatile and if it does you'll need to be prepared to defend yourself. In this case it would also benefit you to talk to a police detective in regard to this guy, if for no other reason than to establish a baseline case file before the situation erupts.

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    Veteran Member anais's Avatar
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    Default Re:Restraining Orders

    Thank you for all the advice. I still do not know what to do. The people at my club think I should get a restarining order. I do worry though that it will only make the situation worse, as some have described. (Thank you for sharing your story, Lena.) I have also thought about if he was going to kill himself anyway, how it might make it easy to kill me first. But I don't thik ignoring him is working and am frustrated that it has already been so long and he still acting like this. I emailed my minister, asking if this guy still goes there and if he would talk to me about it. Even though I have not been involved in church, I think I trust him to look out for my best interests and give me good advice. I will also talk to my lawyer friend about the technicalities and get his opinion. Moving is not an option. Thank you for the work advice Melonie. I am very careful now not to spend too much time with one person and cannot believe I was so stupid before.

  15. #15
    Pamela
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    Default Re:Restraining Orders

    Don't you blame yourself for another persons actions. You are the victim here. If we all cut time spent with regulars, we would not make as much money. It's your JOB. And you tying to help out a depressed person is NO fault either.

    Please talk with your Lawyer friend, and stay safe. I HATE it when a person does wrong, and we blame our actions. You did not ask to be stalked.

    His problem, and i only pray he will pay for this. Keep records, and take advice from who ever you feel safe with.

    YOU do have control, get it back!!!!!!

    Stay safe,

    Pamela

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    God/dess montythegeek's Avatar
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    Default Re:Restraining Orders

    While a restraining order is not magic, it does do one thing--it provides immediate grounds for the person to be arrested if he comes near you. He does not have to do anything to you or explicitly threaten you in any fashion. Without it, he has to do something explicit. With it, no law enforcement person can ignore his coming into your presence. Is it deterent to someone totally off the wall, no.

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    Default Re:Restraining Orders

    Quote Originally Posted by Pamela link=board=1;threadid=5688;start=msg61613#msg61613 date=1073600626
    Restraining orders are meant to make a person feel as though they are NOT going to get what they want. It pisses many people off. A restraining order will NOT protect you from harm. What they do is have a hope that this piece of paper will be enough to scare him away. Works at times, does not at times.
    I agree. It will make the guy want to pursue you more. If there's a anti-stalking statute in your state you should ponder filing a complaint against this guy.



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    Banned Melonie's Avatar
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    Default Re:Restraining Orders

    I will also talk to my lawyer friend about the technicalities and get his opinion. Moving is not an option.
    This is a good place to start. While you're consulting with your attorney, ask him what's involved in obtaining a "pistol permit" in your state. If you have decided not to relocate, you're likely going to have to deal with a "volcanic eruption" involving this nut-case at some point, and you seriously need to be prepared for a "worst case" scenario.

  19. #19
    Pamela
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    Default Re:Restraining Orders

    In all hopes and prayers he will see you mean business, and move on. Alot do, sad enough they move on to another. You have a husband and this is good, these types of people like to control women, and normally do not want problems with a man. Watch your child, stay around people while out shopping etc.


    And look at your stalking laws, they are pretty damn strict here. But police will have to take some form of action, even if it is going to his home and asking questions.

    Let him know you mean business, and will not tolerate this behaviour. Through the law of course.

    I can't stand these types of scum. he will probably move on. But watch yourself close.

    I know a gun was mentioned, but i have the best alarms, dogs! When i a in public, i am around people. Never park my car from traffic.

    And if the guy really wants to get someone he will, no matter what. So...This is good news that nothing has happened as of yet with him!!!!

    With prayer nothing will. They are like children who never grew up, think this is a game for them. But on a more serious note.

    Stay safe.

    Pamela

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    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re:Restraining Orders

    I would have to agree with everyone else who says NOT to get an order (of protection or restraining). In IL, an order of protection is temporary...it is only good for 30-45 days. At that point, you have to go to court and petition for a Restraining Order to be given (allowing that you have the proof).

    I was going to advise that you contact a lawyer. There may be legal ways to get him off of the street for the treatment that he needs. Sometimes, going to the police just doesn't work as they cannot do anything until something happens--and unfortunately, we have found that that can be too late. A LAWYER, however, can find ways, reasons, and loopholes to navigate this person to where he belongs...in a mental ward.

    Make sure that you have a log of all of the things he has done. As complete as possible with dates and times and witnesses. Go in person to your children's school and tell them the situation and that NO ONE is to come see your children or pick them up without VERBAL and WRITTEN permission from either you or your husband...if there are any doubts what-so-ever, they should contact either of you or the emergency contacts to verify the pick-up/contact. Call your club when you are pulling into the parking lot and ask to be escorted in. Since they already know of your situation, it should no be a problem. Depending on where you live, make sure that your neighbors know what is going on. I know that sometimes you might be afraid to tell others, but if your neighbors see this guy driving around...they can take action and notify you and the authorities. I don't know how many times the neighbors saw the "perp" around, but didn't know that he/she shouldn't have been there.

    As I always say, "Sometimes a good defense is a strong offense". Don't let him catch you alone...figuratively or literally.

    BTW...I don't know if I would recommend buying a gun...especially since you have 2 kids...that could make a bad situation even worse. Instead, BE AWARE OF YOUR SURROUNDINGS. Respond to the situation...do not REACT. KNOW what you would do in any given situation. Take an in-depth self-defense class (and I am not talking about Tae-Bo tapes). The more prepared you are to deal with anything that comes your way, the more the odds are in your favor.

    Good luck and take care of yourself!!!!!

    Lots of love and light,
    Venus

  21. #21
    Veteran Member anais's Avatar
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    Default Re:Restraining Orders

    I do not have a cell phone, but will get one ASAP. That would make me feel much better about walking in the building.

    I didn't realize restraining orders were so temporary. I do not think I will go that route. I think it would insight him to bother me more or to seek revenge.

    Thank you for the advice about my kids and school.

    I got a reply from my minister saying, "Hi Mary,
    I personally think the guy is very lonely and wants your company but that doesn't excuse the behavior. On the order of protection I don't know what to say. It's really your call. It would undoubtedly upset him but your peace of mind is very important. Don't know if this is much help. If you feel like getting together to talk more, I'm certainly willing.
    Best wishes, ... "

    I feel a little put off or slighted by his lack of concern. or it is almost as though he seems to be more concerned with the stalker's feelings than mine. But I guess that is not too surprising since the stalker is now an active member of the church and I am not. He can seem very normal and likeable and volunteers to help with a lot of things. I just feel like an idiot because when he first came, before I realized he was psychotic and when I thought it would help him and his depression, *I* introduced him as a friend. Then I dropped out of the picture because I was uncomfortab;e with being around him in that context, but still hoped he would make some friends and get some support. So now to most people there, I look like the ex-church member and he loks like the dedicated good guy.

    I am still trying to research the anti-stalking laws. My owner has offered to call the police to the club to talk to me if I want and then I would have the support of others there that have witnessed his behavior. (In fact the stalker really pissed the owner off by trying to interrupt a business meeting he was having at another bar with other bar owners to ask him personally why he can't come in the club anymore. Al said, "I felt like he was stalking me".) Al (owner) has also offered to have someone "scare him a little".

    I'm just not very inclined towards violence and I would not be comfortable or confident with a gun. But I will take some self defense classes. Thanks again.

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    Banned Melonie's Avatar
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    Default Re:Restraining Orders

    I feel a little put off or slighted by his lack of concern. or it is almost as though he seems to be more concerned with the stalker's feelings than mine. But I guess that is not too surprising since the stalker is now an active member of the church and I am not. He can seem very normal and likeable and volunteers to help with a lot of things. I just feel like an idiot because when he first came, before I realized he was psychotic and when I thought it would help him and his depression, *I* introduced him as a friend. Then I dropped out of the picture because I was uncomfortab;e with being around him in that context, but still hoped he would make some friends and get some support. So now to most people there, I look like the ex-church member and he loks like the dedicated good guy.

    Thanks to the Hollywood Stereotype, it's possible that you'll get a similar reaction if you approach the police over this matter ... "greedy stripper leads on gullible, lonely but otherwise goodhearted, church-going man, takes tens of thousands of dollars of his money by making whatever sort of promises/commitments/enticements, and then fails to deliver" might be the scenario the police will assume. If so, then the police interpretation of the guy's actions might be a far cry from him actually stalking you, and more along the lines of him righteously trying to get his money back, him righteously trying to communicate with you based on a pre-existing "relationship", or some other semi-justified reason they'll be reluctant to prosecute.

    Here on this BBS, as dancers we've all faced some aspect of stalkers ourselves and completely accept the likelihood of the situation as you present it. But the cops may not give you an equal benefit of the doubt - particularly if this minister will provide input to the police that the minister was aware that a "relationship" existed between yourself and this guy outside of the club. This possibility of alternate police interpretation actually puts you in a rather weak position in regard to official protection, probably meaning that the only time that the police will be helpful may be AFTER something tragic has already happened.

    Of everything you have posted so far, possibly the most effective thing might be to take your clubowner up on his offer to "scare this guy a little"! It's clear that this guy is in need of some STRONG incentive to leave you alone and stay away from your club forever, and this does not appear likely to be forthcoming from official sources or from yourself.

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    Default Re:Restraining Orders

    I really like Melonie's advice and think it is quite accurate.

    Anais, you alone are the best judge of whether you should get a restraining order against this guy. Sometimes they work, sometimes they backfire.

    I filed a restraining order awhile back against an ex who was stalking me and making death threats. It worked. However, over a year later, he called my mom at work on my birthday and told her to tell me happy birthday. My point? Some stalkers never stop. They'll lay low for awhile but then resurface to make you're life hell again.

    The guy has already attempted suicide. This is dangerous for you. You really have no idea of what he is capable. He's probably severely mentally disturbed. It's too bad you're not comfortable with a gun because you might even be a candidate to carry a concealed weapon.

    Did you get the cell phone yet? Make sure you have good coverage on your route from home to work and back. Keep it charged. Carry a police baton and a police whistle in your car. Tell a big, strong, well connected guy friend you just want this guy to "leave you alone"

    Good luck and listen to your instinct. If for some reason you decide to take a different way home one night then do it.


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    Default Re:Restraining Orders

    Maybe you should just have your husband beat the crap out of this guy by following him into a dark alley where he can't be seen. Maybe the two of you could do it. Your husband could pound the heck out of the guy whie you pound his balls with your feet. Make him start to be terrorized by you. Smash his car window while he's asleep. Leave a dead cat in his mailbox. Scare the crap out of this guy.

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    Default Re:Restraining Orders

    I dealt with a girlfriend who turned stalker. Girl would break into my house, follow me around, steal my stuff, call me at all hours of the night and day, call at work... I totally get your feeling of paranoia about "what the fuck is this person gonna do next."

    You got to get the restraining order. It in essence acts as a third witness to the lunacy. A judge says "Hey - I think this dud/ette is a loon" on paper and the cops believe that shit big time. When it comes to he said she said, you whip out that paper and it is "the judge said."

    Start keeping a diary of his crap - every time he calls, everytime he sends you something, everytime you see him. If you can transfer his messages to tape - all the better. You may want to keep a little voice recorder with you. While it cannot be introduced into court in some conditions, you can give the police an idea of what is going on.

    Try to get photo's of him messing around your shit.

    If he sends something - even better by registered post because it will state dates - you keep that shit and show up at the police station with it.

    You might think cops are asses, but sooner or later one of them is gonna get a bug up his crack about this situation and make it a personal mission. (Specially if he gets a lot of lip from the stalker on day.)

    Go down to legal services and ask what you should do. Your going to need a lawyer sooner or later. Lawyers do two things: 1) Get you out of trouble and 2) Keep you out of trouble. You always want the lawyer for 2).

    Learn more about stalking. As a mental condition, it is not well known - but there are theories floating out there. Barnes and Noble will have books on it - your looking for text books, not "My date with a stalker" true crime shit. Learn.

    Don't fucking set this dude off. All you will end up with is your car, your house, or your bed on fire.

    Like others have said, interact with this person as little as possible. If you can act like they are not even there - the better. Any kind of interaction is a form of relationship, and their mental state will translate it into whatever they are seeking.

    Mental health professionals have this problem ALL THE TIME.

    This has nothing to do with stripping. Friggin grocery store clerk might smile at the wrong person and whoop - there s/he goes... looney on aisle three.

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