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Thread: This should yield some interesting conversation!

  1. #26
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    Default Re:This should yield some interesting conversation!

    I agree with LILTH and SUSAN WAYWARD's quote sums it up for me "whoever asks, pays".....

    However i also always offer to go dutch because i feel rude if i don't and i have a problem with men paying for things, just him offering to pay is good enough... i really don't mind spliting the bill.

    Seraya.


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    Default Re:This should yield some interesting conversation!

    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine link=board=1;threadid=6129;start=msg67336#msg67336 date=1075175185
    Go ahead and buy that American crap Mr. AskMen reader, he isn't getting a date with me. In addition to all of the excellent excuses by women, here is one: in my culture, any many who does not pay is considered a homo......
    Well, I'm the exception



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    Default Re:This should yield some interesting conversation!

    At the end of a first date I have on occasion offered to split the tab, like if it was a younger guy who might not have as much money to spend. If he actually takes me up on that, it is a huge turnoff. I think he should at least be trying to impress me on a first date! On later dates with a college boy, I suppose if I really liked him I could handle splitting---but it does make it so much easier to look at my other options of men and think 'what am I doing with him?' I am be no means a money hungry bitch, I pay my own bills and take care of myself, but I do expect a man to have his shit together, to be stable and not struggling to pay his bills. And he should be able to take me out, I don't expect diamonds and mink coats, just dinner! I don't think thats too much to ask.

  4. #29
    Veteran Member afxturnip's Avatar
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    Default Re:This should yield some interesting conversation!

    Quote Originally Posted by Mariah link=board=1;threadid=6129;start=msg67501#msg67501 date=1075220758
    At the end of a first date I have on occasion offered to split the tab, like if it was a younger guy who might not have as much money to spend. If he actually takes me up on that, it is a huge turnoff. I think he should at least be trying to impress me on a first date! On later dates with a college boy, I suppose if I really liked him I could handle splitting---but it does make it so much easier to look at my other options of men and think 'what am I doing with him?' I am be no means a money hungry bitch, I pay my own bills and take care of myself, but I do expect a man to have his shit together, to be stable and not struggling to pay his bills. And he should be able to take me out, I don't expect diamonds and mink coats, just dinner! I don't think thats too much to ask.
    The games we play, the webs we weave.

  5. #30
    Featured Member polecat's Avatar
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    Default Re:This should yield some interesting conversation!

    Quote Originally Posted by Deogol link=board=1;threadid=6129;start=msg67412#msg67412 date=1075189155
    When I drove my BMW all the time, I had all kinds of trouble with women. I use to call it "the babe magnet."
    There's the problem right there.

    When a man goes so far as to make his vehicle choice, or any other life decisions based around "how to get babes", it always leads down the road of disparity, disillusionment and shallowness. Natural karma has a sense of humor and the same is returned.

    I look at resources like AskMen, and to lesser degree Maxim as being the result of men that are still struggling with this concept. They always read to me like a baby in a fit of tantrum, jealous and calloused. Instead of looking deeper at the source of the problem, they instead choose to displace the problem elsewhere. A man isn't a series of tips, woo-ing factor's, opening lines, "scoring methods" or false fronts. When you start presenting you.. yourself.. the whole package... the real package, things change dramatically.

    A man doesn't pay for a woman or otherwise woo a woman with the intent of impressing them- he's doing it because he genuinely wants to and it's part of his being. If it's coming from the wrong place then it's doomed to failure. If a man doesn't have this in him, but participates for appearances, he's going to wind up with the wrong kinds of people. The car example is the best since if you aren't buying a car because of how it drives, how it feels behind the wheel, and how it handles, but instead the impact it makes on others... well, you've seen the result... and it's quite earned. A man choosing only 5-star restaurants in order to flip out a big tab has the same issue. The mood may desire a good, greasy cheeseburger from time to time.
    It doesn't matter if you're somebody in this world, it rather matters you mean the whole world to somebody.

  6. #31
    God/dess lestat1's Avatar
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    Default Re:This should yield some interesting conversation!

    Sounds like there's a pretty strong assumption that if he doesn't pay, it somehow means he CAN'T pay.
    Quote Originally Posted by _Avery_ View Post
    omg, why is it so huge?!! lol lol

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    Default Re:This should yield some interesting conversation!

    I think that who pays for the date should be decided among the parties involved. If they choose to go "dutch" then so be it. Old customs die hard. It may take some time before the old one stops getting honored.
    If a woman insists on the man paying for the date, it may be an indication of what kind of personality she possesses- old fashioned, gold digger, status seeker , which is all part of the purpose of the date to determine.
    It may take a while longer for society to adjust to. I don't know when the restaurants will stop placing the bill on the male's side of the table.

  8. #33
    Veteran Member SaraNLA's Avatar
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    Default Re:This should yield some interesting conversation!

    I look at resources like AskMen, and to lesser degree Maxim as being the result of men that are still struggling with this concept. They always read to me like a baby in a fit of tantrum, jealous and calloused. Instead of looking deeper at the source of the problem, they instead choose to displace the problem elsewhere. A man isn't a series of tips, woo-ing factor's, opening lines, "scoring methods" or false fronts. When you start presenting you.. yourself.. the whole package... the real package, things change dramatically.

    A man doesn't pay for a woman or otherwise woo a woman with the intent of impressing them- he's doing it because he genuinely wants to and it's part of his being. If it's coming from the wrong place then it's doomed to failure.
    Well said!
    Let your indulgence set me free. - Shakespeare

  9. #34
    Senior Member JimLovesJazz's Avatar
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    Default Re:This should yield some interesting conversation!

    I agree with Polecat. I also think that AskMen advice in general is ridiculous.

  10. #35
    God/dess Emily's Avatar
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    Default Re:This should yield some interesting conversation!

    I read a lot of stuff on askmen....the most useful article was that on how to avoid an IRS audit

    seriously...it was good reading. I thought some of the advice on womenw as dead-on.

  11. #36
    Veteran Member Miss Chevious's Avatar
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    Default Re:This should yield some interesting conversation!

    i think the author of this article may not have gotten any :kiss: in quite some time.

  12. #37
    Senior Member tranquil_waters's Avatar
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    Default Re:This should yield some interesting conversation!

    Hey I don't expect him to pay for dinner . I expect him to pay for dinner, a movie, drinks and everything else I may want.
    Tranquil Waters

  13. #38
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    Default Re:This should yield some interesting conversation!

    yes, I agree whoever does the inviting should foot the bill.

    Now I don't pay the bill too often, but I think it's hillarious when I, the girl, is paying the dinner bill, (unbeknownst to the waitress who has a stick up her ass and acts like a see-you-en-tee for whatever reason) and she puts the bill in front of him. Hahaha. Little did she know that I was paying the bill. Yes, I am evil. 15-20% for cunt-hole service? I think not!


  14. #39
    Veteran Member Pumpkin Pie's Avatar
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    Default Re:This should yield some interesting conversation!

    If you ask, you pay. Period. This has nothing to do with gender politics, but simply manners. If I asked you to go on a first-class around-the-world cruise, how would you react if I then told you that you had to also pay for half of it. That's not a date but an economic obligation I just asked you to take on. An economic obligation that someone other than you conceived of. That's what we're talking about. This is why I never went to those cover-charge beer frat parties in college. Either invite me as a guest or not. Don't view me as a way to pay for your socializing. This is also the reason why my close friends and I never split the bill when we go out to eat at a restaurant ... even when there's no women with us. Squabbling over who had what, what it cost, and such is just plain anal. And if it was always expected that the woman picks up half of the dinner tab, guys would get rejected sometimes simply because her finances were tight at the moment. Wouldn't that be a wonderful thing to learn of later. "No, dude, she was hot for you, but just didn't have the dough for the date."

    What the article should have been about is how guys can make women know they're up for women asking them out. And getting women to ask out a guy is easy. You can literally just say you're up for it whenever the topic comes up in a group discussion. Trust me. The women's ears will perk up at that moment and they'll remember it. In fact, they usually ask you more questions to see if you're serious. Just don't act eager. Act nonchalant about it. About 75% of all dates I've been out on were ones where the women asked me out. About 10% of those asked me out right there during the group discussion when I say I'm open to it and explain how I view it. And as soon as one asks you out, all the other women you and they know hear about it within what seems like ten minutes ... and it doesn't matter where they are in the world. Then what always happens is that some of your other lady friends will soon thereafter ask you out. Some are women you don't even know or know very little but who know of a woman that heard you say it. About 5% of women that have asked me out fall into that category.

    As for why they do it, some do so just to do something they've never done before. When they ask you out a second or more times, you then know it has gone beyond the novelty stage. And the women love this. They do not have to hope you'll ask them to go to that concert they've been dying to go with you to, but simply ask you if you're up for it. They will be relieved from the hassle of dropping hints all over the place that they'd like to go to that concert and hope you're not too thick-headed to pick up on those hints. The only downpoint is if you don't like live concerts of that music genre (or movie genre ... or art exhibit ... or whatever), but, if you have any manners and at least two active brain cells, you'll accept the date, keep your opinions to yourself, and smile. And it's easy to smile since you were the one that was asked out. Talk about a nice stroke of your ego.

    One of the downsides is that you, the guy, can never refuse a woman that asks you out on a date. I've gone out on dates with women I wouldn't normally have asked out for one reason or another, but I've never refused a date. And before you guys say that's a double standard, think about it for a bit. Unless you're drunk, it takes a lot of nerve for you to ask a woman out on a date. The fear of rejection paralyzes many men from asking women on dates. Now think what it is like for the woman. Not only is she also fearing rejection, but she's going against social conventions and this is probably the first time she's ever done it. Also, guys, if you never refuse, you'll get more dates from women since they know you'll never turn them down. The only exception to this no-refuse rule is if they want to fly you to them or off somewhere. If you have other obligations that you cannot break (and they better be DAMN big obligations ... i.e., you're Best Man at someone's wedding), tell her that and immediately offer other dates you can take off to be with her. And if you get a reputation of being "always" asked out by women, the worst that will be said of you is that you're "just the gigolo". Oh dear. That arrow strikes so deep and painful ... NOT! Oh, and the ones that make such a snide remark are guys that will never get a date in their lives ... to say nothing about a woman asking them out on one.

    The only thing you've got to be cool about is the sex. Even though you might be suffering from blue balls on the date, you've got to let her take the lead on the sex. She asked you out. You need to let her determine if there's going to be sex. This doesn't mean that you act like the saint. Heaven knows I'm not. I'm quite the flirt and enjoy getting women hot and bothered. *evil laugh* But still, I never ask about it directly ... or even indirectly. Does this mean you get no sex on the date? Sometimes. No biggie. You'll have had a great time anyway. Maybe it will happen on a later date. You can always jerk off when you get home.

    Now can you refuse to have sex with her? Of course! Just as any woman you asked out on a date can refuse to have sex with you. Just be honest about your feelings and be sure to use the phrase "at the moment" when you're explaining your refusal. Afterall, your feelings for her might change. I know they have with me with a couple women who asked me out and I declined getting sexual with on those dates. It hasn't happened often. It literally only happened a couple times ... i.e., twice. On a later date, my feelings for one changed and we then took our relationship in that direction.

    And all this doesn't mean you always wait for her to ask you out. Not at all. Ask her out as you would normally ask her or any woman out. Just play it cool.

    However, do expect her to feel uncomfortable paying for the dinner bill ... especially if it is an expensive restaurant. Some women have given me the money as we enter the restaurant. Others quickly glance at the bill, pass me the money under the table, and I put it on the tray. Still others quickly and out of view of others check the bill, take out the money, put it on the tray, and slide the tray to my side so the waitress thinks I'm paying for it. Whatever you do, guys, do NOT make a joke about this when they do. Just smile and say "Thanks for dinner." You'll usually get a kiss for doing so. What I've said happens about 75% of the time on dates I've been asked out on. The other 20% just act as if it's no big deal and don't try to deceive who's paying the bill. Only 5% make a big deal about it and that's usually pretty fun when they do.

    Now for a bit of a reality check. Just as with women, the better you look, the more likely you'll be asked out. That's just a fact of human nature. On the bright, you don't have to look like a Greek god to get attractive women to ask you out. I don't look like a Greek god and I've been regularly asked out. So just make do with what nature gave you, keep yourself clean, stay fit, be social, act mature, have a sense of humor, be open to new experiences, and casually make it known you're open to women asking you out. Then when it happens, enjoy yourself. It's a great feeling being asked out. All guys should experience it at least once in their life.
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    Default Re:This should yield some interesting conversation!

    The only exception to this no-refuse rule is if they want to fly you to them or off somewhere.

    Boy, do I know that one.

  16. #41
    Veteran Member Topaz's Avatar
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    Default Re:This should yield some interesting conversation!

    what i want to know is...

    why the fuck should sex be an expected part of a date in the first damn place...especially when you don't know the person....
    Why do some people still have to fight...to get the same opportunities...that are given to others??...

    Look out for self...because noone else will...AND
    The greatest revenge in the world...is success...

    Reclusivness...is a good thing.

  17. #42
    Veteran Member Pumpkin Pie's Avatar
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    Default Re:This should yield some interesting conversation!

    Quote Originally Posted by Topaz link=board=1;threadid=6129;start=msg67821#msg67821 date=1075288157
    what i want to know is...

    why the fuck should sex be an expected part of a date in the first damn place...especially when you don't know the person....
    I don't think it is for most guys. I think for most guys it is a hoped for part of the date, but not expected.

    However, I'm sure there's jerks who do expect it. It seems the more the jerks spend on a date, the more they expect sex at the end of it. Whenever I hear a jerk say something like: "After all that money I blew on the date, the bitch didn't put out.", I commonly ask: "Why didn't you just hire a hooker if all you wanted was sex for money given." Thankfully, none of my friends have ever said this. If they did, they probably wouldn't remain my friends.
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  18. #43
    God/dess Zabrina's Avatar
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    Default Re:This should yield some interesting conversation!

    Quote Originally Posted by Topaz link=board=1;threadid=6129;start=msg67821#msg67821 date=1075288157
    what i want to know is...

    why the fuck should sex be an expected part of a date in the first damn place...especially when you don't know the person....
    Yet another reason to not date guys from the club. Many, many did I say many? Of them assume that since they already saw you naked, now on the date they are going to get to the next level.

    If they are so lucky to land a date with a stripper, it should be just like a date with any other girl--fully clothed and just maybe a kiss goodnight. (And he should pay )

  19. #44
    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default Re:This should yield some interesting conversation!

    Quote Originally Posted by Topaz link=board=1;threadid=6129;start=msg67821#msg67821 date=1075288157
    what i want to know is...

    why the fuck should sex be an expected part of a date in the first damn place...especially when you don't know the person....
    It isn't with me. Honestly, i don't even try to kiss goodnight until the second date. I treat the first date as a "get to know you" kind of thing and drop all serious thought of anything further, and i usually make it as casual as i can get it to be. Like meeting somewhere or something. That way, i don't have to drive her home, and I can't get some 'impulse buy' type madness going on in my head (in other words, I hamstring myself with no chance at all of her inviting me in), after all she's just going back to her car. Second date, i'll try to make it a little more traditional. Though, unless some MAJOR sparks went off between us, all i'm gonna try for is a kiss. After that, it's okay. But i'm not going to push anything nor expect anything. Assholes expect.

    Now that doesn't mean i'm never going to try anything, i'll just make sure it's reciprocated before i do.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mariah link=board=1;threadid=6129;start=msg67855#msg67855 date=1075307472
    Yet another reason to not date guys from the club. Many, many did I say many? Of them assume that since they already saw you naked, now on the date they are going to get to the next level.

    If they are so lucky to land a date with a stripper, it should be just like a date with any other girl--fully clothed and just maybe a kiss goodnight. (And he should pay )
    Well, i never dated a Dancer that I met at a club so i have no clue. My kid's mom only told me she was dancing after a couple months of dating just before we got a little serious. That's the lady that drug me to see Titanic seven times (you know a guy wants you to be happy when he'll sit through that movie with you SEVEN times) I paid every time.

    My other GF that danced, i knew was a dancer when i met her and at the time she thought my intentions were highly suspect. It took a herculean effort to get her, she led me a merry chase and we finally hooked up after relentlessly trying to woo her. I paid every time we went out. Incidentally, i didn't have sex with her until, i think, the fourth or fifth date.

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