Here you Go Sereya! Enjoy!
remeber girls, I wrote this for a mens magazine, so its kind of slanted that way, so no offence intended. Its accurate though....
.....Cancer
June 21 to July 22
Ruling Planet: The Moon, the Goddess of Emotion, Empathy, and Lunatics
Element: Water, as in cry me a river, or in this case, an ocean.
Symbol: The Crab. As in Hard on the Outside, Soft in the Middle, Crabby
Motto: Why Me!?!
Last months Man of The Month was Steadfast Taurus and Fruit-Cake Gemini. This month we turn our attention to our favorite mamma’s boy-Cancer. This guy is a walking dichotomy-he has a hard, protective shell that he’s painstakingly built up over the years, to protect his vulnerable, soft mushy inner self. Our man Cancer is ruled by the Moon, and he’s all women, er, I mean man. The Moon Goddess is everything feminine. She is attractive, Loving, Nurturing, and nostalgic. She is also possessive, fearful, and downright loony on occasion. This conflicting, feminine energy serves to fuck Mr. Cancer up royally in the feelings dept. Just like the Moon, his moods, feeling, and tastes are ever changing, sometimes by the minute. Since the Moon represents the Mother, it is no wonder that our Crabby man is a real momma’s boy. He may be a bulked up he-man, or star athlete, but make no mistake, he can be pussy whipped faster than any other man save, maybe, a Pisces. This guy was born to defer to women. Hey, I know all those Cancer guys are shouting, “Hey Joe, Fuck you very much, I’m not like that”—sure you aren’t. This inner softness is precisely why many crab boys flaunt a hard, impenetrable exterior. It protects them from the world, from all their fears and frights. Cancers are a bit paranoid and neurotic, and acting like a hard-ass is how they deal with it. Ladies, if it sounds like you’d rather get a root canal without Novocain rather than shack up with a male crustacean, consider this--He’s loyal, good with children, he’s a homebody who will always provide security and comfort to his family. He is also prime stalker material, and will hang on to a dead relationship for years, so make sure you change your address and your locks when you dump him. Turning on a man crab is easy, just move in for the kill by grabbing and caressing his chest, while staring into his eyes. Just tell him you will always be there for him, and watch him melt in your mouth, NOT in your hands. Best matches for our boy is another water sign, such as dominating Scorpio, and wistful Pisces. Secondary matches are Steady Taurus and practical Virgo.
The Cancer woman is all woman, ALL WOMAN! Just take everything we love/hate about women—the softness, the nurturing, the lustyness, the boobs, the mindboggling complexity and niavity, the ever changing moods, the bitchiness, oh, the bitchiness-and multiply that by 2. Or 3. This girl is an emotional shipwreck, and she will cry at the drop of a hat, or less. Very possessive, if she even imagines you licking on some other girl, you will come home to a sobbing wreck, who just may answer the door holding her favorite Ginsu cleaver. All emotional wackiness aside, she is the perfect wife and mother. She will cook you dinner, iron your cloths, raise the kids, and happily fuck on command-IF you dote on her, compliment her, have eyes only for her, and pay attention to her. Holy mother of God help you if you forget an anniversary, or birthday, because this broad knows every Hallmark holiday by heart. This is the kind of girl who still has her childhood doll collection, and collects Precious Moments crap. Sex to the Moon Goddess is an all or nothing affair, and she is damn good at it. Her reasoning is that if she keeps you happy in bed, you will never stray. She is lusty, sensual, and will do almost anything to please you. One catch though, you must be loving and make her feel like she is the only girl in the world. (Or at least act like it) Telling her to “suck me wench” will cause her to freeze up like a feminist at a naval convention, so be nice, dammit. As long as you realize that A) she will frequently cry for no reason at all, B) she changes her mind and her moods faster than you can slam a brew, and C) she’s rabidly possessive—then you can get along quite nicely. A nice bonus is that most Cancerian girls are endowed with a great rack, and that is her sweet spot. To turn her on, slowly and gently caress and stroke her breasts through her cloths, slowly undoing her shirt and bra as you look deeply into her eyes. Softly lick and suck those nipples, and you will have her climbing the walls.
Leo
July 22 to August 23
Ruling Planet: The Sun, The life giver, the God of Gods
Element: Fire, as in hot, heated, fizzle.
Symbol: The Lion, King of Beasts, lion hearted, spoiled pussy cat
Motto: Everyone bow down and kiss the ring.
Arrogant, prissy Leo is the ultimate asshole. Impetuous, narcissistic, full of himself, the Leo man fancies himself as Gods gift. All the world is a stage to Leo, and he is the star of the show. Everyone else is just the extras. As self appointed royalty, Mr. Leo is a generous and kind benefactor to his subjects. He will shower you with a warm personality, blinding charm and chutzpah, and an impish, little boy smile that will melt just about any woman’s defenses. Most Leo men are easily spotted-all you have to look for is the suave, well dressed guy schmoozing it with the ladies. He’s well mannered, very funny, and seems to glow with a kind of hypnotizing charm. Any Leo lives for the spotlight, and you will always find one in the center of a crowd, telling animated stories (embellished, of course), and attracting the girls with his boisterous laugh. How sweet. How charming. What a dickhead. Look past the warm charisma, and reveal the insecure underside of Leo. He is the kind of guy who always has to one-up you. He HAS to be first in everything, and if he doesn’t get his way, he will skulk like a little boy. Leo is the ultimate player. His smooth ways and his great lying ability, coupled by the sheer weight of his persuasiveness makes the average woman loose her senses at first. Most girls will catch on, sooner or later, but no one can play them along like a Leo. When busted, all he has to do is turn on that little boy charm and you’ll be very tempted to forgive him. As a fixed sign, Leo is very stubborn about his ideas. Leo is a fire sign as well, and he is the embodiment of flaming energy and excitement, as well as a blistering temper. Ladies, if this gigolo sounds like one night stand material only, consider this: Leo is energetic, fun, adventurous, and family oriented. Leo rules the spine and the heart, so turn on your friendly lion by caressing and massaging his back. Go ahead, be passionate and aggressive, and you will have your cub rolling on the carpet. Good matches for Leo are other fire signs like hot-head Aries and happy-go-lucky Sagittarius. Secondary matches are flighty Gemini and socialite Libra.
Lady Leos are easy to spot. Look for a luxurious mane of hair, usually blond, and a bright, engaging smile. She will be up to date, up to fashion, and demand that you be so, too. Like her ballsy male counterpart, Lady Leo fancies herself as the center of the universe, and she is The definition of “high maintenance.” Catty doesn’t begin to describe this broad, and she is the kind of girl other women love to hate. She was the snooty, good looking cheerleading captain in high school who snubbed you because your daddy didn’t drive a Beemer. Just like the man-whore male Leo, she too is a player, except her modus operandi is to get you to be her sugar daddy, milking you for all you’re worth while sleeping with all of your friends for free. Guys, if having a trophy wife is your goal in life, look no further. Just don’t forget the pre-nup. So, you’re now thinking that “Hey, she’s hot as hell, but I’d rather not work so hard for my women”. You should know this about her: If you pay attention to her, compliment her daily, and are willing to let her have the spotlight, she can be a loyal, fun-loving partner who is generous, passionate, and will always defend you. Remember, beneath that superbitch attitude, and that infallible façade, our little kitty is very insecure. If you play up to her ego, and constantly praise and compliment her, there won’t be anywhere that she won’t follow you. She needs to be validated. Just like her male counterpart, turn on your Leo bitch by softly and sensually stroking your fingers up and down her spine. Nibble and lick her back and concentrate on that spot just above her shapely ass, and you will have this kitten purring, fo sho.....



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